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alternate devils night couples i could see happening in another universe / storyline:

1. banks & rika, i know that i hate on their dn-verse interactions a lot, but honestly?? i do kinda like the bones of their relationship, and i could see the potential in this ship. pd wrote tryst six venom with clay and olivia, their only gl book so far, and it honestly did give me knockoff rika and banks vibes. i could see rikabanks happening and them staying together and living happily together.

2. i just can't see emory with anyone but will... but i could absolutely see will with damon for the obvious reasons of it already being semi-canon.

3. look, no one else will get it, but damon and kai. i can see it. they have passion, they have chemistry, they're such opposites attract. i don't know if they'd have endgame potential in another universe, but i could see a brief, passionate, and eventually hateful, love affair between them. the kind where they're this great love that just burns so bright that they break up and just persistently scowl at the other and never talk about it again.

4. michael and banks, they would be such major power couple vibes. again, i feel like it would be similar to kai and damon in this aggressive, friends with benefits, nasty, possessive, borderline toxic relationship. except, the difference is that i could see banks and michael both being stubborn enough that they'd eventually end up in this very real relationship just cuz they egged each other on and somehow triple-dog-dared the other into a whole marriage with kids.

5. again, i can't see winter with anyone else but damon either... but i don't feel as strongly about it as emory, so if i had to pick, i could see her with kai which i know might be surprising but idk, i just feel as though kai would be protective of her, and she'd have to ease him into understanding that she doesn't just want to protected, she wants adrenaline and a rush too, and it would just develop into this very soft, controlled relationship.

6. other popular alt ships that i know others like are kai x rika but no, i can't see it, i feel like he'd be more into her than she is, rika would just go with it, they'd both slowly lose interest and it would just eventually taper out into a boring two month max relationship that ends with a whimper. similar thoughts on emory x damon, except i can't even see them starting up because emory would never stand for damon's bullshit, and damon would probably be bored fast by her too.

i would love to hear others' opinions because mine are just fun little thoughts based on my interpretations of the characters, i know others might feel different :)

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'he would not fucking say that' maybe he would if he knew he was starring in his very own porn fic for the sole purpose of delighting some freaks on archive of our own dot org. maybe he'd play it up for the cameras. ever consider that

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dn opinion: emory scott.

i always thought it was a misfire to not have emmy be in the same grade and be the same age as the horsemen. she worked so well as their peer, like the lit class scene was one of my favs, i wish we got more of that, i don't really see the logic in making her a year younger. also, i think the DN timeline works a lot better in my head if emory was in the same grade. ik it's a very small detail, but it's still a pet peeve.

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Happy October 1st!

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october is coming, and my temptation to do a devil's night re-read grows... let's see if i can get a moot to hop on with a buddy read!! besides hideaway (my beloved), I've only ever read the series fully once, more than 2 years ago. i think i'll probably pick up some new opinions and thoughts during my re-read so that should be fun.

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this this this !! especially with how pd really couldn't desexualise female relationships or redemptions to save her life. i know that their books are in the category between romance and smut, but jfc, they sucked at writing female friendships. it annoys me so much !! imagine rika & banks finding a way to get on with each other that didn't include some fetishised girl on girl action INFRONT OF THEIR BOYFRIENDS like why ?? or alex and emory bonding and dealing in some way that more meaningful, like over a couple months, the two of them finding some link outside of will or sex to connect them. pen's banks/rika and alex/emory scenes were such male gaze coded scenes, and i despised them.

in general, they have a habit of using sex to bond characters and in some instances, that made sense (will & damon // alex & will – largely because these characters view sex as a language and currency, they don't attach as much meaning to it, so using it as a way to affirm a bond sort of makes sense if it's them---). but emory & banks, who are so closed off, who try to push love away for so long, who find it hard to form any sort of connection and make their men jump through hoops just to have them... and you're telling me that one sex act is what resolves all their issues with rika / alex ?? the logic does not work.

i could go off about why the kai / michael/ rika and damon / winter / will threesomes and the train scene didn't work for me either, but i'll refrain because while they bothered me, they didn't come close to annoying me as much as the banks / rika and emory / alex scenes did.

and what if I said Penelope Douglas’ obsession with inculcating group sex scenes (threesomes, orgies, bjs and action between characters uncalled for) as a ‘metaphor for emotional intimacy and vulnerability’ in her books needs to stop because, and I ain’t even a prude but, it’s unnecessary, ineffective, stale, icky, and just ugly vibes in general, cause there’s a gazillion diff ways you can highlight the bond between your characters save dicks in pussys, just what the fuck honestly.

what then.

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if it’s possible, can you tell us where to find the pdf version of the bonus chapter? i’ve been looking for it and don’t want to spend money on it 😭❤️

Hi anon !!

So, I found the pdf version of the bonus chapter on a Twitter comment thread. I unfortunately don't have the thread saved, but you may be able to find it too by searching on twitter or someone else might remember the thread? Otherwise, I do know of a tiktok video, where the kind poster slowly flicks through the pages of the nightfall bonus content, allowing you to read the bonus. You can find that by simply typing 'nightfall bonus content' into the tiktok search bar.

Just incase you can't find it, I'll link the videos here too:

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGepTqgfg/

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGepTXKbL/

I hope this helped!

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DN: Nightfall bonus thoughts:

I managed to find a pdf version of the new nightfall bonus, and I basically only liked little snippets in each of the boys' sections. Overall, I disliked the bonus, but there were good parts so I'll focus on them first.

– Will's struggles with school being highlighted came off as rather interesting because hidden insecurity was always a big part of his characters. He felt inferior to the other horsemen, and I never expected that feeling to have developed early on. Plus, the way he struggled with articulating his thoughts to words and got misunderstood into the class clown role– that suits his character and adds layers. Also, the way he fixated on Emory from the start and knew exactly who he wanted was cute.

– Kai's issues with his dad and expectations being explored made sense and shone a light on why he felt that urge to break away and not just be 'the good guy'. It works that his relationship with his father drove a lot of Kai's rebellion and antics in high school, he respects his father greatly yet he doesn't feel he can live up to his expectations or that he even wants too. It explains why someone like him was so drawn towards the horsemen who offered a different route than what his father laid out for him.

– Michael'a use of basketball as an escape, the emphasis on how he lived and breathed for this sport. I liked that. His relationship with his parents was also interesting. It's Michael, though, and that man is as stale as toast even as a kid. Found it interesting that he saw the potential in Damon, I didn't expect that at all.

– Damon's complex relationship with friendships and relying on people and getting to see it in action from his early teens was interesting. Then, the emphasis on how he is always viewed as the monster or the 'one to avoid' even when he isn't doing much of anything bad. Well, I almost felt a little bad for him. Plus, his toxic behaviours starting so young... It's no wonder that the horsemen and Nik were the light in his life.

(My kaibanks' heart crying over the fact that Kai and Banks nearly met, that they did have SO MANY almost grazes, almost collisions, almost meetings over the years. They're so soulmates coded.)

Though honestly, the thing that I found most interesting in the NF bonus is the deepening and context of Kai and Damon's strange friendship. I have so many thoughts about them, but so many of my ideas and beliefs are probably reaches. So, I'll shut up and keep my opinion on why Damon & Kai probably have one of the most interesting relationships in canon to myself.

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Meteor Garden is so dramatic for no reason. Why am I living for this?

I'm up to episode 9 and Huaze Lei, I liked you so much until you came back from Paris with those post break-up blues and went a little too crazy.

Meanwhile, with Dao Ming Si, I don't know why, but I'm actually starting to like him. This man was horrible in the first few episodes, but he's winning me over with the little shreds of softness. Si wears his heart on his sleeve, and I like that honesty.

He's so golden retriever coded.

The contrast of the effort Si put into the date versus Lei is everything.

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nana ♥️ ren

take this as a late valentine’s day post 💌

like/reblog if you use !!

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I finally snagged time to circle back to this, but omg, KO, my rambles were just random thoughts, but yours gave them a whole new foundation and meaning.

I think you're correct, Damon liked Winter because she was broken but still beautiful. And more than that, she was strong. Winter tried and fought and never took her trauma lying down even putting aside the blindness, and including the rocky relationship with her parents and Damon's whole revenge plot– Winter never gave up or let herself feel like less or allowed others to put her down, she had a steel to her and is the sort of person who gets up even when it's futile. For Damon, who constantly struggled to deal with his own trauma and used unhealthy coping mechanisms to hold on to his sanity, Winter must've seemed so inspirational and astounding. She's like glass shards patched together into new art, so atypical but still a masterpiece.

And I guess a part of Damon also liked that he was partly responsible for breaking her. The blindness is probably a literary parallel (Damon was preyed for his looks, he was never 'seen' by those who sought to seduce him, but Winter can't see so if she loves him then it must be for who he really is. in this case, the sightless girl saw him) as much as it is a plot device. So, you're right, Damon would've been just as obsessed if the fountain accident led Winter to assume some other kind of permanent injury, but blindness served as the most plot convenient.

Winter wasn't pristine, but she is pure. She was only ever tainted by him, and Damon probably loved that.

Their first meeting in the fountain will always be a pivotal, core memory for both of them for different reasons. Winter might've lost something, but Damon gained a whole new ideology from listening to her. 'We can only feel one pain at a time', Damon embodied that idea for years, where Winter grew past it. So, I think it's a mixture of Damon liking that he had a role in how she became blind, and how he had an effect on her just like she did on him (because when has the distinction of negative or positive effect ever mattered to Damon, he'd have wanted to be on an even keel and remembered by her at any costs. It would've been worse if he carried her ideology, but Winter had remained untouched and forgotten all about him. The blindness set them up to always be interconnected, and he liked having a role in her childhood story just like she had one in his), but Damon also likes that she is dependent on him and that she sees deep into who he is.

Then, a fundamental part of Damon's character is that he hates women for a long time. He believes them to be root cause of issues. This is why he despises Rika for invading the horsemen and being a threat that could tear them apart, it's why he's always distrustful when Banks is around men and doesn't want her to have their attention and always lashed out whenever he thought she wanted Kai. It wasn't just about keeping Banks, it was also about fearing that he'd lose Kai. If we're being psychological, Damon probably has the inklings of a madonna-whore complex at the start of the series.

Even if Winter might desire attention and care about how she's perceived in the male gaze, she's still 'better' than other women in Damon's eyes because it's harder to blame her for drawing attention. She can't see the effect of little actions like walking into the boys' changing room, like not wearing that sweatshirt, and it's why he lashes out in Conclave over the guard watching her. Winter doesn't know. It's not her fault if men look, it's on them, and she gets a pass. Whereas with Banks, she had to de-feminise herself to meet Damon's insane standards because well, Damon had issues, and he was persistently afraid of her leaving and of her becoming like his mother or her mother. He also probably thought Banks would be even more likely to leave if she had anyone else to rely on. It was about isolating her, just as much as he was concerned with protecting her from men, and he certainly wanted her to not be like other women who he always saw as weak, as toys or tools for men to use, thinking it's because they put themselves in that position.

Damon never really saw women as victims or something to be protected, and it shown in how his direct parallel was Kai who held the opposite ideology on a lot of things but especially this– Damon's not a really a typical sexist at the start of the series, or not the 'white knight' kind at least.

He definitely liked Winter strong, he liked that she persevered and didn't take his shit lying down, but he also liked that she'd never be able to forget him and that she was broken due to him – both feelings don't have to be mutually-exclusive and they aren't in Damon.

Also, the idea you brought up of Winter and Natalya sharing similarities. That is so interesting and true, and it's a thought that I only just now considered. But you're right. Winter and Natalya were both trained ballerinas, she was even taught by her for a bit if i remember right, they were both girls taken advantage of by older men, they probably do share so many similarities and little habits. For one, how they move since Winter lacks sight, but her other senses are heightened, she must be as dovelike as Natalya. Then, Winter sees him so Damon can put on his show and trick everyone, it's always going to be harder to fool Winter. She uses touch as a secondary language, something Damon has issues with, yet he can't fault for using it and picking up on things like self-harm because it's just a natural result. It is such a fascinating thought because all things considered, Winter should remind Damon of Natalya, yet it's not really brought up in the DN narrative, and I think that's a wasted opportunity. It would've been a unique character exploration, the idea of Winter triggering him, of her being imperfect as a character and some tension lingering for DamonWinter because of all the couples, they had the happiest ending with all their tension resolved by the end which is nice, sure, but not very realistic especially when compared to the other couples that still had some issues to work on behind the scenes.

DamonWinter may not be my favourite couple, KO, but it can't be denied that they are an interesting pair and that this was a fascinating conversation !

Hi KO! This is a thought that's only recently struck me... but Damon & Winter, I feel the sudden urge to ramble about them !

A lot of that relationship is built on trauma bonding (or, well, trauma-creating too, I suppose). I always held a belief that part of Damon liked that Winter couldn't see, he liked that she was innocent and untouched, and could never be tainted by the world in the same way as everyone else. He treats her special and different from other women due to her being blind and so she can't consciously do a lot of what he hates or dislikes— the key example is at Arion's party when Winter comes down in revealing clothes, and Kai tries to give her that sweatshirt. Damon says it's never her fault if men look, that she could wear anything, and it would be fine. Yet, he simultaneously acknowledges that if it were Nik who came down wearing that, he would've gone ape-shit because Damon would've perceived her as having done it purposefully, but he doesn't see it that way with Winter.

Damon obviously had a complicated history with sex and femininity. He seemed to hate promiscuous women, just as much as he disliked women who didn't guard themselves. That makes sense for his character. He was sexualised by his only mother figure who was, in turn someone groomed by his father. He repeated a lot of her behaviours due to that trauma. He was striving to feel stronger than other people who hurt him (the woman who hurt him), so he could never be in that position again because that was one of his core fears. Damon has little issue in using women, but he doesn't want to be used back. He doesn't like them wanting him in a purely physical way, and he'd never stand for being dominated – he needs to hold all the cards, he needs to have power and he seems to like it when the woman hates being with him just a little...

And that makes Winter interesting because due to her blindness, he's pretty much certain that all her feelings for him are genuine. She doesn't know what he looks like (and lets be real, Damon probably was the most attractive horsemen in his looks), all her attraction to him was built off his actions and that was clearly something that Damon liked.

I think I mentioned this before, but Winter was very clearly a love interest for Damon above all else. She was the least developed of the girls. Winter was created to be the perfect fit for Damon, to be a character who slots against him like a missing puzzle piece. And I do think her blindness plays a part in making Winter come off as 'perfect' in Damon's eyes.

It makes me wonder... would he still have loved Winter if she hadn't been blind?

(i might've rambled a little too much. Apologies for that 😭)

Adri, I will not accept your apologies! These are the perfect ramblings. I’m here for all the ramblings. Ramble longer.

I always thought that Damon’s affection towards Winter started, obviously, in the fountain. But I thought the obsession was about her being broken, and yet still pure. So in a way, it’s definitely about her being blind. But I think he’d have been just as obsessed if she was paralyzed or damaged in some other way.

Damon is hypocritical by nature, but at least he realizes it. I mean, it definitely could be that because she’s blind, her femininity isn’t contrived or for the enjoyment of the male gaze – she can’t even see the male gaze. But that would be misunderstanding Winter, since she very much does care about her appearance and how she’s perceived by others. We know this by her asking Rika if she’s hot. And if the idea is that she’s blind, so she can’t purposefully try to tempt anyone, she's just being herself, I bet that weird Mr. Grinch Dance was a big surprise.

Like Rika and Banks before her, Winter is framed as not really knowing how to use her femininity and needing Alex to come along as to help – hence the costume scene where Alex gets free rein to make Winter something sexy with whatever she’s got in her closet (I can’t believe we literally get another “shopping” scene and I didn’t even realize it. She truly is the FGM of these girls.)

I kind of interpreted his interest in Winter being because he likes women who have strength. Winter, for all her blandness, is impressive for continuing to dance regardless. This type of injury could take anyone out, but Winter persisted. I’m sure between Arion and her parents, she received a lot of pressure to just quit dancing. She was never going to be professional; just accept she’s. . . Damaged. But she didn’t. Sure, they shipped her off to a school for the blind, but she didn’t have to continue dancing. Winter has something of a backbone. But it’s like you’ve said, she’s written for Damon, so her whatever steel she’s got is always going to soften for him. They work well together because they were written to.

However, more than the differences between Winter and Natalya, I thought the similarities were interesting. It surprised me that Damon would be interested in someone had the same talent as his abuser. Given that someone Winter’s foundational training would have been through Natalya, they must dance/move similarly. They probably listen to the same music. I would have thought that seeing Winter would bring back memories.

And even though Winter can’t fight against him because she can’t really see, she can get into his head through her words, something Natalya was able to do as well.

Because Winter is blind, a lot of her world is experienced through touch, which you think would be an issue for Damon. Natalya touched him in ways that left him traumatized, even sensitive in certain areas. He’s gone out of his way to hide his self-harming, so the scars can’t be seen, but Winter finds them easily because she’s so used to looking through her fingers.

You’d think Winter would be more of a threat to him than he lets on, but that doesn’t seem to be in the narrative at all. It was always interesting to me in small but very specific ways that Winter and Natalya are similar, and how that would affect Damon. How did he fall in love with someone who should remind him of Natalya, and was that the point the entire time?

I’ve also spent time thinking about the fact that Damon can be surer of her because she can’t see him. I’m surprised I’ve never thought of the order of their attractiveness, but I won’t argue that Damon is probably at the top of the list (but who's the least attractive of them, knowing that this means they're still really attractive? Do you think the other kids at their school had a ranking?). Because she can’t see him, she doesn't have her guard up against "Damon Torrance", it does open the way for him to be more genuine and let his actions prove his character. She can’t see how mean he looks all of the time.

Mostly, I’m fascinated by the idea that Winter’s blindness work for Damon because he likes to hide/she can’t be distracted/she’s dependent on him. Or is it because of how she became blind that he’s attached to. That moment where she reached for him, as a child wanting nothing more than to help and asking for his help, and he hates the idea of her reaching for anyone else. That moment bonded them, and nothing else can't override that.

Because her blindness is very clearly plot convenience, right? They don’t get close unless she can’t identify him. He’d have to get close through actually catfishing her, and then blinding her by some other means, such as a blindfold. While that can work, it isn’t the same is it?

Regardless, Damon needs to be needed, and no one will ever need him more than Winter. Her blindness is a part of what makes them work.

I'm not sure if my ramblings answered yours. But this is the most interesting DamonWinter conversation that I've had in a while. Let me know your thoughts.

KO

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Nana and Ren — parallels

ep. 08 -- ep. 17

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my summer watchlist is so chill:

boys over flowers.

succession.

meteor garden.

the boys season 4.

maxton hall.

nana (dying to watch this omg).

jjk s2 *because i didn't catch up with it as it was releasing.

fruits basket rewatch.

maybe f4 thailand or twinkling watermelon.

(bar jjk & the boys, it's all comfort show vibes)

my summer readlist however is so wild:

junji ito collection (tomei, gyo & uzumaki).

alone with you in the ether.

a certain hunger.

a stepmother's marchen.

devil's night re-read.

when the moon hatched.

paradise kiss.

my year of rest and relaxation.

bunny by mona awad.

fairyloot books i received.

the secret history re-read.

(when your reading list is pain, with a side of deeper thoughts because sweet reads are boring)

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DN thoughts: Alex Palmer.

My views on Alex are probably not as interesting or as spirited as some other people's viewpoints. However, as someone who was thoroughly apathetic to her storyline, I think the DN fandom is skewed on a double-ended spectrum of either hating on Alex like a devil incarnate, or revering her like a goddess. I find this difference very fascinating as someone just peering in as a casual observer of her character.

Ultimately, I think the problem with Alex is that often, in typical dark romance series spanning over several couples like Devils Night, you'd expect Alex to get her own book and to end up with a horsemen. This is what many fans expected of Alex. She was Rika's best friend, the only other woman we were allowed to care about and be invested in through the duration of Corrupt and I guess, beyond it too, so fans were invested in her. Unlike the other girls, Alex was never villainised by the horsemen at any point, she was accepted into the fold and that made her interesting because she was untouched by the brush that tainted all the other female main characters. Alex was put on a pedestal and was the 'all-around badass' of the series.

If this was any other dark romance book, the next tale in line would've been for Alex after Corrupt.

Add in the fact that there was also A LOT of Will / Alex shoved into the books prior to Nightfall... Well, it probably fed into this assumption regarding Alex. Nightfall and Conclave only made it worse as they both put forward the idea of a love triangle of Alex / Will / Emory. It probably felt natural for some fans to be pre-disposed to supporting and excusing all of Alex's actions because we met her first, Alex was portrayed as Will's partner in crime, so it maybe felt natural to ship AlexWill over WillEmmy. Personally, I was never a fan of Alex (and I also wasn't much of a fan of Will) but I can see why Pen subverting expectations and pursuing WillEmmy as endgame from the very start might've surprised people. After all, Alex was pushed into the spotlight so much in the other books. She was given so many scenes with Will, and she even ended up invading the storyline of Nightfall and was positioned as Will's other choice who stuck with him at his worst... So even if she was shitty to Emory, it's very easily swept under the rug.

Alex was cool girl. Alex was the one who stood by Will. Alex supported Rika as her ride or die. Alex could do no wrong... Alex was honestly a very hollow character.

I think, within DN, Alex was the only character who felt the most like caricature to me. She was the very embodiment of the 'female lead's best friend' trope. Pen tried to get her out of that mould, but it didn't really work because they weren't willing to let Alex's character fail or stumble or be anything other than well-liked and universally adored.

In my opinion, this glazing is because Alex's character is supposed to be proof that the books aren't misogynistic or self-insert wish fulfilment – Alex is a neon sign that says 'look! this book doesn't shit on all women that aren't named Rika. It really doesn't. Look, we have a sex worker bff character who everyone loves too. This isn't just Rika's world. See, see, look at Alex!' But well, the problem is that the world is still very clearly Rika's to own and we are only really allowed to like Alex because she bows down to Rika and will never be perceived as better than her.

Then, as the series progresses, Alex evolves into the fairy godmother role of being the cool girl who gets the other girls outside of their square box by ?? talking up sex a lot ?? Personally, I found it weird. I strongly disliked Alex's scenes in Hideaway, I didn't understand why she had to come onto Banks, I kinda got Rika / Alex in corrupt because that was about Rika showing Michael that she could do exactly what he does even if I did found it kinda cringe. But Banks / Alex, I didn't see any value in it– all of Alex's scenes in Hideaway were just done for the purpose of shoving her in as that fairy godmother, sexually-charged bff role again. Same with Nightfall, I found the Emory / Alex sex scene to be useless rather than them reclaiming power, reconciling, getting square with each other, or whatever the hell it was supposed to mean.

Personally, I think the problem with Alex is that she is a trope rather than a fully-formed character. In some instances, she even felt more like a plot device. To improve her character, Alex should've been given her own book rather than glomming her into Nightfall's storyline. Or she should've just stayed in her trope-y role of Rika's BFF.

Keep in mind. This is just MY interpretation of the character. I neither like nor dislike her. Y'all feel to love or hate her as you wish.

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i love this thought !! it's so absurdly sweet. I honestly like to think that banks and kai probably have passed each other by so many times !! it's sort of cute to think of soulmates grazing each other before fully colliding. almost meeting, almost falling, almost just having their moment... and i think kaibanks always had the energy of so many grazes and 'almosts' happening before they finally collided and found each other !! so many grazes before they finally kept each other.

my kaibanks heart is so SICK for them and this thought.

Kai used to live in the 'other side' of Thunder Bay till he was 5. So did Nik and her mom, possibly with whoever her then boyfriend was. I sometimes wonder if they crossed path in the street or in the playground. It's cute to think how it will go full circle if it did happen.

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DN thoughts: Kaibanks/Willemmy class/economic difference: Banks insecurity.

One thing I find infinitely interesting is the class difference between Kai & Banks and Emory & Will. In this regard, I have to give props to Will (despite my KaiBanks heart reeling) because he never made Em feel like less for belonging to a lower income bracket. He wanted Emory, always Emory, and he truly didn't give a shit about how much money she had and didn't have.

But Kai... dear god, he was horrible to Banks throughout Hideaway. The class difference was so achingly apparent with them because Banks was just trying to survive, and yet, Kai took every opportunity that he could to put her in her place as *his worker* and someone that was given to him by Gabriel. That time, he made her come and stay at the club just to stock towels, literally humiliated her in front of groups of men, the 'toy or tool' comment, constantly being a pissy over lev/david... goddd, i just wanted to take my girl Nik away and give her the biggest hug and take her away from this crap.

Arguably, I know Kai just used those moments and that role as an excuse to keep her close. It gave him a reason to tie Banks to him and because he was generally insanely possessive, it seemed justifiable to him...

But it still hurts because Nik's biggest insecurity was the fact that she didn't have money, that she'd never measure up to the people in Thunder Bay, she didn't even have a high school education, and then there was her palpable fear of ending up like her mother. This, I think, is what made her view Damon as a saviour. And I think it is interesting because if Lucinda had just been a good mother then maybe, Banks would've never clung so tightly to Damon or viewed him as positively as she did and herself in such a negative way. Maybe she would've valued herself more and fought harder for what she was owed if she'd have just been given love earlier from her mom. However, Banks wasn't given that love and support, so she clung to Damon like a life-preserver, just the same as he did to her.

Ultimately, yeah, Kai (and Damon too), the way they constantly put Banks down for her background, is such an interesting detail in her story, for how the two people she loves (though Kai kinda apologises later) were the ones actively contributing to one of her biggest insecurities.

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sobbing!! pen douglas's new content for nightfall (fifty pages on how the horsemen started, with a pov from each) is only going to be included in the publishers edition, which means that the kindle version won't update to include it according to their comments on the FB group.

i'm going to have to wait for somebody to upload it elsewhere.