victoriaocrien - Tumblr blog

[victoriaocrien]

[victoriaocrien]

[victoriaocrien]

[victoriaocrien]

Chrissie Chiffon Lingerie Set

[victoriaocrien]

I’m not ignorant enough to refer to this moment in time as a break because for many it’s a moment of desperation, loss, grief, fear, and mixed emotions we’ll all firsthand/secondhand have to maneuver through. I’m not ignorant enough but through peaks of optimism, channelling what I’ve internalized or debated allows me to tap in a tone of productivity. Like I am now, I mean, I haven’t written anything that isn’t in my notes app for who knows how long? I feel like I envision my life in twos. There’s the few years I know will be about stability, where I’m still not free of external responsibility and what I mean by external is ones that have been attached to me without me asking for their exposure. Then there’s the life I envision, an anxiety free one, where I can tend to children of my own and not the ones birthed from expectation. 

As time goes on, our thoughts merge, clash, evolve, repeat, sit still, but it’s what we choose upon encountering them that essentially matters.

[victoriaocrien]

[victoriaocrien]

[victoriaocrien]

[victoriaocrien]

[victoriaocrien]

Sir Cedric Lockwood Morris

[victoriaocrien]

[victoriaocrien]

i understand why old people sit outside just to sit outside

[victoriaocrien]

source: unknown

[victoriaocrien]

I try and be self aware in my day to day life but being forced out of a routine that allowed me to distract myself has left me with little to none of a choice on what I’d usually reflect on. It’s weird because we often know what’s at value, morally at least, but are drawn to underlying tendencies. It’s an easily panned out structure when you think about what’s ideal to the typical human. The blueprint to happiness amuses me because it revolves around the huge gap of emptiness that’s left within you when you realize you settled. Surface level is all too easy, which is why I remain so uninterested most of the time. It’s exhausting how little there is to offer in retrospect, so without external factors to makeup what we lack internally, we’re left in whatever state you’d like to call this.

[victoriaocrien]

Ok, I'm back. I'm writing...again. Life is pretty terrible but at the same time not? Is everything out of place or rearranging to take form of its next place? I won't make sense because when do I but I'm okay. Anyways, I really want to go into this one blind folded and hands tied. I don't want to plan or think. I think the universe is presenting me with a chance but only will it work in my favor if I'm willing to grow.

[victoriaocrien]

Sometimes I wish we could lay one last time, and I could hear a soft piano play in my head as I linger in the early morning I greet upon waking next to you. It would make for a better ending and what's one more lie amongst the thousands you've fed me? It's nice to be over someone that was never even that someone. The light shifts, and you are seen, parts of you that you hid from me. I hope you find yourself one day.

[victoriaocrien]

Paul Cézanne (France, 1839-1906)

The Avenue at the Jas de Bouffan c 1874-75