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I still have feelings for him
Been what? 3 mos? I still feel for him.
The way he looks at me. There's somethin there. I know. I sense it. He's totally in denial though. And for that I'm not sure. Siiigh. This set up is for the best.
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Confused.
He still looks at my way. But majority he tries to ignore me. I still feel and sense things though. That attraction. Attention. Want? Or am I just making all these things up in my head? My wild stupid imagination. My hopeless fantasies.
Earlier he wanted to talk to me about something. Schedule change? Was it really about that? Or was it abput something else. And he suddenly decided to change topics. Suddenly it was about schedule. About taking ITIL? Whoa. I was a bit disappointed. But he was nervous when he approached me. I sensed the shake in his voice and tone.
But part of me believes he misses that longing feeling and want from me. Cos I keep trying my best to be casual around him and to ignore him. And I stopped flirting with him altogether. And I stopped talking to him in chat for nothing.
It's hard not to get attacted to him. I really like his voice, face, arms, hands and skin. Sometimes I want to just stare at him and suddenly wrap him in my arms and give him a tender kiss. I got it so bad for him. That bad.
That bad that I had to journal just so I can process my thoughts and feelings. So I can let all my innermost thoghts out. Thoughts that only my closest friend can know. Thoughts that are forbidden in all kinds of universe there might be.
If I can just kiss him and hear those words from him. Hear him say he wants me back but cant have me. That he too feels that same attraction and that he too wants to kiss me and wrap me in his arms. But he couldnt just simply do it because it's all forbidden. But the thrill of wanting and be wanted is there and it is addicting.
I want him to say my name. To call me by my name. I want him to want to want me.
If only... Im falling for you Tom. Now how not to?
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