unheldbadthoughte

[unheldbadthoughte]

I should start writing about me—

about the darkness I’ve given,

about the ones before you,

and how you were a victim of me first.

But I can’t help it.

I only ever write about the fallout,

the damage,

the final scene.

You had so many lines before the curtain closed.

And I only had one.

"Goodbye."

[unheldbadthoughte]

[unheldbadthoughte]

I don’t understand the last time I talked to you. You changed your mind you wanted me back. I was all for it, David was moving out I offered you the spare room… go back to how it was… a few texts later I’m ghosted.

Sometime I wonder if you just wanted to cause me more pain? To offer what I wanted and just take it away?

Was it seriously only because I wouldn’t chase you. And I made it so you had to chase me?

[unheldbadthoughte]

Simplified frustrations

[unheldbadthoughte]

Eww gross nerdyness

[unheldbadthoughte]

I dreamed of you again.

Never have I had a dream like this before.

The intensity put me into shock when I woke up.

I generally feel sick.

It’s been a year now. At least in mind with your trip it feels like a year now.

I hope you’re doing well. I wonder if you wake up in shock if you dream about me. Does it still hurt? Does it hurt more than how I hurt you? I doubt it.

[unheldbadthoughte]

I wonder if you still think of me when you wake up. I wonder if you think of me when you go to sleep.

[unheldbadthoughte]

Fuck I need to get off this app. Seriously. You didn’t even show.

I guess I’m just…. “I suppose you did love me in your own way”

[unheldbadthoughte]

You didn’t show…

Second looking at old pictures of opie it’s honestly so hard to imagine your existence. The memories are there. But omg the way you looked in my eyes never compared to a picture of you. I doubt you still have pictures of me. But wow I’m mind blown by how far away you are. I didn’t think that would happen within a year. Will I forget your voice? Will forget your touch? Will forget your voice? I guess it hasn’t fully been year. But you were gone for so long before the third of July and I’m truth you never came back.

[unheldbadthoughte]

I don’t know if these dreams are haunts or blessings. Either way I guess it was nice to talk to you.

[unheldbadthoughte]

My mindset after I broke my arm was weak. Dissociating unproductive diss appointment.

I’m sorry you didn’t have me at a better time.

[unheldbadthoughte]

[unheldbadthoughte]

It’s easy to forgive you. I’m okey with it. I can make peace with it.

I can’t forgive myself. It’s not okey. The war will never end.

[unheldbadthoughte]

They wounds you caused didn’t matter cause you were mine. Now the scars burn with fury.

Personal work (as to not lose my bingo cards)

[unheldbadthoughte]

Freakin pickles

[unheldbadthoughte]

"Beholding itself, flames tearing itself open, it mistook the light of the pyre for the glow of its soul."

Adam Falls, a piece for [this] Frankenstein fanfic I wrote

((see under the cut for the timelapse & some alternate versions))

meow :3c

[unheldbadthoughte]

I know you’re somewhere… do you feel my presence like I feel yours? Or lack of…