usagibaba - Tumblr blog

[usagibaba]

"rpf is fine" says the most rpf'd man on youtube

[usagibaba]

You wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me

[usagibaba]

odin is like “when thor was born the sun shone bright upon his beautiful face. i found loki on the sidewalk outside a taco bell”

[usagibaba]

Literally any show can be improved by adding more older women. Not many know this, but it’s true.

[usagibaba]

Forced to learn how tumblr works because quotev has officially killed itself ☹️ (please tell me terms and stuff i should know) (and explain it like youre talking to your mom about your favorite media)

[usagibaba]

[usagibaba]

It makes me happy when they listen

[usagibaba]

[usagibaba]

Chen Chen

[usagibaba]

my dealer: got some straight gas 🔥🤑 this strain is called "the naked time" 😳 youll be zonked out of your gourd 💯

me: yeah whatever. i dont feel shit.

me five minutes later: dude i swear i just saw sulu fencing in the hallway

my buddy spock pacing: when i feel friendship for you im ashamed

[usagibaba]

[footage of the inside of an ordinary Eastern-European home, taken with a handheld phone camera, the man filming is walking from the living room to the back door of the house]

man, narrating in russian: Every fucking year, this time of the year, the pond at my backyard gets infested. What do ponds get infested with? Frogs? Poisonous weeds? Geese? No. Not my pond.

[The man opens the back door, stepping out into a garden. Three or four nude, human-like figures dash from the borders of a pond back into the water.]

man: Rusalki! I don't know where they come from or how they get here, and I can't afford to hire an exterminator every year. I can't let my cat outside anymore. Last year a rusalka managed to drown a whole deer in my pond, the stench was unbearable.

[He walks as he speaks, approaching the pond. There are several eerily beautiful female beings peering at him from under the surface, their long hair floating in the murky water. Their eyes are gleaming in an unhuman way. The man holding the camera stops to film them.]

man, calm and deadpan: What the fuck are all of you staring at. Get jobs or something.

[One of the rusalki, smaller than the others and clearly not a fully matured adult, slowly reaches out of the water with her white, thin hand, grasping his ankle. He appears unconcerned.]

man: You can't drown me, you little idiot. You're too small. Shoo!

[A loud thud startles the rusalki, making them scatter. A second thud makes it clear these are the approaching footsteps of something massive. The man turns around and points the camera at what appears to be a house, walking past above the treeline with chicken-like legs]

man, now yelling: IF YOUR HOUSE SHITS ON MY YARD AGAIN I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD-

[usagibaba]

Tea set

[usagibaba]

the cashier at barnes & noble just gave me this duck at checkout and they said “i give these to children and people with a certain vibe.”

floored to know something about me aligns with this duck

[usagibaba]

enough with the wind pollination. stop releasing your microgametophytes into the air like some kind of fucking chump. grow up. either form a mutualistic relationship with some animals like the rest of us or go back to proper alternation of generations with water-mediated fertilization like a real plant

[usagibaba]

What if I changed my name to like dirt or something

[usagibaba]

[usagibaba]

People are always like "in my past life I was [animal they like]"... Uhhh No? You were an undiscovered species of cave trout. And the second you read this you'll wake up from this dream and return to the deep and dark pools of the cave.