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mike’s hard bubble tea

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Everyone thinks they’re radicalized these days. Well start blowing shit up then

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u can call ur skull-head deer oc literally anything else u don't even have to change the design

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Long before I ever developed strong political opinions I came to the conclusion that graffiti on unused property should be legal. Not only is it not a crime, it’s one of the last truly original art forms

“Well if you legalized it then kids could just walk up to any empty wall on the side of a building and spray pai-” Good.

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Let me show you around — bedrooms? No, but I can offer you one of a wide range of wonderful accommodations. In this room you have your choice of autopsy slab, the vivisection bench, and the rusted iron operating table with leather straps.

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brian eno on the windows 95 startup chime

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We watched all five Final Destination films and the I am absolutely fascinated by its characterization of death as vindictive and cruel accountant.

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ive recently been able to get over my sensory issues regarding moisturizer by literally just saying "im going snail mode"

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I think a lot of autistic taking-things-literally goes under the radar because what the diagnostic tests and shit ask about is not what that generally looks like in an adult and often not in kids either and much more importantly it’s not what generally actually causes problems in real life instead of being irritating for caretakers or funny to bullies or easy to diagnose

I have absolutely no issues understanding metaphors or idioms. When someone says their heart is on their sleeve they mean they’re emotionally expressive and openly display their feelings, not that they have a chunk of cardiac tissue on their shirt. I very rarely have issues with sarcasm. I sometimes have issues telling when someone who’s said something mean is about to say “just kidding”, but tbh I think that’s more on them than me.

BUT

My grandmother asked me “Do you know when the trash was taken out last?” and I said “I think Eliot took it out yesterday” and a few hours later she yelled at me for “not taking out the trash when I asked you to” and I was like???? You didn’t ask me????

I dread filling out forms and am crap at filling out diagnostic tests or personality quizzes because there are always questions I don’t know the exact answers to (how am I supposed to know what day I got dental surgery seven years ago?) or don’t understand exactly what they’re asking or the wording’s unclear and they could mean this or the wording says this but I’m pretty sure what they actually meant was this and should I answer what they said or what they meant, and how does everyone else just whip through the form when surely they can’t know all the answers either? Does everyone else remember the day they got dental surgery seven years ago?

I get tangled up by bureaucracy because the rules on the website say that for this you need that and for that you need the other and for the other you need something else for which you need the first thing, and I go in circles for hours or days or weeks or months or years because their stated rules say there is no way to get what I need, and when I talk to somebody else they’re like “just call them?” and I’m like “how could that help? the rules say that what I’m trying to do is impossible”

And all of that? That’s how “taking things literally” ACTUALLY affects your life as an adult. It’s not “haha you think ‘getting under your skin’ means parasites”. It’s “you have real difficulty functioning in the world because everyone else is conveying things through implication and assuming that you know that rules are flexible and questions are approximate and you’re supposed to lie on job applications, and you don’t”.

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ppl in the age of cell phones: fucking up their necks

ppl in the age of books: fucking up their necks

ppl in the age of textile art: fucking up their necks

ppl in the age of picking lice: fucking up their necks

ppl in the age of cooking: fucking up their necks

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yeah no man it's cool that you don't like the female character for having an insufficient development. yeah even if you adore that male character that appeared in two frames of the show. yeah. yeah. yeah. cool. cool.

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i ❤️ my phone so i made it a bedroom to go to sleep in when i want to reduce my screen time

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Me and my cousin have an ongoing bit where we pretend we made "slightly better" versions of things where we'll be like.

"That was a pretty good movie, but not as good as my movie, House of 1001 Corpses," or "I guess this song is okay. Kind of reminds me of a song I'm working on called 'Faster Car'."

Never once has it been funny or made anyone but us laugh.

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buy that transgender woman a large cut of high quality fresh farm-grown salmon from the store

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