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this random ass old guy who’s entire bit is that he can move like this is the only good wesker fan ever

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(me, my parents, my sister, and the baby are sitting at the kitchen table eating lunch)

baby, pointing at the light fixture over the table and signing "on": o.*

my sister: we actually can't turn that light on right now, because the lightbulb inside is burnt out! it needs a new one.

baby: ighbu.

sister: yes, lightbulb! granddaddy said after we eat he's going to climb up there on a ladder and change it, and then the light will come on!

baby: gadada! adda, uuu! ighbu o!

sister: exactly!

baby, signing "on" and pointing at the light and then my dad, with increasing urgency: GADADA ADDA UUUU. O.

my sister: we're going to finish eating first though, ok?

baby: nonono. O. gadada adda uuu.

[a split second goes by]

baby, pointing to himself: ba. adda uuu. ighbu.

me: you're going to climb the ladder and change the lightbulb yourself?

baby: dzyeah. *pointing to the buckle where he is buckled into the high chair* ububu.

me: unbuckle you? so you can change the lightbulb?

baby, highly businesslike: dzyeah.

*pronounced like "on" without the n

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😭😭😭😭

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bad

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This was the last episode of the first season of The Twilight Zone and they never dared to do anything as fucking funny as this again.

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Adult Swim making an unholy amount of sense.

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stop doing coke with these jokes and come smoke crackula with dracula

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Me when I use the blender that makes 50% of all turtles feel immeasurable pain

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"Rent should be no more than 30% of household income" is a really funny and roundabout way to say "property owners as a class are entitled to 30% of gross wages"

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DeepLeffen is a Twitter bot trained on r/smashbros and Tweets from professional Smash player Leffen. It randomly generates Tweets based on prompts it is fed.

It’s probably the best account on the site.