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[ur-local-new-years-child]

Feb 6

I feel so much better now, thanks to you.

I felt like you told me a secret that day. That you let some of your true thoughts show a bit, only because you were comfortable with me.

So… I thought I’d pay you a visit.

Your aunt let me in, and after a few minutes of joyful bustling about, told me you’d be upstairs, at the end of the hall.

Knock,Knock. “Hey, Mo-san? It’s me….”

“Come in…”

I opened the door and slid in.

The room was dark, but not in a way that was made for sleep. Like someone didn’t bother to turn the lights on, letting the natural sun do it’s work.

You were sitting at the foot of the window, your head resting against the dresser. There was a prism in your hand, and you watched the rainbows dance on the wooden floor with every turn of your wrist. 

“Hey, Ichigo-san… You’re feeling better…?” You say, almost sleepily. 

The weather outside was warm enough, and the sky was a bright blue. It seems the tepid weather made even staying awake hard, because your eyes were drooped, as if you wanted to nod off. 

“yeah..I wanted to thank you for taking care of me the other day… so I made you some Matcha Cookies!” 

I sit down across from you, as to not disturb the rainbows you were making, and handed the mini package to you.

You took it, and opened it up. “Ooh, they smell good… like a roastery, kinda.” you take one out, and nibble on it.

“So… this is your room..?”

“Yep. it does the job, so no complaints from me.”

Your room’s really small. Maybe the size of two broom closets together, give or take. It’s also a bit messy, but not in a slovenly way. Books, pencils, a sketchbook, more books…

“It’s not too bad.” I say, laying back.

“I wasn’t a fan of big rooms anyway. If i can see all my stuff, and they’re there, and I can reach them…” you stretch, and a bit of your back shows as you bend to get a manga that had been thrown haphazardly out of the way. I blush at the sight and try to compose myself as you get back into position.

“What was I saying again…?” You blink slowly, looking at the book’s slowly moving pages.

“Uh, about you preferring small rooms over large ones…”

“Oh. well, I like everything within reach, is all.” You toss the book over your shoulder, then look up, hugging your knees.

“You like videogames…?”

“Yeah.. “

You nod to yourself, then stand up, humming something as you look around the clutter.

“Oh, here it is.” You bend over, and with a grunt, haul up a small tv, decorated with Nintendo stickers.

“We could play on this… I’ve got an Atari. We could play Higanbana Ningyo..”

“Sure!” I say,  a little too quickly. “I’ve never heard about that game before, though.”

“Oh, well the cartridge is over there. It’s got a pretty boy on it with a spider lily on his mouth or something...”

I look at where you gestured to, and found the cartridge case. 

The game’s really interesting. It’s about a boy who’s been bullied to the point where he’s really just tired of it all. So he asks help from one of the seven mysteries of the school, a doll called Lady Higanbana, who’s said to haunt the school at night. The doll comes to life and grants him his wish and all, making him a school mystery in the process, giving him the name “mesomeso-chan”. So now he haunts the school, making sure no one has to suffer what he has.

“Oh, this is kinda like the ‘Hanako Hanako, are you there?’ game…”

“You know that one?  it’s the sequel. Not many people like it though, cause Hanako turns out to be a guy…”

“Hey!! I wasn’t done with the game!!” I playfully throw a pillow at you, which you artfully dodge.

“Whoops. Spoiler alert..?” you chuckle as the screen of the tv crackles with life. I put in the cartridge, and a soft humming sound- like from a horror flick- fills the room

You plop down next to me and hand me a controller, and we watch the cutscene play out.

The game opens with a textbox, and the words roll in, like a carpet being unfurled.

“Higanbana-sama.. Help me. I’m so tired of these people bullying me….. They won’t leave me alone…” 

A sob echoes from the black screen, and you slump, visibly uncomfortable.

“Hey, it’s okay if we skip this. I get the plot…”

You comb your slender fingers through your black hair. “Mmmh.. you sure..? I don’t want you to miss out on the story…”

“I’ll get my step-dad to tell me about it. He’s a big gaming otaku so he’s probably played this already.” 

I hesitate at first, but I pet your arm. “If it makes you uncomfortable, we can always just play something else.”

“No it’s… It’s just the intro.” you press a button, and the game fast forewards. I catch glimpses of gore, very very graphic gore

You press another button, and the fast forwarding stops. Then you wobble out the room, and moments later, I hear a retch.

“Mo-san!! A-are you okay?” I jolt and run after you, your head hanging over the toilet as the sound of another retch tears through the silent house.

“B-bugh..water…”

I fetch you a water bottle, uncapping it so you could drink as fast as possible. You’re shivering violently, as if your soul had just been expelled from your body and you were now a walking corpse. 

“N-nngh…” you gargle with the water, trying to take out as much of the acrid taste from you mouth as possible. 

“Are you okay..? Should I call your aunt..?”

You shake your head, resting your forehead on the toilet seat. “Give me… five minutes…” you say between heavy, shaky breaths. “I’ll be…fine…”

“Then, I’ll stay here until you’re okay, okay?”

You shiver and nod. Your hand finds it’s way to mine, and I give it a light squeeze to comfort you.

You sniff. “T-thanks, Ichigo-san…”

“Don’t worry about it. Don’t even worry about it.” I rub circles into your palm, your knuckles, your fingers. The initial shock of this sudden event was replaced by my ‘mom mode’.

“Do you want anything? Do you feel dizzy?” 

“No..”

“Was it the cookies?”

You shake your head.

“I want.. I want to go outside.”

I let you hold onto my waist, and I attempt to give you a piggyback ride, but you’re just.. way too tall. So I just let your feet touch the ground, and slowly make my way to the front door.

“Mmh..” you nuzzle my neck, and I flush. This , combined with your slightly laboured breathing, sent the gears in my head spiralling out of control. 

Good god, you look so hot right now, I thought to myself. 

After what seemed like a whole One Piece later, we made it to the front door, and I dragged it open, careful not to let the door bump into you in any way.

The cold air hit us, along with the realisation that I had just spent a whole day with you. I flushed all over again, and for a second i thought my fever had come back.

I settled you down on the porch, where you let out a sigh of relief. You took in the cold night air, and soon your breathing stabilised.

“Thanks, Ichigo…san….” you whisper.

“No problem. Do you want me to stay with you until your aunt comes?”

You nod slightly. I sit next to you, and your hand finds it’s way to mine again.

“Ichigo-san…?”

“Yeah?” god, for once, will I EVER stop blushing at every little thing you do?

“I… I wish you were here sooner…” your voice seemed to drift away.

“ Can.. can you take me to my room…? I feel… so exhausted….”

Another ascension up the stairs, and I settle you at the top-most stair. 

“Wait here, okay? I’ll get everything ready.” 

By that I meant chucking that damned game out the window and cleaning up a bit. If this game made you nauseous every time you played it, why do you even still have it?

But you seemed to sense I would do that. “Don’t touch the game…It’s.. It’s very important to me.”

Drat. there goes my Idea.

I clean up the room as best as I can, then ease you into the plush mattress.

“Okay… there.. You better now?”

You nod, and snuggle into the pillows.

“Thank you…. I’ll.. see you tomorrow..?”

I flush for the thousandth time that day.

But I smile down at you. “Sure. at the library?”

You return the smile, and it’s the softest thing in the world. “Sure."

[ur-local-new-years-child]

February 4

I feel sick.

Apparently, my roof-camping days are over.

Oh sigh.

I’m in bed right now, trying my hardest to taste something in my grandmother’s famous lemon-honey tea as she talks with the town’s herbalist downstairs.

But I’m strong enough to walk around, don’t worry! In fact, If I were there in front of you, I’d be flexing my muscles.

(Not that I have big ones. I’m a sad noodle arm guy. Oh sigh.)

Enough about my woe; I have a Viewfinder!

It was my stepdad’s new years’ present to me, along with a box of reels. It came in today!

My favourite ones are the space ones, the sea ones, and the ones with flower fields- I think from Amsterdam? 

It’s like I’m really there, floating through space or swimming with the tropical fishes.

“Saki-kun, someone’s here to see you! They’ll be coming up in a minute!”

My heart jumped a bit as your face formed in my mind. Good thing I was already red in the face, thanks to my fever, because if you walked in on a blushing, red-faced Ichigatsu, I would die.

Shrrr. You peek your head in the room. “hey, Ichigo-san. I heard you were sick. Uh… I brought you some food that my aunt said would be good for you...”

I turn my head towards the sliding door, and up at you. 

“Hai…” I croaked, then coughed a bit. You got down on your knees, and levelled your face with mine.

The fact that we were so close our noses could touch had my fever go up a degree. And i don’t think it was because I was getting sicker.

“You…have really nice eyes…” You whispered, more to yourself than to me.

+1 degree. Boy, you trying to fry my brains?

“U-uh… well, are you hungry?” 

Ha! Your cheeks were dusted pink too! Small victories are better than none.

“Ya..” 

You ran down the stairs, and I heard murmuring somewhere in the house. Soon I heard your quick footsteps ascend the stairs, and you had SO many containers of food. I can not emphasise just how many you had.

“I made as much as I could, cuz y’know, tastes are different.”

“Tank yoo.” ugh, it was a bother just to even talk.

Soon it smelled like a buffet. There was just so much to choose from. 

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrAGhhhh….

I groaned and covered my face. Not only was I sick, but my stomach had to make minecraft zombie sounds. In front of you.

“Unnngh…”

“Here, I’ll feed you. Pay me back with something cool, okay? Thats two things you aught to compensate me for.” You reach for me and try to situate my languid body in your lap.

I’m dead. Dead. Thats it, you’ve killed me. 

In hindsight, I must’ve been a pretty lucky guy, getting a cute neighbour to make me all these foods and then feeding me while saying (very cutely) “pay me back with something cool, okay?”

If this were an anime I’d have spirals for eyes and steam rising out of my head. You sure you don’t have a criminal record?

“Aaaahn….” I take whatever it was you were offering me. Warm, pungent flavours penetrated my useless tongue, and I could finally taste things again.

“Mmmmmnnnn. Isho goo…” munch munch munch. The texture reminded me of cold soba, or those really thick noodles my mom made once.

I wanted more, It was really, really good.

We went through about three big cartons of the mystery food.

While we were eating, you told me about more cool places, like the Boardwalk, where most kids crowd with there nets and buckets. You also told me that Fuji park always hosts a big new years feast, since the town was founded on New Year’s Day. 

There was also the Library (“the librarian always gushes about you.” “weeawy?”), Sen-Bun Cafe (“the only interesting cafe here, their melonpan is the best.”) and Our Spot. (Was it just me, or did you flush a little while saying that?)

I showed you my Viewfinder, and with the way your face lit up, I was so tempted to check and see if the sun was still in the sky.

“Mmm…tank yu for comingh..” I laid back on your chest, full of the food you brought.

“U-um.. y-yeah, you’re welcome…I gotta make sure my neighbour’s okay, right?”

Outside the window, snow started to fall, lightly, as if it were just taking its time, enjoying its descent until i joined with the rest below. I rested my eyes on that sight, and it felt like I was dreaming, the warm fuzziness of slipping away.

But I felt your head rest on mine, and you hugged my waist. I was instantly dragged back to the real world. And Honestly? Reality doesn’t seem so bad right now.

“It’s so peaceful, the way snow flurries just fall.. Like they don’t have a care in the world.” you whisper to me.  “You know, I always imagine that the snow holds the essence of our ancestors, coming down to visit and showering us with comfort…and sometimes…” you set me back down on my futon, and opened the window, holding out your hand briefly. You bring it back in, watching the flurries melt in in the warmth of your hand.

“Sometimes I think about becoming snow, too…. Then I’ll get to be everywhere, all the time, forever and ever. I’d evaporate, turn into rain…” you close the window. “And be part of the world…”

I don’t know if I was imagining it, but…

It looked like there were tears in your eyes.

[ur-local-new-years-child]

February 3

I don’t know about you, but that night on the beach changed me alot. I think something about the way everything glittered and glimmered got to me. I know, It’s silly, but still.

I decided to visit the library again. I’ve become like a regular there. The Librarian at the front desk doesn’t even look up. She just hums out a “welcome back~” as i make way to the Nitsuki Juni section.

“Nitsuki Juni… Doesn’t that mean February twelfth…?” I trace my fingers along the spines of the books. Today I was in the mood for poems.

Did I ever tell you Nitsuki Juni was also a poet? He’s written about three hundred and twenty of them! Isn’t that cool?

I open up to a random page, because his poems should be read like that. Randomly. Spontaneously. And without premeditation.

You could be either bawling or grinning. Or both.

This was the poem I opened to. I felt I had to photocopy it because I feel my messy handwriting would ruin the over all feel of it.

I should have noticed the way you changed; The way you sung, the way you banged At my window, with rocks To tell me, that your mind Would not let you be. -Nitsuki Juni

[ur-local-new-years-child]

Jan 30

You know what I like about Ine? The skies are actually clear at night.

I’ve lived in Tokyo, Akihabara, Sapporo… the sky is shit when it comes to stars. Here, the sky god was a bit generous with the sky glitter.

I climb onto the roof with a blanket and take my place on it, lying on my back.

I’m instantly bedazzled. Thousands of pinpricks of light. I felt limitless here, unending, like I were part of the cosmos and that they were ready to take me back home, arms outstretched.

Then I saw you.

You were on your roof, too! But it looked like you had a whole party going on; there was a box of donuts and several cans of drinks near you.

“Hey!” I call out. I wasn’t sure if you were even asleep, but It was so nice seeing a fellow stargazer.

“Hwuh?”

“Over here!” I wave the sleeve of my hoodie like crazy.

“Oh. Hi. You’re… on your roof…?” I think you were asleep, because your words oozed around like molasses.

“Yeah… the stars look so cool. I never see them in the city. So it’s really awe-striking to me how many there are.”

“Mhm… You’re Murasaki-sama’s kid?”

I’ve never heard anyone say my grandma’s name before. So I was a bit confused.

I think you realised that, and added “Your grandma? The lady who lives under the roof you’re on?”

“Oh. yeah. How’d you know?"

“I saw you at Fuji park. I know every face here, and yours wasn’t familiar. So I asked around.” you settled back onto your blanket.

To think you were actually interested in finding out about me. But then again, you were probably bored.

“You know everyone?”

“To a point, yeah. I can pull up names.” you shrug. “It’s a small town, after all”

“Whoa.”

“Mhm. I’m Karasu. Karasu Mo. The ‘Mo’ part’s written like the character for mourning.”

“Oh. I’m Gasaki Ichigatsu. Like January first? Yeah. My mom says I was in her new years dream so she just called me that. You can call me Saki. or Ichigo. Whatever.”

I lay back down, trying to brush it off and all, but my cheeks were burning. Something abut the way you talked made me feel silly and giggly, in a blush-blush kind of way.

“Ichigo-san. Do you like donuts?”

“Hell yeah, what kind?” I flushed again. The way you say my name… or rather, my nickname, just sounded nice. Like you wanted to say it.

Rummaging sounds. “Uhhhh… Strawberry, lemon, orange… keep in mind I made these so don’t go attacking bakeries if you don’t like them. Uh…caramel-apple and spongecake.”

“I’ll take caramel-apple.”

Smak! A flying donut hits me square in the face, but I catch it just before it rolls away.

“Oh my god are you okay?” there was a twinge of laughter in your voice. ” I threw it too hard… stoopid baseball arms….”

“Nah, you’re fine. Nice throw! I can’t see shit in the dark so that was cool!”

A lie. I could see just fine, actually. How would I know you were there?

“Oh, thanks. I can’t see shit either, I just threw towards your voice. Didn’t realise it would make a loud smack like that.”

“No harm done, though. Thanks!”

“Mhm…. so… why’d you move in?” your silhouette settled back onto your roof, shadows joining shadows.

“Uh… family stuff, I guess. My mom’s still trying to get back on her feet after the divorce.” I bring my knees together and place my chin on them. “I figured it would be easier on her and my stepdad if I was somewhere else.”

“Oh. that’s….”

“Sad? It’s better than having a dysfunctional dad, right?”

“Yeah. I guess. Is your stepdad cool?”

“Very. dad jokes and all.”

You chuckle. “Lucky. That you have a good relationship with them, I mean.”

“Mhm…” I muse, looking at the tiles of the roof. “What about you? What’s your story?”

“My parents disowned me.” The words hung heavy in the air, and suddenly the stars felt far too bright. I wanted to know more, but this is a heavy topic.

I almost thought it was a joke.

“Ha…?”

“Because I’m gay. They just went ‘well whoever it is, they better love you lots because we sure don’t’ and then kicked me out.“

“oh…“ Really? Was that all i could say? “Oh”?

“So… who do you live with now…?”

“My aunt. She’s also been cut out of the family, but for different reasons. So we’ve got a kinship going on, kinda”

“Truth is, she’s barely around, with work and all, so I take care of things.”

“Oh.”

Silence.

“Sorry, that was heavy. Change of subject: what do you like about the town so far?”

“The sky, for one.” I pull apart the donut and shove a clump in my mouth. It was cold, but the flavour warmed me so much. “and for two, your donuts.”

You titter again. “It’s good? Nice. And I guess the sky’s pretty nice too.”

There was a noise, and then I heard your voice lower, towards the ground.

“Let me show you my favourite place. It’ll be dark, so you don’t mind me holding your hand, right?”

“Not at all.”

I climb down from the roof, my donut in my pocket. Your hand was out, and I took it.

It was surprisingly warm, and soft. Your long fingers wrapped completely around mine, and soon we were off.

We went through bushes, through winding alleyways. Had it not been for your gentle pulls I would’ve gotten my face bashed in my rocks.

Soon, before we even arrived, I heard it.

The beach. It expanded far out, so far it seemed like we were on another planet. The stars twinkled in the sky, and were reflected in the water, along with the big silver moon.

It looked like something straight out of a Nitsukui Juni novel. It looked so shimmery and beautiful I forgot to breathe.

You let go of my hand, and I almost grab for it again. The warmth faded instantly, like a dream.

“It’s so pretty. Like… like..”

“It’s hard to find where the sky ends and the earth begins. Here, everything’s one and the same.”

“Yeah…” I breathed. I plopped on the sand, even though it was cold. Something about the scenery made me want to sit and watch.

“ I come here when I think self-depreciating thoughts. It calms me down. It's my special place….”

“I guess it could be yours too. Just.. don’t tell anyone about it, okay?”

“Promise. Thank you for trusting me.“ I hold out my pinkie finger, cheeks flushing again. This silly little gesture was childish, but I wanted to show you that I meant it. I wanted you to feel you could trust me.

You look at me, then my hand, as if trying to figure out what this meant. Then, slowly, you hooked your finger with mine. A ghost of a smile seems to cross your face as you drop your hand again and face the waves.

We stayed up until the first slivers of light peeked through the clouds, then went back to our lives.

[ur-local-new-years-child]

Jan 21

It’s fully sunny today. I’m actually happy to go out, because now I can go to the library in peace. Nice weather means people will be out and not making out the next bookshelf over. eaugh.

The librarian sees me and smiles, telling the guy next to her that I’m here for the good stuff.

“Junji Ito? Or Osamu Dazai?” He says, almost annoyed, not even looking up from his phone.

“Neither, Mukan. He’s here for Juni-san’s works. I’m so glad there are still people of this generation still treasure such literature….”

I brisk walk to my territory before the woman could look at me again, and slip Sukoshi Yume Wo Miru, Watashi no yume o Miru out from its place on the shelf. I’ve read most of his books hundreds of times, but this one I don’t give as much love to. I felt like doing that today.

I also came across this passage, which, now that I read it, reminds me so much of you. I loved it so much I taped it on the wall by my bed:

“Every night, the pure beach greets me. waters blue like your eyes, sands white like your skin. It’s as if my subconscious yearns to be surrounded by you just as much as my consciousness does.I wonder, do you, too, dream a little? Do you, too, dream of me? Does your subconscious yearn for me?”

[ur-local-new-years-child]

Jan 10

After my grandparents pestered me for that whole week, I decided to check out the town.

I got out my trusty Schwinn Wayfarer and biked around.

I biked up until I got to the main square, where people were milling about, being residents comfortably.

There was a bakery stall open, and I had some money, so I brought myself a Melonpan.

Those always taste better warm. I’m still a bit mad no one makes them actually melon flavoured, but I digress. Beggars can’t be choosers, y’know?

Putting the Melonpan in my basket, I biked to a park I passed by earlier.

Fuji Park. whether it was named after Mt. Fuji or the park’s now dead wisteria trees, I don’t know. But either way it looked like a nice place to just sit.

So I sat on the closest bench and munched, thinking of how quiet and kinda idyllic the town was, so far. Idyllic is my new favourite word. Nitsuki Juni is the best writer ever, and he always uses words like that.

Words like “Exuberance”, “Ephemeral”, “Resplendent”, and “Golden-tinged morning”.

Okay, the last one was a phrase, but c’mon, this guy’s just too good with words.

Too bad he’s dead. I’d send him letters everyday. I hope whatever god blessed him with the talent to write like that takes good care of him.

Anyway, I finished my snack and looked around. Snow covered everything, and it looked like every tree was being snuggled goodnight by a soft cotton blanket. There were couples in the distance, too far away too care about, and a dog barking like mad somewhere away.

But other than that, it was a crisp, quiet, cold morning.

I slumped against the bench and looked up at the sky. It was grey, with patches of blue peeking through, trying to get a peep at the world. Whenever the blue patches showed up, the sun peeked down too, warming my face with its glow.

But then I get uncomfortable. You can only bend your neck back for so long before your life flashes before your eyes, I guess.

I get up and bike to the nearby library. I was in the mood for some Nitsuki Juni.

Maybe we could’ve read him together. I know you would’ve loved Kokoro, or Eien No Natsu. I loved Sekai wa subete taninda.

But anything you loved, I ended up loving as well.

[ur-local-new-years-child]

Jan 1

Hey.

Today is the first of January. The first of a new year, and the first of a new age for the earth. 

I wonder how many january firsts the world went through? How many first snowfalls, how many first sunrises? How many new year’s dreams? It must've been a lot. Do you ever think the dinosaurs ever celebrated new years? Kidding, haha.

But today is also the anniversary of me coming here. Into this little town, and into all your lives. 

To think I wouldn’t have many in this place.

Let’s pretend that we’re meeting for the first time, again. Humour me, just for a little. Let my spirit be entertained, watching you from the corner of your room. Probably. Depends how bored I am as a ghost, haha.

Anyway…

I’m Gasaki Ichigatsu. I’ve been around Japan-hopping for as long as i could remember, but i must say , Ine is a nice town. I’m living with my grandparents, at least until my mom and her new boyfriend find a permanent, stable house and job.

You probably forgot how I looked, but  again, since this is the first time you’ve met me, I’ll tell you what you see.

You see a lanky, average-sized boy who looks kinda like Shinji from Neon Genesis. He’s not too out of place, but he doesn’t exactly fit in either. You can pick him out from a crowd from the way he slumps over slightly, like he’s carrying a big backpack and trying not to fall over backwards. 

He, like Shinji, always wears a plain, short-sleeved white button up and slacks. If he’s really cold, he’d wear a turtleneck underneath, which wasn’t often, since the doof never goes outside.

He’s also got the most forgettable face ever. Genuinely the least interesting thing about him. No radiantly shining eyes, no beauty or birthmarks, nothing. He could be an NPC in a video game.

So that’s what you’re dealing with. An NPC who never goes outside unless there was a sale on manga (It better be VIZ or Seven Seas manga!!) and  he had pocket money.

Just another boring guy.