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sighhhh.... I wish the people I hate were actually bad people so I could imagine them being burned at the stake without guilt.....

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if I have to hear my rooommate say mh fucking mh [like a videogame enemy that you're supposed to get so annoyed at you bash them in t he face with a spoon] one more time, then I'm going to turn evil. im going to turn evil. im going to turn evil.

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(says 1 thing wrong) what if every thought I ever had was immoral actually

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ohhshit guys I think I might actually be a little upset at my orchestra conductorrr oopsies

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I could totally be manipulated and thats scawy

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I feel like ive made 1 million mistakes i feel like im in danger I feel likei want to hide away forever I made a silly joke and was immediately told the worst was assumed IT WASNT BAD ITS FINE TO WANT TO FUCK LUCARIO but i got scared so bad im scared what if I stop loving lucario from one singular negative input

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I could pretend to be happy and hyper forever but I dont think i should do that actually

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well cause maybe if im drunk on sleep deprivation I won't care what happens

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this fear doesn't make me actually do my work. by the way

it just makes me stay up late and cry

I kidn of have this sense that im always one mistake away from my mom stopping being nice to me.

which I guess implies that I think her being nice to me is an act. which it might be in a roundabout way? like in the way that you don't punch your cat even if it scratches you

you're acting nicer than you want to, because you don't want to hurt the cat. even if it hurt you

and I feel like im the cat that keeps biting and scratching and that one day she's going to have enough and grab me by the scruff and idk man

I hear so much about the horrible things happening in the world, and how lucky i am to have all this support (god knows where I'd be if I didn't have it..) and it just makes me scared for if. for WHEN I won't have it!

one day my mom is going to die. and by then Ive got to have a stable income and shelter and AGH. im scared for whats going to happen !!!

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I kidn of have this sense that im always one mistake away from my mom stopping being nice to me.

which I guess implies that I think her being nice to me is an act. which it might be in a roundabout way? like in the way that you don't punch your cat even if it scratches you

you're acting nicer than you want to, because you don't want to hurt the cat. even if it hurt you

and I feel like im the cat that keeps biting and scratching and that one day she's going to have enough and grab me by the scruff and idk man

I hear so much about the horrible things happening in the world, and how lucky i am to have all this support (god knows where I'd be if I didn't have it..) and it just makes me scared for if. for WHEN I won't have it!

one day my mom is going to die. and by then Ive got to have a stable income and shelter and AGH. im scared for whats going to happen !!!

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hey I think having high stress situations appear consistently with a specific king of assignment might be making it a little harder for me to do that king of assignment. thus contributing to the stressful situations

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im hungry and im tired and it feels like my problems are unavoidable and trivial and that im overreacitng and this is as good as it's going to get and I just have to suck it up and deal with it forever until i die

I feel like everyone else has the exact same problems as me but they're just dealing with it instead of screaming crying throwing up I feel like there's no end and the summer's heat may as well not exist with the cold that seeps into my bones in the dead of winter

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I didnt expect to be so emotionally affected by this??

I htink its cause I wasnt expecting any beef about musci playig at all in the entire whole wide world. And then im suddenly being insulted for not being able to do something

cause liek I really like orchestra but id rather people not assume that I dont have a skill just because I play in an organized group??? it maes sense where its coming from (because theskills to improvise dont help when you need to be ON THE BEAT) but liek UGHHHHHH agrh OUGH OWIE ZOWIE MY GODDAMNED FEEWINGS

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I think I have been feeling quite disconnected from people as of late.

first off, >10 days since I saw someone my age in person

secondly, I haven't joined a vc in a while and haven't spoken in longer

thirdly, my greatest joy recently was talking about a show, and when I am not actively talking to people its as if the entire world has a veil of black set to multiply.

music helps but goddamn does it not fix it

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hungy and forced to do homework. no worse fate for a :3 at heart

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I am the smartest person in the world, actually.

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show don't tell! !!!! show don't tell!!!

ouagh Im trying to be a nice friend and read the fic but also oh my god. PLEAS PLEASE THIS COULD BE SO GOOD.LET ME CHANGE THINGS