ventingentity - Tumblr blog

[ventingentity]

☆☆TW - VENTING☆☆

Back at it again after about a year. I'm doing a bit better, but I still feel like an annoyance and a weak link. I'm over 3 months clean from self harm, and three days away from a 100 day milestone, but I'm really feeling the urge to relapse. I mean, I've done some shitty things and I'm a nuisance to everyone around me, so it wouldn't really matter all that much if I up an disappeared- what's one cut?

I've also been having some serious intrusive thoughts that are begining to be too much. I don't know how much linger I can take it, but it's not like I can get a therapist, and I'm too much of a pussy to call a hotline. I just...I don't know what to do with my life anymore, and I'm falling apart. Plus I'm having some crisis and I don't understand anything. How can I really amount to anything- be useful- if I don't even understand myself?

I'm cutting myself off before I go too far, but...yeah. peace out for now.

[ventingentity]

⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️TW - Venting, ect.⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️

So, I don't know what I'm doing. I've been told by my "best friend" that she can't handle me for more than 5 minutes at a time, and I'm realizing how much I annoy people now. I mean, I've always had my suspicions but I brushed them off as overthinking. Turns out it wasn't and I'm just annoying af apparently.

I just feel kinda bad for making everyone put up with me at this point. I'm an annoying ass bitch and I'm doubting that people keep me around because they actually want to and not out of a sense of pity or requirement or something.

I just don't understand how I didn't notice how people are so fucking annoyed around me earlier. Like, should I distance myself for their sake? At the same time though that makes me remember an off-handed comment from a friend who said I seem like the type to abandon everyone and become a stoner. Does it really count if I'm being left behind tho?

There's two ways out, and the way I didn't mention is sounding much more appealing atm.

Sorry to anyone reading this, once again. I'm not tagging this and sorry for being this pathetic.

[ventingentity]

⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️TW ~ Tiny little vent⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️

I don't really know why, but I'm starting to uncontrollably fidget with my hands at random times. I'm also overthrowing way more than usual, and I'm pretty sure I've convinced myself of some things that aren't actually true. Man, at this point idk what I'm even doing here. In this dumbass town or on earth at all.

[ventingentity]

⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️TW ~ Venting, self diagnosing kinda, just me being pathetic overall⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️

I'll cut to the chase. This is maybe my...third? Tumblr blog, and I really need a place to vent. I feel Iike I'm the last option to all of my friends. Everyone else has someone, but I'm just here.

All of my friends are dating someone, save for one person who's aroace(me too, but on the spec), but even he has a best friend and a bunch of online friends.

For context I'm Asexual, Cupioromantic and Omniromantic. I'm also a Demigirl, He/She/They/It.

I'm just pathetically alone and my mum, Ms. Mental health is for milenials, asked if I was "Depressed or something" this morning. I mean, yeah, probably, but it's not like I can just say something to her, or anyone really.

I can't go to my friends, even if it wasn't for being the weakest link, because they all have their own bullshit to deal with. Me saying anything would add onto that and would quite frankly be selfish.

From tests I've taken on mental health America (self diagnosing, ik, ik) I have severe depression and moderately severe anxiety. I'm also pretty sure I have autism, but once again, self diagnosing.

Well, yeah. Sorry to whoever sees this. Tbh tho, I'm not adding tags so how did you fond this anyways?

Signing out,

Venting Entity