velvengeance

[velvengeance]

make a wish ✨

check more of my work on instagram // buy prints here

[velvengeance]

[velvengeance]

One day, I'll find the Dracula of my life...

During romantic witching hours, under the moonlight, we'll feast on the blood of the living and kiss with mouthful of blood ...passionately and romantically.

[velvengeance]

[velvengeance]

From “Soft Spoken Spells: Poems for Your Inner Witch” by Nichole McElhaney

[velvengeance]

#women #healthypost 

[velvengeance]

Opening up to someone is some next level scary shit. Giving them the opportunity to play God and ruin you if they wanted to.

[velvengeance]

“Our house was small, and when you grow up with domestic violence in a confined space you learn to gauge, very precisely, the temperature of situations. I knew exactly when the shouting was done and a hand was about to be raised – I also knew exactly when to insert a small body between the fist and her face, a skill no child should ever have to learn. Curiously, I never felt fear for myself and he…

never struck me, an odd moral imposition that would not allow him to strike a child. The situation was barely tolerable: I witnessed terrible things, which I knew were wrong, but there was nowhere to go for help. Worse, there were those who condoned the abuse. I heard police or ambulance men, standing in our house, say, “She must have provoked him,” or, “Mrs Stewart, it takes two to make a fight.” They had no idea. The truth is my mother did nothing to deserve the violence she endured. She did not provoke my father, and even if she had, violence is an unacceptable way of dealing with conflict. Violence is a choice a man makes and he alone is responsible for it.” – Patrick Stewart

I am freaking loving this because it’s basically all I’ve been doing on placement this year and it’s just … all of this, guys. All of this.

  I just researched a program in the UK that focuses in changing women’s behaviours to avoid abuse in the future and I’m just like … AHHHH!!! We shouldn’t have to protect ourselves in our own relationships, we shouldn’t have to be on the lookout, men shouldn’t hit us. Period.

  And I’m sick of hearing “there are just as many male victims as female victims” … first off, NO. No there is not. 95% of victims are female and 90% of perpetrators are male. And there is a very big difference between the gendered threats and intimidation and fear that constitute domestic violence (man to woman) than bullying.

  Sorry, had to rant, I love my placement. kaibai.

[velvengeance]

I really appreciate you setting it straight on abusive relationships. It makes me sick to my stomach when I see people defending "tortured souls". My family friend told her abusive husband that she's leaving him, and the next day he went into her work and cut her throat in front of her co-workers. There is NOTHING romantic about being with a manipulative, sadistic partner.

Jesus, that’s fucking horrifying D:

Here’s a reality check for people thinking abuse can in any way be romanticized. 

[velvengeance]

Today is White Ribbon Day. 

This is such an important issue to me and it feels strange being so separated from it this year, when just twelve months ago I was campaigning and running groups and helping women in court … doing something real … but I digress.

White Ribbon is just one of many important campaigns dedicated to raising awareness and stopping violence against women. 

I acknowledge that violence against men (perpetrated by women) is also something that happens and something that should not be ignored - violence is NEVER the answer, your body is your own. 

HOWEVER, violence against women is fundamentally different than the violence perpetrated against men because fear is at the very core of this issue.

Men who perpetrate violence against women groom these women over a long period of time to believe that what is happening is “normal” or “secret”, that they have no one who they can turn to, that whatever exists outside of this relationship is going to be a hell of a lot worse because they’re worthless. These women are cut off from friends, family, financial freedom, sometimes religious freedom and are constantly beaten down physically, psychologically and emotionally. 

This is no way to live. This is no way to treat another human being - much less someone you are supposed to love.

Today, and every day, say NO to violence against women, speak up and never be a bystander, if we ignore what is right in front of us we are condoning this behaviour and allowing it to continue in our society - and that sounds fucking terrible.

[velvengeance]

An incredible story from volunteer training at a sexual abuse centre last night:

A lady giving the presentation told us about how recently, she did this same workshop at a high school in my city, the area well known for being poor, where the “bad kids” go. She told us she was going through her PowerPoint slides, and she got to one that said: “Why didn’t she leave?” (referring to the single most common response when someone hears about domestic violence.)

A 6 foot something teenaged “kid” comes running up to the podium. He grabs his hat, slams it on the ground and says “that is BULLSHIT, ma’am.”

Surprised, she asks why?

He joins her on stage and says to his peers, “because if I am in kindergarten, and I am hitting a kid, and hitting a kid, and hitting a kid.. The teacher does not go up to the kid I am hitting and tell him to go into the hall and leave the room. The teacher doesn’t say ‘why didn’t you stop him?’ The teacher tells ME to stop, and that it is wrong. Why is it so different if they’re in a relationship? Why is it so different when we’re grown?”

When we, collectively, tell perpetrators that abuse is okay by not asking “why are you abusing him/her? Why don’t you stop?” and instead asking “why didn’t you leave?” We are telling both perpetrators and victims that it is okay and acceptable, even, to abuse their partners.. A choice an abuser makes, and NOT a victim.

I know many people that are reading this think “it’s not my problem”, but I assure you, it is. It’s happening to someone you know or love, but because of these responses, a lot of times, victims never get the chance to speak up.

[velvengeance]

Some rarely-mentioned signs that parents are abusive

I see a lot of lists of things that abusive parents do. But some things I have never seen in a list so far and I would like to add them, because according to the other lists, I’ve never experienced abuse from my parents. But just because it doesn’t appear on a standard list doesn’t mean it’s not abuse, so here is an addendum.

I think most of these points are specific for kids who are disabled, mentally ill or neurodivergent, and that this is the reason why they never appear on other lists. But these kids are especially vulnerable to (emotional) abuse, so I made this.

1. Shaming you for your disabilities, mental illness or neurodivergency. This includes undiagnosed conditions. If a parent sees that their child is having problems, they should try to help or, if they can’t, get external help.

It is not okay for parents to shame you for self-harming.

It is not okay for parents to shame you for having meltdowns.

It is not okay for parents to shame or punish you for things you cannot help, no matter how hard it is for them.

Yes, if parents do honestly have no clue what is happening, they might misinterpret your (re)actions. But no later than when they talk with you about it, they should eventually realize that you’re not doing it on purpose. Parents can and should get help from others and/or professionals if it’s too much for them.

2. Shaming you for mistakes. People make mistakes. Inexperienced people make more mistakes. Young people are by definition inexperienced. Especially those of us who are mentally ill, neurodivergent or intellectually disabled, (but really literally everyone) is bound to make mistakes while growing up.

You might not know that there is a difference between cleaning agents and shower gel. You might not know that lotion isn’t good for a potted plant. You might now know that there is a reason why the cat is in that cage. You might think that something is a good and harmless trick but it actually has really bad consequences.

You might not know these things even if everyone else your age does. It’s not your fault. 

It’s okay for parents to be angry, disappointed or shocked. It’s not okay for parents to let it out on you. It’s their job to teach you and if they didn’t do it correctly, it’s not your fault. 

(For example, I didn’t know that cleaning agents and shower gel are different things until I was 18. As a little child, I was told to stay away from cleaning agents and not to touch them and I was never told otherwise, so I just accepted that until I was taught otherwise by someone else.)

3. Breaking promises. This sounds vague, I know. And I know that sometimes promises can’t be held. Sometimes they are forgotten. Sometimes even parents don’t have the energy to keep up their end of the bargain. It happens.

But if it’s a constant pattern, if you are coerced into doing things you don’t like by promises that will never be held, it’s not okay any more.

4. Threats. It’s one thing to explain to a child or teen the consequences of their actions. It’s okay to explain that you need to study or else you will fail your tests and it’s okay to explain what happens then.

It’s not okay to threaten you with grave consequences for minor failures. It’s not okay to remind you of these consequences every time you do something wrong. It’s not okay to keep threatening you when you are unable to do whatever it is they want you to do.

5. Threatening you with things that should not be threats. It’s not okay to threaten a child or teen with doctor’s appointments, hospitals, psychotherapy or psychiatry. These things are supposed to help. You should not grow up to be afraid of needing a doctor or a therapist.

Seriously, instead of a parent threatening their child with psychiatry, they should just go there and try to get help for the whole family because it’s probably desperately needed.

6. Sudden and unjustified punishments. It’s not okay to suddenly punish you for something that has previously been okay. 

If parents are fed up with their children’s behaviour, they should establish rules and explain and justify punishments, and give their children a chance to actually comply (while also considering their children’s abilities).

(For example, as a teen I never helped with housework. I didn’t have the executive functioning and I never got taught how to do it. But suddenly I was punished for not helping with housework.)

7. Unpredictability. It’s not okay to suddenly change the rules without warning.

It’s not okay if it’s “You should go out more often” one day and “No you are not allowed to go out” the next.

Some parents have trouble offering a constant reliability due to their own illness/disability/neurodivergence. It happens. 

But the moment it makes you as their child afraid of their reactions, afraid that they might have a sudden change of heart, it’s not okay any more.

8. Assuming bad intentions where there are none. As I already said, people make mistakes. People even make stupid mistakes. People misjudge, miscalculate, people lose their temper. This happens to parents as well as to their children and everyone else. 

What is not okay is for parents to see you doing something wrong and immediately assuming you’re doing it to harm them.

(For example, I always stayed up late. My parent had trouble sleeping. When I made too much noise, they assumed it was intentional in order to deny them their sleep.)

9. “I want you to do the thing but I also want you to want to do the thing.” This is a tricky one, but I have heard this from so many people that I’m including it as an extra point. I think it’s actually some sort of double bind, because you can only do it wrong or do it wrong in a different way.

It’s okay for parents to demand their children do things they do not like, for example doing chores, doing homework and similar things. (However, it’s not okay to demand more than you can actually do.)

It’s okay for parents to ask their children to do them a favour, for example sometimes do a little more housework, helping them with other stuff, going to the store and so on.

It’s okay for you to not want to do something. It’s okay to do something even if you don’t want to. Actually, most favours work that way, you rarely ever like them but you do them anyway because you want to do something for someone else. Most chores work that way. Almost nobody likes doing the dishes.

However, it’s not okay to make you feel bad for doing something anyway. If you don’t like doing something, you don’t like it, and nobody has the right to demand you to feel differently about it. 

10. Making you feel bad for opening up to them. If you tell a parent about your experiences, your feelings, your problems and your secrets, they should be accepting and loving.

Punishing you for things they would have never known if you hadn’t told them is wrong. Shaming you for things they would have never known if you hadn’t told them is wrong. It’s a parent’s job to offer their child emotional support. It’s wrong for them to show you that you can’t trust them.

[velvengeance]

О теле электрическом я пою

Иль сами вы сведущи так, что зовете раба иль забитого иммигранта невеждой?

Иль мните, что вы имеете право здраво судить, а он иль она не имеет?

Иль думаете, что материя из текучей рассеянности отвердела, и почва лежит, вода течет, зелень растет

Только для вас, а не для него и не для нее?

[velvengeance]

Я понял, что быть с теми, кто нравится мне,— довольство,

Что вечером посидеть и с другими людьми — довольство,

Что быть окруженным прекрасной, пытливой, смеющейся, дышащей плотью — довольство,

Побыть средь других, коснуться кого-нибудь, обвить рукой слегка его иль ее шею на миг — иль этого мало?

Мне большего наслажденья не надо — я плаваю в нем, как в море.

Есть что-то в общенье с людьми, в их виде, в касанье, в запахе их, что радует душу,—

Многое радует душу, но это — особенно сильно

[velvengeance]

[velvengeance]

Oh, I’m in love with you and you will never know.

Sam Smith (Leave Your Lover)