valfreyan

[valfreyan]

in the silence, she had understood her. always has. a gentle hand, a comforting soul resting in the dark - her body here, her thoughts elsewhere. yuna has always been keen to the dead, but what about her? what about an ephemeral moon? shall she be the dark side of her?darkness above us, darkness below us, darkness into us. ' i will be your strength. '

                       HOLD  MY  HEART  FOR  IT  HAS  GROWN�� TOO  LARGE  FOR  ME  TO  CARRY .

this is what it means to be vulnerable  ——

        toes sunk deep in the moonflow’s depths,  water trickling over goose flesh,  surface refracting starlight at the moon.  in the distance,  a fire burns,  a conversation crackles;  laughter breaks like a blackened log.

        tilt your head back and catch whispers of the smoke,  spiderweb thin,  proof that a world exists outside of you and her.  proof that there is something more intangible than the soul.

        she is there,  and you know she is there because you’re touching her and she’s touching you,  but you cannot look at her.  not yet.  so you look at the water instead,  the way it laps against the shore,  the ebb and the flow,  the quiet way in which it consumes  ——  the hem of your dress weighs as heavy as your heart,  and like your heart:  it clings.  it smothers.

        she is there,  and you know she is there because her breaths cut the silence and the tempo of her heart marries yours.  you cannot look at her.  not yet.  so you look at the sky instead,  the moon hollowed out by time,  a sliver of itself,  a promise undone.  here,  in this place away from the village lights and the campfire’s glow,  the stars are numerous.  they watch,  you think.  they ask you to put on a show.  to entertain and to dance.  to fall and to burn.

        she is there,  and you know she is there because her hands are in your hands and she fills the spaces between your fingers like you are two halves of the same whole.  calluses mark your palms like constellations,  heartlines like milky ways.  in another time,  in another life,  you would have expected her hands to be soft;  you would have been surprised they were not.  but in this life and this time and this fall of moonbeams,  you are not surprised.  you think,  you guess,  you know ——  beneath the billow of her sleeves is a body crafted from sacrifice.

                      (  burdens leave their marks.                               sometimes she looks like driftwood in the night.  )

        she is there,  and you know she is there because she watches as you undress in the moonlight.  fate splits you at the seams;  you pull at the threads.  you unravel.  you come undone.  you spill over your edges and into a basin made by hands tangled in hands.  

        this is what it means to be vulnerable ——  to grieve the ghosts of the living.  to know that she will die or you will die and it will be good and beautiful and right.  but it will tear the other asunder.  it will turn your hearts to graveyards.

        yuna is quiet as you cry.

                                   (   you cannot look at her;                                                you cannot see her crying,  too.  )

[valfreyan]

[valfreyan]

" lunafreya - uhm , do you mind if i take pryna for a walk ? " he is scratching the back of his head, feeling rather awkward to ask. " really, i just want to spend time with her.. and i mean, if you want to come too then i don't... i don't mind. " smiles softly, yet his cheeks are tinted pink; besides from noctis and the other - he rarely spends time with other aquaintances and friends.

        There is an energy beneath the surface of Altissia,  and she can feel it.  Though cloistered three floors up away from the canals,  she knows the water’s agitated.  It’s not,  at least,  from anything other than gondolas and sandled feet,  but she thinks it is.  Just like she thinks the air is electric,  that a breeze in a place that carries no breeze can turn her skin to gooseflesh.  Hairs stand up.  She straightens her back.  The sky looks burnt,  and she knows that’s a metaphor even before she notes the blue.

        It’s a metaphor  —— and yet it’s not.         The feeble attempts of a mortal body to recognise divinity.

        Leviathan sleeps beneath Altissia,  and even yet —  she enacts her will upon the land,  warning  off spækona with cold chills and seeping dread.  Do not awaken me.  Do not disturb me.  I will not have a human for master.

        Lunafreya forgets how long she’s standing there,  hands folded against her stomach,  forehead pressed against the window until Prompto speaks.  Behind him,  the door sits wide open.  Absently,  she rubs the heat back into her arms.  Wonders if it’s all in her head:  stress twisting itself into something rotted and wrong.  

        It’s certainly harder to dwell on cryptic undercurrents when another stands before her,  unabashedly open,  wearing apprehension like a second skin.  Pryna,  from her corner,  pricks up at her name,  quick to shake off her pretense of a nap.

        ‘ Just Luna is okay. ’  She knows him by picture.  Comments doodled by Noctis in the margins come to mind.  ‘ And if it would not be an imposition … I would very much like to walk with you. ’

[valfreyan]

like this post for a short starter that may take 1 - 90 business days to arrive in your tag.

[valfreyan]

what are luna's thoughts on kenny crow

[valfreyan]

She is well-acquainted with Death. She has dined at their table. She has walked with them, arms linked, through the garden.

They say it will rain soon.  It always does this time of year. 

She has kissed their cheek and bade them farewell. 

We will see each other again?  Sooner rather than later. 

She has asked of them questions.

Have you seen my mother lately?  She’s restless.  Says she misses you.  I miss her, too.

And King Regis, do you know of him?  I do not. The ring lies beyond my sight. That's alright. It means he's with Noctis still. 

And answered them.

The Glaives are loud. Their bickering gives me headaches.  That's the trouble with families. Sometimes the only things you can think to say are unkind.

She is well-acquainted with Death. Perhaps that’s why — when she meets them again on the stones of Altissia — it feels more like coming home than leaving. An old friend waiting at the precipice, arm outstretched like it’s another loop around the garden. 

[valfreyan]

local cryptid having luna thoughts.

[valfreyan]

my favorite thing about the english localization of ffxv is in the casting for lunafreya’s voice ( esp. lena headey in kingsglaive ). everything about her design suggested they might go with something lighter? softer? higher in pitch? but i think there’s something very soothing / comforting about the register in which her voice actresses naturally speak. 

[valfreyan]

——— Know thyself; character traits !

R E V E R E N C E .

One part of you dreams of giving yourself up – perhaps just for a while – to a hero or mentor. In the right circumstances you can flourish by letting go of your ego. In your inner life, reverence plays out as a willing submission to your own conscience. In the outside world, you might get frustrated searching for something worth believing in – a country, a person, a company – but you will always be open to feeling respect, admiration and wonder.

S H Y N E S S .

Part of you is gripped by the fear that you’ll launch into something and completely mess it up. The upside of this is wise caution: people are indeed often too rash, whereas you know, by instinct, that holding back can save you. Probably, you feel shame and self-disgust a bit too much. But when you do feel in your element, you act with a wisdom and sensitivity never found in people with thicker skins.

R E S I L I E N C E .

You have a tendency, after a setback, to turn your emotions towards re-striving. What attracts you is the idea of wiping out a humiliation by resumed action – overcoming weakness, repressing your fear. Because part of your motive is pride, you can sometimes be unwilling to admit weakness or to receive aid. But at heart, tour insistence on coming back and never folding has taught you a valuable pessimism: you know that important journeys are never easy.

tagged by: @armigcr​ tagging: @asterites​, @zckfr​, @wintersired​, @re-no​, @ringbore​ and anyone who hasn’t done it !

[valfreyan]

this ask meme is based on the blog gravesuggestion.  i’ve divided it up into two categories  ( light  &  dark )  based on the themes.  some of these can be somewhat triggering seeing that the darker ones deal with a lot of death mentions.  please be cautious before continuing on!!

L I G H T

‘  at night i dream of you.  ’ ‘  don’t give up yet.  you still have time to fix things.  ’ ‘  falling in love with someone else is not a personal attack.  ’ ‘  i am still so weak when it comes to you.  ’ ‘  i can’t believe i let myself let you down.  ’ ‘  i don’t care where we go when we die,  as long as i’m with you.  ’ ‘  i dream of saying to you all the words i held inside until it was too late.  ’ ‘  i feel so warm  &  safe when you talk to me.  maybe i could love you if you’d let me.  ’ ‘  i finally let the right people in  &  i have never felt so loved.  ’ ‘  i like the way your nails paint red stripes along my spine days after you’re gone.  ’ ‘  i lived in your permafrost for twenty years  &  then you looked at me  &  i felt the warmth of spring.  ’ ‘  i once wished you’d leave me alone,  but i take it back.  ’ ‘  i want to be able to love someone else,  but you stretch your arms  &  spread your legs inside my heart so that there is no room for anyone or anything else.  ’ ‘  i want to believe that we got it right this time.  ’ ‘  i wonder how much longer i can cling to your light before it expires completely.  ’ ‘  i would travel across the world to be by your side,  because as long as you are with me,  anywhere is a perfect place to me.  ’ ‘  it took me awhile to realize it myself,  but you are not what other people say you are.  ’ ‘  it’s not that i really need you,  but life would be pretty boring without you around.  there’s no one i would rather be with.  ’ ‘  i’d like to stay like this for awhile.  ’ ‘  life  &  death don’t have to be so boring,  let’s make both an adventure.  ’ ‘  life imitates art,  they say.  i didn’t believe it until i started to notice the way your eyelashes look so much like tiny ink stroke.  ’ ‘  live your life so that when you die,  souls will come for miles just to hear your historic tales.  ’ ‘  make your exes jealous  &  your past self proud.  ’ ‘  maybe you’re what i needed to find in order to move on.  ’ ‘  never get caught falling harder.  they’ll never let you back up.  ’ ‘  please don’t go.  ’ ‘  some days it’s easier to just stop fighting it  &  succumb.  ’ ‘  sometimes,  you’ll find it hard to keep going,  but you always will.  ’ ‘  the desire i feel for you is that same itching,  insidious hunger that an addict has for their addiction.  ’ ‘  the worst thing about you is that you weren’t all bad.  ’ ‘  there is absolutely nothing  &  no one who can stop me.  ’ ‘  there is no route of losing you that is without pain.  ’ ‘  there’s still room for adventure  &  there is no one i’d rather have by my side.  ’ ‘  things didn’t turn out the way i planned,  but i’m alright with that.  ’ ‘  we could be really incredible together,  you know?  ’ ‘  you are beautiful  &  vibrant  &  confident.  you are light  &  laughter incarnate  &  every fiber of your being screams freedom  &  joy.  when i am with you,  i am truly happy.  ’ ‘  you are starlight incarnate,  from the grand way you sway your hips to the wide mysterious way you think.  blessed are any to be loved by you.  ’ ‘  you are too afraid of the future to let go of a past that was never kind to you.  ’ ‘  you call me yours  &  i have no idea what that even means to you.  ’ ‘  you remind me of bubblegum  &  sweets;  soft  &  pink  &  warm.  you are strong in the gentlest way.  you are so stubbornly kind.  i wish i could be like that.  ’ ‘  you still visit me while i sleep sometimes.  your fingers trace my spine  &  i listen to you breathe.  please stop haunting me.  ’ ‘  ‘morbid curiosity’ is a wonderful way to describe how i feel about you.  ’

D A R K

‘  a thousand empty bottles  &  fist fights will never return to us what we lost that day.  ’ ‘  everyone else has moved on,  but i am still here.  ’ ‘  everything about you screams danger.  ’ ‘  everything is worthless to you  &  you,  in turn,  became worthless.  ’ ‘  for once in my life i want to be surrounded by people that i don’t feel like i need to impress.  ’ ‘  freedom is really hard to get used to.  ’ ‘  how could you do this to me?  how fucking could you?  ’ ‘  i am becoming everything we always dreamed of  &  i am leaving you behind.  ’ ‘  i buried you so well that you might as well have died.  ’ ‘  i can rest easy knowing that the person i love is dead  &  not the monster you became.  ’ ‘  i can’t look at you.  not now,  not ever.  ’ ‘  i don’t ask how you’ve been.  what’s the point?  you’d lie anyways.  ’ ‘  i dream of hearing the words i so desperately needed to lay your memory to rest.  ’ ‘  i haunted this house first.  there is no room for you here.  ’ ‘  i have a right to be upset.  i loved them too, you know.  ’ ‘  i just want it to end.  i want it to all go away.  i want to go away.  ’ ‘  i may be a wolf in sheep’s clothing,  but a snake hiding in the skin of a mouse is far more dangerous.  ’ ‘  i saw your face today  &  didn’t feel anything.  i am free.  ’ ‘  i tried to save you,  but you didn’t want to be saved.  you just wanted someone to suffer with you.  ’ ‘  it’s almost as if you were never here.  ’ ‘  it’s unhealthy to do these things,  you tell me.  you say it’s time to stop smoking,  time to stop gambling,  &  dammit,  i f you don’t stop drinking it’ll kill you.  i sure hope you’re right,  darling.  ’ ‘  i’m always pleasantly surprised by how easy it is to kill you in my mind  ’ ‘  i’m not really scared to die.  i’m more afraid that no one will miss me when i’m gone.  ’ ‘  i’m not the person you left behind anymore.  there’s no one here to miss.  ’ ‘  i’ve been dead far longer than i’ve been alive.  ’ ‘  i’ve eaten nothing but flower petals  &  ivy for weeks because i want to be beautiful inside like you.  ’ ‘  i’ve never been completely satisfied.  i most likely will still be unsatisfied long after my death.  ’ ‘  no motive other than pleasure,  my dear.  ’ ‘  one day i’ll go or you will.  either way,  it will be as if i’m losing a piece of myself.  ’ ‘  our dreams  &  promises decay along with you.  ’ ‘  the leaves change,  but nothing else does.  ’ ‘  the only difference between avoiding  &  leaving is that now i’m not waiting up for you.  ’ ‘  there is no such thing as a person who is required to love you.  ’ ‘  there’s only so much that can be done to repair old damage.  ’ ‘  things aren’t going as i hoped.  maybe if i die,  i can start over again?  better luck next time.  ’ ‘  this is not something to be proud of.  this is a tragedy.  ’ ‘  trying to get rid of me?  oh honey,  you’ll have to try much harder than that.  ’ ‘  trying to get under my skin?  you’re nothing more than a pesky itch.  ’ ‘  unlike you,  i can’t hide my identity when it becomes an inconvenience or a danger.  ’ ‘  weeping is for gods  &  martyrs,  we cannot afford such luxuries.  ’ ‘  would you even miss me?  ’ ‘  you are not important enough to earn an eternal place in my heart.  ’ ‘  you complain nonstop about being unloved  &  alone,  i can’t imagine what you’d be like if that were actually true.  ’ ‘  you don’t know what it’s like.  ’ ‘  you made this so fucking easy for me.  ’ ‘  you should see me as a threat.  i will tear down everything you know until there is nothing left of you.  i am a walking threat.  ’ ‘  you think i’m already gone,  but i’m still fighting.  ’ ‘  you think i’m dead,  but i’m just dying.  ’ ‘  you were never an addiction,  you were a fucking disease.  ’ ‘  you wouldn’t dare cross me.  i am god  &  you are the soil beneath my feet.  ’ ‘  your existence takes up so much more space in mine that we might as well be one entity.  ’ ‘  your fingers are so cold  &  bruised,  but you’re still slamming your fists again the barricade as if it makes a difference.  ’ ‘  your hair is tied in a noose  &  your fingernails are razor blades,  your lips are poison  &  i will gratefully kiss them.  ’ ‘  your hatred has a body count  &  we will not forget.  ’ ‘  your loss,  not mine.  ’ ‘  you’re a sick fuck.  you know that?  ’ ‘  you’re not gentle with me  &  i would never ask you to be.  ’ ‘  you’ve trapped yourself so thoroughly in your own mind that it’s not even a rut anymore,  it’s a pit.   ’

[valfreyan]

[valfreyan]

“She, moonlike,”

— Alfred Lord Tennyson, from “Mechanophilus,” written c. October 1833

[valfreyan]

Inferno, Dante Alighieri

[valfreyan]

ascendantly‌  (  noctis lucis caelum  )

@valfreyan​

   ❛ . . . you ever think about what you’d do, y’know, if you weren’t oracle? ❜ ( maybe it’s a stupid question. he’s tried to train himself to leave those empty fantasies alone, knows full well nothing lies that way but disappointment and whiplash the likes of a botched warp when reality comes knocking; bleak, nauseating. —— he’s already cached the phrase, ‘ yeah, me neither ’ in the recess of a cheek, ready for quick deployment. )

     did she — did she ever think about if she hadn’t been the oracle? about if her fingers hadn’t been trident-made; if voice hadn’t been god-commanded; if her blood and her sinew and her bones hadn’t been sculpted from a prophecy’s words so that she could light his path in the growing darkness? 

     to think of it would be to dismantle everything. where they are, who they’ve been, who they’ve lost. it would be to rewrite her childhood —— a mother who never left to heal the afflicted, a brother who never lost his mother, a king who never brought his son to visit a girl who made friend of godlings until her home was another word for pyre.

     who would she be if she were not a willing pawn in another’s game? who would she be if she did not have the destiny she has? if it were someone else’s job — not theirs anymore — to rid their star of its scourge? what freedom ——— what aimless nothingness would be laid in front of her to seize? 

     had she ever thought of it? 

     ——— maybe once or twice. ‘ when i was younger, ’ she says, folding her hands in the pleats of her dress. ‘ i wondered what it would be like to travel anywhere i wanted. a tourist who took photos and tried new foods.

     ‘ i dreamt of seeing insomnia all lit up at night like it were the sky and the stars were the spectators. ’ she clears her throat. ‘ but aside from that . . . ’ 

     living another life was too foreign, too sweet a dream to indulge.

[valfreyan]

We were a maybe, a someday, an almost.

our love was never enough to save us | letters of a lost love.//t.c (via badasssupertash)

[valfreyan]

[valfreyan]

Get in loser we're going to Altissia.

‘ ————— How can you get in a motorcycle ? ’