user7382828273

[user7382828273]

After so much time has past, I’ve come to realize how messed up you are. Such a narcissist, always having to have the next best thing. You’ll never settle down, and your child is going to end up just like you, if not worse, with big personal problems that can’t be fixed. The only thing that matters to you, is you. You actually only care about yourself. No amount of money will ever be enough for you, regardless of how cheap you can be towards others. Ripping people off constantly. Lying. The amount of tattoos i have my body covered in, i never wanted and now I’m stuck with. You play tricks with peoples minds to get what you want. “Oh, well, if you don’t want a free tattoo, then I’ll just find another girl to give a free tattoo to.” Such a manipulator. I was too blind to listen to anyone around. I lost friends. You don’t want a girlfriend or a wife, what you want is a mother. Someone to cook for you, clean for you, do your laundry, do the dishes, pick up after your child, pay half the expenses which still isn’t enough for you. “Have you picked up the vacuum lately?” “I don’t want that for dinner.” So selfish. The people that surround you are no better. They help you lie. You have a whole separate social life from your real life, that only a select few know about, and they won’t tell on you. You just want people to make you feel better about yourself and you’ll get that in any way you can. Subscribing to OnlyFans, your exes of course, maintaining a Facebook online dating profile, and inviting them to watch you while you work as a way of dating them, so many deleted messages from conversations with girls. You never let anyone touch your phone, you never gave me any time of day at all. You hated holding my hand, hugging me, touching me. Not to mention, no matter how much time has passed, you still message your exes. All of them. Whether it’s a fake profile, a fake number, or actually your name, you just don’t ever give up. You crave toxicity. You forced me to get an OnlyFans, just to argue with me about what’s posted, as if it isn’t the whole point. You’re the worst type of person. There’s actually nothing special about you. You’re extremely self absorbed. I regret everything about you, getting engaged to you. I wish we had never hung out that second time, after you very rudely texted me totally disregarding the fact that my mother is a recovering breast cancer survivor and i help her work. You criticized what i would wear, but follow all the OnlyFans girls on instagram, liking all these inappropriate pictures. You never let me do or go anywhere by myself, it always had to be a whole trip and then both you and your child would complain. God forbid if i wanted to take a nap for an hour. Or if i didn’t feel like putting on makeup for a day. I was a slave for you and you were still begging for more. The way you jump from relationship to relationship, waiting a week in between each new one, you never get emotionally involved. In relationships, with people, with anything. That’s why it’s so easy for you. You get a new car, or a new animal, and they’re gone in a months time. With me currently being in a loving and caring relationship, where I’m appreciated in the right way, i have PTSD from the way you’ve treated me. I expect to get scolded at for such minor things, but honestly it is you that is the issue, and it will always be you that’s the issue. The problem was never me. Words can’t even describe in great detail just how horrible you are. It’s such a gut wrenching feeling to find all the likes on social media, all the secret messages, all the cheating you never stop doing. I don’t want this feeling for any girl.

[user7382828273]

5/21

[user7382828273]

The Buddhists say if you meet somebody and your heart pounds, your hands shake, your knees go weak, that’s not the one. When you meet your ‘soul mate’ you’ll feel calm. No anxiety, no agitation

(via psych-facts)

[user7382828273]

"At this very moment I'm thinking of the gravity and depth of my infatuation for you and the inevitably of my need to call you mine"

[user7382828273]

Most people who struggle with chronic emptiness had adults in their life who were incapable of giving them emotional intimacy. As a result, their inner world did not feel seen, heard, felt, understood or validated. Not only did this wound them, it made them subconsciously conclude that there must be either something bad there or nothing there at all. Emotional neglect is the cause of the inner void. When an adult does not understand what emotional needs are or how to meet them, they cannot meet the child’s emotional needs. The adult is essentially unitentionally invalidating the importance of their child in their life. This child does not feel seen, heard or felt. There is no intimacy in the relationship and so this child lacks the knowledge about how to form intimate relationships. When a child is shamed for having emotional needs and wanting to have them met by the parent, the message the child receives is, “There is something fundamentally wrong and unlovable about me”. This child grows up being completely blind to his or her own emotional needs as well as being very afraid of his or her own emotions. Most people who suffered emotional neglect, either keep their suffering entirely to themselves or go from psychiatrist to psychologist trying desperately to figure out what is so wrong with them. Most are drowning in a sea of self-condemnation because they can’t see what it is that caused them to feel the way they feel. This is because emotional neglect is not what you see. It is what you don’t see. It is the encouragement that didn’t happen. It is the comforting that wasn’t given. It is the loving support that wasn’t offered. It is the loving words that were not said. It is the sense of belonging that was never granted. It is the understanding that was never reached for. Emotional neglect is so hard to recognize because you can’t see what isn’t there and so you can’t remember what isn’t there and until you see what could have been there, you wont even know something was missing. Emotional neglect often goes hand in hand with an unhealthy style of availability in parenting, which leads to insecure attachments in adults. If you were talking to a psychologist they would say that instead of developing a secure attachment, a child who experiences emotional neglect often develops either an anxious preoccupied attachment or a dismissive avoidant attachment.

My Raw Yet Pristine Paragon (via enigmatic-being)

[user7382828273]

It's come to it that I do indeed have bad anxiety and depression and I'm starting medication. I can't even put into words how frustrating it is that my mom talks to the doctor for me but doesn't even fully understand even what it's like for me and that what she's saying just makes me frustrated.

[user7382828273]

I feel extremely physically sick I regret more than anything admitting what he did to me. I really wish I wasn't drunk and I really wish I had kept my mouth shut. I hate myself so much

[user7382828273]

that's the first in depth conversation I've had about Kyler ever. I now realize how fucked up he is and how fucked up what he did to me was. yet I still fucking have feelings for him and I fucking hate myself. I cried for a good two hours though and actually got listened to and felt like I mattered

[user7382828273]

the fucking water turned as red as my fucking nails

[user7382828273]

I'm self destructive

[user7382828273]

goddamn i swear im a fucking psychopath. i cut off the people i love the most and feel nothing until it's too late

[user7382828273]

don't underestimate my ability to cut you off

[user7382828273]

I drove to the park we always went to. I parked my car and got out with a cigarette in my hand. pushing through the snow, I was running and it was difficult to keep my balance. I was having a panic attack. I went to the swirly slide where you once wrote our names in a heart together. it's not there anymore. I wonder if you ever went back and noticed that as well. I drove past your house at least 8 times and I was chain smoking. I wasn't okay and I'm still not okay.

[user7382828273]

I'm so sick of constantly being reminded "it's not your car, you don't pay for it" and "with what money? She doesn't have a job" LIKE PLEASE stop I am trying my best I'm not okay

[user7382828273]

[user7382828273]

[user7382828273]

I'm tired of always being the one at fault