ventanxiety-blog - Tumblr blog

[ventanxiety-blog]

mon. june 4 11:28 PM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MHGtlEYZBA

[ventanxiety-blog]

list of grievances

- respect. i shouldnt have to ask for it. it should be automatic. treat others the way you want to be treated. its a kindergarden concept.

- love. yes, love me for where i am even though you seem to now hate every single thing i do, say, and think. love someone for the good and bad times. you just bring out your love for me when it seems to be a good time for you.

- patience. you are argumentative over every single little tiny thing and it is so tiring that now im jus tin this zombie-like state of backing down and agreeing with things you say just for it to be over and i don’t have tp cry or be full of anxiety and have panic attacks the whole night by myself.

- sympathy. i have anxiety. i know its inconvinient for you and i cry a lot. it may be excessive and stupid things for you, but its my life. im the one at the end of the day that has to deal with it so just be sympathetic that i think that what is running through my head is a big deal.

TBC

[ventanxiety-blog]

digital diary

wed. may 30th 9PM

im starting this tumblr as my own new digital diary. its like a 21st century type of way instead of the old pen and paper, which i will just get insecure about with the length, format, handwriting, consistency.. honestly i can go on and on about it. this just seemed like a better alternative. i have been diagnosed with ADHD since i was in first grade, and generalized anxiety since a few months ago. i have seen a psychiatrist since i was little with the meds, and a therapist when i was 8 for my parents’ divorce. i just recently stopped taking all of my adderall, lexapro, and birth control cold turkey. not a wise decision in the short term, but in the long run when the withdrawals stop i feel like i can be my own person without meds seeming to take over my life. im a college student, i think im going to be a sophmore now but honeslty these smesters dont make sense to me time-wise, but im almost ready for transer with just a few classes to finish. i do okay in school, i have 3.1 gpa, if that means anything to measure intelligence. ive seen complete idiots that have 4.0 and some of the most intellectual people who are failing every class, but thats just the way the system is. this is how it always is also when i want to start a new diary, i try to give the most background information about my life so i can get everything crammed into one space so i can catch up, which obviously i cant type up my whole life. i have no friends, which is something im not proud to say. i know people say that to sound relatable or quirky, but honestly, i have no friends. the only person i have is my partner who i have been in a relationship with for almost 10 months, and even they dont seem to be feeling this anymore. i expect a breakup any day now, which breaks my heart to no end and i know its been bad but im not the type to give up on things so easily. i have a job that ive been trying to get promoted in for some time now, but i really messed things up and got a write up for it, if not for that i would have already been considered seriously. i have been in my house all day, not going outside once, because i didnt have work today and i was fighting with my partner since this morning about what we should do today, and i swear they just hate me to no end now. its like even talking to me is a chore and i dont know what to do with myself. now on top of all that i just feel the anxiety building up in my chest and i want to let all the pain out but can never find a productive way to do so. i just want everything to stop and slow down, so i can do one thing right in my life for once.