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Letters to Midnight: Chapter 4- Night 9: In July

Having been dressed already I pick up the plate I was using to eat my pizzas on and make my way to the kitchen, dropping it off in the sink. That's a problem for another day am I right. I head to the front door, taking my purse off the hook, and wrapping the long strap around my body. Bending down to put on my pretty beaten up yellow Converse. As I open my door, I hear shuffling next door from Hyuks apartment, by his front door. Assuming he's putting his shoes on, I step outside and start locking my door up.

I hear his front door open and close. Look im not going to lie to you, Im very nervous, so Im still looking at my key that's still in the door, from my peripheral vision I can see his shoes and pants. His pants are a looser fit on him, dark and folded up at his ankles, his shoes.... well I honestly don't know what they are, its as if dress shoes met A gothic shoe designer, but not in a bad way. I pull out my key knowing that if I leave it in the door any longer it will very quickly get weird. As I turn to finally face my neighbor I slip my keys in my back pocket, Lifting my head up. What I immediately take in his shirt(s), he's wearing a light grey t-shirt under a long sleeve light blue Hawaiian shirt, but the sleeves are rolled up to his elbows, and underneath THAT shirt a little sliver of another long sleeve shirt except its black instead of it being Hawaiian. I trail my eyes up to his face. His hair is dark, almost black, is swept out of his face, showing his forehead, he is wearing small hooped silver earrings. Now im not going to describe his face because frankly, I don't think I can describe perfection. But his face fits his voice. Which is not fair, to be able to have a voice like that you at least have to be below average in looks in my opinion, someone cannot be THAT perfect. Some people stay winning, and Hyuk is one of those people. I bet he even know how to cook.

As I finish taking him in, I nervously smile at him, finally making eye contact.

"Hey." Hyuk quietly greets

"Hi." I greet back. After saying this we both slowly start smiling. Hyuk looks down while putting his hands in his front pockets. I adjust the strap on my purse. Both of us still smiling.

"You ready?" I question, nervously digging the toe of my Converse into the carpet

I look up, already starting to back away in the direction of the elevators not waiting for his answer. He doesn't answer me but follows me instead.

It's quiet until we make it in the elevator.

"So Duck, to save this from being awkwardly quiet, tell me about yourself."

He sighs and responds with "You're going to keep calling me Duck aren't you?" chuckling at the end

I smile and look at him, "Yup!" I say bouncing on the balls of my feet

He looks over at me making eye contact smiling while shaking his head "Well what do you want to know?" he questions back

"How am I supposed to know what to ask you if I just met you Duck?" I laugh out.

He turns to look at me "Well my name is Kwon Hyuk, I am a singer, song writer and producer who goes by the name Dean, and I am 25 years old." he reveals to me, also bouncing on the balls of his feet, hands still in his pocket

"How did you get the name Dean?" I ask, the elevators stopping on the ground floor where our cars are parked.

"Well I actually got the name from the actor James Dean." We continue walking towards my car

"Elaborate please." I ask a little confused

"Well, James Dean has always had that rebellious character, which relates to my music, like I wanted to make music that was different, BE different." We arrive at my car, unlocking it and settle down inside of it. After starting the car I hand him the AUX cord. He quickly puts his seat belt on and grabs the cord from my hand

"Put something of yours on." I request

"No, lets play a game." He responds a smile in is voice

"Alright Duck, what game are we going to play?" I ask with a challenging tone in my voice

"I'll play a few songs and one of those songs will be mine. You have to guess which one is mine." He explains

"Im telling you right now, I'll ace this game." I respond with a little excitement evident in my voice

"Really, what makes you say that?" he asks in a playful tone

"I've literally heard you sing almost every night for the past 3 years." I laugh out

He laughs along with me scrolling through his phone. At this point we are already on the main road driving towards the grocery store. Then the sound of a piano accompanied with a beautiful voice comes on

"It's a beautiful life, I'll be on your side-"

"Oh! I know, I know!" I say smacking one of my hands on the steering wheel while softly rocking back and forth from excitement "It's 'Beautiful' By Crush!" I say stilling my movements, turning to look at him for a quick second, then looking back at the road

He's smiling looking at me "Yeah, how did you know?" he giggles out

"Are you kidding me, everyone, and I mean EVERYONE who has lived a great life has seen 'Goblin'." I say a little disbelief showing

"Yeah I guess." He laughs out "Okay, Here's another one."

This time before a beat start a voice begins this song

"We are, we are, we ar-"

Before the song can continue I immediately start singing along with it "WE ARTIST BABY ZICO, I HAVE A GOOD FEELING-" and before I know it the car crashes and we die. Just kidding. No but for real, before I know it Hyuk and I are singing, well more like yelling the lyrics to 'Artist' by Zico

"JUST THOUGHT OF AN IDEA, I LIVE MY WEEKENDS LIKE ITS THE WEEKDAYS." I pull up to a red light and look at Hyuk, still singing. We both make eye contact and continue singing, this time adding a little dance.

The light turns green so I continue driving. Both of us calming down but still giggling while he chooses another song. A woman starts out this song

"Did someone put drugs in it? Yeah" after the woman's part a male chimes in " I said it's true" then the woman again "In your normal voice-" she continues

I turn to look at Hyuk, confusion written on my face. But that soon turns to a smile "Duck....is this you?" I ask playfully

He looks at me with a little shyness on his face. He just smiles and shrugs his shoulders. We both sit quietly, me driving and him looking out the window. We sit until he suddenly starts singing along with the song whenever the male chimes in again

"A night hotter than the July sun I like all weekends, It'll probably cool down but today it'll be different,

all the emotions I pushed back I'll tell you today, I hope we'll be okay ."

He stops singing and I immediately look over at him, with the biggest smile on my face

"Oh Duck! ooohhh." I tease him, taking my right hand and lightly pushing his shoulder

He looks down at his lap a little embarrassed from my teasing. He laughs out loud, and once again that choking sound follows after it. It's cute.

For the rest of the song we sit quietly and listen. After it ends he explains to me that the song was called 'In July' featuring Heize

"I liked it, It sounded very summery, like I'd totally listen to this with my friends and have one of those cool friendship montage videos that makes everyone jealous.Well you know, if i had friends. Also you have a beautiful voice"

"That's oddly specific, and it's not that great" he laughs out

"That's cause it was, And are you kidding me Duck, a voice like yours could wake someone from the dead from how beautiful it is." We both laugh

I pull into the parking lot of the grocery store. The car is pretty close to the doors considering it about 4:20am and the parking lot is empty. We both unbuckle our seat belts and get out of my car. Walking into the store together.

He immediately grabs a shopping cart and I walk beside him. I lightly put my hand on the cart, steering him towards the frozen food section.

"I see we have something in common." he chuckles after realizing where we are headed\

"What do you mean?" I ask

He nods towards the refrigerators "We both can't cook." he states

"Wow, okay listen, it's not that i CAN"T cook, it's just i choose not to." I defend myself

"Okay you CHOOSE not to... whatever." He teases me

"Hey hey hey, yes I CHOOSE not to. I choose not to because... because-"

He starts laughing once he realizes I've run out of excuses, lightly nudging his shoulder into my own

"You also said you don't have a great voice and that was a total lie, so I bet 100% you can cook." I argue back

"I'll let you believe whatever you want Y/N." he laughs

We get everything I need to get, now at this point we are just walking around the aisles. We stroll into the chip section and Hyuk immediately reaches to grab a huge tub of cheese balls, holding it close to his chest like its the most precious thing in the world. I look at him with a curious gaze

"I cannot have my friend walk out of here without a tub of cheese balls. Not if I can help it." he explains

At this I cringe a little. Damn first day friendzoned.

"What? You don't like cheese balls?" he asks mind boggled and a little offended

"Nah its not the cheese balls part." I state

He looks at me with a face that says "what the hell are you talking about?"

"Look I know I don't have a lot of friends and I should be happy about this, but friendzoned on the first day. Really?" I say in a overly exaggerated tone

He laughs out at this "Y/N, you were friendzoned the minute you quoted Twilight."

"You're never going to drop that are you?" I ask him

"Nope, unless you drop the Duck thing." He teases back

"Well then I guess this is war Duck." I respond both of us holding eye contact trying to size up one another.

We bust out laughing loud, leaning on each other for a few seconds until we calm down. Then we head towards the front of the store to get checked out. Now lemme tell you, the groceries aren't the only thing we were checking out.

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let him live

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Letters To Midnight: Chapter 3- Night 9: “Am I Crazy?” “Yeah Maybe.”

The next night, that song Hyuk was singing was stuck in my head ALL. NIGHT. I just kept humming it over and over.  All through out closing and the drive home that was all that kept flowing through my mind.

By the time I am at my apartment I can already hear Hyuk working on the song he was working on last night. I head into the kitchen to warm up some pizza I had in the fridge from a few nights ago, hoping I won't die from it, I mean come on its not that bad, I mean I had to eat high school food for four years at one point of my life. I shrug off my little worried thoughts and head into my room to change my clothes, simultaneously listening to Hyuk singing.

"As time goes by it gets harder, am i the only one? Don't wanna go clubbing, Don't wanna watch a movie, what else is there to do? I just end up in my neighborhood. There's a hole in my heart, nothing can fill it up, yeah. Im sinking right now, inside a square ocean."

The microwave beeps loudly making me cringe as it goes off, considering its about 3:30 am. I rush over to shut the noise off hitting my toe on the kitchen island in the process. Hissing at the impact I reach up for the microwave above my stove opening it as I bring my hurt foot up and somewhat awkwardly crouching down and hopping while inspecting it with the other free hand. Other than feeling like my toe has been on blown off in a nuclear attack its perfectly fine.

All while my outer turmoil was going on I noticed it got quiet in Hyuk's apartment.

"Are you okay, should I call the police, FBI or something?" Hyuk chuckles out sounding quite muffled since I was all the way in the kitchen/living room.

"Are you talking to me? Because if you are you Im good, Im more of a suffer in silence type."  I laugh while getting my plate of pizza out of the microwave.

"....Did you just quote Bella from Twilight?" Hyuk asks with a little shock/ disappointment in his voice

"Hey now don't talk to me in that tone of voice Mr. Hyuk, considering you immediately knew where that was from, you shouldn't be trying to shame me." I say in a jokingly stern tone

"Touché." Hyuk replies back. A somewhat awkward pause bounces between us

"Is that a new song you're working on tonight or...?" I ask a little hesitant, me knowing it wasn't. But I just wanted to keep the conversation going some how, walking back to my room to hear him a little more clearly, and so I won't be shouting at 3am almost 4.

"Yeah, well not really, its the one I was working on last night." he informs me

"Ah, okay. Did you get any farther?" I ask

"Yes actually, just a little. Do you want to hear it?" he asks with a little excitement evident in his voice

"For sure!" I say with just as much enthusiasm, because I can clearly hear a smile in his voice and let me tell you it was contagious.

"Alright, let me start it from the beginning. I'll lower the instrumentals so you can hear the lyrics, you have to listen to the lyrics." he says with the same excitement

I don't say anything, I just wait for him to begin it, eating my pizza while doing so.

"I know tomorrow is coming

But I can’t let go of my phone Sleep just isn’t coming to me, yeah So I’m on Instagram, Instagram again

So many hotshots here Some are on vacation I didn’t press like Cuz it feels like I’m the only one like this Inside Instagram, Instagram

It’s a problem In the whole world It’s the same love song But it doesn’t touch me In my night There are too many thoughts

It’s complicated Changing it up so often I don’t wanna do this This damn information age There is definitely a problem These days, knowing more Makes you more miserable"

At this point i stop chewing on my pizza and just stare at the Hyuks side of the wall, just listening

"As time goes by

It gets harder Am I the only one?

Don’t wanna go clubbing Don’t wanna watch a movie, what else is there to do? I just end up in my neighborhood

There’s a hole in my heart Nothing can fill it up, yeah I’m sinking right now Inside a square ocean."

The music cuts off there, Im still staring at the wall listening, with the pizza still in hand. I understand this so very much, I feel like he got into my head and deciphered my feelings and thoughts

"...So what do you think." he interrupts my angsty teen feelings.

" Um... its eye opening, relatable. Maybe a little too relatable." I chuckle out but not so much a good chuckle

"That's kind of what im going for." he confidently tells me. He continues " I want to compose an album that's really 'me'. People who are in their 20's and 30's are not really different from me. If I speak truthfully people can empathize and relate with me."

"Do you do this a lot? Like I mean you sound too invested for this to just be a little hobby?" I ask a little more than curious. I mean I've been wondering this for 3 years.

"Umm..." He sounds a little hesitant at answering my question

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, I respect your privacy." I quickly interrupt before he can say anything else

"No its okay, I've lived next to you long enough to know the most harm you can do is stub your toe on something." he teases

I shake my head silently laughing, waiting for him to continue talking

"Im a singer/ producer." he explains

"Oh my god please tell me you are not from Soundcloud." I say in a some what joking manner

At this he laughs and denies it

"No, im a solo artist, I go by the name Dean." he laughs out

"Oohh what should i call you then? Dean...Hyuk...Oh! what about both, like Dyuk...Duck." I say in a teasing voice

"Oh my god you're annoying." he laughs out at me. "You know you still never told me your name." he stated

" It's Y/N." I finally reveal

"Well its nice to finally know your name Y/N."

"Thanks duck." I say in response, it gets quiet after that.

"Hey Duck?" I ask

"Yeah?" he responds back

"Do you want to go grocery shopping with me?" I ask

"What? Right now?" he chuckles in disbelief

"Yeah i mean why not, i need food and the store is open 24/7, and we both stay up doing pretty much nothing so why not?" I try to pursue him

He takes a moment to think about it

"I cant believe im about to agree." he speaks out

"Yay! come on lets get it." I say jumping up off my bed

I hear him moving about in his room, probably getting ready "Grocery shopping at 5am with someone I sorta officially met 2 days ago..... Am I crazy?" he asks

With a smile in my voice I respond with "Actually its 4:30 and...Yeah.... Maybe."

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*at the top of my lungs* HOW CAN ONE BE SO A D O R A B L E

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a whole goth bf

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SUNMI (선미)

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Ostankino tower in Moscow - pictures from a 1987 booklet

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“i like kpop”

“i stan girl AND boy groups”

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Chapter 2 of Letters to Midnight -  Night 8: Instagram

Its been a few days, probably a week since that night I overheard my neighbor singing the beautiful song. Nothing much has happened except me working on getting my sleeping schedule back to where I sleep during the day and get lit during the night. By lit I mean playing with my cat Bean. Sometimes if we are feeling extra wild we bring out that cat nip. (It gets pretty crazy.) Tonight I don't work, so I am laying sprawled out on my bed looking up at the ceiling patiently waiting for my neighbor to get his groove on and start working. He usually starts around 4am or 4:30am. and its about 4:20am (AYY bring the cat nip out) I wait a few more minutes.... 4:55am. He's late. Wow, what an exciting life to be living am i right, I know my neighbors schedule. That's actually kind of creepy now that i am thinking about it, well i mean its not THAT cre- my thought process is cut short by the sound of a rolling chair being rolled across the room next door. Finally.

He starts. He has been working on this instrumental for a while now, its one he keeps coming back to no matter how many songs he starts and finishes. He never seems happy with the outcome of this one each and every time. But he is slowly progressing with it. I can probably play you back all that he has so far if I knew how to play the instruments and keyboards or whatever he used to make that song. That is how many times I've heard it. But im not complaining, it's oddly sounds cheerful for him considering all he plays is songs about heartbreak, so im actually very intrigued to what this song is about. Im guessing its pretty important to him if he has spent THIS long working on it.

 I close my eyes expecting another night of frustrated back tracking of the keyboard and sighs escaping my neighbors mouth instead of him singing tonight. It starts off with the same familiar notes but then he starts singing.

"I know tomorrow is coming-"

Whoa. Words. Gosh Y/N of course it's words that's kind of how we communicate and sing a lot of songs. I quickly shut my thoughts up and eagerly listen for whats next to come.

"But I can't let go of my phone. Sleep just isn't coming to me, yeah."

Kuh, yeah I could have told you that. On some of the days I work double I leave my apartment during the day and he is still up doing god knows what. Still I continue listening.

"So I'm on Instagram, Instagram again."

I still lay with my eyes closed taking in his voice.

"So many bad asses here-"  He cuts himself off with frustrated growl "No definitely not." he chuckles to himself. I chuckle along with him knowing that language does not suit this song or his style hes going for tonight. A pregnant pause comes from his side then he does something he has never done in the whole 3 years we have been living in this apartment complex. Made contact with me.

"Hey don't laugh at my struggles. You got something better?"

I immediately tense up, if it wasn't for the clear shy-ish humor in his voice I would have definitely ignored him and pretended I was laughing at something else. But just like his singing voice, his normal everyday voice was so inviting. So I, of course, answered back.  

"Uhhh, in this economy... maybe 'hotshots?'." I say a little hesitant.

He chuckles clearly catching onto me TRYING to be funny.

"Alright, I'll give it a try."

"So many hotshots here, some are on vacation, I didn't press like, cuz it feels like Im the only one like this. Inside Instagram, Instagram."

"Yeah... I actually kind of like that." He chuckles to me.. or to himself im not actually so sure. He has a habit of talking to himself a lot. I guess he doesn't realize I can hear him so crystal clear.

He plays what he has so far over again, a few more times for him to listen to and make any minor adjustments to his liking. Me being me relaxes back into my bed after the first few times he plays back the song.

"So... do I have an audience tonight or am I just talking by myself because you fell asleep and I just sound like an idiot?" he questions after stopping the song once more

Oh god what do i say to this "Uh yeah you have an audience pretty much every night because I like your voice, I even sometimes stay up just to hear one song"  like that wouldn't sound weird at all, even though that is what I do. I need to say something before he actually thinks I am asleep-

"uh no- I mean yeah Im asleep- no i mean Im not awake- oh my gosh I mean Im up!" I say in a rushed manner. God im so embarrassing I can't even see him, and I don't even know him and im nervous. He chuckles in response and mumbles something I can't hear. Im not sure if i should tell him i couldn't hear him or... before i can decide he clears his throat and says-

" Hello 'Im up' my name is Hyuk, nice to finally sort of meet you after 3 years."

I softly face palm and groan (followed by a chuckle) loud enough for him to hear how displeased I am of his joke.

"Ha Ha very funny." I say back with as little emotion I can until I give a short laugh at the end of saying it. Now shifting to my side so i can face his side of the wall

He also gives a little giggle then continues to say " No but seriously, can I get a name, without one it kind of feels like im having a conversation with a wall?" he says in a mischievous tone.

"Woooooww, Two in the span of 5 minutes, I don't think you deserve to get a name now." I say with amusement in my voice.

At this he gives out a hearty laugh followed by a little choking noise.

"Whoa are you okay? You need some water there Mr. Hyuk." I say in a fit of giggles, half serious and half in good fun.

"Nah im ok." He assures me, both of us calming down at this point

It's quiet for a few seconds, but not so much an uncomfortable silence.

"Thank you." He suddenly speaks out

"For what?" I asked genuinely confused

"Sometimes I get to immersed in my songs and it feels like im living in a whole different world, away from everybody. And then you come and break me out of it." he says in a serious tone.

"Oh... what do you mean I 'Break you out of it'?" once again I ask him confused.

He stays quiet for a moment, as if he is struggling to come up with something "Umm, that's a story for another time." He nervously replies back. Before I can conclude he is finished talking he adds more. "Its just these walls are thin and you say some funny things to a someone or something named Bean."

This time im the one who gives out a hearty laugh

"Oh my gosh that's really embarrassing, I can explain i promise." I giggle out

He giggles but waits for me to continue to give him an explanation.

"Oh you actually want one, okay." I say with a nervous laugh, "Bean is my cat, shes pretty cool to talk to if you ever happen to meet her, but I doubt that since she freaks out the second I open my door and she is sitting to close to it." I explain.

"Ah finally a species to the famous 'Bean', well thank you for that inform-" he gets cut off by a phone ringing on his side of the wall, " Ah, hold on a moment." he tells me.

"Hello?.." he answers

At this point i decide to give the man some privacy and head to feed Bean.  After doing so i sit on the edge of my bed facing the wall, waiting since it is quiet on his side of the wall, the silence telling me he is finished with his call.

"Uh, it was really nice finally talking to you tonight, considering we've never spoken a word to each other in 3 years." he chuckles out to me "But i actually have to leave to do a few things tonight." he voices to me

"Oh, okay, don't let me stop you. It was really nice wasn't it?" I say as cheerful as I can, the exact opposite to what im actually feeling.

This time when he speaks he sounds a tad bit closer to the wall.

"Uh hopefully we have another night like this soon. And maybe next time I'll get your name, but until then goodnight 'Im up'." he confesses making us once again start to chuckle lightly

"Goodnight Hyuk." I say with a smile on my face

I listen to his slow footsteps walking away as if he's hesitant to leave. Followed by the soft thud of his door opening and closing. Keys jangling in the door all the way up until he puts them away. I lay back getting comfortable in bed listening to his footsteps getting quieter and quieter the more he walks farther from his room and closer to the elevators. As I hear the ding of the elevator opening Bean hops up onto her pillow next to my head that is now officially hers since she kept stealing it from me. Curling up in a small ball, her purring covering up the sound of the elevator closing and going down.

"Good night Beanie baby." I yawn, the smile i fall asleep with going unnoticed as the exhaustion from today sets in lulling me to sleep.

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maknae + food

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Q: What is it like to be back with the boys and working with them? 

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Letters To Midnight: A Kwon Hyuk or DeanTrbl story  Chapter One: Half Moon

Sliding my key into the lock was sort of a struggle considering I just pulled a double at work today, but a girl has to get that money some how. As I finally successfully open my apartment door, dropping my bag onto the ground the same exact time I slam the door closed trudging my feet along my floor, heading straight to my bedroom, kicking my shoes off as I fall face first into my bed. I need to shower. But I also really want to sleep. Maybe I can just lay here for five minutes and then shower. As I ponder which one I should do, I hear the most gorgeous voice that sounds so familiar yet so foreign.

"Love, love the stars. Love, love the moon."

   Ah yes, my next door neighbor, sadly that is all I know him as (since I never actually seen or met him, we are both night owls who prefer to stay inside all night and sleep during the day) A beautiful voice that sings into the night. I know this since I usually work nigh shifts about twice every week, so I usually stay up nights and sleep days, like him. I think he produces or something or maybe its a hobby of his, to whichever it may be I am not complaining, he sometimes works on the same song for weeks, sometimes he switches songs messing around, well I hope he is messing around. I once overheard him singing a song about pizza and peanut butter. I think he was drunk?? The song continues-

"Nothing has really changed, It's still the same air, with the same bed looking at the same ceiling. Why do i feel so empty, for no reason at all? its been a few hours since I started spacing out."

   That's the thing about my neighbor, he has such a beautiful voice for such sad thoughts, it's a love hate relationship I have with his voice, I want to listen to it for hours but the meaning behind the lyrics is what makes me want to close my ears forever, I mean its not possible but gosh I sure wish I could. I am easily influenced by music so whenever hes spitting out these sad songs I feel like I am living them. That's just the kind of voice he has, you can't help but get lost in his songs. Normally I stay up and listen to him sing, spacing out in my own thoughts just like his song says. Most likely agreeing to how my life has not changed very much, how all I do is work and come straight home, how I would constantly tell myself this is what I am supposed to be doing. Getting money so I can come home to an apartment that barely gets used considering how I am usually at work, or sleeping. How empty it feels staring at the ceiling... or the wall... or sometimes if i'm really feeling lonely, outside the window next to my bed into the stars. Telling myself "This is how growing up is supposed to be. I'm happy where I am right now. How this feeling of emptiness will soon go away and I will feel full of contentment soon. I am happy... Right?"  But tonight, tonight I lay there with my eyes closed listening to my neighbors captivating voice, slowly drifting me into a much needed sleep. The last thing I hear is-

"And the half moon up there just looks like me right now."

Then, sleep.