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[underworldboss]

Hades sighed and massaged his temples. The whole reason Pain and Panic were on his payroll was to deal with the new arrivals so that he wouldn't have to. Dead girls weren't supposed to just waltz into his palace all willy-nilly.

"There's no real delicate way to put this... actually, hey, there is, but I'm not a delicate guy... You are DEAD, babe. This is the Underworld, and me? I'm Hades! Lord of the Dead and head honcho 'round these parts!"

Hades slid over to young girl and put his arm around her shoulders, obviously having no regard for personal space. He then proceeded to escort her over to one of the large circular windows on the opposite side of the room.

"And if you'll draw your attention to your left, you'll see... TA-DA! The River Styx!"

Hades gestured out at the eerie gray waters coursing out in front of the palace. If one were to look closely, one could see that the entire river was comprised of souls floating somberly along with the current.

"Just take a dip on in, and then it's hasta la vista, baby!"

Open Starter

Hades loomed over the giant chessboard sitting in the center of his throne room. If the Lord of the Dead wanted to finally kick Zeus out on his glowing orange keister and take his place as King of the Gods, he was gonna need a new plan with a bit more finesse. Fortunately for him (and unfortunately for everyone else in the cosmos), plotting, scheming, and double-dealing was what Hades did best.

"Hmm, maybe it's time to put Typhon on the board....," Hades mused to himself as he conjured a chess piece carved to resemble the ferocious father of all monsters.

However, as Hades sat the piece down in alignment with the one carved to resemble Zeus, he heard the door open behind him.

"Uh, 'scuse me? I thought I was CRYSTAL clear that I wasn't to be disturbed! AND YOU TWO ARE - "

Hades flared up to a bright orange hue and whirled around, ready to fry Pain and Panic for disturbing him. However, when he saw that it wasn't his minions entering the chamber, he cooled down to his usual shade of blue and regarded the uninvited guest with confusion.

"And what in MY NAME are you doing here?"

[underworldboss]

Hades sneered at the sight of the exposed bones. Despite an eternity of running the Underworld, some sights never stopped being unsettling. Hades couldn't say that he fully knew why some souls retained mortal wounds whilst others came down to the Underworld fully in tact, but he supposed it likely had something to do with how attached a person was to their physical body. But that was question above even Hades's paygrade, and he didn't care enough to find out.

"Here, cover up; I think this is a lil' bit uncomfortable for EVERYONE!"

Hades snapped his fingers and a tarp that resembled a dark cloud of smoke wrapped around Scar's body like a blanket so that only the lion's face was visible.

"Do NOT shed on my carpet! It's finely woven Behemoth skin, very pricy!"

Hades took a seat back on his throne and crossed his legs.

"So, mauled to death by your own minions, eh? What happened? Bit off more than you could chew? Because they clearly bit off plenty. HA!"

Open Starter

Hades loomed over the giant chessboard sitting in the center of his throne room. If the Lord of the Dead wanted to finally kick Zeus out on his glowing orange keister and take his place as King of the Gods, he was gonna need a new plan with a bit more finesse. Fortunately for him (and unfortunately for everyone else in the cosmos), plotting, scheming, and double-dealing was what Hades did best.

"Hmm, maybe it's time to put Typhon on the board....," Hades mused to himself as he conjured a chess piece carved to resemble the ferocious father of all monsters.

However, as Hades sat the piece down in alignment with the one carved to resemble Zeus, he heard the door open behind him.

"Uh, 'scuse me? I thought I was CRYSTAL clear that I wasn't to be disturbed! AND YOU TWO ARE - "

Hades flared up to a bright orange hue and whirled around, ready to fry Pain and Panic for disturbing him. However, when he saw that it wasn't his minions entering the chamber, he cooled down to his usual shade of blue and regarded the uninvited guest with confusion.

"And what in MY NAME are you doing here?"

[underworldboss]

Open Starter

Hades loomed over the giant chessboard sitting in the center of his throne room. If the Lord of the Dead wanted to finally kick Zeus out on his glowing orange keister and take his place as King of the Gods, he was gonna need a new plan with a bit more finesse. Fortunately for him (and unfortunately for everyone else in the cosmos), plotting, scheming, and double-dealing was what Hades did best.

"Hmm, maybe it's time to put Typhon on the board....," Hades mused to himself as he conjured a chess piece carved to resemble the ferocious father of all monsters.

However, as Hades sat the piece down in alignment with the one carved to resemble Zeus, he heard the door open behind him.

"Uh, 'scuse me? I thought I was CRYSTAL clear that I wasn't to be disturbed! AND YOU TWO ARE - "

Hades flared up to a bright orange hue and whirled around, ready to fry Pain and Panic for disturbing him. However, when he saw that it wasn't his minions entering the chamber, he cooled down to his usual shade of blue and regarded the uninvited guest with confusion.

"And what in MY NAME are you doing here?"

[underworldboss]

I was wondering where Hera was doing after Ancient Greece and I found her. She’s a cat now and she gave me the best face for my picture. She doesn’t look too happy about it 😂

"She looks about as moody as the real Hera is, that's for sure. If that's actually her in disguise, then, word of warning, give her as many cat treats as possible. You do NOT wanna see how she gets when she's hangry."

[underworldboss]

Do you think AI and robots will uprise against us and take over the world? If they do, I’m going to make sure I’m on their side.

"Babe, you're not seein' the big picture here. It's not if AI and robots take over the world, it's who is gonna take power once they go down. What? Ya think a bunch of machines are gonna reign for eternity just because they'll probably win? Regimes rise and fall every day, and when you're a god, you get to see it happen again and again."

[underworldboss]

Do you know where I can get deep fried feta puffs or at least a recipe?

"Every agora in Athens carries 'em, babe. I can't go shopping anywhere without them showin' up to ruin my diet!"

[underworldboss]

I like your face.

"But do you admire my expensive taste? HA!"

[underworldboss]

Hey I have a great idea for how you can up your business of dead people! Just pour dawn dish soap over Greece. It gets rid of 99% of it!

"... Leave the jokes to the professionals, kid."

[underworldboss]

It’s fun to make you mad. :)

"And it's fun to FRY MOUTHY UPSTARTS WHO THINK TESTING A GOD IS A FUN DAILY ACTIVITY!"

[underworldboss]

I wonder if the vrykolakas got a glimpse of Prometheus’s liver being eaten every day and they decided “cool I’m going to eat livers too.”

"I mean, hey, that's what the Prometheus Academy faculty did with Liver Day on the lunch menu. Wouldn't surprise me if the vrykolakas were fans or if they schmoozed with that Caucasian Eagle yutz and got some bright ideas."

[underworldboss]

Sooo, uhh... I just gotta ask. Why didn't this bread become toast?

..........also... are you okay?

"It DID! It just takes a hot minute. HA! Get it? A hot - Oy, never mind. ANYWAY, the nice thing about controlling fire is I can regulate how hot it gets, and after the eternity I've been alive, I've mastered gettin' toast to that perfect golden brown consistency. So, yes, I AM very much okay, thank you not at all for asking."

[underworldboss]

You do know that you predicted the "WHAT ARE THOSE???" meme from 2015 right?

"Yeah, heard all about it. Normally I only get dead memes in the Underworld, but I guess that one jumped the gun."

[underworldboss]

About your vegan joke: I actually laughed. :)

"Good. You should. I'm a funny guy! Hey, have ya heard the one about Echo? 'Course ya have, 'cuz it just keeps repeatin' itself! HA!"

[underworldboss]

If pain took an ibuprofen would he die

"As if I'd EVER let the boys get anywhere near any of that gunk that Hippocrates pushes to 'heal' the mortals. That's one theory we're NOT gonna test, capiche?"

[underworldboss]

I heard Pain is secretly a big fan of a show that involves happy colorful ponies that teach about the power of friendship.

"What the boys do on their time off is their business, and thus NOT any of mine... though, hey, come to think of it maybe I have been giving them too much time off if that's how they're spendin' it. Y'know what the say, idle hands are the Devil's workshop, and heigh-ho, heigh-ho, it's off to work I go!"

[underworldboss]

(cont. from that staring at you ask) I know a dance you can do for Halloween

IT'S SPOOKY MONTH

"Yeah, no. I've been around a long long LONG time, kid, and my knees don't bend like that anymore. I'd get a cramp the size of Crete!"

[underworldboss]

hello :)

ok goodbye

"... Truly the finest conversationalist this side of the River Styx."