visceralmoue-blog-blog - Tumblr blog

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I am beyond creeped out by this. Luisa thinks it's even more than one person. Not only is me talking honestly here causing horrific things to happen to her, which I am vehemently against whether or not I'm her friend, it's also forcing me into being the bad guy just for talking honestly. I don't want to be the person who accidentally sets the wolves on an ex-friend just because I'm too selfish to keep my feelings to myself. I'm also worried about how much these people know about us and how unstable they are, judging by the messages Luisa relayed to me.

But anyway, thank you.

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I am most likely going to kill this blog and start a new one with a classified URL. I'll give the new one to those of you interested in following me after I move.

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Whoever you are, I don't know if you get off on pissing me off, on pissing her off, or just being a horrible fucking human, but there is something very, VERY sincerely wrong with you. You make me frightened for the human species. Goddammit, you make me frightened for Luisa. You even make me frightened for MYSELF.

I have no idea how the fuck I ended up with someone like you following me and collecting and caring about the details of my social life, but you can go right to hell. And also to a fucking psychiatrist's office before you become a danger to someone, if you're not already.

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I hope it helps her. She's not fully on tumblr right now, her phone is just getting pinged each time the anon sends something. They're still in her askbox, sending her different reasons to kill herself, all related to the words I used today.

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I'll tell Luisa this, thanks

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Dear anon,

I would report you to the police if I could.

Get THE FUCK OFF MY BLOG.

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I don't think this anon even really cares about me, but for some reason, volleys of hate to Luisa's inbox coincide perfectly with whenever I mention her in passing in a text post.

Not only are you making her feel shitty, which is unacceptable because she never meant to hurt me, you are making ME feel shitty too for being part of the reason this is happening to her.

Whoever you are, she's told me what you've written to her, and I really fucking hate you.

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If I ever find out who is sending hateful anon messages to Luisa about me after I EXPRESSLY ASKED YOU NOT YOU, I will fucking end you.

Why the fuck can I not express a little frustration over past events on my personal blog without one of you little ASSHOLES going and filling up her askbox with hate? What the hell is wrong with you? I HAVE TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THIS. I DO NOT WANT THIS.

STOP BEING SUCH ASSHOLES

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asdfghjkl

and other keysmashes

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Oh come on, after all that, were you really expecting the Court to just let her get off scot-free?

I DON'T LIKE IT WHEN ANNIE CRIES

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no no no no no no no no I can't handle Annie crying she's going to make me cry no no no

NEW PAGE 2/11/13: “Who said your opinion mattered, Jones?”

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New York Trilogy by IrenaS on Flickr.

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oh jesus

a personal revelation

I just realized that there is a PATTERN in my life of close friends who do something to make me doubt my self worth, who do things that play on my deepest insecurities about myself. This explains a bit about my troubles with...life and stuff.

There was the one in ninth grade who got mad at me for not being responsible, for not being worldly enough, for breaking promises I made to adults at her church that I was going on a trip with them, when I was in the middle of one of the worst dissociative panic episodes I've ever had (which is why I broke those promises.) She said some pretty shitty things. I don't really blame her, she was barely older than me. But I just realized how much effect that affirmation of my dislikes about myself has had on me.

Then there was the friend who took it upon herself to try to fix me, to try to get me to realize I needed some kind of "help." It was never specified what kind of help she was going for. 

Then there was the September clusterfuck. I've already written plenty about that.

Jesus. I know my friends who HAVEN'T pulled shit like this can see the flaws in my character, but let me thank you guys for not reacting to those flaws in a way that's going to scar me for years. 

(Reminder to not send Luisa any more rude or racist anon messages or I will find you and punch your fucking lights out whoever you are)

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My least favorite is when my cello teacher is in one of her "point out every single problem at the same time" moods

-.-

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I was reminded of it by a classmate's comment on it--we're required to do a few comments on our peers' blogs. Except...this person's blog name/.edu email were not a real name...and when I clicked on their blog it said it did not exist anymore. O_O

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oh god I was just forcibly reminded that I put a blog post on my english class blog that included the phrase "I really enjoyed this article because the authors are BITTER sons of b****es, and aren't afraid to show it"

oh god why did I do that