1. Relationships and money: before you agree to be anyone’s s/o please go on at least 3 dates with the person. Take note of who pays. Are you paying for yourself everytime? Are they paying for themselves? Or are you paying for everything? This is a really good pre cursor for what the relationship is going to be like when you tackle serious issues like money.
2. Relationships and friendships: I know it can get really easy to get wrapped in your s/o and making them your best friend and partner but this can be risky. Especially if you rely on your s/o as a support system. Imagine when you are falling out or just need space. You should try and create a support system separate from your s/o.
3. Relationships and sex: if you want to start involving other people please make sure your communication skills are top notch. Bringing in a third party/couples will just highlight any communication issue you already have. Don’t be afraid to say “doing xyz would hurt my feelings” and don’t be afraid to hear it. Don’t kink shame your s/o or they will never trust you with things of that nature again. Come from a non judgemental honest place. It’s okay to disagree in an adult way.
4. Your weaknesses: really look in the mirror and evaluate your weaknesses. What are you not bringing to the table? How are you working on these issues? Are these things bothering your partner? Talk! Work on yourself! Don’t just have these discussions after an argument.
5. Your partner’s weaknesses: you won’t be thinking about this during the good times but anytime you argue it will come to the forefront. Are you communicating with your partner? Are giving them an opportunity to work on these issues? Talk about these things during the good times too.
6. Counselling: sometimes you need an impartial opinion that can help you to move forward. Your friends are bias and can’t help it. Assuming there is no abuse, you need to come to a common ground and move forward.
7. Arguments: “this made me feel” instead of “you must have been thinking/feeling xyz”. Always talk from a place of “I felt this way”. Don’t assume what your partner was thinking or feeling when they hurt you.
8. Make an effort: I imagine you were aware of your partner’s hobbies and interests before you became serious. Try to take an interest in something they enjoy once in a while. I’m not telling you to steal their hobbie/alone time but sharing and teaching a person something you’re passionate about can help you understand one another better and appreciate each other.
Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.