unknowntea-blog1

[unknowntea-blog1]

After spending six days in the hospital, you would think I would have some sort of understanding of what to do, but im still so lost.

[unknowntea-blog1]

nobody loves me

[unknowntea-blog1]

i cant believe it. i made it through this. the things i went through. my family treated me like shit. im so proud of myself that i survived to see this day. 

[unknowntea-blog1]

i write a lot. sometimes i wish had written more to look back on. going to write more.

[unknowntea-blog1]

Fuck my life

Fuckmylife

[unknowntea-blog1]

Wow

Looking back and reading all those posts, all thoses thoughts, i truly never believed I would be at this moment in my life. So much has happened over the past couple of weeks that it’s all so, crazy.

[unknowntea-blog1]

I have always been emotionally intelligent. When I was in grade 2 this guy bullied me, so much i cried. I went home and wrote out a thing that I wanted to read to him. Anyways, it’s so fucking hard to live in a world with people who aren’t at the same level as you. I’m more emotional intelligent, but I’m also still young.

[unknowntea-blog1]

Honestly, how we fall in love and who we fall in love with are some really weird things to actually think about.

Do you ever have someone you love, and you love them so much you physically hurt?

I do.

I love him.

I want to hug him.

I want to be his.

I want to kiss him.

Hmm, wishful day dreaming. Great.

Today he gave me his hoodie. It smelled like him. It was fun. But then he took it back, of course. I need to go to sleep, i need deep sleep, good night my lovely’s

[unknowntea-blog1]

I hate this person so much

[unknowntea-blog1]

Do you ever know those moments where you know you didn’t do something wrong, but you feel like you did? Like subconsciously your freaking out

[unknowntea-blog1]

What is it with humans that we need our opinions being validated.

[unknowntea-blog1]

Writing

Sometimes, the words just flow. The thoughts come as one big surge of water, but other times, I know I have something to say, but I just don’t know what it is.

[unknowntea-blog1]

It took me so long to fall in love with my body. So long. And finally, when I truly believe that I am beautiful, you had to ruin it. Just five simple words. You’re not pretty, but you’re not ugly either. You probably didn’t know the kind of pain you were really causing because I’m good at hiding it, you destroyed me. I don’t know how you can live with yourself when you say these things. But I still love you. I don’t stop thinking about you. When I’m not doing something, you’re on my mind. But you don’t notice me. You don’t fucking give a shit.

[unknowntea-blog1]

I want to take my hoodie off

[unknowntea-blog1]

Me

On Thursday, my crush was sitting on the couch beside me and my friend Carly. There were so many people on the couch so we were squished together. His arm was pushed up against mine. Anyways he was watching this music video and he called one the girl hot. I didn’t really like that comment and it made me feel uncomfortable. So I said, I’m hot, as a joke. My friend Carly laughed. Then I sat back and he said umm, like, no offence, but you’re not hot. Then paused, but you’re not ugly either. I felt my body drop. My felt awful.

On the weekend, at night. I had an idea. So I went and grabbed a knife. Now I have scratches all the way up my arm. My therapist, david. My mom said that I should talk to David about something, but then I said I think I have more- and then cut myself off. I almost told her. I have to wear long sleeves so no one sees. I’m not in the best place right now.

[unknowntea-blog1]

Love

Love is a very confusing thing. It’s like you love someone so much, but at the same time, it’s causing you so much pain and doubt. The guy I really like was in a dream recently. I’ve been telling myself to just ask him out. To just go for it. But I tense up and can’t. And the only person I can talk to, won’t answer me.

[unknowntea-blog1]

I'm a fucking idiot

I just had a dream, it was fucking great. Then I was trying to convince myself to talk to my crush, but then to be honest I don't really fucking know I'm