underwaterdogballs

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when i was at walgreens (at 3 in the morning which explains all of this) the cashier was talking to her coworker about how shed rather be a werewolf than a vampire because vampires are condemned to hell but werewolves arent and then she asked me what i thought and i said vampire because im already condemned to hell and she said in the nicest tone of voice “i dont think anybody is condemned to hell���.” paused, stared at me for a few moments, and added on “…not even gay people” 

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hii tumblr

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author: her power is that her nipples shoot boiling milk so she has to be topless always

fans: she isn’t sexualized, the author had to draw her like that because its her power. its out of his control.

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4chan getting killed is kinda like when they tore down my old high school. like yeah it was full of asbestos but it's also where i had some of the worst days of my life

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i made a thread on bsky because some rando on here got upset that I didn't censor my transgender OC'S deadname in a drawing depicting a flashback with his mom and like, i really do forget most people want their queer stories to be weirdly sanitized and unproblematic especially if it's made by an independent queer artist. it really does reek of entitlement and scrubbing off the lived experiences of people.

sorry y'all are raised on corporate mandated slop that only confirms queer characters through twitter or is riddle with queer/transmisogynistic tropes and stereotypes.

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A rookie mistake is getting out of things by claiming a grandparent died. You can do that a maximum of four times per person, and that's assuming maximum social atomization, where nobody you know is likely to talk to each other and compare notes and realize that five of your grandmothers have died of carbon monoxide poisoning in the last three months. The winning play? Dead Uncles. You can have any number of dead uncles, because who knows how many siblings your parents have? You don't even need to keep the stories straight because if you slip up you can claim it was two separate uncle deaths. You can repeat names, even, one on each side of your family. Uncles often die in memorable ways so you can get flamboyant with the specifics. Motorcycle accidents, firework explosions, prostate cancer, rottweiler training mishap. It won't be that weird that you aren't particularly torn up about it. Maybe you didn't like your Uncle

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victorian trans guy who goes to beloved local barber sweeney todd and presses half a crown in his hand and says “begging your pardon sir, i know it ain’t much but i was hoping you might tell my employer i get me shaves from you should he ever come around. only he’s been asking me how i keep my chin so smooth and i haven’t the heart to tell him i can’t grow a beard, so i might have told him a little lie, sir, and said it’s all due to your wonderful skill, sir” and sweeney todd goes ��no problem. by the way would you say your employer deserves to die”

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hear me out…

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My damn ficus tree needed trimming again because she keeps growing more and more branches to reach sunlight when she's already got a perfectly good spot with plenty of sunlight in it but she's not content with that. "I need to grow bigger and further and grow more leaves so I can beat the competition and reach out of this shade into the sunlight!" sweetheart it's your own branches and leaves shading you.

My sweet precious ward to whom nature gave no brain. You know not that you live in paradise, that you only compete against yourself. You live in a world of plenty where your ambition festers to greed, and your greed would be your downfall. That's why I have to prune you so much.

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One of my favourite customer interactions

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© plutoxoxi via x/twitter

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Woah mama just reminding my followers that TERF ideology is fundamentally evil and not welcome anywhere near my blog hummina hummina hummina

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happy pride moth

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I was feeling agitated and artblocked yesterday so I decided to give my brain a rest by watching TV and then the next thing I knew these were in front of me

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using "what were YOU doing at the devils sacrament" to mean "yeah i made an embarrassing reference but you understood it which is also embarrassing" is very funny to me