unknownandinvisible - Tumblr blog

[unknownandinvisible]

Hindi ko na kaya.

Gustong gusto kong sumigaw, gustong gusto kong sabihin sayo na hindi ko na kaya, na malapit na 'kong bumitaw. Gusto kong mag makaawa sayo na iparamdam mo naman sakin na kailangan mo rin ako, na mahalaga pa rin ako sayo.

Lagi kong sinasabi sayo ng pabiro na "mahalin mo naman ako, please lang" pero sa totoo lang, seryoso ako. Napapagod na 'kong pilitin kang mahalin ako. Napapagod na 'kong lging mag effort para lang maramdaman kong importante ako. Napapagod na 'kong laging ayusin 'to kapag hindi tayo okay.

Namimiss ko na yung dating ikaw. Namimiss ko na yung therapist ko. Namimiss ko na yung taong laging nag tatanong kung okay lang ba 'ko o kung anong nararamdaman ko. Yung taong nakikinig sakin ng may halong pag intindi.

Hindi ko na ata kayang kumapit na lng sa ideya ng dating ikaw.

[unknownandinvisible]

No matter how damaged you are, there will still be love for you. No matter how unlovable you think you are, you will still be loved. You will always be loved.

Things I want to tell myself.

[unknownandinvisible]

“Appreciate hard times. Someday they’ll be just another chapter in your success story.”

— Unknown

[unknownandinvisible]

“I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.”

— Mahatma Gandhi

[unknownandinvisible]

ONE WEEK - 7TH DAY

It's been a week since we agreed to a seven-day break from our relationship. It simply makes me wonder what would have happened if we had waited seven days and didn't talk or attempt to sort things out. Will we actually be able to solve things that way? No, I don't believe so.

I think that setting our pride and anger aside saved us. That is our strength. In all honesty, I was thinking that it was unfair that I always had to beg to make you stay, but I soon realized that I’m not begging you to stay. I am simply giving you reasons to stay. It took me days to realize that it was only fair and just. I was drowning in the notion that I was pitiful and hopeless, but I was mistaken.

This is new to me, and that made me uncomfortable. But things needed to change for the better, and just because we are uncomfortable DOES NOT mean we are not walking down the right path. Being right is always difficult. The right is always full of doubts. But as long as we are with the RIGHT person, the right will always be the right and only way.

So, I am glad that I didn’t follow our seven-day break. We could have lost each other if we did. I hope we can always find the courage to choose and love each other even when times are difficult. I hope God will always give us the strength to remember the things we’ve been through and the things we have prayed for.

Pinag dadasal ko na sana ikaw na yung binigay ni God.

[unknownandinvisible]

When you call on the name of Jesus everything changes.

I am once again reminded of how amazing our Lord God is.

Kahit paulit-ulit ko siyang tinalikuran,

Kahit paulit ulit ko siyang kinalimutan,

Kahit paulit-ulit kong dineny yung existence niya,

He never fails to help me when I call on him.

Whenever I ask for forgiveness and help,

He always listens.

He knows when I’m sincere and when I need his guidance the most.

He sends people on my way to help me realize things I haven’t realized before.

He knows the most effective way to attract my attention.

He understands how to open my mind, heart, and soul.

I’m so grateful and filled with so much joy.

I am blessed. I am saved.

In Jesus' name,

Amen.

[unknownandinvisible]

To the therapist I had,

Namimiss ko na yung mga sessions natin.

Yung talk therapy mo sakin.

Sabi mo lagi nating gagawin yun diba?

Para gumaan yung pakiramdam ko.

Naaalala mo pa ba yung mga times na kahit ayaw kong maging totoo sa sarili ko,

nagagawa ko pa rin dahil sayo.

Yung mga tanong mo sakin,

yung simpleng “anong nararamdaman mo ngayon?”

“ano yung tingin mo nakakapag pasaya sayo?”

“ano yung nag papalungkot sayo?”

Yung kahit ayaw kong maging vulnerable,

yung kahit ayaw kong ipakita yung weak side ko,

wala akong magawa kasi parang pag andyan ka

sobrang feel ko na hindi mo ‘ko sasaktan.

You helped me heal some of my past traumas,

pero hindi mo naman ako sinabihan na gagawa pala ulit tayo ng bago.

Ngayon, wala kana.

Hindi mo na  ‘ko kailangan.

Paano ako mag he-heal?

[unknownandinvisible]

“Hindi mo ‘ko pinili, wala ka lang talagang choice ‘non”

Ilang masasakit na salita pa kaya bago ako magalit ng tuluyan sayo? Kasi mas nananaig yung sakit kesa sa sama ng loob. Mukhang nakalimutan mo na nga talaga kung paano tayo nag umpisa. Pinili kita kahit alam kong mali, kahit alam kong hindi tama. Pinili kita kesa sa kanya. Pinili kong masimula ng bago sayo kesa mag stay sa comfort zone ko. Kahit marami  diyang iba, pinili kita. Kaya ‘wag mo sabihin sakin na hindi kita pinili, na wala akong pamalit sayo. Wag mong sirain yung self-esteem at self-confidence ko. Kahit ayun na lang yung itira mo sakin. Kahit ayun na lng.

[unknownandinvisible]

To the next girl that he will love,

Hello.

I know wala akong karapatan sabihin to, pero please take care of him.

Madali lang siya mahalin, sobra. 

Gusto niya lang aalagaan siya at ia-appreciate siya.

Please, lagi mong sasabihin saknya kung gaano mo siya kamahal at kung gaano mo gustong mag work yung relationship niyo, ha?

Wag mo siya isasantabi, ‘wag mong hayaan ma-feel niya na hindi siya importante.

Madali lang siyang mahalin, sobra.

Napaka-clingy nyan pero sobrang understanding.

Wag kang makukulitan sa kanya kasi ganun lang siya mag lambing.

Samahan mo siya sa mga pangarap niya.

Makinig ka sa mga rants niya.

Wag mo iisiping gusto nyang mahawaan ka ng negativity.

Gusto ka lang niyang sandalan.

Sobrang maalaga yan.

Gagawin niya lahat para sayo.

Pati mga gawaing bahay.

Lahat ng iutos mo.

Wag mo lang siyang babalewalain.

Lagi mo siyang pasalamatan sa mga effort niya.

Wag mo siyang hayaan na mawala sayo.

Wag mo siyang hayaan mapagod sayo.

Mahalin mo siya.

Ingatan mo siya.

Ikaw nang bahala sa kanya.

[unknownandinvisible]

The pain you've been feeling can't compare to the joy that is coming.

(Romans 8:18)

[unknownandinvisible]

Dear you,

Naaalala mo pa ba 'nung sinabi mo sakin na sana mag-sulat ako ulit? Na sana bumalik na yung hilig ko sa pag susulat? Sana naaalala mo pa... Kasi, bumalik na siya. Kapag pala marami kang gustong sabihin pero hindi mo masabi ng personal sa tao, mas gugustuhin mong sumulat na lang. Siguro kaya eto yung naging hilig ko dati nung bata ako. Kasi walang nakikinig sakin. Kasi busy yung mga tao sa paligid ko 'non na ayusin yung kanya kanya nilang buhay. Siguro kapag nalaman mong bumalik na yung hilig ko sa pag sulat, matutuwa ka. Naaalala ko pa nga yung sinabi mo dati na mag sulat ako ng kahit ano at babasahin mo, kahit ano pa yan. Pero, eto yung sulat na ayokong mabasa mo. (SA NGAYON)

Andami kong gustong isulat. Para sayo. Pero ayokong mabasa mo. Ayokong makaramdam ka ng lungkot, galit, awa o pagkadismaya sakin. Gusto ko lang enjoyin mo muna yung buhay mo ngayon... ng wala ako. Siguro eto yung parting gift mo sakin... binalik mo yung passion ko, and yung tiwala ko sa Dyos. Sana kaya ko din maging masaya ng wala ka. Sana kaya ko din maging okay agad ng wala ka. Pero, pipilitin kong ipakita na okay lang ako para hindi kana mag hold back. Para this time, piliin mo na talaga kung saan ka sasaya.

I love you.

[unknownandinvisible]

Am I Selfish?

“Am I selfish? Am I REALLY selfish?” - that’s the question that I keep on asking myself. 

Siguro nga, OO. 

Nung pinili kong mag stay kahit ayaw mo na sakin, dyan ako naging selfish. 

Kasi kahit alam kong ayaw mo na, 

na kahit alam kong masasaktan lang tayo parehas, 

I chose to stay. 

I begged you stay. 

WHY? 

Because I am indeed a selfish human being. 

Na kahit sobrang sakit na, 

sayo pa rin ako masaya. 

Kaya OO, selfish ako.

Pero ‘wag mo sanang sabihin na selfish ako dahil pinalaya kita,

BECAUSE THAT’S THE MOST SELFLESS DECISION THAT I MADE.

Kasi ayokong maging masaya ka sa iba,

Kasi ayokong mapunta ka sa iba,

Ayokong masaktan ka ng iba,

Pero kahit AYOKO,

Kailangan kong gawin

Kasi hindi mo na ‘ko kailangan

Ano pang reason ko para mag-stay?

Nasasaktan lang kita,

Nahihirapan ka lng.

At kahit paulit ulit kong sabihin na

sobrang nasasaktan mo na ‘ko,

hindi mo marinig yun.

[unknownandinvisible]

MinaaBe on twitter

[unknownandinvisible]

“Being brave doesn’t mean you aren’t scared. Being brave means you are scared, really scared, badly scared, and you do the right thing anyway.”

— Neil Gaiman

[unknownandinvisible]

“There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.”

— Leonard Cohen (via thoughtkick)

[unknownandinvisible]

It’s not that I won’t fall in love again. I think I can. I’m silly and naive like that. I fall so damn easily. Even though I know I’ll never love someone the way I love him but I think I can love again. But I do know that, it’s not worth it because no one will ever fall for me. It’s always going to be the same story for me. Unrequited love. You see I fall too easily but I’m so fucking hard to love. So it’s better this way, being alone.

— I don’t think I’ll make it if I love someone without being loved again

[unknownandinvisible]

“Being raised in an unstable household makes you understand that the world doesn’t exist to accommodate you, which… is something a lot of people struggle to understand well into their adulthood. It makes you realize how quickly a situation can shift, how danger really is everywhere. But crises when they occur, do not catch you off guard; you have never believed you lived under a shelter of some essential benevolence. And an unstable childhood makes you appreciate calmness and not crave excitement.”

— Curtis Sittenfeld