vangoghingdavinci - Tumblr blog

[vangoghingdavinci]

healed

[vangoghingdavinci]

some goodbyes

are said

again

and again

and again

I remember saying it

only to be answered by

silence

then i remember saying it

alone

in tears

hoping

i'll forget

but i cannot forget

it went on for months

a year

more than a year

then there was no goodbye

but i'm sorries

and i've forgiven yous

and hope to hear from you again

but i still remember the stars in the sky

and i know that was the ultimate goodbye

some things i can be at peace at

even if I can't forgive

and that's the stars in the sky

our fantasy

your gift

leo's gift for a leo

8.9.24

[vangoghingdavinci]

3.14.23 to 3.14.24

#notes for fiction

[vangoghingdavinci]

me too

me too leo

I don’t regret you but sometimes I wish I had walked away at the start and left things at hello.

[vangoghingdavinci]

[vangoghingdavinci]

[vangoghingdavinci]

8.12.23

i am set free

and i am grateful to God for the freedom

lin has to happen for lu, leo has to happen for lin, and leo has to be leo to set me free...

i fell into darkness for 5 years but God's mercy has set me free... his love is amazing... and now... I am free...

leo, i know i disrupted your peace... i know i have stooped so low... the more you pushed me away, the crazier i got...

i don't think i would ever do that to myself again... you are enough...

and so i ask the heavens love... for peace inside me...

God you are amazing... all things work together for good... no matter how evil i have been... you set me free...

i had to go through pains after pain because i was stupid... now You pulled out leo and lin... forcefully ... leo shut me out... and lin who said he's always there is nOT really there...

and God set me free

i am free... thank you Lord

[vangoghingdavinci]

[vangoghingdavinci]

[vangoghingdavinci]

[vangoghingdavinci]

[vangoghingdavinci]

aug10.23

praying to God that is my last act of reaching to him...

[vangoghingdavinci]

Aug10.23

Sent my last email to leo...

He will never reply...

I know

and yes i am hurt

no kindness is left in him...

Someday...

someday

i forget

[vangoghingdavinci]

Lin,

i was hoping you're still awake

the urge to email leo is so strong...

and i cannot keep it inside me...

sweet dreams then...

[vangoghingdavinci]

and i reached out to lin

i need to talk

but he's not available...

so yes...

i'll try to pray now...

4rth day

3rd round of Mary Undoer of knots

[vangoghingdavinci]

Aug8.23

9:19AM

Dear Leo,

I cannot go on like this.

I miss you.

I miss you so much.

I do not know how long i can hold myself together. I am breaking apart Leo... and I ran out of reasons why i have been feeling this way.

Leo,

help me...

please help me...

You don't have ro love me.

just help me.

[vangoghingdavinci]

8:55 AM

aug8.23

andrew huberman said, exercise, until you are at a point where you cannot talk... rhen take EPS, 1000 mg...

i ordered EPA, i'm running low of supply

then 6 AM, i took a walk...

went back crying

i miss you leo

i wondered why you really stopped talking to me even before i burned the loveshack

I miss you so much

and i'm crying again

and yes i know we have "relationship" already

but at least you would atleast reply...

i will kwep on praying...

i think

i'll die of this heartbreak leo...

and all i can think of is run to lin...

maybe this time he is available...

maybe this time he will listen again...

I miss you leo...

and God... just gave me a miracle for a day...

i am.so tired...