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paladin pulls me over for drunk driving my horse & as soon as he starts illuminating my ticket i lunge for his service crossbow

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I need to admit something to the US Tumblrinas. Philadelphia isn't a place to me. It's a cream cheese. You say "philadelphia" or "philly" and I immediately, and exclusively, think of the cream cheese. "Twelve people die in Philadelphia disaster" wow that must've been a Molasses Flood style event

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doctors: x-rays are perfectly safe, there's no need to worry about them

doctors as soon as they turn on the x-ray machine:

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this is, as the kids say, frying me (a glasses wearer)

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baby i could treat you so good you just have to get past my strange and off-putting demeanor and my kubrick stare and my inability to behave like a human and the 40 layers of icy fortress walls i have up and answer my riddles three

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Theyve made so many warframes where the concepts "this person with a unique name pissed Ballus off once" we're like ten away from one whose backstory is Ballus monologuing "every day before work in the labs coffee was my one solice. Yet, at the peak of my work what did you do, but give me decaf instead of normal and nearly made me nap at what should have been my greatest triumph." And its a warframe named Latte with a boiling water and speed aesthetic

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damn girl are you a bobster 🦞 because im about to 🥣 bisque it all

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yes hello? id like to commission a piece of my vampire character drinking WHITE wine

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sorry if i'm gonna be quiet for a while. my country recently introduced laws that make it so that in order to use social media to the fullest (not being able to view ns/fw content and in a few cases, not even having access to dms), i HAVE to give the sites my id/face scan.

it goes into effect july 25th. it'll probably effect here too, since this place allows mature content (tho not full on ns/fw)

i'm very distressed about it bc i might end up not even being able to talk to my internet friends. i don't really have any irl ones

if i have to disappear on most socials by then, you know why.

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do you ever think about this quote by mary lambert because i think about it all the time

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Let me say this really slowly, really clearly, and only once:

There is not a single identity group within the queer community that "has never contributed" to the community as a whole, but even if there were, the queer community is not a church, and you do not have to pay an activism tithe to be allowed to be "really queer."

Good talk.

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[RAP BATTLE BETWEEN THE DARKMOONS AND FOLLOWERS OF MIQUELLA]

IJI: my lady ranni's schemes are really very clever / will miquella reach godhood? I think: never

LEDA: [lunging across the stage with a knife] I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you

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At time of writing, there are seven different entities who all claim that they’re the Devil. Every one of them says that they are the real Father of Lies, the Dragon of the Book of Revelations, the actual factual biblical capital-D Devil. They also all say the other six are lying.

And when you look at them, every one of them looks like they could be the Devil, in their own way. One of them is a slender, beautiful youth, with wings as black as a winter storm and silver eyes like falling stars. Another dresses like a sleazy car salesman, constantly chewing on the end of a smouldering cigar. One appears as a traveller with a wide-brimmed hat and a golden fiddle. Another wears red tights and a cape. The fifth is a horned and winged Adonis with pecs like a dairy cow and abs you could fry an egg on. The sixth is a talking goat.

The seventh appears to be a perfectly normal man. You’ve met him already.

Any one of them could be the Devil. Or possibly, none of them are the Devil. The third possibility is that they are seven faces of one entity, different aspects of the one, true Devil.

The Devils also agree that the third option is a stupid idea and that it isn’t true. You can imagine why a lot of people have a hard time believing this.

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is this anything?

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Tip: You can Bite her Penis through the Tights using the (X) Button.