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The Record Shop - Chapter Five

A/N: Here you go guys! I hope everyone enjoys!

Warnings: Lots of smut, angst and some swearing. 18+

Penny’s POV

The week after my date with Matty, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I knew he wasn’t my boyfriend, and I still couldn’t work out if he was the type to settle down with a partner. But I wanted him to. I needed him to. I wanted to drop to my knees at his feet and beg him to be mine, only mine.

I couldn't even stomach the thought of spending a whole day without seeing him, so as soon as I finished my last client in the salon I packed up and walked as quickly as my legs would carry me to the record shop, praying that he would be working. He, in fact, was. I could see him through the windows, helping a customer, his back turned to me. I almost walked in, but I stopped in my tracks when I saw her. It wasn’t just a customer, it was her. The girl from the party; the party he invited me too and didn’t speak to me at because he was too busy with her. I think she spotted me. But I don’t know, I was too busy trying not to cry as I turned and made home my new destination.

—————

I couldn’t bring myself to hate the girl; she wasn’t to know I even existed. But the way she touched his arm and looked up into his eyes as they spoke made me want to scream. Only the day before I was the doe-eyed girl begging for his attention.

He called that night, like he had been doing for a few nights now. Usually I ran to grab my phone before holding myself back from answering as to not sound too desperate, but that night I was desperate for him to leave me alone. He didn’t, of course, calling over and over until the sound of my ringtone was ringing in my ears. I realised then that he must care, at least a little, or he would’ve given up. So I answered, reluctantly, holding the phone to my ear and saying “Hello?” Trying to act as if I didn’t know who was calling when I had been acting like a pining teenager for days.

“Hi Penny, my darling. You okay? You took fucking ages to answer!”

“Fine, yeah.”

“So listen, George was on his smoke break earlier and said he saw you walk up to the shop and then leave. What happened?”

“Nothing. I got a call and had to answer it.”

“Oh.” Matty sounded like he didn’t believe a word, and with good reason. “So, you’re not mad at me or anything.”

“Why would I be?” I said a little more grumpily than was necessary.

“Babe, c’mon, there’s something wrong.”

I took a deep breath and felt the wave of sickness wash over me again, the one I felt when I saw her touch his arm and do that stupid oblivious giggle. I suppose it was jealousy, nothing else, but I didn’t want to admit it. That would mean admitting that I cared much more than he seemed to.

“Fine, yes, there’s something wrong.”

“Okay, are you gonna tell me? I’m sure I can help.”

“Well, you can start by telling me what she was doing in the shop today.”

“Who do you-” he paused abruptly, telling me he knew exactly what the problem was. Or rather, who the problem was. “Look, she just came in to say hi. I couldn’t exactly boot her out.”

“I’m not upset with you,” I breathed out slowly. “I just…I thought we were…”

There was a silence on both ends of the phone, one that made me feel ill again. Matty broke it, finally, after what felt like hours.

“We’re seeing each other,” he confirmed, not that I needed confirmation. “But we said no labels, right? I mean, that was your condition. We weren’t gonna be serious right away.”

“Well, the way I see it I’m more serious about it than you.” I couldn’t help but start to cry, feeling completely weighed down by the pathetic neediness I felt for him.

“Darling, come on, she’s nobody.”

“Well can you tell her that? She’s all over you, she clearly doesn’t know I exist.”

I was sobbing now, feeling that the one person I wanted to be with all the time had a line of others just like me. Matty just sighed in defeat on the other end of the phone.

“I’m coming over,” he said calmly. “Don’t argue, please darling, I need to see you.” I didn’t answer, I just sat there. Tears dripping down my skin leaving a trail of salt and sadness. I didn’t bother to wipe them off.

—————

He arrived not ten minutes later, banging on the door of my flat until I had to drag myself up to let him in. His face fell when he saw my puffy eyes and reddened cheeks, and for a split second I thought it was because he realised how ugly I looked when I cried. But then it clicked, it wasn’t that, he was making the face of someone guilty. He felt bad, seeing me cry like that. It reminded him of the way I cried the night I left Alex for the second time. I knew to look at him that he couldn’t bear it, so I wiped my eyes and invited him in.

“Darling, I’m sorry. I’m sorry if you think I don’t care as much as you do. But she really is nothing to me.”

“I know,” I sniffled.

“But we said we weren’t putting labels on anything. What changed?”

I just shrugged, staring down at my feet, unable to admit that I was completely and utterly infatuated with him.

Matty finally came inside, taking me by the hand and leading me to the living room. We sat on the sofa silently for at least a few minutes, until Matty cleared his throat and spoke again.

“I don’t feel ready for a relationship right now,” he said simply.

“I do.” I replied. “Why won’t you like me?”

“Wh- darling, I don’t-” Matty stuttered before taking a deep breath and looking straight into my eyes.

“I like you. A lot. I want you near me all of the time. You make me happy, you make me comfortable, I like you. But I’ve only had one serious relationship before, and it didn’t end well. You don’t want me to be your boyfriend, not really.”

“Yeah, because I’ve been in so many great relationships,” I scoffed at his answer. I shouldn’t have. He was being real, unmistakably, but I couldn’t see it. I was too used to lies and arguments and feeling unsafe around boyfriends.

“Fine. I can’t force you to date me,” I snapped. “But I thought I meant more to you.”

He tried to argue, but I wouldn’t let him. I pointed to the front door and locked myself in my bedroom until I heard him leave. Like a fucking child throwing a tantrum. Why did I need him so much? In a way I had never needed anyone before? I couldn’t answer the flood of questions in my own head, and eventually it felt like they had pooled in the front of my brain and caused a blockage. I went to sleep without contacting him again like I did every night.

—————

I woke up the next morning with red eyes, wether it was from exhaustion or crying I wasn’t sure. I sat silently in my kitchen with a cup of coffee and smoked cigarette after cigarette, contemplating what to do. I hadn’t even seen my phone since I went to bed, so Matty had probably been calling. With a groan, I decided what I needed to do.

Firstly I grabbed a cardboard box from my move in and filled it with Matty’s blue Nike jumper, grey sweatpants, bottle of aftershave, lighter and copy of On the Road. I hauled it down the stairs in my building and managed to carry it down to the record shop. The little bell on the door jingled when I walked through and brought me back to the very first time. George was behind the counter, looking absolutely bored out of his mind.

“Hey, G,” I smiled sadly.

“Hey, what’s that?”

“Some of Matty stuff,” I sighed. “Will you give it to him?”

George stood up and peeked into the box. “What do you mean? You’re not seeing each other any more?”

“Well, no. Not really. He just doesn’t know it yet.”

“Wait, what?” George scoffed. “You’re breaking up with him and you’re telling me first?”

“I’m not breaking up with anyone, G. We were never together. He doesn’t want me, and I’m accepting that. See you later.”

I turned to leave, but George followed me and blocked the door of the shop with his massive height.

“Doesn’t want you?” he chuckled. “Oh, he wants you.”

“I don’t know what he’s said to you, but he told me last night that he doesn’t want a relationship. And I don’t wanna be just another girl to him.”

“Look, Penny,” George sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. “Matty’s had a tough couple of years. He doesn’t wanna hurt you, that’s why he’s reluctant to go further with you. But you should hear him out.”

“Oh.” I stayed silent for a moment or two.

“Fine, I’ll talk to him. Give him the box though.”

Footsteps sounded from the back of the shop and Matty appeared. We stared at each other awkwardly for a moment, until George shoved the cardboard box into my hands.

“It’s closing time, I’m heading out,” he called.

“It’s not closing t-” Matty was cut off by George shutting the door and disappearing down the street. He groaned before laughing quietly and flipping over the sign on the door.

“I guess we’re closed then. What’s in the box?”

I looked down, not being able to look him in the eyes as I said it. “Some of your stuff.”

“Why?” his voice cracked.

“Because I don’t want to do this anymore,” I replied in a small voice.

“Penny, what?” Matty shook his head in disbelief. “I know we had an argument, but come on!”

“I don’t wanna be just another one of your girls. I need to be more. I need all of you, and that’s not what you want. So I think it’s best if we don’t see each other any more.”

Matty looked like he was going to crumple onto the floor. Like I had hurt him, badly. He didn’t talk for a minute. He just looked at me.

“Will you come talk out back please?” he said quietly.

“Fine,” I sighed, defeated.

He took me to the break room in the back of the shop and lit up a cigarette, taking a long drag and breathing it out before speaking.

“Just because I can’t be your boyfriend right now doesn’t mean I never can.”

“What?” I snap, rolling my eyes. I could tell I was being a total bitch, but I was frustrated and feeling unwanted.

“I just - I can’t be everything you want right now. I’m too overwhelmed by the whole concept of relationships ever since my last girlfriend left me. I’m sorry.”

I breathed deeply, trying my best to calm down instead of saying things I would regret.

“Okay. I’m sorry. For…overwhelming you.”

“You didn’t, it’s not you. You’re perfect. It’s just…”

“You don’t have to talk about it,” I sighed, taking his hand. “I can tell you’ve got shit going on. I won’t push it anymore. Sorry.”

Matty just shook his head and sighed.

“It’s ok, darling. I understand why you want to know the truth. And you deserve to, I just…I can’t talk about it right now.”

Matty took a few steps closer to me, placing his hands on my waist and looking down into my eyes.

“I want to be everything to you. Eventually. But right now you don’t deserve the kind of boyfriend I would be. I’d be terrible. I just need some time to work on myself, okay?”

“You really wanna be with me?” I said in surprise.

“Yes! Yes, darling, I do.”

“Okay,” I nodded with a shaky breath.

“C’mon, give me a kiss, baby.”

I stepped forward and pressed my lips to Matty’s. His whole body relaxed against mine when I weaved my fingers through his hair, tugging ever so gently. He put his hands gently on my waist and pulled me endlessly closer. I needed him.

Matty pushed me back against the small desk in the break room, making me lie down on top of it, never breaking the kiss.

“Are you gonna let me take care of you?” he mumbled against my lips.

I nodded desperately. “Please.”

He slid my skirt up my thighs until he could reach the waist of my underwear, tugging my thong down with his teeth. He looked up at me through his eyelashes as he licked a slow stripe up my pussy.

“Fuck, Matty,” I hissed, my fingers weaving into his hair.

He smirked against my skin and started to suck lightly on my clit, never breaking the gaze he had on my face. I could feel his eyes on me, even when I threw my head back against the cool wood of the desk and cried out his name. He kept licking, sucking, biting, anything to make me feel good.

“God, I think I’m gonna cum,” I moaned out, feeling delirious at the sensation of his tongue flicking over my clit again and again. Suddenly he stopped, pulling away with a stupid grin on his face.

“Matty, no!” I whined. “I was so close.”

“I know,” he smirked. “But I want you to cum around my cock, baby. I need to be inside you.”

That word. Need. He finally said it, after I had been thinking it since I met him.

“I need you too,” I whispered. It was almost the first step towards a closer relationship. The way couples make a big deal out of saying “I love you”, but instead it was simply me making a big deal out of one little word. My brain told me he hadn’t put any thought into it, and my body told me that he had. He needed me.

Matty undid his jeans and pulled a condom from the desk drawer.

“Why the fuck do you have condoms in there?”

“In case of emergencies,” he smirked.

“I’m not the first girl you’ve fucked in here, am I?” My heart sank, thinking back to the girl from the party, the way she stood in the shop touching him and giggling and flipping her hair. Had she just lived the exact same experience as I was living just then?

“You are definitely the first girl I’ve fucked in here,” Matty said softly. “George on the other hand…let’s just say Charli comes in here quite a lot.”

I rolled my eyes. “Great, so you’re gonna fuck me with George’s condom on him and Charli’s sex table?”

Matty rolled his eyes back, mocking me with a laugh. “Fine. C’mere then.” He finished putting the condom on and dragged me up by the hand before lifting me effortlessly and pushing my back against the wall, my legs tight around his waist.

“There, now we have our very own sex wall. No more table for us.”

“Just shut up and fuck me,” I laughed.

Matty pushed into me slowly, my name leaving his lips ever so seductively as he did so. “Fuck darling, so tight.” He secured my place against the wall by gripping my hips tightly, before starting to thrust slowly, almost leaving me every time before slamming himself back in.

“Stop teasing,” I giggled. “Do it properly.”

Matty laughed out loud, almost stopping his movement completely to be sure he didn’t drop me. “Properly? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Hard,” I whispered in his ear. “Rough.”

He took my demand, kissing and biting at my neck as he started to fuck me ‘properly’. I was practically screaming his name, clawing at his back through his thin t-shirt every time he hit the exact right spot inside of me.

“Fuck Matty, feels so good,” I whined pathetically, tightening the grip I had on his shirt. The sound of his body slamming into mine over and over resounded through the small room. I had a sudden moment of panic: “Fuck, George isn’t gonna come back, is he?”

Matty laughed again, but didn’t slow his pace this time. “It’s unhealthy how much we’ve talked about George while fucking.” He stopped to catch his breath and groan my name before continuing. “No, baby, he’s fucked off home.”

“Good,” I smirked.

“Besides, he knows not to bother me when I’m with you, pretty girl.”

Matty’s thrusts sped up, his groans getting louder and more frequent. “I’m gonna cum, angel.”

“Me too,” I gasped, slipping my hands into his hair and tugging gently.

“Cum for me, gorgeous, I’ve got you,” matty moaned out before burying his head into my neck as he released into the condom, his hips still moving to bring me over the edge. I came a few seconds after, chanting his name like a mantra.

—————

We ended up sitting on the floor of the break room together, flicking through boxes of old records together.

“Ooh, I like this one,” Matty said, holding up a Blur Nile record.

“I haven’t heard it,” I replied, taking the record to look over the track list printed on the back of the sleeve.

“Take it, give it a listen.”

“Sure, how much is it?”

Matty grinned. “You’re such a good girl sometimes, Penny. Seriously, nobody ever touches this box. Just take it.”

“Would a good girl shag you in your own place of work?” I raised an eyebrow.

“Fair point,” he smirked. “Was it good?”

I pretended to think for a moment before sighing. “I’ve had worse.”

“Shut up,” matty rolled his eyes. “I know it’s not the most romantic place but I really didn’t wanna go all the way to your flat first. I couldn’t have waited that long.”

“Oh yes, walking 30 metres down the street is tough.”

“You’re mean.”

I shuffled closer to him and put my head on his shoulder. “I’m kidding. You were perfect. Nobody’s ever made me laugh that much during sex. I mean, I laughed at one guy the whole time once because of how bad it was, but this was different.”

“I’m gonna say that’s a good thing?”

“Very good.”

He kissed my cheek and stood up, pulling me up by both hands. “C’mon, I’ll walk you home.”

—————

The walk to my flat was a pleasant one. He came inside, too, and we lounged about on my sofa for an hour or two, watching TV and talking shit. The episode of whatever we were watching ended, and he turned to me with a nervous smile.

“What?” I smiled back.

“I was just wondering if maybe…you wanted to go somewhere with me? Like on a trip, maybe?”

“For two people who said they’re not getting together yet, that’s pretty serious, don’t you think?” I said, my eyebrows raising.

“I know, I know. But we don’t get to spend much time together. I want it to be just us for a bit. Just a day or two.”

“Okay…” I bite my lip. “If we did go away somewhere, where would we go?”

“Anywhere you want. Somewhere with a beach, maybe?”

My face breaks into a grin. “Okay. Sure, let’s go away somewhere.”

We talked on it a bit more before deciding on Blackpool. We started googling houses to rent for a few days. We found a pretty blue and white cottage right next to the beach, and Matty booked it straight away for a weekend the very next month. I kissed him happily on the cheek, telling him how thrilled I was to be spending more time with him.

—————

One month later I was loading my small suitcase into the boot of George’s car. He was driving Matty and I to the station to catch our four hour train to Blackpool, a journey which I fully intended to sleep for. But I knew Matty wouldn’t. He didn’t seem to sleep very much at all. When I stayed at his house, he seemed to stay awake for hours and hours after sex, never even yawning or closing his eyes for a quick minute or two.

I was right, of course. When I closed my eyes on the train I could still feel him looking at me, and when I woke up on a particularly bumpy part of the track he was still looking and smiling softly.

“Have you been staring at me the whole time I’ve been asleep?” I yawn.

“Mostly. Because you’re pretty.”

I laugh and stand up to stretch my legs quickly. I walk round the little table between mine and Matty’s seats and sit down beside him, laying my head on his shoulder.

“Thanks for taking me away,” I say gently.

He turns his head and kisses my cheek. “You’re welcome, Penny. Thank you for coming with me. And for putting up with me.”

I just laugh and cuddle closer into his side.

—————

The house is beautiful. The main bedroom is painted light blue, with strings of fairy lights hanging around the walls with fluffy throw blankets on the pristine white bed. There are glass sliding doors covered with long white blackout curtains, leading into a balcony with a table and two chairs looking over the beach. I sigh happily as I throw my bag down and flop onto the bed.

“Jesus, I thought that train was never gonna arrive.”

“You slept the whole time!” Matty scoffed. “I was lonely, angel.”

“You were fine.” I roll my eyes. “You had your book.”

“My book doesn’t talk back. Actually, maybe that’s a good thing, the amount of cheek you give me sometimes.” He grins cheekily, sitting on the white wooden chest of drawers in the corner of the room.

“Hey! I’m only cheeky when I need to be.”

Matty stood up and came to lie down beside me, lying on his back and staring up at the ceiling as if he was stargazing.

“Do you wanna go down to the beach, then? It’s only…” he checked his watch. “Five o’clock. We could go for a swim and come back for dinner.”

“Sure. What are we gonna do for dinner? You want me to run to a shop and cook something?”

“Nah, we can order something in. It’s the first night of our little holiday, you can relax, darling.”

I kissed his cheek and stand up to rummage through my suitcase for something to swim in.

“I’m gonna wear a bikini…it’s fucking boiling outside.” We might’ve still been in England, but the July sun was beaming down. If we still had’ve been at home, our mums would’ve been making ‘picky bits for tea’, to put the heat into perspective.

I pulled out a pink bikini and disappeared to get changed in the bathroom. When I emerged again Matty stared at me like he was seeing me for the first time.

“Oh Jesus Christ. Fuck the beach, can we just stay here please?”

“No!” I cackle with laughter. “It was your idea! Plus I’m boiling, c’mon!”

Matty sighed and pulled himself up, not bothering to go into the bathroom to change into his swimwear like I had. I tried not to look as I pulled a sundress on over my bikini and sliding my feet into my trainers. Matty chucked a t-shirt on and grabbed my hand, pulling me down the hall and out the front door into the glow of the evening sun. I took off my shoes the second we got down onto the beach and carried them along with me, desperate to feel the sand on my skin. As we neared the shimmering water, Matty threw his t-shirt onto the sand and helped me out of my sundress, grinning suggestively when he slid the material down my body.

“Race you,” he whispered, taking off towards the sea all of a sudden. I chased after him laughing wildly until I hit the water, shrieking at the unexpectedly freezing temperature.

“You’re such a wimp!” Matty shouted with a laugh. “C’mere!”

I waded out towards Matty, but the water was up at my shoulders by the time I reached him. He picked me up with ease so we could venture out further, until the water covered his chest.

“Hi,” Matty whispered against my salty skin.

“Hey,” I replied with a giggle.

“I really like this bikini on you.” He dragged his hand up my back to play with the strings of my top. “Pink suits you. Goes with that pretty blonde hair.”

“My hair’s half fried off. I might cut it all off and let it grow back brown.”

“Don’t cut your hair,” Matty begged. “What would I do if I couldn’t pull on it, huh?”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m not talking about a buzz cut, Matty.”

“I’m kidding baby. You should do whatever you want, because you look prettiest when you’re happy.”

I made Matty carry me all the way up the beach and back to the house, not wanting to get my feet covered in sand. He just sighed with feigned annoyance and did it.

“Anything for princess Penny,” he grinned.

“Exactly.” I kissed his cheek and tightened the grip I had on him as he took the hand that was supporting my thigh around his waist off to open the door. I finally jumped down once he got into the hallway.

“Shower time?” he smiled cheekily.

“Sure. I’ll go first.” I ruffled his hair playfully and started walking to the bathroom, looking back to see his shocked expression.

“No, that’s not what I meant!”

“Ohhh, you wanna come too? I don’t know, it’s a pretty small shower.”

“Stop teasing me Penny, I can’t handle it,” Matty groaned.

“Fine, I guess you can come too,” I grinned and kept walking, Matty following close behind smiling like I had just given him the best present of his life.

—————

We didn’t actually have sex in the shower (we did immediately afterwards, with me bent over the sink dripping wet in more than one way), but he helped me wash my hair and kissed my bare shoulders and neck as I giggled at the way his mouth tickled my skin. When we were finally dry and dressed we cuddled on the bed for half an hour before deciding to grab some dinner.

“Thank you for doing this, Penny,” Matty said, taking my hand across the table at dinner.

“You don’t really have to thank me, I’m on a free holiday,” I laugh. “I mean, it is Blackpool. Blackpool’s shit.”

“This house isn’t shit though, right?” he said worriedly, looking around the kitchen.

“No! I’m kidding! It’s beautiful, Matty. I promise.”

“So…you’re happy then?”

“I’m really happy. Thank you.”

—————

The night was full of giggly, drunk sex after we finished off a bottle of wine. I started to understand why Matty didn’t want labels. No relationship rules, no pressure. It was nice, just the two of us.

“Hey, George wants a night out when we get home. You wanna come?” Matty’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts. I looked up at him, smiling. He was looking down at the text from his best mate, his hair falling messily into his face.

“Yeah, that’d be lovely. Thanks.”

“You ready to go to sleep?” he yawned, lying down under the duvet and pulling it back for me. I climbed underneath and pulled the sheets around us, cuddling up against his bare chest.

“Get some sleep, darling,” Matty whispered, kissing my head softly as I drifted off.

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