velcrocandy

[velcrocandy]

#Oneironaut

i was trapped in some palace with a giant aquarium. I kept trying to escape but I had a hernia or tumor or something which made it impossible.

Eventually I hid inside a can of tuna and managed to escape. My condition was treated by some crow witches

I also vaguely remember a shopping cart full of action figures

[velcrocandy]

#Oneironaut

I met some people from some far away country. They were eating some sort of weird meat and said I'd have to eat the tongue of the animal to join them. I did and I began to study their culture.

[velcrocandy]

#Oneironaut

I was in a burlesque troop That performed underwater.

[velcrocandy]

#Oneironaut

I found a really nice condo. Within was the ghost of my grandma who said I would have inherited it in another future.

[velcrocandy]

#Oneironaut

i had a haunted VCR that would unravel tapes.

I don't think it was doing much worse than that.

[velcrocandy]

#Oneironaut

I went to my boss's house, which was in a loft above a barn, for a Christmas party.

There was some sort of creepy monster That began eating party guests. It didn't bother me.

I had a robotic spider weighing a Christmas sweater. Apparently I just found it And fell in love with it So I started bringing it with me everywhere.

[velcrocandy]

#Oneironaut

I spent the night at my best friend's farm? I was trying to call off work but I didn't have my cell phone So I tried to look up the number on her computer which was very weird and had an extremely strange operating system.

I found a bunch of dynamite in her office And we were both very concerned because neither of us knew where it came from.

[velcrocandy]

#Oneironaut

I was living across the street from a tattoo parlor. The guy I was dating was their best customer and then when I did something that angered the owner He said we would never be returning. We watched them go out of business.

We had sex over a well. He held me over the open hole. The fear made it sexier.

[velcrocandy]

Cold Paradise ‘High Seas Havoc’ SEGA Mega Drive

[velcrocandy]

#Oneironaut

i killed my former metamour's new lover. Cut them in half with a sickle

[velcrocandy]

#Oneironaut

i was on a date with some YouTuber who had several pet tortoises

[velcrocandy]

#Oneironaut

i was melting down bottles in some furnace. I had to do a report on dinosaurs. They're was some weird activity table set up for the artistic people.

[velcrocandy]

#Oneironaut

I assembled a Swedish basketball team. Our start player was a very talented, very tall woman. Our mascot was a robot with the voice of Bobcat Goldthwait. But I had to forfeit when the opposing team arrived because the owner didn't like the team for some reason.

I saw my ex standing around. She made some comment which that I turned into a joke. That was very realistic. I can't not go for the punchline after a setup.

[velcrocandy]

#Oneironaut

I was still with my ex girlfriend. She was as jealous as ever as I was seeing a therapist.

I found a scientist who had this big paper rolling machine. If someone were to stand too close to it, their DNA would become entwined with the paper.

I found some old Winnie the Pooh cartoons that were They were missing a layer of cells. Orco from Masters of the universe was also featured in the cartoon. He was making big piles of cat litter disappear And almost shot a cat. My ex freaked out at that even though it was just a cartoon.

I met a group of people who never went outside So they didn't completely understand the passage of time. Because of that, they were able to make time pass by more quickly or slowly as needed. Is there a time less of a concrete phenomenon And more abstraction.

[velcrocandy]

#Oneironaut

I got into a fight with the villain from Highlander because I watched it right before bed. I ended up killing him at an adjustment park by rubbing peanut oil on my hands before punching him as I learned he was allergic to peanuts.I bought a dolphin shaped bong.

[velcrocandy]

Did you know...

My ex girlfriends all managed to maintain a civil/platonic friendship with all of their other ex girlfriends?

Not me though.

If I'm not putting out, no one wants to be around me. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[velcrocandy]

#Oneironaut

i remember giving myself knuckle tattoos