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TYPE SHIT IM DOING FOR MY MANS AND AND THE WELCOME HIME IS FOR HIS MOM AND SISTWR I AM SO EXCITED I HID SHIT LIKE SCABERGER HUNT IM EXCITED

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dude trying to undo all the fucked up shit i had spent 2 years doing is proving to be impossible how could i fucked up so much and it’s made my life so much fucking harder holy shit

i genuinely feel like such a fucking mess dude what the actual hell i am still trying but fuck sake it was so easy to fuck up and it’s so fucking hard trying to fix everything

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so far these are the only pictures i have of this month 😭

aren’t i awesome i also had a dream of someone getting their throat slit open a couple nights ago and i cant forget about it

ALSO I FINISHED PLAYING THE TRILOGY OF GEARS OF WAR IT WAS SO FREAKING COOL

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when i was younger she was the coolest person ive ever known i don’t miss her but i like these pictures and eh i guess i do miss her at least a bit she’s a woman who is no longer in my life and after spending so much time trying im proud of myself to finally let it go and im proud of the woman i am becoming i still have more to go but for what i got and for what i pushed my self to do i am happy

all her fault most of my family hates me tho 🙄

every issue i’ve had with anyone else is always because they want to defend this woman which im sick of doing so dubs to me and them

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when did being a parent mean you can beat me with no guilt because i “deserve” it to understand why it happened to get why i deserved to be best the shit out of and then left over and over again but you get it right i’ve had more people in that family out their hands on me than less only people i have there now is my tia and cami and still i had defended them and i wish i could just say i hate them and move on but im going to do what i know best which is leave not speak to them to that extent anymore just leave i am tired my whole back is bruised my throat hurts and i keep looking down at my knuckles and i wish it was in pride or happiness but even trying to sleep last night was hard because every second this bullshit hurts and i have a great boyfriend who always wants to hug me and it is literally fucking embarrassing having to be like hey can you be gentle like barely touch me because my body hurts my body really hurts and i am finding new bruises still i found another one on my wrist and it simply just hurts to breathe but it was done in a state of drunk and mad and i should’ve known better than to even open up about anything and when they didn’t understand want to end the conversation my mom came out for a second and saw him throw me to the ground and truly did nothing just went back in the room and honestly i don’t think that hurt i stopped expecting anything from her family is a sink hole which kills me because i am such a family person and ofc i got lucky enough to have the kind that hates me i’ve grown older and tired truly tired and i wish i could just let it go but everytime every second i try again it’s hell i am sad but accepting it has its benefits it’ll just take me a minute but i’ve gotten closer to it than i ever had before

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i’ve gotten better at hitting back everytime someone lays their hands on me i bruised my knuckles last night and my face still hurts but im fucking tired and done being a victim you wanna be a grown ass man laying hands on a 19yr old yeah whatever fuck you im taking all my bs back you won’t hear shit from me cuz you want to defend someone who doesn’t give a shit about you and in a second will talk shit about you but you can’t even take a second to listen to me and then go and tell her you understand why she beats the shit out of me yeah i’m done cuz my feeling don’t matter but the second you wanna fucking cry and be sad cuz you’re an addict and i’m over here talking to you and you wanna go “sorry but im not listening to a drug addict” first of all put am fucking respect on me because unlike you i got myself clean unlike you i don’t drink anymore unlike you i have a life that’s going way fucking better for me you don’t want to like me anymore by all fucking means don’t because you don’t mean shit to me

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i haven’t stopped crying i hate being hit here

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i hate being hit my eye hurts my face my fist hurts i want to go home i promised to go out with my tia tmr but i want to leave. im so tired im not coming back im so tired

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waiting to shower and leave but chris is taking a mean ass fat ass shit i cannot go shower

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i’m a fckn sucker bro i adore my mom and everytime i am reminded she’s everything i want i hate her i wish she was the mom i wanted but goddamn is she just a really cool woman like truly how is she so great and this and that and then i go to meet this so called great woman whom i find so intresting and she’s just an asshole she lacks compassion for me and i can’t help but just find her cool

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hopefully i still have another shot and can try again two weeks from

now so i can get a laptop my own laptop but fuck

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i told this bitch two days in advance if i could use her laptop for a job interview just to come back and her and her laptop are gone never fucking has she taken her laptop before but ofc she does rn what fucking ever just fuck

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we ended up only being able to build cielos cuz it was ACTUALLY EASIER KM SO MAD MY BED IS SO FCKN COMPLICATWD AMD STUPID

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just got my nails done

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AH IM MAKING MY BED FINALLY AND I HATW JT

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i’m actually bout to crash out

over a fuck ass review that wasn’t even fucking true i didn’t ever talk shit about how she didn’t tip what fucking ever bro legit i hated that fuck ass job i finally started to do good too what fucking ever i fucking hate this shit