vanderslootassgiraffe

[vanderslootassgiraffe]

horror is always like oh no they're possessed by a demon well what about possessed by an angel? angelic possession is also horror.

[vanderslootassgiraffe]

seeing straight men be disgusted by booktok smut recommenders has actually radicalized me to the side of booktok smut recommenders. girls your taste may be atrocious but i will never disparage you for exposing mainstream discourse to the concept of soaking through your underwear. spent my whole life listening to men talk about penises it’s about time they get jumpscared by women talking about pussy in crude detail on social media. go forth and goon my warriors

[vanderslootassgiraffe]

I think every lesbian who says she wouldn't date a bi woman is functionally on the same wavelength as men who say they would only marry a virgin

[vanderslootassgiraffe]

this reddit post is so good.

a trans guy who is also a butch who dates both men and women-- I aspire to be like this. oh, to play 5d chess with gender.

[vanderslootassgiraffe]

Hey imagine having a garden separated from the street by a high wall, and then building a ramp to your garden with a cat door at human head level, both at just the right height so your dog can peer outside without bothering anyone.

This way, the dog can safely observe the world outside and judge everyone without any risk of someone getting out or in. And why would you want the cat flap on human head level? Simple. Anubis mural.

[vanderslootassgiraffe]

Grave offerings and burying the dead with tools and goods is actually such a deeply human thing to do. It's not really even necessarily about how much you believe in a literal afterlife or them taking the tools with them. It's also just going Wait, I'm Not Done Taking Care Of You, let me make you one more pair of socks so your feet won't be cold when you go wherever it is where I can't follow.

[vanderslootassgiraffe]

I know they're named after him but for reasons I can't fully articulate it's hilarious that the guy who invented zeppelins was named Ferdinand von Zeppelin

[vanderslootassgiraffe]

[vanderslootassgiraffe]

Ask yourself: what’s good about this moment right now? Is the sun out? Can you hear birds? Are you drinking coffee? Can you smell freshly cut grass? Is your bed soft and warm? These little things are oh so precious and yet seem so arbitrary.

[vanderslootassgiraffe]

medieval peasant: I see... so, it is the case that there are many paintings within this magical book? it is not so strange after all.

me, trying to show him tumblr to scare him: I was kind of hoping this would be a bit more confusing to you

peasant, suddenly pointing at the screen: hark! cynocephali

[vanderslootassgiraffe]

Reblog to give a trans person a fresh and perfectly ripe mango wait huh

It's the wikipedia image??? How big could it be

What

Huh???

[vanderslootassgiraffe]

My mom left an eviction notice for the carpenter bees burrowing into our porch

[vanderslootassgiraffe]

[vanderslootassgiraffe]

Sorry for infodumping about my special interest out of nowhere, you said a keyword and it activated my unskippable dialogue

[vanderslootassgiraffe]

Autistic trauma is so devastating and yet so corny. You'll be doing everything perfectly normal in public but someone will sneer at you and you'll spend an hour agonizing over yourself like "fuck what if no one told me it was Don't Wear Yellow Thursday"

[vanderslootassgiraffe]

A good rule of thumb for AI is "would you trust a trained pigeon to do this?"

"We trained a pigeon to recognise cancerous cell clusters and somehow they're really good at it" okay great, that's something that could plausibly be a thing.

"We trained a pigeon to recognise good CV:s and left it in charge of sorting through all our job applications" uh perhaps consider not doing that.

[vanderslootassgiraffe]

The central joke of the Ulysses Ogre meme hinges on the Ogre holding themselves to unreasonable standards by expecting to fully grasp one of the most famously difficult works of the 20th Century after only a single reading, which just doesn't work if you substitute your favourite video game, because frankly, your favourite video game is not Ulysses – but to be fair, the overwhelming majority of books are not Ulysses either. There's probably a video game somewhere out there that's as textually challenging as Ulysses, and it's probably some random-ass RPG Maker game from 2006 with an author whose name is a dick joke and a present fandom of approximately eleven people.