vanoincidence

[vanoincidence]

[pm] I miss Declan Jr. Can you like, give him a treat for me or something? Does he need more salt because he's losing all of his? Is that how it works? [A picture is sent of her in Nora's crypt with a few of the items left, including a spider on her right shoulder and a snake coiled around her arm that looks like it's smiling.]

[pm] Cancel me for being the coolest motherfucker on the planet probably. [user sends a selfie. She's in a trailer. There are people swarming her for hair and makeup. Declan Jr. sits in her lap disguised as a dog. It's a horrible disguise. One might wonder why people fall for it. Might explain the articles about Eleanor Pine having the ugliest dogs in all of L.A.]

[vanoincidence]

Jade, do you have like, a foot fetish?? I didn't need to know that about you and Regan. You're both like, a not-mom to me, but like, totally in that vein, and I don't need to know what you guys do with toes or whatever. You don't like, draw on them and talk to each other with your toes, do you? When you're fighting or whatever?????? That's so weird, Jade. Why would you do that?

I mean, there's a reason that whole song about body parts doesn't mention the legs once, and yet!! They mention the toes a buncha times. So you're like... a hundred percent right. As alw Toes are defo what we should be looking at, imo. [User can't pinpoint why the thing she wrote feels weird] Wait, hold on. I mean the opposite. Right? I just... that pedicure has to take days.

You're totally not doing any leg related activities, right? Or do you prefer toe Or is it Thea's toes you Nope, she's gonna ice me again

[vanoincidence]

I guess so???? Like, there are a lot of people who like legs. It's like that leg lamp old people hehe haha over from that one movie about Christmas. My grandma was like, obsessed with it. Maybe this town really just wants its own leg lamp, but it like, totally fucked up or something.

Wait so

Is the point like … there’s too many leg fetishes here?

or that arm, finger, and toe fetishes don’t get enough representation?

or that legs are too high maintenance due to having to be protected so they don’t deserve to be fetishized?

[vanoincidence]

I'm being soooo real with you right now, I see one of those legs and I run away like a fucking chicken from a hatchet or whatever because why are they LEGS? At least give us like, I don't know [...] marinated short ribs or something.

Do the legs have feet and do the feet have toes? Now we're asking the real questions. You cooked here, I'm afraid.

[vanoincidence]

I am not personally saying anything is special about them, but ilke, some people would like to see those and I don't think they live here anymore, so rip to them.

Anyway, my point is, WHY NOT A NOSE, OR A EAR? A PAIR OF LIPS? WHY LEGS?

Why? What's special 'bout the toes?

[vanoincidence]

No, I'm saying like, what's so special about LEGS? Legs we walk on, legs we need, but like, don't people know thumbs are more important? I saw that on a show one time where someone had no thumbs and couldn't even pick up pizza. :(

Are there arms and fingers strewn about town, too? How is this not an extreme bio-hazard? Do we even know that these legs have toes? Nobody I've talked to has been able to confirm that, surprisingly.

[vanoincidence]

Birds don't even look like birds half of the time because birds are just kind of like, there, and the you get other birds that don't look like birds and non-birds who look like birds and then like, a whole other category anyway!!! It's just a leg, but like, where is everything else? Where is a ear glued to a tree? Why does this town have some weird like, leg fetish?

Oh, I'm like, totally crashing out, but you know what? I'm totally fine haha!

I mean you can't really see the toes so it's hard to say if there's toes to speak of. I mean I guess that could make these arms and not legs but they look like a bird and birds don't have arms. Or fingers. You know cause the wings. And like if a wing pops out of the ground, you better believe that would get so much more attention than a leg. But like right now it's just a leg. People seem really into it, though. I think I saw doodles of it in a bathroom stall. Which I guess I have to give the artist credit, normally people just draw dicks. And to be fair, it's way easier to just doodle dicks but nope. Legs.

Anyway, how've you been?

[vanoincidence]

No! What I'm saying is like, why aren't there other things than just legs??? What's so special about legs??? Are we living in a nair commercial or something????

More limbs? Do you mean there are more of the nasty limbs? Have you seen the arms and the fingers and the toes?

[vanoincidence]

I mean, like [...] this town wants to just sprout legs because it has nothing better to do. Why not like, special cotton candy grapes or something? I know it's winter, but couldn't that be a little better? WHY IS IT LEGS?

We could just stay away from all of it. I think that would be the best choice we could all make.

[vanoincidence]

Legs this, legs that. What about the arms and fingers? The toes? There are people with weird leg loving things here, you have to protect their toes. Nobody look at the toes and I think we'll be okay.

Maybe because the French man left, the toes will be okay.

[vanoincidence]

@mortemoppetere

I did not send this. I don't care about your legs or what you think of them.

Oh, so you don't care if I'd die? Thanks Emilio.

[vanoincidence]

[pm] Yeah, exactly. They can't find all your snakes and stuff. What do they do if that happens????

[pm] God forbid they find the crypt. I can only imagine the headlines. Nosy fuckers.

[vanoincidence]

@honeysmokedham

[pm] it is literally in a music video that’s been seen by millions

[pm] Yeah, but I can't be like HEY that's MY best friend, because then they'll see where I live, and then papsmears will come here and try to like, hunt you down if you ever come back.

[vanoincidence]

What do you think about legs?

I like having them. I mean, like, I don't really know how to feel about the other legs. Not the legs on like, people or anything, but the OTHER legs, you know what I mean? I mean, who even is 'you' this is an anonymous message. I bet it was Emilio. Why does Emilio want to know how I feel about legs? Stop being weird, Emilio.

[vanoincidence]

[pm] thinking about how i kissed sabrina carpenter

[pm] And I can't even tell people.

[vanoincidence]

Somebody needs a snickers. :(

Yeah, okay. Sure, if that's what you want to tell yourself.

I wish less people cared if you cried. Then they would all tell you that you are annoying, because it is true.

I never look up things you tell me to look up. Too smart to fall for this.

[vanoincidence]

Most people don't even care if I cry!! So that's not even like, a good comparison or whatever.

I really think you should. I think it'd enlighten you or whatever.

Everyone thinks that. People don't tell you because they think maybe you'll cry. I am honest. And don't care if you cry.

I'm not going to do that.