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BINHI Output
I. Habitus as an Atenean Since my first class everyday starts at 8 am, I set my alarms to 6:30 am and wake up more or less 5 to 10 minutes of that time frame. I take a bath each night so I do not shower anymore in the mornings, what I do is just wash my face. Then, I just go to the lobby of my dorm and eat whatever is served there as breakfast. I bring my phone with, checking Messenger and Facebook while I eat. Afterwards, I go back to my room and brush my teeth. I put on lotion to my face and then sunscreen. When I have enough time left, I put on makeup, sometimes I get a bit extra on my makeup so I overtime. I walk to school 15 to 20 minutes before 8. I either buy a salad or the oily Sutra boneless crispy chicken with spicy sauce for lunch (lol there is no in between). After my last class, I head on to the new Rizal library's 3rd floor to do my requirements - because most of the time, the wifi at my dorm sucks and is so friggin slow. I take advantage of the fast wifi in the library not just by doing homework but by downloading movies and series which I watch when I get to my dorm. For dinner, I just buy a meal in Regis and dine there, or I take out food and just eat in my dorm. Sometimes, I explore the food places along Katipunan and along B. Gonzales since I do not know much about this place yet. I grew to love Chubby Chicken and White Tree Cafe. When I go to my dorm, I usually watch some series or read a book. I don't really study that much honestly, even when I know I have a test the day after. I only prepare the last minute. And I know, it is a risky thing to do but that's how it went for me during my first semester. I take a bath around 9 pm and finish around 10, soon I go to bed. I don't go to bed if I haven't taken a bath yet since I treat my bed as the cleanest part of my room and I would never sleep well if I knew that there would be germs from the outside on my bedsheets. Before I really go to sleep, I put on lotion first so I go to sleep feeling the freshest and smelling really nice. On average, I sleep 7 to 9 hours per day. And I think most of it is due to me not sacrificing extra hours of sleep to study xD. That is my goal in college though - to sleep. Because I don't like how my day goes if I lack sleep. Based on my high school years, I get burn outs often and get stressed more if I don't sleep so I try to avoid it now. Anyway, I could still say my academic performance isn't that bad yet so I don't think I need to have those "sacrificial hours" anytime soon 😅. II. a. The night before BINHI, I was preparing my stuff to bring for the trip - snacks, water, a pen, some money, my ID, and my makeup kit. I was running a bit late actually. The call time was 7 am and I woke up around 6:15 am, I could only do so much - wash my face and brush my teeth, wear the mandatory white shirt and jeans, and skip breakfast before sprinting my way to the Gonzaga parking lot. I arrived a bit sweaty and my classmates told me that there was a grace period of 30 minutes so I could have just taken my time than rushing through here which is what I would have done in a normal situation. We didn't even leave until 8 am. Upon visiting the elementary school, I thought the kids at our class would be intimidated and thus, will be quiet and well-behaved, since a bunch of strangers would suddenly barge in their classroom. But man did I think wrongly. The kids were much livelier than ever. And they were so hard to manage. They are very makulit and frankly, I would have fleed the scene already if it were any other situation. b. It might seem that I am oppressed here since I'm being attacked by a bunch of kids. But the reality is that I'm very privileged. I am privileged enough to have all the things I needed and to have good education, be in a good school, and have good friends. However, the kids I dealt with then had faced and have to face a lot of struggles since they came from a poor background and they need all the help that they can get before they could even be one step toward their dreams. Here I was, a couple of steps already towards my dream. They have a much longer way to go. And most likely than not, they will even struggle more than me as time goes by. c. During BINHI, the upper right quadrant of the intersecting axes spoke to me much more than the rest. But mostly, it was that I belonged to a much higher social status than these kids, I was fluent in English, and that I was credentialed - meaning my academic attainment is much higher than any of these kids here, I was also going to a renowned and distinguished university, unlike a public elementary school such as Sapang Palay. III. a. A contrasting experience would be when I accompanied my dad and my mom to their workplace. Of course, the office was only full of adults and grownups all talking about technical stuff and mostly stuff I didn't know. I just sat on one of the chairs at the side and waited for time to pass by. Constantly, I was busying myself with my phone but I peeked at the adults surrounding me at times - them in their corporate attires and I, in my high school uniform. b. I didn't feel privileged, but then again, I don't think I was oppressed either. I was just ignored the whole time I was there and to be honest, I would have wanted the same if I were to be in a similar situation. I don't know what to say or to react if these people would interact with me so that gave me a signal to just mind my own business and not talk to the adults. c. Despite not feeling oppressed or privileged, I felt the huge gap in terms of age and credentials between me and the adults who were in that office with me. I was young and inexperienced, they were at an age where they have lots of experienced gained and have probably attained multiple degrees. Moreover, I see more people in suits than people in heels and a-line skirts - there were more men in the office. I see some foreigners as well - they were regarded as the "heads" rathen than "subordinates."
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journal 10
Knowing how different the attitudes, standards, and expectations were for the boys and girls placed me in a dire disposition because how can society act like this to them ever since the start of everything and actually perpetrate such until now. IT'S 2018. IT'S TIME TO BREAK GENDER NORMS. AND ACTUALLY, IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN BROKEN A LONG TIME AGO.
Moving on, I find it quite nice that there is actually a convergence in some of the motives for sex between men and women. It just goes to show that gender is indeed fluid and that in the future, when things people have become more open about what seemed to be a taboo topic before, then maybe, we can see more confluence of what is thought to be two entirely separate people.
With this topic at hand, I learned about the differences between gender identity, gender expression, biological sex, and being sexually and romantically attracted. I also knew about how there is really no 100% male nor 100% female. Gender is fluid — part of a proof in that would be why it was more fitting or apt to create ranges than points in the Genderbread person activity, although points could work too. Besides the aforementioned, I also took note of people’s motives for sex, the libido and its physiological foundation or sourcepoint, some sex myths, the sex drive and sexual double standards.
I think that gaining more in-depth knowledge about romance, intimacy and commitment, as well as negotiations on the sexual encounter is not only relevant but also beneficial to me and my PSY-I classmates since I, along with them, are at this stage where we begin to transition from being an adolescent to a young adult. Moreover, according to Erik Erikson’s theory of Psychosocial Development, the young adult stage is where we are most likely to seek intimacy and love. Thus, it is better to become critical at our current dispositions and it is thanks to this topic that I have become evaluative of myself and my surroundings.
As a whole, I can apply these learnings when dealing with my relationships (not just romantic relationships coz I never had and I never plan to aHA) with girls and boys alike. I should treat everyone with respect, no matter what or who they are, and learn of their boundaries and give them my utmost regard.
AAAAND THAT’S ALL.
PEACE!
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The Johari Window activity is pretty interesting because not only do I evaluate myself, I also come to know other people's perception of me---how they see me. They have varying opinions of me that even I find doubtful myself because I never viewed myself t h a t way. It's fun to know those things though, because they're all positive traits even though I'm completely clueless about it. LOL. #WhattaNaturalAngel
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journal #7
What struck me? Touched, moved, disturbed me? I guess what stuck to my mind among all new terms and phrases after this past week’s lesson is that my identity is a lifelong process. My identity according to Erik Erikson is built starting my formation years as a toddler until the very end of my life.
What did I learn this week? About myself? About others? I learned about the eight stages of Psychosocial Development made by Erikson and that some of it are based on Sigmund Freud’s Psychosexual Stages. However, Erikson’s theory is based only on the ego whereas Freud utilized all structures of personality which are the Id, Ego, and Superego. I understood the process on how I came to this point of my life. In a way, I also understood how other people such as my family and friends became who they are as of now through my interaction and socialization with them. I have a knowledge of some aspects of their identities because I know and share bits of their respective timeline or history in life.
How can I apply this learning in my life? I guess I can ~not~ look to much into my future self? Or like, not worry about my past insufficiencies? Because I'm always rushing about finding who I am. I want to know who I really am as soon as possible. Like, sometimes I go back to my past and think that what I did in the past defines me and thus is my identity -- which isn’t really who I am. So I try another route and try to find my identity in the future. That’s why, I wanted to be able to achieve things quickly which I thought would lead to finding my identity -- that also isn’t who I am. My previous and old methods obviously didn’t work out and it only made me utterly confused and desperate to search through myself even more since I thought that I’m always lacking, insecure, and I feel insufficient as an individual. I was always seeking for my identity since I thought that would make me feel at ease and give me comfort. So, thanks to this lesson, I feel at okay. I feel more accepting of myself and accepting that I won’t be able to fully know who I am. And it’s fine. =) (Weh, talaga ba?) Saks na ‘yon!
Okay I’m kidding. It isn’t complete okay since I’m still cautious as ever. However, since I learned that it’s a lifelong process, I want to start accepting my “destiny”? I guess? That I won’t be able to fully grasp my identity. And I’m still on the process of accepting the process of my identity formation. (OHA, processception. Or is it just because wala nang words na mabuga? HAHAHAHA. )
Saks na ‘yon for me!
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Intrapsychic conflict: There was this time back in May 2014 that I badly wanted to go to a K-pop concert. Of course, I was still a minor that time and I really was a noob when going to public events that are not school-related. Therefore, when I asked my parents to let me attend the concert, they immediately refused. No matter how much I begged, they never budged and were firm about their decision. I know they had their reasons. They even explained them to me many times. Firstly, it wasn’t just really advisable for me to stay in a public place alone and far from home. Secondly, they wouldn’t want to waste money on such ~trivial~ thing such as a K-pop concert (worth 13k PhP) and they really only preferred spending for school-related things. Lastly, I was young and still inexperienced. Who knows what might happen to me in that place? (Btw, the concert venue was in the Philippine arena in Bulacan and our home was in Pasay.) So still, even with these reasonable reasons, I was terribly persistent about wanting to go, even during the concert day, I was praying and hoping that my parents would magically say they were really just plotting a surprise gift for me and they bought the ticket already. BUT NAH, none of those things happened. And I was left in my room crying all day and being an annoying brat for the next few weeks. Yes, it was w e e k s. My id was the biggest since I was only focusing on my wants and the things that would give me pleasure. My ego still had quite some largeness to it since what happened had happened and I had no choice but to just accept what happened (although I took it in a bad, bad way). My superego was the smallest since I never really used it in this situation? Or maybe, there was still my superego, it’s just that my id was too big and too overpowering that I didn’t really notice it or whatever my conscience may be (e.g. that perhaps, I should understand where my parents’ arguments come from) was just too insignificant for me to consider. Defense mechanism: What happened after my want wasn’t fulfilled was horrible. I literally regressed and became more immature. I stopped communicating with my parents for weeks. Deep inside I was like, “I don’t want to deal with people who can’t give me what I want.” I would talk to them through text or through writing on a paper if and only if it’s urgent. But I totally avoided verbal communication with them as part of my rebellion or what I would term as a way of me ‘protesting’ against parents who don’t even care what their child wanted. I really had such stupid mentality and entitlement as I went through that phase. But in a way, my regression did kind of help me avoid getting angrier over what my parents had done (or had not done). Otherwise, had I not avoided them, I would just end up saying nasty things and fighting with them every day as long as my resentment was still very much existing. Well, both my regression and what could’ve happened without my defense mechanism were still negative lol I’m not really going to defend the stupid things I did. Nonetheless, that one experience instilled some understanding of myself. Particularly on my anger management––in which, quite frankly, I still don’t know how to overcome gracefully––where I tend to give cold shoulders to people who have angered me rather than me talking to them about how I felt wronged by a certain behavior or statement they made.
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journal #3
How might knowing the ABCs of your basic emotions be applicable in your life? When you know the ABCs, next time won't you sing with me? JOKE. Okay serious business here, when I know my ABCs, I could regulate my response or my reaction to the situation I am in (like, it's hard to respond in a calm way when your sibling annoys the heck out of you.) Conversely, I could also avoid situations or triggers wherein the consequences would be hard to manage such as a series of panic attacks or depression. But of course, before I could know how to regulate my responses or avoid certain situations or prevent things from escalating or getting out of hand (wow that's a lot of ORs), I should first practice mindfulness. Because I believe that being mindful of the situation helps you deal with it better compared with ruminating. And when you get to experience such situations again and again, you'll know when ans how to avoid them. Being mindful when dealing with something, despite it being not so good, will make you think that you're in the "right place and the right time" (kind of... but it helps!)
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