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[urfavorite-aster]

Hi, I am back again.

Adulting is when you realize that life must go on even if you've got a lot to say. Today I went to the mosque I had prayed for when I took my first step in the university. Cause I know, this time probably the last time I go to this place (before I am moving out). It's so nostalgic for remembering everything in last 5 years. I really miss the day when I was in hurry to go to class, just for not being late on lecture. I'm gonna miss the day when i was punished for not doing the skill lab report properly. I undoubtly miss the time when everything was a mess and hectic in skill lab days.

Talking about friendship, yeah, they are in their own journey now. Maturing is when you feel alone despite many people around you. Because your people are gone, pursuing their dream life, just like me. Walking in our own road.

But, you know what? Despite I've got a lot to say, I feel fortunate for finishing my study here. I am grateful for having extraordinary people that always teach me something. They right, Allah will give us something at the right place and the right time. If I wasn't failed in the first year, I wouldn't be here.

[urfavorite-aster]

Hi, I am back again.

It's just left a few days of my time in Solo, before I am permanently moving out and starting my whole new life after college. There are many sweet and bitter memories in this city that I can't even describe. I am obviously gonna miss this city so much.

I knew this day is going to come. Moving on is a part of life, for a new beginning. There's something strange deep down inside, but I have to go anyway.

Five years aren't short time to go through. As I took my first step on college during my bachelor degree, I got so many new things that I really appreciated for. I found new friends as well as new experiences. Friendship, and everything in between, I hate to say that it's time to go on my own road.

It's funny to tell that sometimes I scroll down my phone then found my old photos and see how time has changed me a lot. Literally a lot.

But, i am really paying so much attention to this lil cute boy, whom I found few months ago. When I arrived today, he run at me as if I left him for a long time. Should I bring him home? Cause he was so clingy and I am worried no one would pet or feed him :(((

[urfavorite-aster]

Hi, I am back again.

Have you ever had trust issues? Disclaimer, i'm not gonna talking about romantic relationship here, so don't get me wrong. i just wanna talk about it in general instead. Losing trust to anyone is hard to deal with, cause for me, a trust is the most valuable things a human may have. If you're trusted by someone else, keep it right, don't you ever try to break it (I am kinda person who put a highest value on trust and commitment, so I'm not going to tolerate on any kind of betrayal).

You can build a healthy relationship with anyone if they trust you, and vice versa. There are two possibilities for why you have trust issues (based on my analysis). First, you put very high expectation on people , that's why when they don't meet the standards you set, you feel like they betray you. But no, they don't, they're just not good enough to fulfill your dream standards. But sometimes, in a very rare case, it could be you don't know them very well. You don't recognize their real characters, even for years. So when you come across in their real personality, the "why" questions probably pop up in your head and you consider them as trust issues.

Second, they might obviously do something you can't even tolerate at all. Maybe they do something wrong from your point of view, and you see it as unbearable mistakes.

But, in the end, even if you have those issues, be kind as always. If it makes you uncomfortable to interact with, you can create a space or boundaries. Don't break the trust you have built, if people do, let them alone, but don't have any attempt to take revenge. Be kind.

[urfavorite-aster]

Hi everyone, I am back again.

Have you ever been in situation, where you just "don't know" everything? You don't know which path you have to step your feet on? You don't know what's going to come?

Let me tell you, you don't know, but He knows. How could Moses splits the sea and turned it as if it two extremely high cliffs, if God was not the one he trust to? How could The Holy Mary endured all the things she considered as pain, if she didn't trust to Him?

Keep swimming until you reach the shore. Keep going on until the very end of the road. Trust in Him, trust in process. I don't know if it would help or not, but don't you worry about something that isn't necessarily going to happen. Let you do the best you can today, forget the past, don't worry about what's going to happen. Because you're living in present.

[urfavorite-aster]

Hi, I am back again.

Hi everyone, these days I am so excited to wait some upcoming events. I can't tell you yet, but wish me luck!

[urfavorite-aster]

Hi, I am back again.

After a bit time, sometimes i feel like to go back on social media. And here we go.

The future is mysterious, nobody knows, nobody can guess it right. I believe in invisible string theory, which states "the invisible string between us", means there are possibilities that the two souls have met at specific time before. Either they could be classmates, co-workers, or just random people they met accidentaly before. If the two souls are meant to be, they will go back each other, even if it separated over two mounts and seas.

I do believe in that.

What is meant to be yours will be yours. What is not, it won't come back to you, even in thousand years.

So don't force anything, don't ruin the God',s plan. The time is going to come, be patient, do what you can control, and being tawakkul for everything you can't control about.

[urfavorite-aster]

Hi, I am back again.

Here are some of the most common questionable thing we might have :

"Am I good enough?"

"What if I fail once again?"

"Why does this happen to me?"

The world depends on how you perceive it and what you think about it. If you see the world as a land full of lily, for instance, you can grasp the kindness of the universe that comes to you, and you might walk with ease. On the other hand, if you perceive this world as a road full of thorns or gloomy clouds, those negative thoughts might lead you to a sense of suffering.

I know talk is cheap.

But as I grow older, reality sometimes fails to meet the high expectations I used to have as a kid. I am growing up with the faith that not everything is worth forcing.

Despite many questionable things in this life, being grateful and having positive thoughts really do help in building a sane and healthier self. That's when mindfulness mentality comes into play

[urfavorite-aster]

Hi, I am back again

It's 4th day of Eid and happy Eid Mubarak everyone! It's a bit late though but it's okey. Recently I am busy with my own activities at home during Eid, so yeah I guess I have no time for updating. This year is a bit different to me as my grandparents passed away, but nevermind, Eid still full of cheerfulness and kindly I can say that I am really enjoying these days!

[urfavorite-aster]

Hi, I am back again.

Recently i feel like everything is a mess. And today is a gloomy, when i've lost my lil cat. He is an adopted cat 2 years ago, and I named it Ciko. He died in an unexpected way, as he ate pest control accidentally .

He's not really clingy though, but i love him more than anything else. His caramel fur with light-blue eyes make him different than others cat. He was adopted cause he got scabies all over his body.

Pest control is really harmful to human and animal, and I guess I'll never understand why does somebody puts that toxic pesticide any where, without being aware of another animal would take it.

Rest in peace, my lil boy, have a good sleep. I'm really sorry I can't save you, even i've tried to take you to the vet. I'm sobbing right now.

[urfavorite-aster]

Hi, I am back again.

Today i wanna tell how i got all of this since the first step.

It all started when I was in senior high school, and I was never sure where I was going to go. Being the 3rd in parallel with the highest grade made me too confident to apply to UGM. I ended up applying for an agriculture microbiology major, though I never knew why I ended up choosing the wrong thing (I knew it later). I just loved biology; that's all.

So it wasn't a lucky streak for me, as I failed either in SNMPTN or SBMPTN. Even I failed in the MANDIRI test. So frustating as hell. Seems like Allah didn't give me any chances to go to college that year. I didn't have any choice but to take a gap year. If I wanted to go, I had to get it at all costs. All or nothing. I was stubborn, but guess what? It was a blessing in disguise.

A year later was never an easy part. Being the best in the class but ended up failing in all test. What a shame. Some people were mocking me. You've been a mediocre in your life, how'd you think you're gonna get into college anyway? That what they said.

But i never gave a damn. Better for me to fail than regretting for not having a try. I pushed myself so hard and ended up taking pharmacy major.

The day was coming, and I went to Solo for a test. Even though I had studied so hard, I never had a chance to get rid off the possibility that maybe I would fail once again. So I made up my mind to take the D3 test in despair, hoping that I would pass. And it turned out that I passed both tests.

So yeah, that was me being a pharm student. Pharm major is one of the most difficult and rigorous majors, surprisingly, and I was a bit shocked anyway. I was supposed to earn a better grade among 72 candidates to get the chance

In my end year, I was very indecisive and thoughtful about whether I should take a profession program or not. It was mostly about financial matters because being mediocre is an obstruction to me and and I was in trouble earning a large amount of money. But in the end, I took on that profession program despite many debatable considerations I made with my family.

So this is me, an end-year apothecary student. I still don't believe I can survive for years. Not all people have a great opportunity or privilege to get a higher education level, so I am really proud of myself after what I've been through.

Probably this is not something special for some people, but to me, this is a remarkable attempt by a mediocre. I can say how hard it was to manage studying despite an undeniably difficult major and how I pushed myself to earn a small amount of money and tried to save. It wad never easy for me, and I am proud of it.

The younger of me would thank to me for having a such bravery.

[urfavorite-aster]

Hi, I am back again.

Today I wanna share some of my thoughts. Yesterday, I watched a post on social media about a great achievement of someone, and I was like, Wow, that's kind of a perfect life. They are medstudent, have the best support system financially, nothing goes wrong, possess a pretty house, etc. I was triggered to wonder how some people get such a blessing without even trying. Ok, I am not going to compare anything to my life, but I just want to pinpoint some important things here.

First, never compare your standard or extrapolate someone's life to yours. We are going in different route and difficulty. I know maybe mine is hard, but it's okay; it means I've got more strength and survival capability. 

Two, if you're always comparing yours to others, it means a compromised to your value, cause you both will never meet at any single point. Imagine two similar lines, but they are both paralell. Never even in a thousand years those lines would intersect each other. Same with our lives. We're walking for different purposes.

Three, I'd like to be the best version of myself, and I never care about who they're going to be. Let me embrace myself without making irrational judgments based on comparing each other. Let's grow up in different styles.

[urfavorite-aster]

Hi, I am back again.

So i found this cute lil boy in my flat. FYI, the flat of mine is huge and there are many dull and empty rooms, cause the owner had left few years ago. Anyway, my room is kinda open widely to the parking area. So it's not a room inside a house like an apartement. This boy turned up out of the blue and he was so scared of human. Everytime i tried to pet him, he would runaway. But one day, i put some food, hoping that the cat wouldn't be scared of me anymore. I put food every single day. And it works! Now this cute lil boy is mine. He literally come to my room everyday or just sits in my windows as he's trying to keep his eyes aware of other cat entity. He is clingy as hell and so adorable with his big belly.

Now today are 5th ramadhan and tomorrow i'll go back to my hometown. So sad to leave my lil friend for 1 month😫

[urfavorite-aster]

Hi, I am back again.

It's story time. A little bit freak, but yeah i just wanna make it clear. As young adult, when I was about kinda 20, i really had a crush on someone. As a young adult, i never understood how to deal when everything I wished has a possibility to not happen. Having secret person to be admired of is a big deal to me. I was like, if want it, i have to get it.

But in my 23+ y.o, i come to realize that not everyone i want to, will be the one in my life. In my adult life, i've been trying to take it for granted, that not everyone will stay next to me. I've been to some point, if it is meant to be, it will be. If it's not, it will never be mine, even in thousand years. Stoic principle gives me sense of acceptance.

In this damn quarter crisis phase, there's nothing important than loving and accepting ourselves. Realizing that if you're never sure about their feeling toward you, it's okay, it's not the end of your life. I'll work, study, workout, travel to many places, anything i can do before i get married eventually

If i am in denial all the time, romaticizing uncertainty, what benefit i would get anyway? I am better off focusing on what I can control, than handling something i can't.

What i can control : my thought and behaviour

What i can't control : others' perception and feeling toward me.

You're still worth even if you're single. In the end, you'll meet someone who fits u and everything will be OK. Have a nice day!