vincentskid

[vincentskid]

they say you’re a summation of the 5 people you spend the most time with

I’ve been sitting with the moon the most lately

I check in with her so much that our cycles synced up

she teaches me about sisterhood and the divine feminine

invites me to spark conversation with my wise fellows

shows me the ebb and flow and says it’s okay to hide and reveal

to shy away and then demand room for yourself

to be beautiful and elusive and generous and always there

[vincentskid]

no one’s coming to put me to bed

I have to choose to sleep because it’s the healthy thing to do

I’m not sure who to think about if I can’t think about you

couldn’t want it to be me

she’s the last thing I see

and the first thing I wake up to

[vincentskid]

the possibility of you and I haunts me

I feel like I see it everywhere

That only I can see it, I feel crazy

I scream at nothing and chuckle at the endless displays of affection the universe offers us

I took a lover and he waxed poetry about me as the ghost of Addison road, he was closer to the truth than he knew

You and I haunt Addison road

We wave from the bus stop and the convenience store

Forever stuck on our way to someone else

With each others playlists soundtracking our journey there

I wonder if we’ll ever get on the wrong bus and sit next to each other

Or take pause just a moment too long to reply to our lovers

And it’ll strike us that we should’ve been speaking to each other this whole time

I don’t even know if ghosts can love

Have chemistry

Concoctions of air and water

At least there should be steam

And god, your steam I want

I think about how you’d feel

How you’d taste

I’ve thought about it for a year

No one has ever demanded this attention from me for so long

Maybe no thing either

Never this consistently

I don’t know if that equals a promising future though

I want to step through the veil and pull you to the void

I worry I just don’t know what it’s like in your living breathing world

I don’t want to hurt your life

But I would kill

[vincentskid]

a cigarette will be your lover

she’ll hold your hand

keep you warm in the depth of winter

light your way through the night

mark your days

bring you rhythm

bring you delight and focus and clarity

shorten your days and you’ll thank her

for the company and the curse

you’ll make time for her and spend money to be with her

you’ll sit and contemplate together

the flavour only changing subtly and the familiarity a welcome reprieve

the mundane addictive life long partner

[vincentskid]

what makes up a life

experiences ? connections ? thoughts ?

gardens ? art ? babies ?

do I need to make to be

do I need to achieve

do I need to move

[vincentskid]

My diet consists mainly of huge pizza slices these nights

Hungry and impatient for you and dinner

The pepperoni becomes little bubbles of future possibilities

[vincentskid]

I like walking because it makes me impatient to get home

all this extra time to think

to come up with ideas I hopefully execute at home

Sarah at home has lots of energy and lots of time

she is pragmatic and inspired and energised

Sarah walks right now though

[vincentskid]

I don’t mind the main focus of my day being observant, hopefully present

I feel my failed attempts at new endeavours has been due to a perception in these observations, that others have these same moments, but as part of a bigger fuller life

I literally sit on the bleachers writing this

I’m not sure how to join the game

[vincentskid]

I think I want to be a mother one day

This monthly dress rehearsal feels like a performance I want to see through

Selfishly I probably want to see a smaller version of me be told they are loved and taken care of no matter what

When I rub my belly and try to identify each swollen part, I feel I see myself doing the same with a child’s limbs in my future

Or maybe I’m remembering it

Maybe even just imagining my mother locating me in her womb, picking up on large head and getting scared

[vincentskid]

this full moon arrives in scorpio

my sun sign, a reflection most powerful

but it feels more gut wrenching than this

I see my belly grow and swell

my earthly feminine organs primed for action

this cycle will be hard to pass

I’d bleed for my moon

but rather I feel I’ll have to birth her

pregnant with the understanding that this life is all I have and all I will make a mess of

I’ll groan and ache as the mass of luna cries out of me

the conclave decided, the pope elected, the moon full, the blood run, the consequences laid

this path my most organic and even predestined, predamned

[vincentskid]

Touched some dog shit in the park

Thanked it for giving me the words to say to my friend

Watched 4-12 dogs take more shits in the park

The most beautiful spot I’ve sat in in awhile is also a toilet

Maybe

My job is just noticing where the shit stains are and seeing how the sunset changes colour

Find new music from the year 2000

From the guy who’s heart I broke

And share it with the guy I want to break mine

For someone who likes noticing I really don’t wear my glasses enough

[vincentskid]

13 hours of sleep

a free day

a young body

and a little spare change

is the richest I’ll ever be

[vincentskid]

I sit at my wine bar across from my cinema

I think of art and death and legacy and riches

Of the next generation

Of how I’d like to be fucked tonight

I choose a wine because it’s called memento mori

I remember I must die

The store next to my wine bar that I once worked a singular shift at is closed after 24 years

Such is the way of King Street

She houses you for a time you bask

And then the next pushes you out

My wine is supposed to remind me of death but it fizzes on my tongue and tastes like the grapes of my youth

I watch an old man eat his ice cream

And think about having a cigarette but maybe on the way home

As I pound the pavement and circle my thoughts, I can light up, inhale, exhale, remember it’s all death, and smile a little more at my own indulgence

[vincentskid]

for mum:

another year around the sun you divine gift!

our mother our moon our light in dark spaces

laughing with you reminds me who I am

seeing you collect stones invites me to be

simply colours and textures, appreciated

your dedication to family broadens my vision

your many steps ahead, with my personality and bones, gives me hope

I laugh harder and breathe lighter when you say you have learnt just enough information to be dangerous

how lucky I am to be raised by a dangerous thinker

that voyaged new paths for herself

mapped countries and raised well versed humans

treaded lightly in many people’s lives, yet touching heavily

many months you’ve cycled the earth

your feminine wisdom grown so much

how beautiful you are

I love you

[vincentskid]

Oh The Rain

Forced down, cold, drowned

Wet

Dripping

Cozied up, protected

Meanwhile in the trenches

Settling in to this air, embracing the drenching forces

Releasing inhibitions while kept away from direct sunlight

[vincentskid]

I’m realising that studying and working on my creativity has an inherent selfish connotation in my mind, and I wonder if this is why I struggle to act on it or find myself interested.

In a world that struggles so much everyday I find it hard to picture myself squirrelled away in my room drawing imaginary clothes as useful, especially when I find it so stressful.

I find it hard to make my life intentionally stressful except for obvious betterment.

I love uprooting, I love breaking up, I love starting again.

And I miss having a home, I miss my family, I miss my high school sweetheart, I miss my 9-5.

I grew up with my life curated for me, curated in a way that made it exciting, shiny, special, hard, upsetting, dramatic, pretty, colourful, thoughtful, important

I think those are all things I’m good at doing for myself now.

In some ways I wish I had grown up in suburbia, beat to humdrum rhythms, able to add my own riffs.

Instead perhaps I grew up in the orchestra, never quite first chair, but always enthralled, determined to figure out what language the conductor was speaking, so I could overthrow him.

Now I long for music, wondering what pieces everyone’s writing, how I could offer my skills, fill a chair, because I never did figure out how to conduct.

[vincentskid]

there’s been a lot of red lately

I thought I was an orange moon

but perhaps blood

curdled, dying,

brief but eye catching

noticeable but fairly unimportant

routine death

the earth could pass right through me and I may not notice

but she, the sun and I become one and I feel it

at least I sparkle my favourite colour for a time