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I was blown to a smithereen, just the one

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also if gnomes were all sitting around a small tree stump using it as a table and someone used the word "misnomer" one of them would speak up and go "HEEHEE. MISS GNOMER IS WHAT I CALL THE MISSUS" they'd all laugh so hard they fall off the mushrooms they are sitting on and spill the berry juice everywhere

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You gotta feel for the guy that made his egg college style (in the microwave) and posted it on fb but didn’t realize you could see the reflection of his sausage and beans. If that happened to me I would simply pass away. I could take a picture of the sky and triple check it just to make sure my tits aren’t somehow in the shot before I post it online. It is a real fear. The guys follow up remains one of my all time favorites though.

Like I am so sorry that happened to him but he truly could not have addressed it in a funnier way

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Youre always so kind and gentle with me olive garden

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one time i was very drunk in a pub garden and i turned around and saw this

it was over 7 foot tall

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We need to study the powerful psychic field around tumblr posts that causes people to hallucinate entire lines and paragraphs that are not present in the actual text

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HATE that were calling every recipe Marry Me [Recipe]…. Fucking hate that. How bout Frig My Clit Brownies. Kill Yourself At My Feet Pasta. Shut The Fuck Up And Pay My Grocery Bill Cookies (vegan).

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*me when my failed clone that came out half the size of me and aged 10x as quickly due to a miscalculation of the biomass needed and numerous genetic errors escapes my basement lab during a romantic dinner and my date sees it and asks what the fuck that thing is* "oh, little old me?"

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i am NOT interested in the divine feminine. i will jerk off for 3 hours straight and eat 10% of my bodyweight in smoked meats and cheeses.

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madison brown photographed for petite danseuse, the degas art capsule selkie campaign by tyler william parker

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Yall love to say, "be gay and do crime" until a queer Black man is going through it. Then all of a sudden yall love your boys in blue

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it’s crazy that they’ve invented online robot sex slaves for men but not cigarettes that are good for you. our society’s priorities are so fucked dude

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Dude Evil Wizard School is sooo much better than normal wizard school. Normal ass ones got me learning how to fix shit and levitate objects, but here? I just turned a dude into a toad and flipped him inside out, shit was wild. I seriously reccomened it to all other aspiring wizards.

how are you making those colors with your mouth

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An anime where the art style seems to have a huge problem with Same Face Syndrome, all the characters fall under like 5 diferent types and every single person of the roughly same age and gender look like the same damn character wearing different wigs. There's a whole episode about how someone changed their haircut and the protagonist spends the whole episode trying to awkwardly avoid situations where they'd be forced to admit to the New Hair Person that they actually aren't 100% sure which friend they are.

Halfway through it turns out that the protagonist is face blind. The art style is deliberately like this as a way to illustrate how they can't fucking tell most people apart by face alone.

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