unholy2020-blog

[unholy2020-blog]

Tuesday, August 6, 2019

Day 2: so I went to the boardwalk with my girlfriend and two friend today. It was, honestly, really good. We got in, and got our wristbands, and of course the first ride we head to is the giant Dipper. And I get in and I try to get on and the lap bar won't go down far enough to accommodate everyone in the car. Because im too fat. So I have to leave. And im holding back tears and my girlfriend is trying to comfort me. And it ruined my whole ass morning. But then we talked, and walked, and hung out, and things got better. my girlfriend decided she was hungry so we split a corn dog, fries, and a churro. And I ate it, and it was bad for me. And I shouldn't have. But it's okay because I can only do better. We got lunch, and I had a salad, and it was great. Then we got in the car and drove to another beach further down the cost. And I had the time of my life. It was honestly the best day I've had all summer. I got in the car in the way home and had a few too many cheezits, but that's okay, I fucked up and I know it. I loved today. Im still depressed, and sad, and I want to cut. But I don't think I will. Because I have people I care about that don't want me to do that. I just have to keep on living, and keep trying.

Until next time,

Unholy2020

[unholy2020-blog]

Monday, August 5th, 2019

Day 1: So I dreamt up the whole blog thing last night while I was falling asleep. I woke up this morning, did some yard work, fucked around, watched some videos on you tube. Then I got hungry. at this point, it was like 11, and I had things to do later in the day (robotics, work, pick up girlfriend at car dealership, etc).  So I made a sandwich. Turkey, Dave’s bread, light mayo, and two babybel cheese things. Which was fine and all, kinda healthy, not too  fatty, whatever. Then I ran to my job to get my paycheck, cashed, bought an energy drink, and a new comb. then i realized how hungry I still was. so i went to el pollo loco and got their healthy meal 460 calorie tortillla wrap. And then I went to robotics,m and picked up my girlfriend, and then realized, i was hungry again, So I went to El Pollo Loco again (if you haven't figured it out, I fucking love el Polllo Loco), and got the super not healthy Nacho Quesadilla. then I went to work, I normally get a salad at work with blue cheese dressing, and I did that today too. I put a few too many croutons in, so yea. that was bad. Then at the end of my shift, It took three cookies home. For myself. I ate them, and then remembered the promises of last nights me. I kind of spiraled, and got really upset. And then I cut. 9 times. Which isn’t something I have done since freshman year of High school. But hey, tomorrow, (I guess today now) is another day. I’m going to the boardwalk with my girlfriend and two of our friends, and I’m going to have some fucking self control. I’m going to eat three square, healthy meals, and nothing else.

until next time,

unholy2020

[unholy2020-blog]

Hi there

I’m honestly using this because I am too lazy to make a real blog, but I need one. 

Okay, so...I’m a 17 year old from Northern California. I’m an average teenager, I guess. I enjoy movies, and books, and I’m on my schools robotics team. But there is there underlying secret to me, this dark little thing I keep tucked away inside of me. I hate myself. My appearance, the way I talk, the skin on my bones, everything. And I’m not writing this for attention, I’m writing this because I need an outlet. So fuck off if you think that’s what it is. I’m also doing this because, I want to lose weight. And I have issues with self-restraint and self-help. I’ve tried more times than I can count to start dieting, and exercising, and transforming myself. But it hasn’t worked thus far. So my new tactic is this...public accountability. I’m here because I want to be the best version of myself.  So everyday, regardless of mood, or emotion, or what happened, I’m putting it all out on the table for anyone that wants to see it. And I’m not expecting anyone to read this, there are an absolute fuck ton of people that use twitter, and this completely anonymous, and I don't really care if anyone does or doesn’t see this. I’m doing this to be the best version of myself. posts to come, starting tonight. in like five minutes, when I write about today.

Peace out!