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Hello!! If it isn't too much, can I ask how you deal with anxiety? Ive been trying to focus on healing and the part I struggle with the most is intrusive thoughts of all types! (What ifs, Buts, intrusive images, negative self talk etc.) And Ive been taught to practice mindfulness but I fail most times 🥺🥺 I just can't NOT argue with my thoughts and its so hard to let them pass without judgement or without getting engaged with them. Which is why most of my free time is spent just overthinking about everything that causes me anxiety, with a lot of health anxiety too. Its draining and I truly want to get out of this over-rationalizing cycle and start enjoying my everyday without overthinking so much all the time or distracting myself by keeping busy. Thank you! Much love 💖

i'm sorry to hear that you're struggling so much with anxiety at the moment. things will get better i'm sure, lov. just keep fighting!<3

well... i'm not really sure if i really have a specific way of dealing with anxiety. i've always felt very alone and actually exactly a year ago i just.. stopped feeling anxious about other people and my life and shit. 'cause i thought to myself, do i really wanna spend my life crumbling from anxiety? do i really wanna spend the rest of my time on this earth like that? and there was this realisation within me that oddly enough calmed my anxiety so much that it eventually became fully controllable by me.. and that realisation is that yes, the things i feel anxiety about could happen. yes, the things that i fear the most could happen. technically, it all could happen.. like for me personally, my anxiety is rooted in getting abandoned and losing people. it was after a nasty break-up where i was indeed abandoned, i was lied to and maybe even cheated on. everything i had feared had come true.. but i still had me. i still had my life, my freedom, my emotions, my thoughts, my reality. i still had the air i was breathing, the water i was drinking. i knew that whatever i had so much anxiety over, i'd survive. i knew i'd survive, 'cause life doesn't end just because i'm alone.

loneliness still haunts me and it's still something i feel almost on a daily basis, but as i evolve and my life expands, that loneliness will go away. i have people in my life now that i would never wanna lose.. anxiety sometimes nudges me to remind me that hey, you could lose them, but now instead of letting anxiety take over and fill me with the same bullshit and all these imaginary scenarios of how, when, and where, i just tell it, "yeah. i know." and i keep going.. 'cause i know that there's a chance i could lose them. but there's also a chance that i won't lose them. and no matter what happens, i'll be okay. i'll survive and keep living. 'cause life is beautiful, it really is.

i guess that's how i deal with anxiety. asking myself like, "okay so say the worst case scenario happened - what would i do then?" and the answer is always and forever, "i'd keep going" and when i relax into the security of my own loyalty and devotion to myself, i can relax out of anxiety and enjoy what i have in the present.

i hope this helped NJKFS

[vensaster]

it is a natural practice in the Muslim to listen to Quran recitation on daily bases. listening to the recitation of Quran with attention serves as a reminder, brings close to the blessing and mercy of Allah and makes a person open to understanding and guidance. Hence, whenever a Muslim listens Quran, he or she must listen to it attentively.

There is no effort in listening, right? You can listen to Quran audio while taking a bath, cooking, jogging, driving or even doing your job.

[vensaster]

Shall we start now? Will you open up your heart for me?

[vensaster]

you will come across people who won’t like you. who won’t find you funny, attractive or interesting. who won’t reciprocate your feelings or who’ll eventually lose feelings for you and end things. you’ll come across people who won’t agree with you. who aren’t interested in catching up. who have enough in the life they’re living.. without you. 

you’ll come across people who are simply not for you and that’s okay. what’s important is if they’re being respectful and decent towards you while being any of the aforementioned. are they honest? are they open and willing to communicate? are they speaking to you respectfully? do they honour your right to make your own decisions?

if yes, don’t villainise them. don’t shit talk them. don’t trash talk them. ‘cause they’re just different from you and/or not meant for you, and that’s okay. not everyone you come across are meant to stay.

if no, then honestly just turn around real quick and yeet the fuck outta there, dude!!! you got better things coming for you!!

[vensaster]

making mistakes does not mean that you are no longer entitled to gentleness

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[vensaster]

Ghostie friend is amazed at how awesome you’ve been doing! Great job! 🎉

Chibird store | Positive pin club | Webtoon

[vensaster]

Narrative Botox: Filler Words and Phrases to Look Out For

If you’re planning on publishing traditionally, chances are you keep a sharp eye on your word count. Literary agents and publishing houses are on the hunt for the best quality stories that they can print for the cheapest price (using the least paper and ink), so you have a higher chance of gaining representation if you can crank your novel out in the least words possible.

However, filler words and phrases aren’t only the enemies of aspiring traditional authors; every writer—fanfic, novelist, journalist, you name it!—should try to eliminate filler from their stories to assure more concise and high-quality writing. Oftentimes, filler contributes nothing but clutter, and without it, your narrative can flow smoother and in a more sophisticated manner.

But how do you know what’s filler and what’s not? Here are some tips on how to Ctrl+F and kick this narrative botox to the curb!

I compiled these lists with the help of Infusionmedia, BDR Publishing, and ResetEra !

Filler Words

1. Just

A writer’s worst enemy, and the bane of my manuscripts’ existences. Eliminating all the ‘just’s can cut down your word count by hundreds.

2. “That” as a conjunction

It’s an unnecessary addition to a sentence, which will be more streamlined without it.

Example: “He said that he wouldn’t do it again.”

Revised: “He said he wouldn’t do it again.”

3. “Now” as an adverb

“Now” is essential if you’re talking about the past and present, but when you’re using it to draw attention to a particular statement or point.

Example: “Now, I didn’t think it’d get so out of hand.”

Revised: “I didn’t think it’d get so out of hand.”

4. Redundant adverbs

These adverbs serve no purpose because the verbs they’re describing already imply the way the action is performed.

Whispering softly

Yelling loudly

Crying sadly

Laughing happily

5. “Telling” words

These words are redundant, especially when using first person, because in describing an event, we can already assume that the characters are experiencing it.

Seeing/saw

Feeling/felt

Hearing/heard

Smelling/smelled

6. “Clarifying” words used to portray definiteness or indefiniteness

Although these are meant to help out the readers get their bearings on a situation, all they do is come across as wishy-washy! Be concise and sure of yourself!

About

Absolutely

Accordingly

Actually

Almost

Basically

Certainly

Clearly

Completely

Entirely

Even

Exactly

Fairly

Highly

Hopefully

Literally

Maybe

Only

Often

Oftentimes

Perhaps

Possibly

Probably

Quite

Rather

Really

Reasonably

Relatively

Seem

Seriously

Simply

Slightly

Some

Somehow

Sometimes

Totally

Very

Filler Phrases

1.“Let out (vocal noise)”

Use the verb instead!

Example: “He let out a sigh.”

Revised: “He sighed.”

2. Using passive voice

Passive voice inflates your word count by including various “to be” verbs into the prose. Passive voice involves actions happening to a subject rather than the subject performing an action, and as a result isn’t as riveting to the reader as active voice; even if it wasn’t a matter of word count, you’d still want to get rid of it anyway!

Still don’t know what I’m talking about? Check out this article from Grammarly.

Example: “The boy was bitten by the dog on his arm.”

Revised: “The dog bit the boy on his arm.”

3. Describing the wrong noun

Many writers will be as specific as possible about what “thing” is affected by the event they’re describing, when it’s much simpler to take a step back and write about something more general.

Example: “The level of water rose.”

Revised: “The water rose.”

4. Phrasal verbs

Phrasal verbs are the combination of two or three words from different grammatical categories—a verb and an adverb or a preposition—to form a single action. Usually, these phrasal verbs can be replaced by a single-word verb.

“Ask for” can be replaced with “request”

“Bring down” can be replaced with “reduce”

“Come across” can be replaced with “find”

Etc.

5. Clarifying phrases

Same reason as clarifying words. Get to the point!

A bit

A little

A lot

In a sense

Kind of

Sort of

6. Remember your contractions!

Even if your story takes place in olden times, I can guarantee that if you never use any contractions ever, your story’s gonna be a clunky mess. But sometimes you’re in the moment, consumed by the poetic power of the muses, and forget that this isn’t a soap opera; so make sure you check that you’ve been using your contractions!

It is, it was, it would, she is, would not, should not, is not, does not etc.

7. Inflated phrases

These phrases can be replaced with more concise words.

Along the lines of (shorten to: like)

As a matter of fact (in fact)

As to whether (whether)

At all times (always)

At the present (now or currently)

At this point in time (now or currently)

Be able to/would(n’t) be able to (could or couldn’t)

Because of the fact that (because)

By means of (by)

Due to the fact that (because)

Even though (though or although)

For the purpose of (for)

For the reason that (because)

Have the ability to (could)

In light of the fact that (because)

In order to (to)

In regards to (on or about)

In spite of the fact that (though or although)

In the event that (if)

In the nature of (like)

In the neighborhood of (about)

On the occasion of (when)

On one/two separate occasions (Once/twice)

The/A majority of (most)

There is no doubt that (No doubt)

Wasn(n’t) capable of (could or couldn’t)

Hope this helped, and happy writing!

[vensaster]

“The roses in my smile are planted by her. I smile because she exists. She’s my whole heart, my one true north and all my lucky stars. (She’s always my whole heart, my one true north and all my lucky stars.) I love her in such a way that nothing else matters as long as she’s happy. I love her in such a way that a boy and a girl can be friends and still be lucky to feel seen, to write each other letters and to eat pancakes on Sunday mornings. Someday I’m going to die and I want her to have all my books because then she’ll always have the best of me. I want ice creams and her and her and ice creams when everything feels empty she’s the sweetest moments that fills my soul with joy. I smile because she exists because what’s one more girl in the world who loves to paint, build her own library and indulge herself in the freedom of her life? I believe it’s everything – everything I adore. She’s my dream, my lullaby to rise, and my every road to the sunrise. The truth is both beautiful and sad: I smile because she exists even when one day she won’t be beside me to smile at me too.”

— Juansen Ryne Dizon, Ode to Angela 

[vensaster]

(Al-Hakim and at-Tabarani)

[vensaster]

Things men tell me they need during counselling:

Here are 6 common things men tell me they need but don't know how to tell their wives.

1. Men want their wives to say "I love you" more.

No matter how many years you've been married never assume your husband knows how much you love him. The old saying "I don't need to tell him because he already knows" is false. You must do so daily in words and actions.

2. Men need their own space after an argument.

Women are more commonly pursuers for conflict resolutions while men commonly withdraw which reinforces the negative cycle. Let your man cool down by allowing him to retreat to his man cave or do something that soothes him before addressing the issue with him. Give him space. Ideally, agree on a time to resume the conversation so it doesn't get swept under the rug.

3. Men want their wives to initiate sex.

A common complaint is men having to ask for sex and getting turned down again and again. It impacts their manhood and makes them feel demoralized. They tell me they wish their wives would be more spontaneous about sex and do exciting things to spice it up. Many tell me their wives are even embarrassed to say the word SEX or talk about fantasies or talk sexually during sex. Remember, it isn't haram to talk sexually to your husband or to court him sexually. On the contrary, it's encouraged and an act of worship with the correct intention. The more couples talk about sex and their fantasies the better sex they have.

4. Men want to be praised and appreciated regularly.

Many men tell me "she doesn't appreciate what I do". Men, especially those who are the primary providers in the relationship that work massive hours during the week need regular praise and a supportive partner in their corner to cheer them on.

Just like women, men need encouragement and support too. Think about how good you feel when your husband brings you flowers or a small gift or says thank you. Men need that too. Think about the little things that your husband does that makes your life smoother then thank him for them. Couples should show at least 3 appreciations to each other per day.

5. Men want to be touched.

Men report to me that they prefer physical intimacy and their love language is typical physical touch. Men see sex as physical touch while women prefer emotional intimacy before physical touch and sex. It becomes a vicious cycle.

I tell my clients to meet halfway and to make sure they create a daily ritual where they give eachother a 6 second kiss and a 6 second hug when departing and reuniting every day. 6 seconds is enough time for the good hormones to be released which is a good lead up to better sex later on. It fulfills the man's desire for physical touch and shows the wife he isn't kissing because he just wants sex.

6. Men want to be respected.

It's part of man's nature to love being respected. Nothing hurts a man more than being disrespected especially in front of the children, family and friends. When men are constantly disrespected it minimizes their chances of showing emotions and being emotionally connected or responding appropriately to their upset wife. When men feel respected they tend to be more "at your service". As the Arabic saying goes "treat him like a king and he will be your servant".

Catch your husband doing something right everyday and let him know instead of focusing on his flaws.

Women who focus on their husband's strengths and tell them what they do well are bound to have happier marriages.

If you have a good man in your life, recognize it and treat him accordingly and most importantly LET HIM KNOW.

Disclaimer: this is based on my experience counselling men and working with couples. These advices are general and do not apply to domestic violence and abusive relationships.

Source: Mohamed Rima Counselling

[vensaster]

Allahumma inni a’uzu bika min ‘azabi jahannam, wa min ‘azabil-qabr, wa min fitnatil-mahya wal-mamat, wa min fitnatil-masihid-Dajjal

O Allah, I seek refuge in You from the punishment of the grave, and from the punishment of Hell-fire, and from the trials of life and death, and from the evil of the trial of dajjal the false Messiah.

[Al-Bukhari 2/102, Muslim 1/412]

[vensaster]

“When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.”

— Paulo Coelho

[vensaster]

Hari ini barangkali kita masih saja memendam perasaan yang belum terselesaikan. 

Atas perasaan yang pernah kita biarkan berbunga, namun layu pada akhirnya.

Atas perasaan yang tidak bisa kita kendalikan laju arahnya. Padahal bukan pada tujuannya.

Kita begitu mudahnya membiarkan seseorang mengetuk pintu hati, mempersilahkannya masuk dan kita berharap ia akan tinggal. Nyatanya, ia pergi begitu saja. Bahkan tanpa pamit.

Yang tersisa hanya dirimu dengan segala sakit, kecewa, dan seluruh penyesalan. Yang tertinggal hanya dirimu dengan segala upayamu untuk tidak menyerah putus asa pada takdir.

Mungkin kita tak kuasa untuk menyalahkan ia yang telah hadir dan hanya meninggalkan luka. Nyatanya diri kitalah yang lengah dan membiarkan harapan tersemai di dalam hati sebelum kepastian itu ada.

Namun percayalah, perasaan ini akan berlalu bersamaan dengan penerimaan yang kita upayakan. Meski tidak mudah, seiring berjalannya waktu semuanya akan baik kembali. Jika kita memilih untuk memaafkan, menerima dan mensyukuri kesalahan kita kali ini. Akan selalu ada makna baik, saat kita mau mengakui salah dan mau memperbaiki.

Kala patah hati dan engkau memilih bersinar dengan sebaik - baiknya prasangka! Selamat merayakan hari - hari, dengan hati yang menang. Jakarta petang tadi, 15 November 2017 ~ Menyapa Mentari

[vensaster]

i broke into ur brain just to call u out in this quiz (but in a soft way). how does it feel to be loved by u?

[vensaster]

Setiap hari jodoh itu semakin dekat, bukan? Ada yang lebih penting dari mencari, yaitu mempersiapkan diri. Supaya ketika bertemu dengan jodohmu kelak, kamu adalah kamu dalam versi yang paling baik.

— Taufik Aulia

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“Manusia dengan perasaan itu seperti langit sebagai tempat berteduh. Setinggi apapun langit yang dituju, di atas langit masih ada langit. Hingga, pada akhirnya, bukan lagi langit terindah yang kamu pilih. Tetapi langit yang hujannya menutupi tangismu; yang panasnya membuatmu tertawa.”

—