vanderslootassgiraffe - Tumblr blog

[vanderslootassgiraffe]

POINT AND LAUGH

[vanderslootassgiraffe]

When I was a kid my family pretended to get raptured so I would think I was left behind on earth while they all went to heaven.

I was like 8 years old and my sister and mom had gotten really into the Left Behind novels (bible fan fic about the rapture). In the books when the rapture happened the clothes that people were wearing when they got raptured were left behind in neatly folded piles.

One day when I was getting home from school my family decided that they would leave piles of neatly folded clothes around the house, and then hide in the basement.

The intended effect was that I would get home and see the clothes then, think that my family had been raptured and that I wasn’t good enough to get into heaven… or something?

The problem was that I had never read these books, and didn’t really think about the rapture very often. There was no reason that I would see some laundry on the floor and think “The rapture happened and I’ve been abandoned by God! I’ll never see my family again!! Oh nooo!!!!”

I just sat down and watched cartoons and eventually my family got bored and revealed that they were all hiding in the basement.

It’s a good thing I didn’t understand the joke, otherwise that shit would have been traumatic.

[vanderslootassgiraffe]

[vanderslootassgiraffe]

[vanderslootassgiraffe]

it’s safe to say i think about this video at least four times a day, i can quote almost the whole thing from memory

[vanderslootassgiraffe]

Bit telling that for years and years evangelical religious extremists have been allowed on university campuses with their bullhorns and horrific imagery where they harass students into physical altercations and when students complain to the university’s administration they just shrug their shoulders citing freedom of speech but when those same tuition-paying students start protesting against war and genocide they call SWAT

[vanderslootassgiraffe]

these posts have the same vibes imo 💯

[vanderslootassgiraffe]

[vanderslootassgiraffe]

I hate work I should be at the (remembers I don’t want to go to the club) the imagination

[vanderslootassgiraffe]

Discord has introduced microtransactions to make only specific users hear sound effects. Skype is back as a livestreaming platform. X is now marketing “twitter” as a paid-only private area to post in on X. There are clouds gathering above the field now. There’s an ache in your tooth when you eat something sweet, sharp and stabbing, but you put it off. The wind makes the puddles in the mud ripple after it rains. When you look out, you like to pretend they are deeper, deep enough to drown in. You wonder if you’d still be able to see just how big the cloud-heavy sky is as you fall beneath the surface. You wonder if you’d hear the first drops of rain. You wonder how the wind always seems to find you out there. The field is large, and it is cold outside. Come inside now. It’s getting late.

[vanderslootassgiraffe]

sometimes i think about the history of coffee culture in islam and how it spread like it’s so funny

discovered by sufis who decided it was a miracle from Allah since it allowed them to stay up late into the night for night worship

miracle beans = UNLIMITED DHIKR

cue scholars debating for years about whether it’s haram or halal and if it should be classified as an ‘intoxicant’ or not

fast forward to 16th century ottoman empire, where a woman had the legal right to divorce her husband if he failed to provide her with enough coffee

europeans called it the “mohammaden gruel” or “devil’s drink” bc they believed it to be a “bitter invention of satan and his followers”

fast forward to pope clement viii finally giving in and tasting it to see what the hype is about and then stating: “This Satan’s drink is so delicious that it would be a pity to let the infidels have exclusive use of it.”

pope clement viii then proceeds to BAPTIZE THE COFFEE BEANS

[vanderslootassgiraffe]

googling ‘jobs for autistic people’ and realising that everyone still thinks autistic people are either sheldon cooper or really tall toddlers

[vanderslootassgiraffe]

ngl I thought the puzzle piece as an autistic symbol meant like. I am a vital puzzle piece to your society. humans would never have invented half the things they did without us. you're telling me it means I'm missing something?? buddy. listen. listen to me reeeeaal closely. no human has all the pieces to humanity. no one. no one has all the features enables no one has all the strengths weaknesses or quirks. no one has a whole puzzle. we make the freaking complete picture together. that's the freaking point.

[vanderslootassgiraffe]

i’m going to kdxjdhdjhddjjdhs

[vanderslootassgiraffe]

[vanderslootassgiraffe]

interesting fact i have titanium in my spine

[vanderslootassgiraffe]

youre telling me a ham fisted this metaphor??