venosmitski

[venosmitski]

i always wanted someone to make blackout poetry of one of my posts but so far i have only had one blacked out to say egg. i guess you if you can't write the poem yourself you can't choose the poem

[venosmitski]

what if being loved by me is a curse

[venosmitski]

this one's from two days ago

[venosmitski]

sometimes I worry that I might be damaged in such a deep level that I can never go back again, and it's so common for me to stare at the precipice that I'm not even scared when it stares back at me

[venosmitski]

why do I only feel love when I'm being desired?

[venosmitski]

i only feel whole when i wake up next to someone

when they‘re hand hugs my waist tightly

they‘re dirty hands who had already touched a dozen women

but they claim i‘m important

i dont care who it is or how he makes me feel

just the fact that someone chooses to be next to me fills me up with joy

yes he‘s only using me for my body

and yes he could’nt care less about me,

but he‘s here,

i‘m not alone

and that‘s all that matters

[venosmitski]

[venosmitski]

"you shouldn't have been drunk"

but i was asleep.

"you shouldn't have slept over"

but i was asleep.

"you shouldn't have gone"

but i was asleep.

i couldn't tell him to stop.

i was asleep.

i couldn't wake up with my top on.

i was asleep when he took it off.

i couldn't scream.

i couldn't move.

you forget how to.

it's funny because you know the touching is wrong.

you know this doesnt feel good.

you know it isn't right.

but that doesn't matter.

cause you're half asleep in a strangers bed and you can't move and you're just praying for it to be time to go home and you don't even know you've been left behind, you're just paralyzed and praying, though you don't know to who, and you're scared, you're so scared and you need to get up but you can't and you don't even know you're alone yet.

and you're just thanking god that he didn't actually enter you.

[venosmitski]

I took some grass home with me from the field were you raped me some of it in my underwear some of it in my hand I don’t think you quite fully understand what you just did to me

[venosmitski]

[venosmitski]

I deserve pain, I deserve this, I asked for this

[venosmitski]

[venosmitski]

[venosmitski]

[venosmitski]

me: self sabotages and fucks up my entire life

me: it’s fine

[venosmitski]

I’m never opening up to anybody again. It all just gets thrown back in my face.

[venosmitski]

“are you seeing anyone” you mean like a hallucination??