usedtobewerealpacas-blog - Tumblr blog

[usedtobewerealpacas-blog]

yall i am so bad at tumblr so LET ME DO THIS AGAIN:

* i am moving tumblrs! this is no longer going to be used!

* my new one is @all-pacas but a DIFFERENT one than previously linked

* i am very sorry

[usedtobewerealpacas-blog]

yall i am so bad at tumblr so LET ME DO THIS AGAIN:

* i am moving tumblrs! this is no longer going to be used!

* my new one is @all-pacas but a DIFFERENT one than previously linked

* i am very sorry

[usedtobewerealpacas-blog]

MOVING TUMBLRS

HI I AM MOVING TO @all-pacas BUT EVERYTHING WILL BE EXACTLY THE SAME

due to some Real Life Shit i’m taking a few days off tumblr and doing this seemed like a good idea (read: the idea of organizing my messy-ass tumblr was too daunting so i’ll just start a new one). AND HERE WE ARE NOW.

[usedtobewerealpacas-blog]

MOVING TUMBLRS

HI I AM MOVING TO @all-pacas BUT EVERYTHING WILL BE EXACTLY THE SAME

due to some Real Life Shit i’m taking a few days off tumblr and doing this seemed like a good idea (read: the idea of organizing my messy-ass tumblr was too daunting so i’ll just start a new one). AND HERE WE ARE NOW.

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gonna vanish from tumblr for a few days!! 

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tagging my own personal speculation onto this because GUYS I THINK HE’S FUCKING BAIT.

yeza said in 53 he was working with the assembly. not “these random folks keep showing up, idk them, and then i got kidnapped” but he was working with them and assumes that’s the reason the kyrn took him. and it’s actually a good guess, because he was gone for weeks and the assembly was still hanging around felderwin, looking (?) for him. maybe he was doing it willingly, maybe not. 

but i bet that’s who he’s the bait for. the assembly is the empire’s shadow government. the kryn are at war with the empire. they take this guy and hold him as bait or as random or as someone they may be able to trade. no one fucking knew the mighty nein were going to go in those tunnels — even IF the kyrn are the ones who changed nott, they would have no way of knowing she then ended up with these adventurers and these adventurers were frankly stupid enough to run headlong after yeza. 

but the assembly? a big powerful magical group that’s trying very hard to figure dunamancy out? who are probably a large force in this war? who were casually freelancing with this alchemist? if yeza is bait, he’s bait for them. and i really am starting to wonder if the mighty nein are the only ones on their way to try and get him out.

I’m really glad that Yeza’s okay because he’s quickly becoming my new favorite character but does anyone else think it’s super weird that he hasn’t been interrogated or tortured yet? I mean…the Krynn have had him for nearly a month now and still nothing? But they specifically came to Felderwin for him so why? What would they need him for if not to interrogate him about the location of the beacon or his work with dunamacy for the Empire? Why would they just keep him in a cell with no indication they were going to question him? That wouldn’t make any sense.

Unless he’s bait.

Bait for who, I don’t really know- I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t be important enough for any Empire higher-ups to actively plan a rescue mission. Maybe Nott? She was reincarnated by that mysterious lady which does tie back to the dodecahedron and dunamacy in some way- maybe the lady was keeping tabs on Nott while she was with the goblin clan like Trent kept tabs on Caleb while he was in the asylum? Maybe, but once again- unlikely.

I don’t know I just think this whole thing’s shady. 

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nott’s ALWAYS done this -- she’s stubborn as all fucking hell, and sometimes i guess it’s a positive, or i guess -- overlooked? like Scrollgate, everyone went “aww, she’s so protective of caleb,” and ignored the part where she was also telling the other m9 she (and caleb) don’t have to work with the team or listen to them or play nice because they haven’t done anything for her (and caleb). i mean, in that exchange, no one came off well. AT ALL. but it’s A THING. when nott stans, she stans hard and we celebrate it. but also when she decides something, that’s the fucking end of it. no room to discuss. she tends to be passive in the sense that she’s not coming up with plans or ideas and just goes along with whatever, but when she expresses an opinion it’s law. (to her.) and i think the party and the fandom has always kind of brushed it off with “well, she’s pretty easy-going” when she’s really not, or “well, she’s a goblin?” (the same way she’s not considered from the empire even though she’s always been clear she was. nott’s always kind of "been apart” in a weird way).

and it’s like, for everything. she’ll just kind of decide something -- caleb is the leader, kryn and cricks, but also schticky things about firbolds, or grudges against fjord, or that caleb needs her to take care of him, whatever. and in some cases it’s justified or a good kind of stubbornness (it’s fair she was over fjord and his teasing, caleb actually does need someone to make sure he eats, esp earlier in the show), and in some cases it isn’t a positive, but no one ever has said anything to her about it. she’s been saying caleb is the leader for a while now. this is the first time anyone actually brought it up when she did.

that doesn’t make it other people’s responsibility for nott to deal with her own shit, it’s just -- idk. before i hijack this post EVEN MORE. it’s just something about people (fans and characters) just now realizing nott isn’t just a silly goblin girl and that some of her shit isn’t actually great? it wouldn’t be great even if she WAS “just” a silly goblin girl… i think it’s just that people were more willing to write it off when she was.

Look, I love Nott (surprise, surprise). She’s intelligent, funny, amazing, and just a complete and utter joy. But boy, I hope she learns to respect other people’s wishes a bit more.

In the past, she’s shown that she’s able to change her behaviour to accommodate others, but it frequently takes people reminding her multiple times before she even thinks of starting to change (e.g., going from saying ‘Crick’ to ‘Kryn’ at Jester’s behest actually took quite a long time and effort, and Nott likes Jester). It shows that Nott is just incredibly set in her ways, and although at times this can be humorous and interesting, it’s obviously also a very big character flaw. 

Nott doesn’t really respect people’s personal boundaries unless they’re shouting it in her face. Her whole ‘Caleb is the leader’-shtick obviously makes Caleb uncomfortable, and yet Nott still won’t drop it even after being told so in front of the whole group. This behaviour is very closely related to how Nott is quick to form opinions and how she has trouble changing those opinions once they have been formed. I think this can be hugely disrespectful to other people at times, and I also think this particular character trait is unfortunately the source of her not-very-appealing fantasy racism.

I think it’s interesting how Sam plays up this flaw, both to humorous effect and specifically as a way to create friction between her and the group. And yes, I think we all know how much Sam enjoys playing flawed characters, but I really hope he’s setting Nott up for some serious character growth in this case, because this particular flaw has got to go. It’s causing harm to the people around her, and it’s also just… personally holding her back. 

She’s basically an overzealous mom who thinks she knows exactly what’s right for her kids, but in the process forgets they’re all their own individual people who deserve being treated as adults. This includes allowing them to make their own mistakes.

She’s gotta learn to respect other people’s opinions, change her own on occasion, and just… let go.

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i mean, i REALLY doubt that the nott-caleb backstory connection is done now that we’ve left felderwin. we SAW there are super high up mages — mages much higher than caleb ever met (although also as far as we know unconnected to trent) — poking around, going to the apothecary, seemingly looking for yeza.

and now yeza is at least implying that he was willingly working with them. maybe as means to an end, maybe with a lot of distrust — but he was on their side, and that’s specifically why he (thinks he) was taken.

caleb DOES say that mostly the academy is good and everything  it’s rumored to be, it’s just that trent is a motherfucker. so maybe these are actually Good Shadow Government Mages. but either way, they’re invested in what  yeza is up to, yeza was working alongside them, and i’m sure they’re not going to just shrug and let an enemy kingdom have him.

but the xhorhassians are thus far not interrogating him or getting information from him or trying to have him make time magic potions. they’re just… holding him. they’re fucking waiting for something.

hold on a second:

in last night’s episode, when they ask yeza what his kidnappers want from him, he says he isn’t sure, but he suspects it’s “because of the work he was doing with the assembly.”

we all know high ranking members of the cerberus assembly were searching around felderwin and were connected to him, but — working with? not “working for” or “being forced to work for” or “i have no idea but these other mages had been around me and then this happened.” he’s been working with the assembly. and he might not have liked luke around the “scary lady”, but he was working with them. not for.

(also: hasn’t been interrogated or questioned or spoken to at all? is yeza fucking bait for the assembly to try and grab, and are the mighty nein about to fall into that trap instead? is the cerberus assembly also sending people to xhorhas to get yeza out?)

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hold on a second:

in last night’s episode, when they ask yeza what his kidnappers want from him, he says he isn’t sure, but he suspects it’s “because of the work he was doing with the assembly.”

we all know high ranking members of the cerberus assembly were searching around felderwin and were connected to him, but — working with? not “working for” or “being forced to work for” or “i have no idea but these other mages had been around me and then this happened.” he’s been working with the assembly. and he might not have liked luke around the “scary lady”, but he was working with them. not for.

(also: hasn’t been interrogated or questioned or spoken to at all? is yeza fucking bait for the assembly to try and grab, and are the mighty nein about to fall into that trap instead? is the cerberus assembly also sending people to xhorhas to get yeza out?)

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UPDATE:

let’s do it (let’s fall in love) over on AO3!!

hi! please consider: Jester asks Nott earnestly what sex is like with someone you actually, y'know, Love, and not just a client or a hookup; Nott's immediate reaction is something like "you gREW UP in a SUPER FANCY BROTHEL??" but then she genuinely tries to explain + somehow the conversation expands to include Beau and Yasha, and it's an emotion version of The Talk for our resident tiefling cleric who's now kissed one (1) person even though she's seen A Lot of dicks in her life send twee

I AM WORKING ON IT AND THIS IS MY FAVORITE PROMPT OF ALL TIME (but i guess also hi, if anyone has any suggestions for nott’s sex ed class that i can work in because this is so off the rails already)

(also nott doesn’t know yasha was married, or she’d count her too.)

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what if i just straight up no ending’d this shit

HOW THE HELL DO I END THIS STORY, i keep trying to have the girls drag the boys but that isn’t Conclusion

i also have realized i love writing beau

[usedtobewerealpacas-blog]

HOW THE HELL DO I END THIS STORY, i keep trying to have the girls drag the boys but that isn’t Conclusion

i also have realized i love writing beau

[usedtobewerealpacas-blog]

ya’ll how the fuck do i write crit role sex edu

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so genuinely up for debate:

in episode 11, nott uses disguise self to turn into a halfling woman and just spend an hour being “normal” in a cafe. later that day, she sends her first package to felderwin (and doesn’t include a note).

do you figure she changed herself into veth for that hour?

or that it was too painful for her?

i think she didn’t. i think she probably went out of her way to not use disguise self to temporarily become veth again; when she does use it, she’s just as likely to become a gnome or a joke version of fjord or a dwarf as she is a halfling. when the party first approached the brenatto apothecary ruins, she chose to be a middle aged gnome -- someone who wasn’t nott, but also no one would mistake for veth. it wasn’t until she was in a panic, knew yeza had been kidnapped, knew there was a lot more going on than an attack her family just happened to be caught in, that she ran to edith’s house and then turned into veth. and i don’t think she was in any state to think or plan, or that it was how she had imagined revealing herself -- either to her son or to the mighty nein, five steps behind her. she’s calmed down a little in e49, but she has no idea how to begin explaining; she even asks them to prompt her because she can’t begin to explain on her own .

i doubt she’d used disguise self to look like veth, ever, before then. because it’s an illusion, and only an okay illusion: it doesn’t hold up to touch or to detail or change, and i think in some ways that would make it even more painful for nott: just think. you’re in the wrong body and you feel wrong and awful and hate yourself. and you can change your appearance perfectly to what you should look like… but when you touch your arm, you clip through. your clothes? not really there. she still has and can feel her goblin ears twisting around, her eyes searching shadows, her teeth in her mouth, her bare feet and clawed toes when she walks. it looks like she’s veth, but it doesn’t fool nott for a second.  

i don’t think she’ll use disguise self to become veth again, either. i mean, she probably will if/when they find yeza -- there is no way, none, unless it’s an accident, that nott will go up to him as nott. i think the m9 would have various views on if she should hide or be honest, but nott was totally willing to let her husband and toddler think she was dead rather than know she was alive and a goblin; i don’t know if she has it in her in that first moment to be honest with him. (also, i’m like 99% sure caleb would encourage her to pretend to be veth, even transform her temporarily himself if he can, because a) this is a man who understands the power of bad coping mechanisms and denial and doing the emotionally easier thing even if it’s wrong, and b) he stan.) i could be surprised here, on both counts — i’m not against it, either nott and yeza having an emotional and honest initial reunion or with nott embracing her True Identity and disguise self to just… be veth, when they’re in towns. just use it as a  default disguise. now that it’s out there and she’s not keeping it all compartmentalized anymore.

but i don’t think she’s done it before e48. 

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hi! please consider: Jester asks Nott earnestly what sex is like with someone you actually, y'know, Love, and not just a client or a hookup; Nott's immediate reaction is something like "you gREW UP in a SUPER FANCY BROTHEL??" but then she genuinely tries to explain + somehow the conversation expands to include Beau and Yasha, and it's an emotion version of The Talk for our resident tiefling cleric who's now kissed one (1) person even though she's seen A Lot of dicks in her life send twee

I AM WORKING ON IT AND THIS IS MY FAVORITE PROMPT OF ALL TIME (but i guess also hi, if anyone has any suggestions for nott’s sex ed class that i can work in because this is so off the rails already)

(also nott doesn’t know yasha was married, or she’d count her too.)

[usedtobewerealpacas-blog]

how long were the m9 in the tunnels because i keep using “day four” as a reference point in fanfiction

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what if instead of finishing this fanfic i just posted this one part that i like?