verylostpenguin - Tumblr blog

[verylostpenguin]

[verylostpenguin]

adulthood is just a constant struggle of, “man, i want cookies for breakfast, but I also recognize this is a bad nutritional decision.  On the other hand, the only one who can stop me is me.  i know that fucker’s weaknesses.  i could totally take me in a fight.”

[verylostpenguin]

[verylostpenguin]

this too shall pass

[verylostpenguin]

humans really popped off with stuffed animals man. Yes please let’s put more fluff in soft fabric and make it frog shaped, I will take 800

[verylostpenguin]

why are bathroom sinks designed like that. infuriating

[verylostpenguin]

One time I brought one of my rocks with me on a plane to touch to calm me down during the flight, but it fell out of my pocket on my way back to the bathroom and then as soon as i realized this they actually announced “did anyone lose…… . A rock” over the loudspeaker system.

When I went up to claim it the plane man, clearly unable to throw off the shackles of his training in the procedure of asking for people’s full names and birthdates when they come to claim wallets, said “wait no, first tell me what color it is so I know it’s really yours”

He seemed to realize this was stupid directly after saying it and kind of smiled like to make it a joke but the joke was on him bc I Described the fucking rock to him for like 30 solid seconds

…anyway. that was an interaction I had once

[verylostpenguin]

i had a joke about orpheus and eurydice but looking back it wasn't a good idea

[verylostpenguin]

i hate that "that that" is grammatically correct. why is english the joke language

[verylostpenguin]

this is what i mean when i type 👀 btw

[verylostpenguin]

I wish rainbow trout flew around in the skies so I could release them like doves at my wedding.

[verylostpenguin]

I know this is horrible but this comment was left on a true crime youtube video and I cannot stop laughing. 

[verylostpenguin]

[verylostpenguin]

just encountered a spider so big I very seriously considered downloading tinder exclusively to find a man to come over and move it outside

[verylostpenguin]

Sorry for being incapable of answering a question without like 900 "It dependssss" prefaces. Unfortunately too many things depend on too many things

[verylostpenguin]

everyone make sure to set out cheese & crackers for neil tonight <3