unicornfictions

[unicornfictions]

.

.

.

.

Never related to anything more

[unicornfictions]

 international women’s day is today!!

[unicornfictions]

Reblog if you want a terrible, 3 sentence fan fiction in your ask, based on your url

[unicornfictions]

Growing Up German

Always getting a free slice of sausage at the butcher

Hearing stories where people violently died as bedtime stories

Closing your eyes when the Sandmännchen throws his sand so you don’t have to go to sleep

Making your own ice cream with Fruchtzwerge yoghurt

Benjamin Blümchen Cake

Singing a song about chinese people playing contrabass

“Fisher Fisher how deep is the water?”

“Don’t throw snowballs, one time a girl got a snowball with a stone in it in her eye and she went blind!”

“Charlie Chaplin went to Frankfurt…”

A depressed bread called Bernd

Knowing like 2 people who can pronound the English “th” properly

Humilating unathletic students in front of the whole school a.k.a. Bundesjugendspiele

“My grandma rides a motor bike in the hen house.”

Toggo Tour was like Coachella for German kids but you could never go cause they never came to your town

“cat toilet, cat toilet, yes that makes the cat happy”

“Space Taxi to the sky!”

“Now in every 7th egg!”

“Get [insert stupid ringtone here] in the Jamba Sparabo!”

Is it der, die or das Nutella?

Having friends in other states is difficult cause they’ve got school holidays when you’re still in school and vice versa

“Of course with the Mouse and the Elephant”

[unicornfictions]

Technology in Hogwarts

each house has its own wifi that was magically expended to cover the entire castle

there’s that ravenclaw muggleborn who knows everything about computers and can fix yours in five minutes ( she accepts sweets as a payment )

group chat for different classes and houses

a social network for students only where you can share everything you do

special wizarding websites about spells and potions, but also magical cooking or just to post your beautiful moving pictures

a muggleborn boy seeing all these pictures and commentating “gifs. you basically invented magical gifs.”

the staf having troubles finding ways to introduce ekleticety - or whatever it’s called - in the castle so a group of students work together on a battery charging spell

about spotify

the ravenclaws are the one who use it the most. they put calming music or ASMR on when they work or read, listen to their favorite songs when they’re bored or looking for inspiration, making playlists about their favorite fictional characters… but also when ravenclaw girls are together alone in their dorm they WILL put on their favorite music and dance for hours ( hum hum, @tarranzeiguane and @unchatsurlestoits )

the gryffindors are obviously throwing the best dance parties ever and everyone knows it. they also love a good all karaoke

the slytherins love their headphones to isolate themselves when they are plotting against the world or to calm their nerves when they are feeling bad. also they will fight you on their musical tastes because everyone knows that the beatles were better than the stones kevin get over it

the hufflepuffs love shared playlists for all occasions. to this day, the house spirit playlist has 236 songs. there is also a special one where every puff, as they leave hogwarts, leave their one favorite song. wonderwall by oasis was added 53 times.

THE WIZARDING YOUTUBE

DIY magical haircare, wizardrock covers, cute nifflers videos, you name it

and obviously movies and tv shows

the gryffindors discovering Brooklyn Nine Nine and loosing their shit

a slytherin seeing a tarantino and working on the first wizarding movie

typing homeworks and getting annoyed because how can the autocorrect not knows the word “theastral” ?

making friends in wizarding schools all over the world

basically a mixture of extreme confusion and a lot of fun

because just

wizarding technology

( feel free to add more )

[unicornfictions]

 international women’s day is today!!

[unicornfictions]

It is our duty as feminists to protect and respect women in Hijabs

[unicornfictions]

3:45am 3rd year Gryffindor boys dorm

Sirius: can Thestrals see each other?

James:...I...wow, I really don't know, mate...

Sirius: I don't think they can. No! Listen! So the parents lose their first baby, and get the ability to see the next ones. And the babies think the food just appears and whatnot...

James: But...wait, that doesn't work. how would you have sex with something you can't see?

Remus: For the love of Godric, would you two go the fuck to sleep!?

Sirius and James: Sorry Moony

Remus:

Sirius:

James:

Remus: o_o holy shit CAN they see each other?

Sirius: I KNOW RIGHT!?

Peter: how big d'you reckon a thesteral's junk is anyway?

James: now we're asking the real questions...

Remus: ugh shut up

Sirius: sorry moony, we'll let you sleep.

Remus: No, it's not that. I'm looking it up...

[unicornfictions]

Wolfstar visiting Andromeda

Andromeda: Baby Nymphie has been looking forward to seeing you, Remus!

Sirius: And me? What about Uncle Sirius?

Andromeda: She has her little crush on Remus, though.

Remus: Still?

Nymphadora: *running* WEMUS!

Remus: *nervous laugh* Oh, hey Nymphie!

Nymphadora: Me miss you.

Remus: Oh, me too. You've grown so big! Didn't your hair used to be blue?

Nymphadora: It wed now.

Remus: I can see that!

Nymphadora: Me mawwy you?

Remus: Maybe when you're a little bit older Nymphie.

Sirius: Excuse me?

Nymphadora: UCKLE SIRIS!!!!

Sirius: Hey, little one.

Nymphadora: I MAWWY WEMUS WHEN I BIG!

Sirius: Er, yeah... sure...

Andromeda: Let's let poor Remus breathe, darling.

Nymphadora: *jumping on Remus's lap and hugging him tight* ME HUG WEMUS.

Remus: *to Sirius* Help. Me.

[unicornfictions]

EVERYONE WHO REBLOGS THIS WILL GET A MONSTER CREATED BASED ON THEIR BLOG

And I am serious here There are no rules, just reblog and you’re in!

[unicornfictions]

james, year 5 : hey padfoot, moony, do you guys know whe- OH MERLIN MY EYES ! MY POOR EYES ! OH MY GOD PLEASE PUT SOME CLOTHES ON AND THEN OBLIVIATE ME PLEASE ! OH MERLIN

james, year 7 : hey padfoot, moony, do you know - merlin, please stop moaning for a sec - do you know where my transfiguration notes are ?

[unicornfictions]

1k fanfiction give away

to thank you all for following me, i’m starting a little contest for all of you !

i’m gonna do a raffle and the three winner will win a complete hogwarts AU!them set in the marauders era ( bullet points style )

the rules are basic : reblog this post, must be already following me

you have until saturday the 29th at midnight ( french timezone ) to put your name in the Goblet of Tumblr

the winners will be annonced on monday the 30th

good luck to all of you !

[unicornfictions]

Newt just being a Hufflepuff

–Hufflepuff Qualities of Newt Scamander–

Friendliness 

Being friendly because … friendly.

Loyalty 

Loyal … even to a fault.

Hardworking

A passion he has a very strong work ethic for

Honest

I annoy people

Inclusive

Even of “outsiders”

Tolerant

I know you have rather backwards laws about muggles

Dedicated

The last breeding pair in existence

Patient

How do you catch something like that?

Compassionate

[unicornfictions]

Yes, oh yes, I knew her. You mother was there for me at a time when no one else was. Not only was she a singularly gifted witch, she was also an uncommonly kind woman. She had a way of seeing the beauty in others, even, and perhaps most especially, when that person could not see it for themselves.

[unicornfictions]

I cannot believe that Hermione did not take advantage of that Rita skeeter’  article that said she was dating harry. I would be like  HELL YES BITCHES I FUCKED THE BOY WHO LIVED, THE BOY WHO LIVED IS MY FUCKING SEX TOY! GUESS WHAT? HE ALSO DID DRACO MALFOY, 70% OF THE GRYFFINDOR HOUSE, YOUR SISTER, AND YOU ARE THE NEXT!

she could ask their friends to spread they also fucked harry potter to different prophet’ reporters until gets so ridiculous that it lost all credibility.

“Yes, I did the potter” -Viktor Krum

“Of course, Harry is so lovely” - Fleur Delacour                                           

“I showed to him some nice stuff in the bath” - Cedric Digory (does not like to lie)

“He and Malfoy are often at each other” -Severus Snape and the entire Slytherin house

“At the same time” - Fred and George Weasley

“Harry truly is amazing, he is always gentle with us.” - Luna Lovegood with Neville Longbottom hiding behind her, nodding, mortified.

“Let’s just say that he can ride more than just a broom”- Oliver wood “Let’s just say that he being able to catch the snitch with his mouth was not a coincidence” - Ginerva Weasley. 

“He made us gay” - Seamus Finnigan and Dean Thomas.

[unicornfictions]

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF MOONY

James: *looks around room* Wherewolf?

Sirius: *dramatically points at disappointed Remus* Therewolf!

Remus: *shakes head disappointed, trying not to laugh*

[unicornfictions]

I love it how when Snape draws out his wand there are audible gasps but when Mcgonagall draws her wand there people are screaming out of the way.