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what a beautiful day to not be in high school

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Idk who needs to hear this but if you want to cut down on your sugar intake you really should start reading the nutrition labels on your fun drinks. Possibly get yourself some sugar free or low sugar fun drinks.

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Romanticize everything. Except for romance. Deromanticize that thing, we've had enough

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Hatesune Meanku

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LEMON PIE

Follow for recipes

Is this how you roll?

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speaking of peeing the bed it's been long enough that i can tell this story publicly. in high school i went to a party at some house with no adults, as you sometimes would, and at the end of the night like 10 people all clonked out together in the same bed. fully clothed, one of those teenage moments where you're like wow heehee how rule-breaking, because sure a lot of our parents wouldn't like us sleeping in a bed with a bunch of other teenagers and no adult supervision blah blah. fond memories. anyway.

i'm an extremely light sleeper, so i barely slept, and sometime around 6 am, i woke up to a girl totally panicking, very quietly, because she peed the bed in her sleep. and listen. this wasn't a group of mean kids by any measure. but there's no level of kindness or understanding in the world that will make peeing the bed when you're 17, surrounded by people you only sort of know, a gentle blow.

so i sat up and she was like "oh my god" and I signaled at her to be absolutely silent and I said I'd be right back. And I crawled over everyone and out of the bed like a stupid cat.

and the thing is, by senior year i wasn't getting bullied much anymore. i was generally pretty well liked by my peers, but, if this makes sense, people still didn't always expect very much from me. i was still figuring out how to mask (autistic) and i still often said or did something that made everyone remember i'm weird and they'd just be like "well. that's story for you. i guess." and for the most part i'd become pretty secure in that.

so what i'm saying is i had nothing to lose and this girl had everything to lose.

so i went downstairs and i made tomato soup. and by "made" i mean i put a whole can of tomato soup in a too-small mug and microwaved it until it was lukewarm so as to be convincingly "made" but not so hot to burn someone.

and then i walked back upstairs, and no longer like a cat, i clumsily "attempted" to crawl back into bed, loudly lost my balance, and spilled tomato soup all over the girl and her lap and several other people's laps and heads and the mattress.

everyone woke up confused and anguished and i was like, "oh my god, I'm so sorry. I just got really hungry and it's all i could find."

and everyone immediately accepted with absolutely no further questions that I would go downstairs, make tomato soup at 6 am,and bring it back to bed. everyone just begrudgingly climbed onto the floor and went back to sleep while I put the bedding right into the laundry.

i don't even know this girl's name. i only remembered this story recently because i'm in my hometown for a few months and recently a high school acquaintance said, "hey. do you remember spilling soup on everyone after prom? why did you do that?" and for a moment i genuinely did not and i stared at them completely dumbfounded while the memory loaded and then i started laughing too hard to answer for 2 minutes.

the best part is i can tell this story, and even if it reaches the people who were there, none of them will know which one of them peed the bed. thanks to tomato soup.

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got suicide baited on indeed dot com forward slash careers

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bad guy: *lowering me into a pit of piranhas*

me: just so you know that pool is not big enough for them at all and they also don't have any foliage to hide within in order to feel safe and by the way you obviously haven't been feeding them enough if they're ready to rend the flesh from my bone, the water looks scummy, and your pulley system looks extremely unsafe and none of your goons are wearing PPE despite the jagged spikes and open leaky pipes and-

bad guy: *frantically lowering the crank faster* please just die

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reblog this to fuckin BITE all your mutuals

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literally one of the funniest things the spn writers ever did was introduce a third secret brother to the "I would kill and die for my brother" show and have sam and dean not really give a fucking damn about him. okay