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Spoon in the shape of a fish. Carved from some Sycamore I found just outside Wivenhoe, Essex.

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huge shout out to this little kid for writing my favorite poem

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so my dad's car insurance called me today and was like hey we're trying to get a hold of this dude and found your name and thought y'all might be related (i have an incredibly uncommon surname). so I was like yeah that's my dad. can you tell me what he did this time

and i could tell she wasn't supposed to tell me, but heard the absolute exasperation in my voice and just knew i was his child. she described that there was "a fender bender, and an altercation, in a restaurant parking lot" and that his lawyer was trying to get a hold of him to tell him his court summons had been waived

my parents own a restaurant so I figured it was their parking lot but upon asking my mom i have learned

it was a burger king parking lot. he physically fought a guy in a rural pennsylvania burger king parking lot. love and light ☀️

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no more cold and calculating i want warm and calculating. i want characters who use deductive reasoning to figure out whether their friend would like a wool or cotton quilt based off of their lifestyle, career, hobbies, and habits. i want "your nails are often chipped because you work for a law firm as a typist for this company which notoriously underbudgets their IT department, so ive bought you a keyboard cover that will not only prevent manicure damage but is also sensory friendly because I know you dislike certain clicking noises". i want characters who figure out their friends entire schedules and social battery levels just by examining who only use that info to know when the best time is to hang out with them. i want characters who create elaborate, supervillain level schemes just to get their hands on some collectible they know their best friend wants. most of all i want characters who do not use intelligence and reasoning skills as a reason to be cruel but as a means to be kind

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for the love of god, do not use chores to punish your kids!!!! it's just going to make them struggle deeply to keep their houses tidy as adults since you made them associate necessary chores with punishment and suffering, and it's going to take years of therapy to undo. don't use chores as punishments!!!

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You like me but not enough to give me thousands and thousands of fucking dollars

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DEEPLY fucking stressful experience at work today

Okay so most of our tanks in broodstock contain at least two fish, one male and one female clown (obviously, we’re a fish breeding facility) so I was Quite Alarmed when I noticed that one of the tanks only contained a single fish. The male was missing.

I start checking around on the floor, assuming he somehow jumped out. He’s not there. I look in adjacent tanks because maybe he somehow hopped into one of them. He’s not there. Finally my flashlight passed over the drain in the floor and I noticed movement.

Holy shit, he jumped out of the tank and went down the drain.

Now, this is not an ideal place for a fish to be. The drains are full of wastewater. It’s where we put the siphon hoses when we’re cleaning the tanks, and it’s only wide enough for a siphon hose. Definitely way too narrow to fit a net or a hand down there. Not to mention, it’s gross stagnant water and the fish could very easily suffocate.

I told my manager and he just looked at me and went “he’s dead.”

But, because we’re crazy fish people, we’re still not going to give up. My manager makes a net on a stick that’s small enough to fit down the drain. Spends a solid 10-15 minutes trying to catch him, but the fish eventually sinks into the murk and disappears from sight. We flushed clean water into the drain to add oxygen and hopefully revive him enough to swim back up, but there’s no sign of him. At this point we’re all thinking he’s probably dead.

But, crazy fish people that we are, we’re going to try one last thing. We get a Big Siphon. And we fucking slurp him out.

And lo and behold, the boy lives!!! And he’s still got enough zest to start flopping around on the floor!

Currently he is recovering in an isolation bucket and we’re monitoring him for any problems, but he honestly seems perfectly fine to me. He’s swimming around and even started begging for food when I checked on him.

But holy shit I’m still Stressed from this

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moral scrupulosity ocd affirmations compilation

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this is going to be what the deltarune fandom is like once the chapters drop in a few weeks. tbh funny as hell cannot wait for the casuals to return

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people who are just finding out about internet tracking and data mining in the year 2025 and that your special robot friend does not respect your privacy lol

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you guys need to let go of any rigid belief in what being nonbinary is because it can be anything. like someone can look completely average in gender presentation and do literally nothing to set themselves apart from their assigned gender and still be nonbinary.

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they spent billions on this

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hi excuse me this is OPs mom, yah my daughter, she wanted you to know you reblogged her post before she had a chance to update a hasty technical wording edit that improves the readability flow and cadence by about 3% could you please delete your reblog and then reblog the new version?

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I really love ao3

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