unmanned-drone

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I'm back on the keyboard. I've been inspired. Inspired by a chance encounter with a video. And what a video is it.

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Is Mark Lawrenson the worst co-commentator ever?

Here are a couple of bits of ‘expert analysis’ from the Italy vs. Brazil Confederations Cup match:

  Jonathan Pearce: How much does David Luis need to learn?

Mark Lawrenson: Loads

JP: Montolivio is the highest rated midfield player of the tournament so far according to the FIFA index, although Lugano is the best rated defender.

ML: Not even worth a comment that.

  Yep, I can confirm he is the worst.

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Who will be the next Manchester United manager?

‘Where have you been?’ I hear the familiar lament on my 4Chan thread now on a daily basis, pining for some fresh, good hunting knife-sharp analysis. Well I’ll tell you where I’ve been. I’ve been on holiday.

For me Sir Alex Ferguson is going to retire at the end of the season. Manchester United, for some the biggest club in the world. Not according to Deloitte or any other official measure in terms of revenue or success but I see where these people are coming from. They have some of the biggest names in world football. Robin Van Persie. Wayne Rooney. Johnny Evans.

So the question is who is going to take on this impossible role of trying to match SAF’s achievements? I’ve convincingly answered this question below.

  THE CANDIDATES:

David Moyes - For me he is Scottish.

Jose Mourinho - For me the favourite.

Mike Phelan

 The wildcard - Giggs, Neville, Solskjaer

  It is inevitable whoever does get the job is going to be a huge disappointment, like the other day on the tube when I accidently picked up a stylist magazine.  

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My top 3 John O'Shea moments

1. Fuck you Liverpool

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qHxJThRSkHQ

2. Fuck you Figo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gasxpPiews

3. Fuck Logic 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTBIHwW-pqs

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I've done the maths

Premier League net spend figures over the past five seasons, from 2007/08 to 2011/12.

Title Challengers 

Manchester United: £47.25 million

Arsenal: -£31.3 million

  The Virtues of Stability

Liverpool: £99.25 million

Everton: £5 million

  Ambition vs. Common Sense

Sunderland: £57.6 million

Swansea City: £8.25 million

  Where There's A Pony Tail There's An Arse

Newcastle United: -£30.25 million

  For me you can easily make your own conclusions.

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Not making a meal of it

"Amid the pervading doom that settled over Arsenal on the day the summertime sale of Robin van Persie to Manchester United was sanctioned, not a great deal was made of the fact that Van Persie's shirt number was re-allocated to a player who represented a very significant chink of light."

And I should think not.

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RANKINGS

Recently I've been thinking about who has the poorest team at EURO 2K12. Before it started I would have said Poland and Ukraine, but with the racist backing of their fans they have been reasonably impressive in spells. With this in mind I've only gone and ranked the teams haven't I!!! (World ranking in brackets, cheers FIFA).

Spain (1)

Germany (3)

France (14)

Holland (4)

Italy (12)

Portugal (10)

Russia (13)

England (6)

Croatia (8)

Denmark (9)

Czech (27)

Poland (62)

Ukraine (52)

Greece (15)

Sweden (17)

Ireland (18)

I'll let you guys do your own analysis of that 

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Wonderful Technicians

So we have now seen all 16 teams play in the European Championships 2K12. Some were good, some were average, and some were just plain shoddy (Van Persie). The thing that has jumped out at me is the amount of fabulous technicians that we have the pleasure of watching in this competition. This concept was first coined by Ray Wilkins, a man who certainly knows how to fill a silence, at the start of the season.

"Fabulous technique from little David Silva there, my word, he's a wonderful technician and an incredible footballer, I have to say, he really is."

After the first round of games here are my top 5 wonderful technicians:

1. Georgios Samaras - The wildcard choice, he showed some outrageous silks for a man that plays his football in scotland. He seems to have mastered the art of looking quite good whilst contributing almost nothing to the team.

Wilkins technician rating - 6/10

2. Danny Welbeck - Maybe not everybody's pick but he certainly surprised me with his high level of technical ability. In the lone striker role against France Danny treated us to knapsack full of neat touches and lay-offs. Modelling his game on that of Samaras, he failed to have a single shot, but I'm willing to let him off as it was in difficult circumstances.

Wilkins technician rating - 7/10

3. Mezut Ozil - Although he didn't have the best of games I could just tell that he is gorgeous technician. At the age of 23 he has already mastered the art of 'dropping the shoulder' to get that extra half yard. Pretty scary when you think that Phil Neville didn't develop this skill until he was 32. Plenty more to come from this man. You heard it here first.

Wilkins technician rating - 7/10

4. Luka Modric - My personal favourite, Modric is a delight every week in the Premier League. Against Ireland he ran the show, twisting and turning out the tightest of holes (not gay) and spraying the ball around with aplomb. Keith Andrews didn't know what hit him.

Wilkins technician rating - 9/10

5. Andreas Iniesta - Oh my! This fellow really does have a the most wonderful technique! When he picks up the ball and starts running with it you know only a loose Daniel De Rossi challenge is going to stop him. 

Wilkins technician rating - 10/10

Ray will be so proud.

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Welcome to The Cloakroom

Hey Guys!

Welcome to my new blog where I will be mulling over the hot and not so hot football topics of the moment. Hope you can join me for the ride!

My love of football first began in about 2011 when I first watched this video compilation of Ronaldo's frankly unbelievable skills and goals.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OG8W1NAgGHA

And I haven't look back.