unseriouslyamerica - Tumblr blog

[unseriouslyamerica]

Any conspiracy theory about people going missing in National Parks is automatically silly to me. Like "Why are National Parks such a hotbed of disappearances???" because they're full of idiots. You've got thousands of people who've never pissed outdoors in their life wandering around the woods/desert/mountain with zero experience and zero gear and zero understanding that this place can kill them. You don't see as many disappearances in wild areas because people don't go to them unless they have some background knowledge. Whereas you get tour buses full of old folks and suburban families shuttling people into National Parks 365 days a year. If you took the same amount of buffoons and dropped them in the actual wilderness the disappearances would be significantly higher than at the parks. Use your brain.

[unseriouslyamerica]

In ancient times, the dead were often buried with coins in their mouths. This is because many ancient cultures believed the dead were a bunch of assholes, and thought it was funny to make them eat coins.

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ANDREW GARFIELD & TOBEY MAGUIRE BEHIND THE SCENES OF SPIDER-MAN: NO WAY HOME (2021)

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BARBIE (2023) dir. Greta Gerwig

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Practical Magic (1998) dir. Griffin Dunne

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People aren’t the only ones with vivid imaginations

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[unseriouslyamerica]

As a chronically ill person, my body is NOT a temple!

digital illustration of a large pink and green haunted house with ghosts and stars. text reads, 'my body is not a temple, it is a haunted house.'

[unseriouslyamerica]

"why do we even have that lever" is made funnier by the fact there are only 2 levers to begin with (disguised as a pair of tusks on a statue)

i find the implications hilarious:

kronk only had to remember the location of one lever, and couldn't even manage that

but on the other hand, it's easy to get two identical unlabelled levers confused, this one's on yzma tbh

yzma only needed to make one lever to begin with, but she actively chose to turn the second tusk into a functioning trapdoor. she could have just...just not connected the second tusk to anything. it didn't need to have a function

upon reflection, this also answers the question itself: "why do we even HAVE that lever?" it's because yzma herself specifically designed it as a booby trap. "why do we have that lever?" because yzma had it built to keep people out of her secret lair! yzma made the very purposeful choice to put that lever there! and then both she and her inept henchman immediately forgot about her own booby trap! yzma that is YOUR LEVER!!!!!

[unseriouslyamerica]

the best part about james team rocket is that you can put his face on any pride flag and there’s like a 97% chance it fits

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[unseriouslyamerica]

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Reblog if you're comfortable receiving crabs on Crab Day (July 29th) so all your beloved followers know who they can comfortably crab on crab day (July 29th) without feeling nervous about crabbing someone 9n Crab Day (July 29th).

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[unseriouslyamerica]

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