vaderaised - Tumblr blog

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anyways. i’m about to be unemployed again so uuh. hiatus extended.

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classic monty hiatus incoming, under cut for rambling and maybe? some negativity? i don’t know.

i originally took a long break from tumblr because i was overwhelmed with the characters i had and trying to keep up with them, so of course once i came back to tumblr to write... i immediately overwhelmed myself with bringing back several blogs all at once. i think the thing is the more miserable i am at my job, the more i want to completely scatter my free time among a billion different characters; and i get so excited to write each individual character and all the potential stories and relationships they can form i really don’t pace myself at all. big adhd mood? i function on hyperfixations and hyperfixations alone... you know until the hyperfixation dies and i go into a void for months.

the job thing is related! i got a new job that will actually be better for me, so i will need time away from all that to adjust to a new job and new schedule, and also hopefully it will give me a bit more emotional and mental stability so i can really hunker down and actually dedicate myself to my characters. will this mean i’ll actually be able to keep up with multiple blogs, or pick one or two faves and stick with them like i originally intended? who knows! all i know is i need a little breaky-break before i completely burn myself out and drop off the face of the earth for months on end.

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it’s be tender with starkiller hours

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                                     ❝ i have some experience with jedi. ❞

             ❝ he is no jedi.  a jedi CONTROLS  his emotions and his powers.                but STARKILLER… he does not know RESTRAINT. he will bring                down an entire STAR DESTROYER on your head, if that is what it                                                 takes to KILL YOU. ❞

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to everyone i follow/unfollow/refollow OR unfollow and then refollow

it’s not me being a dickhead, i swear, it’s just tumbler sabotaging me. either click the wrong button or it takes a second to load so i click it again right when it DOES load so

it’s just a whole thing

i promise i’m not a dingus

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miscellaneous angst starters.

when were you going to tell me?

you can’t keep doing this to yourself.

that’s…a lot of blood.

can you walk?

please don’t lie to me.

you were supposed to leave.

i’m not going anywhere without you.

shh, it’s okay. it was just a dream.

there was nothing more you could have done.

it wasn’t your fault.

this is all my fault.

you aren’t acting like yourself.

i’m never going to let [her/him/them] hurt you again.

you’re hurting me.

don’t ever do that again.

go to hell.

please don’t cry.

you have to stay awake.

i wish i could take the pain away.

you could have died.

hey – stay with me.

it’ll be over soon.

did you ever love me?

i’m sorry. i can’t do this anymore.

things won’t always hurt this bad.

you passed out.

how much have you had?

i’m okay. it’s all fine.

it’s not okay! you’re not fine!

let me get you something for the pain.

it’s nothing. it’s just a bruise.

it’s clearly not nothing.

have you been to the doctor?

i didn’t mean the things i said.

i thought we meant something.

people who are okay don’t act like this.

you don’t have to go through this by yourself.

i don’t want you to be alone.

please don’t regret me.

i heard you crying.

you need to get some rest.

when was the last time you ate something?

i’m worried about you.

did you have another nightmare?

[name], there’s nobody there.

i want to be happy but i don’t think i deserve it.

please talk to me.

why are you mad at me?

alcohol isn’t going to solve your problems.

don’t leave me.

did you do this to yourself?

it’s breaking my heart to see you like this.

tell me what’s wrong.

tell me how to make it better.

why don’t you care?

get the hell away from me.

please don’t do this.

i can’t believe that you lied to me.

just…stay for the night.

you obviously can’t be trusted to take care of yourself, so let me do it for you.

you can’t die. i won’t let you.

just hang on, okay?

hold my hand if you need to.

i’m sorry.

why do you have a gun?

don’t panic.

just breathe.

you’re bleeding.

i’m trying to stop the bleeding.

you’ve been crying, i can tell.

you should have told me sooner.

i wanted to tell you in person.

a phone call would’ve been nice.

i hate you.

i love you.

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tiny hiatus notice !! i’m going to be camping today thru the 27th, so i will not be here ; i’ll try to check in on my phone if i can, but otherwise i’ll see you guys in about a week !

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me, blissfully ignorant : ventures into the starkiller tag to find some content for my boy

me, 0.005 seconds later : i am disgusted, i am revolted, i dedicate my entire life to our lord and savior jesus christ and THIS IS THE THANKS I GET

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💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

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                                      ❝ i have some experience with jedi. ❞

              ❝ he is no jedi.  a jedi CONTROLS  his emotions and his powers.                but STARKILLER… he does not know RESTRAINT. he will bring                down an entire STAR DESTROYER on your head, if that is what it                                                 takes to KILL YOU. ❞

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@rebelmade​ :   “You’re going to kill him, aren’t you?”               

❝ YES. ❞

there’s absolution in his voice, without room for waver or second thoughts. already his mind is made up on the TARGET  --- ( singular, still new. not quite used to eliminating only one person just yet, more accustomed to taking out dozens, hundreds, if necessary to leave no witnesses. )  he’s not sure if the details of his mission have been spread, or if he just has that AIR of killing about him.... which he probably did. very little about him was inviting.

whatever this particular REBEL had planned he didn’t know, didn’t ask, and there was still the slight edge in his voice to ward off prying. tension in his shoulders held, posture ever guarded. constantly he had to remind himself he was part of the rebellion now, something bigger, he wasn’t ALONE with naught but death as a companion anymore.

it felt utterly alien.

but he would make the effort, even if he was less personable than the DROID ever at his side. ❝ the galaxy will be better off ------ just worry about your own assignments. ❞

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Star Wars: Episode III  {Sentence Starters}

“Don’t make me kill you.”

“’Good’ is a point of view.”

“You were the chosen one!”

“Are you going to kill me?”

“I don’t believe you. I can’t…”

“You underestimate my power!”

“Crush them! Make them suffer!”

“Is it possible to learn this power?”

“I know what’s been troubling you.”

“You’re going to kill him, aren’t you?”

“Thing’s will be different, I promise.”

“You have allowed this to twist your mind…”

“If you’re not with me, then you’re my enemy.”

“I’m going to put an end to this, once and for all!”

“You’ve become the very thing you swore to destroy.”

“But at what cost? You’re a good person, don’t do this!”

“Are you all right? You’re trembling. What’s going on?”

“So this is how liberty dies, with thunderous applause.”

“Your anger and lust for power have already done that…”

“There are too many of them. What are we going to do?”

“Now, let’s get a move on. We’ve got a battle to win here.”

“No. Don’t you see? We don’t have to run away anymore!”

“Do what must be done. Do not hesitate. Show no mercy.”

“It was said that you would destroy the _____, not join them!”

“I can’t live without her. If she dies, I don’t know what I will do.”

“I can feel your anger. It give you focus… makes you stronger.”

“You’re breaking my heart! You’re going down a path I cannot follow!”

“I am becoming more powerful and I’m doing it for you. To protect you.”

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me thinking abt starkiller showing up in r.ogue o.ne

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uniforced​.

𝐃𝐄𝐒𝐏𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅, 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐌𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐓𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐂𝐇 of her lips. Suffering Yoda’s cryptic advice was as much a rite of passage as any of the trials or traditions of the Order, but like all things, they endured for a reason. Shaak Ti only saw the wisdom in hindsight, as she grew older, more experienced, but it had always been there in the puzzle of his words. Shifting from her meditative pose, she placed both hands on her knees and insisted, “It makes perfect sense.”

“In all things you will either fail or succeed. To merely commit yourself to trying is to only commit yourself halfway.” The doubt, however subconscious, lingered in his choice of words. Conflict still clouded his heart and mind; a cycle of anger and inner turmoil that fed each other endlessly. The only way forward was to break the cycle, fully and completely. Not just try.

“Go beyond the attempt. Visualize your 𝚂𝚄𝙲𝙲𝙴𝚂𝚂.”

HIS EXPRESSION SHIFTED with her explanation from struggling and frustrated to mildly irritated, a look of inconvenience resting over his features. try as he might he’d only managed to calm his mind and meditate once more, only for visions of DEATH to meet him. the turmoil he felt in glimpsing the force in a way he never had before, and hadn’t been able to accomplish again since then on his own, was enough to make him hesitate.

now so he was more frustrated that he had to admit she was right, even if she went backwards about saying so. with kota and even vader ( he’d be loathe to share their name in a sentence of similar compare outloud ) they were direct. ORDERS to be followed. vader would not allow failure as an option, starkiller would succeed or he would die. and KOTA just pushed him forward blunt and direct, no halfways or maybes; he presented the true potential for starkiller’s power and just told him to do it.

❝ you could have just lead with that. ❞  a grumble, still low and without directly meeting her gaze ( still lingered that fear, no matter how hard he tried to bury or kill it, that disagreement or doubt would be met with a saber through the chest. )

so he stretched, sat, closed his eyes, and tried again. TRIED. apparently his problem ---- he was trying, not doing. the once dark apprentice was not shy in his abilities and never hesitated to use them full force before, but perceiving the future was frightening to him in a way that he couldn’t put to words or form. it wasn’t something he could cut apart in saber combat or disintegrate with a terrific amount of force, thus it was a confrontation he had little expertise in engaging.

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empires rise, empires fall

*  personals do not interact  /  mutuals may reblog

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“What awesome Concept art of The Force Unleashed!”

“I wonder what the smaller text sa-“

“…”