vityaxwolf

[vityaxwolf]

coco mellors, cleopatra and frankenstein.

[vityaxwolf]

“Is that how you feel with Frank?” asked Zoe. “Like someone’s in the hole with you?” Cleo looked out over the unlit buildings. The street below them was quiet and empty. It felt as if they were the only people still awake in the whole city. “Sometimes,” she said. She paused to think some more. “And sometimes … Frank is the hole.”

--

“Each starling is only ever aware of five other birds,” she said. “One above, one below, one in front and one either side, like a star. They move with those five, and that’s how they stay in formation.”

“Who are your five, then?” asked Cleo. “The ones you watch?”

“My five people?” Frank thought for a moment. “Well, Zoe’s one, of course. Santiago, too.”

He looked at the ground, which indeed was scarred with bird shit. “And Anders.”

“I’m glad,” said Cleo, meaning it.

“And now Eleanor.” Frank glanced at her from the corner of his eye. She was nodding slowly.

“And you. That’s five.”

“Me?”

“You,” said Frank. “Always you.”

[vityaxwolf]

cleopatra and frankenstein (mellors) sounds a lot like party4u by charli xcx

[vityaxwolf]

"if i was orpheus i would simply not turn around" yes you would. if you were orpheus and you loved eurydice, you would. to love someone is to turn around. to love someone is to look at them. whichever version of the myth — he hears her stumble, he can't hear her at all, he thinks he's been tricked — he turns around because he loves her. that's why it's a tragedy. because he loves her enough to save her. because he loves her so much he can't save her. because he will always, always turn around. "if i was orpheus i would simply —" you wouldn't be orpheus. you wouldn't be brave enough to walk into the underworld and save the person you love. be serious

[vityaxwolf]

narumi - magnets

hoshina - tsunami

(reno and mina will always be my apartment we won't share)

[vityaxwolf]

since a lot of u guys were asking for it, here's pt.2 to this req !!

fanboy!narumi who cherishes every interaction he has with you, especially during fansign events, because that's where he gets to talk to you face-to-face, do skinship and give you gifts (once upon a time he got you a souvenir from the jakdf gift shop).

fanboy!narumi whose jaw almost drops to the floor when one day during an event you gasp out, "oh, aren't you—" with a hint of recognition in your eyes, looking around to make sure no one hears you. "captain narumi...?"

fanboy!narumi who almost combusts into flames because what do you mean you recognize him? what do you mean you know him and his amazing job and his stupefying title and AND-

fanboy!narumi who smirks smugly when you wave off your manager when they tell him to move along and give the other fans a chance since he's been 'talking with you for too long'.

fanboy!narumi who proceeds to pass out once he's back at the headquarters, your pretty smile and "i'm a big fan of you too, captain!" lingering in his mind.

fanboy!narumi who's close to start banging his head on the table when eventually you ask him for his number in a quiet, shy whisper. god, you don't know the nights he spent dreaming about this particular moment.

fanboy!narumi who's ever so clueless about how much of a big fan you are that you have a fan account of him as well, to the point you write about him too (you argue with his haters and fans alike online on the daily as well but that’s a story for another day).

fanboy!narumi whose mood improves every single day because now the two of you start talking to each other off and online with such familiarity and having friendly conversations that he goes to sleep every night thinking about them (and so do you <3).

fanboy!narumi who feels like he's won the lottery when you accept his invitation to go on a date with him.

fanboy!narumi who, months later, couldn't be any happier that you are his girlfriend and he's even planning to tell the whole world about it. he couldn't care less about the people who would protest against the idea of the top idol, you, dating japan's strongest anti-kaiju combatant. what are they gonna do? send a kaiju to him? pfft.

fanboy!narumi who believes delulu truly is the solulu.

©🅁🅈🄴🅂🄲🄰🄿🄰🄳🄴🅂. do not steal, translate or repost my work anywhere else !

[vityaxwolf]

No bc like if rika was human she’d b yelling at anyone who so much as looks at him funny 😭

[vityaxwolf]

his ears won’t stop ringing. the air tastes like adrenaline and ash. every muscle in his body aches, screaming for reprieve. 

soshiro wonders if they know what a liability they’ve made him—placing you by his side. 

(he tells himself it would be worse if you transferred to another division—he would be worse.)

it’s nobody’s fault but his own, these cracked open fissures in his defenses, the way you’ve slipped between the gaps in his ribcage and made camp amongst his most vital of organs. this unintentional chokehold you have on his heart.

it was supposed to be till death—this commitment to the defense force, to his division, to the thick, steady stream of kaiju blood dripping down his swords onto the concrete below. (it would have been, if he hadn’t met you.)

and yet now the steadfast trajectory of hoshina soshiro’s lifelong priorities cowers in the face of the insurmountable weight of it—this gravitational pull that could bring him to his fucking knees, should you will it. (you need only ask.)

his eyes fall closed in relief as you look up at him, one hand reaching up to wipe away the blood he can feel running down his temple, the corpse of a kaiju lingering in his peripheral vision. he doesn’t even remember running to you—he was blocks away when news of the ambush in your sector came over the comms. 

he wonders if they know what a liability their vice-captain has become as he inhales a slow, steady breath before pressing a soft, lingering kiss to your temple.

[vityaxwolf]

this fucking killed me btw narumi is genuinely and has always been such a kind person . and i think that’s why he had SUCH a raw reaction to kikoru’s tears after isao died. because he’s always been good with kids and always looked out for them. and because (while he didn’t have a close relationship with his family) he knows what it’s like to Lose Everything

furthermore on narumi’s kindness: taking kafka into the first division AND training with him/watching over him. narumi you are unbelievably nice. FUCK!

[vityaxwolf]

I am…..in shambles thinking about these panels and how Hasegawa refers to Narumi as the spitting image of Isao…….

Not only are they making the same face here, but it’s in the same context of conversation. Both of them are feeling the heat of someone younger and stronger than them on their coattails and it’s a bit terrifying. They’ve never had someone push them, they’ve been used to being the “strongest” and now that world view is being challenged.

I think it’s a healthy challenge for them both what with their egos but also because they’re both “secret” softies who actually want to see others succeed around them.

Narumi promising to train with Kikoru once she’s defeated his platoon leaders is a great example of that. It may have come across as a “I don’t think you can do this” but I think it was more of a “I know you can do this, prove me right”.

Same with Isao sticking his neck out for Narumi to keep him in the defense force. He may be a stoic bastard, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to see this kid shine and thrive. He’s just going to make it a bit more challenging to do so. Not like Narumi doesn’t enjoy the challenge.

All in all, I love the parallels between them. They’re the worst IDGAFers ever and they’re losing the IDGAF war constantly. I see you, you fakers. You both care a lot more than you let on and I love it.

[vityaxwolf]

Awful man (affectionate)

[vityaxwolf]

sore loser — kaiju no. 8, narumi gen x f!reader, "babe" as a petname, established relationship, suggestive, smut adjacent? aka they don't actually do it but they sure get naked, 1.5k words

"Are you still pouting about this?" you try to catch your boyfriend's eyes in the mirror, but he avoids your gaze and slumps further into the couch.

You roll your eyes. Narumi Gen ignores you, fingers flying over his phone screen, looking annoyingly handsome in his formal dress uniform even though he's rumpling it to high hell on the couch. You debate for a second about warning him of wrinkles and then go back to putting your earrings in.

"I would've won, you know."

"Sure, Narumi-kun, but the fact remains that you didn't."

He tosses his phone aside. That, more than anything, makes you pause. Your attention-seeking boyfriend abandoning his daily ego surf? This must be serious. "I'm your boyfriend, right?"

"… Yes?"

Gen's gaze snaps to yours in the mirror as he gasps dramatically. "Hey! Why'd you hesitate, huh?"

"Because it was a stupid question." You adjust the straps of your dress and smirk to yourself as his gaze drifts lower. The setting sun is golden and hazy as it spills into his bedroom, sending shadows stretching across the floor and catching along the mess scattered underfoot. You've long given up on trying to keep it tidy, merely shoving half-opened packages aside until there are clear enough pathways to the bathroom and door and his futon.

To be fair to Gen, since you've started dating his mess has gotten substantially less… messy. That might be because the first time you stepped on something while fumbling in the dark for the bathroom, you had threatened to never sleep over again and to scatter Lego blocks all over his floor when he'd least expect it.

You have a feeling the Lego blocks were what sealed the deal.

"Baaaaabe," your boyfriend whines, hopping over to you and grabbing your hands. He shoots you a pitiful look from under his bangs, though it doesn't really work when he's taller than you and keeps shooting glances down your dress. "Why're you kicking me while I'm down? Don't I deserve a pick me up?"

"That sounds like a you problem," you snort. "Besides, we're going to be late."

"As Captain of the First Division, shouldn't I get to choose what counts as 'late'?"

You squeeze his hands, smiling reluctantly at his declaration. He's so silly sometimes. "I don't want Hasegawa-san walking in on us again, okay?"

Gen's smirk spells trouble. He leans down a little until your noses brush. His sudden proximity makes your breath catch in your throat as his body heat seeps into your bare skin. "Oh? And what would he be walking in on, hm?"

"Just a little something to make you feel better after losing to Captain Ashiro today," you smile sweetly, stretching up on tiptoes to kiss him lightly. He chases your lips as you settle back on your heels, hands spanning your waist and pinning you against the mirror as he kisses you again.

It's so easy kissing Gen. His lips are soft but his kisses are bruising, all-encompassing and hot, a drumbeat beneath your skin. His lips move against yours like he's passing along secrets, messages that can only be transferred through his tongue licking into the depths of your mouth, and you find yourself clinging to his broad shoulders and wrinkling the fabric there even more.

"I like these earrings on you," he breathes, his hand smoothing up your back to flick one of the dangling strands. His other hand drifts lower and you squeak when he gives your ass a squeeze. "And this dress. You sure we've gotta go to this stuffy shindig?"

You fiddle with the button of his formal dress jacket as you pretend to think about it.

Gen tilts his head up so you can secure the high collar, waiting somewhat impatiently for your answer. You drag your fingers along his cheek, passing lightly over the bags under his eyes. He works hard, your captain, even if he acts like an idiot most of the time. "You'll be missed if we don't," you point out.

"Can't I eat you out first?" he asks, his voice rough.

"Gen!" you laugh, but your thighs clench as heat pools in your core. "Absolutely not. Even if Captain Ashiro kicked your ass in long distance shooting, you still need to show up to the ceremony! Besides, what about all your other titles? Don't you want to stand up there and show off your awards?"

"Nah, who cares about that stuff, anyway?"

You eye your boyfriend's pout. What a fucking lie. "Is this because of the bet?"

Gen doesn't look at you, but his hands settle on your hips. "No."

"I never would've thought the First Division Captain would be a sore loser."

"I'm not a loser," he shoots back immediately, "I'm the best. And all of those guys know it, too!"

You hum in what could be considered agreement, except there's a glint in your eye that makes Gen frown. He knew what he was getting into when he first asked you out — you, the newest engineer trained specially in Numbers weapons, well known throughout Japan for devising ways to lessen the strain on compatible users. You had come to the First Division to tweak Numbers Weapon One and and only stayed to make it your home base after Gen finally got you to date him.

And even after dating you for so long — after learning your likes and dislikes and the little quirks he associates with you — you still manage to keep him on his toes. You're easily his longest lasting and most serious relationship, and he has a feeling he's going to give you the rest of his life, too, because nobody else has ever come close to making him feel the way you do.

"It won't be that bad," you brush his hair out of his eyes and smile when he leans into the touch. "I'm sure Vice Captain Hoshina won't gloat that much, since we all knew you'd lose to Captain Ashiro. And you'll probably still look hot with your hair dyed another color."

"What — of course I'd still be hot but — wait, how did you know that?"

You raise an eyebrow. "I have my sources."

Gen's eyes narrow as he searches your face. "Don't tell me… you're still friends with that bowl cut bastard?!"

"I've known him for longer than I've known you, you know."

"Yeah, but you're my girlfriend!" Gen's fingers tighten around your waist, but it's not uncomfortable. He's always surprisingly careful with you, and the gesture warms your heart even as your brow twitches with annoyance.

"Don't be stupid," you tug a little harshly on his ear and smirk when he yelps in surprise. "He's letting me choose what color you'll dye your hair, but I'm not letting you have an opinion about it unless you can guess the color of my panties tonight."

Gen's eyes gleam in the mirror's reflected sunset and his lips curl into a smirk that tells you he's forgotten about protesting your friendship with the Third Division Vice Captain. "Do I get a hint?"

"You already got one earlier," you say primly, grabbing his hands and bringing them to his own hips. "Now hands to yourself, loverboy. We've got an awards ceremony to attend."

It isn't until much, much later that evening — once you're back in his room and he's shed his formal dress uniform jacket and shirt — that you take pity on him. He'd made guesses all night, whispering random colors and patterns in your ear between speeches, making you giggle into your sparkling cider while he watched with a grin on his face.

"Do you give up yet?" you ask, reaching for his belt buckle and leaning up for another deep kiss. Gen groans into your mouth, pressing you back into his futon as you arch up into him. His hand is hot against the soft plush of your thigh, a stark contrast to the silky fabric he's slowly drawing upwards.

"White with pink peaches," he mumbles, smiling into the kiss when you laugh.

"I don't even have a pair like that, Gen," you remind him. His hand pauses halfway up your thigh and skips up to your waist, the fabric bunching as he pulls you into him. Your legs fall apart to let him settle between them, but your dress is still blocking his view.

"I'll get you a pair like that," he says roughly, nipping at your neck just to hear you moan. "I'll get you all of 'em. You'll look hot as hell."

You've managed to shove his pants and briefs halfway off his hips and he quickly kicks them the rest of the way off, so the wet tip of his hard cock smears along the inside of your thigh as he settles. You hold your breath as he shifts, blinking slowly when his cock catches along your wet slit and he stills.

Gen's eyes are wide. You can't help but grin up at him as his jaw works.

"Isn't that cheating?" he huffs.

"I hope you don't mind rainbow colored hair."

[vityaxwolf]

➵ NARUMI GEN

summary : Narumi Gen's life has its highs and its lows, but he's glad that he does not have to deal with the latter ones on his own (he would never admit that though). tags : exes to lovers (?), fem!reader, fluff, angst, something between comfort and reverse comfort?, mentions of blood, spoilers for chapters 53/54 a/n : I can't believe how much fun I had writing for him. He's such a versatile character AND A GODDAMN BABY <;33

It was not an unusual occurrence to find the commander of the first division of the Defense Force huddled up in his messy and dump-like bedroom. Yet the palpable melancholy in the light deprived room was rare. It was nothing new, considering that his job brought many sacrifices and losses with it, but still. It was rare.

Narumi was lying on his bed, hands clasped behind his head, changed into a white shirt with a faded Gundom imprint on it and his usual black sweatpants. Besides the few scratches along his jaw, nothing would have made you guess that this man had been on the battle field and had lost his mentor a few hours prior.

Yet here he was, barely acknowledging your presence as you finally closed the door behind you and, with slow and quiet steps, strode over to his bed. Between the various cushions and blankets on his bed, you could also spot the controller of his BS5 which lay beside his limp hand, even though the TV was clearly turned off, its screen pitch black. You wondered if he had really been able to muster some strength to game or if the abandoned controller was just another sign of defeat. Defeat because he had neither physical nor mental strength left to distract himself.

"What are you doing here?" despite the low volume of his raspy voice, his words managed to resonate through the quiet room, his face still facing the ceiling, his eyes covered by his multicoloured bangs.

"I've heard what happened to Mr. Isao." you spoke quietly, carefully choosing your words because you knew Narumi all too well. If it were for him, he would think that your presence was a mere sign of pity, a sign of his defeat, of his failure.

That's why the next time he spoke, his words were louder, harsher even. The tension in his body was clearly visible, tendons along his throat straining and jaw clenching. "Why. Are you here?"

You remained quiet and instead of snapping back, simply decided to take a seat on the edge of his bed. It was not noticeable to the naked eye, but Narumi relaxed, even if it was for only a tiniest bit. Somehow the air around him seemed less suffocating, now.

But as your hand slowly inched closer to his forehead, not being able to fight against your desire to just touch him even if it was for a short moment, one of his arms flew up, his hand grasping your wrist in a tight grip. "Narumi, I brought eye drops. Doctor said you overused them quite a bit." you said matter-of-factly, no softness coating your words, your expression emotionless as your eyes finally locked with his. They were bloodshot, red veins weaving themselves over his sclera, while the blueish rings beneath them seemed to have taken on an even darker shade than usual.

The hold on your wrist loosened, a wordless invitation for you to do whatever you had intended to do. Because, yeah, you knew Narumi but the same went the other way around. And if he knew one thing about you, then it was that you were stubborn as hell.

You motioned him do lie back down and soon after that his head hit the softness of his pillow, black and silver strands of hair sprawled over its pillowcase. How long has it been since the last time he had felt the tenderness of your hands? Three? Four months? It has definitely been long enough for him to feel like a terminally ill man who finally seemed to get his salvation.

The gentless with which your fingers combed his bangs out of his face, how they delicately rested along his eyes, not putting too much pressure around the irritated area as you pressed the prescribed amount of droplets out of the little tube. Narumi swore it was not the medication that soothed the uncomfortable itch in his eyes but rather just the simple sight of you.

However, he was aware that letting himself get used to this, to you, would be a fatal mistake.

"That’s enough." he muttered, slapping your hands away as if they could burn him. "Don’t need a damn nurse."

You sighed as you watched him turn on his side, his back facing you. This could have been your cue to simply leave him alone, let him shoulder this burden on his own, but you could not. And you knew that it was selfish because you were obviously not only staying because of Narumi. You were staying because the thought of him being alone right now would hurt you incredibly hard.

"How are you feeling?"

"'M fine. I've also been fine before. The bleeding's stopped. Now go."

"You know that’s not what I meant."

You flinched at the sight of his upper body swiftly shooting up, his bangs falling back into their place and hiding the frown etched on his face. "Why do you care? Huh? I couldn't do anything. Couldn’t save him. So why do you-"

"Because I care about you, Gen. You, not the first division commander." you cut him off, your own composure slowly crumbling as you felt your eyes sting. "Because I know that you liked Isao a lot."

Narumi's chest heaved heavily and he wondered if, in midst of the silence that reigned in the room, you could hear the rapid pounding of his heart, a result of all the anger, sorrow and relief that he felt currently. Anger towards himself, sorrow because that was simply something you felt when you lost someone, and relief because- because of you? He was not sure but that seemed to be the only plausible explanation.

The breathy chuckle vibrating in his chest seemed rather anguished as he flopped back down on his back, the heels of his palms pressed against his eyes. "You've missed me that badly, huh?" he derided, yet proceeded to scooch over a tiniest bit. Another silent invitation for you.

"You wish." the string of tension hanging between you two seemed to diminish, especially once your head lay beside his, two pairs of eyes now hyperfixating the grey ceiling as if it was the most engrossing thing you've ever witnessed.

"How did the evacuation go?" Narumi asked reluctantly after a beat of slience but received only a light jerk of your shoulders, one of them brushing against his. "That many deaths?"

He had already been looking at you as you turned your head to look into an ocean of red, your own eyes glazing over at the images of all the bodies your troop and you had recovered today from beneath all the ruins and debris that had remained after the destruction of so many buildings. "Way too many."

The reason Narumi's body felt rigid now was not tension, but rather hesitancy. It was just a small gesture of comfort, right? It would not hurt? Maybe a bit ironic since you were the one who had appeared in his room to comfort him, but who was he to give a shit? Warmth creeped through the skin of your palm as you felt him wrap his hand around yours until his fingers weaved themselves through the crevices of your own cold ones.

"Missed me that badly, huh?" you repeated his words, the light crack in your voice, however, drowning the lightheartedness in your words. The fake overly exaggerated laugh emanating from him nearly pulled a smile at your lips, the knot in your chest loosening a tad bit.

"You're insufferable." Narumi muttered defeatedly, the light squeeze you felt around your hand feeling like anything but annoyance or loathing.

"Right. That's why you broke up with me, remember?"

His eyes widened momentarily at your statement. The reason he had broken up with you? Many things annoyed Narumi Gen. Headlines of Ashiro Mina in the news, Hasegawa when he dragged him to unnecessary meetings, people who were only talks without any real actions and strength behind their words- You had never been part of any of these things.

The only thing that had scared him away from you was he himself. He feared all the things that you made him feel; the love that you made him feel for you. He feared becoming too attached and the possibility that your death would not leave him indifferent. For God's sake, neither of you had simple nine to five jobs. Every single day you left your cabins in your suits, you instantly signed a contract that granted you a meeting with Death himself.

But as Narumi noticed your breaths becoming deeper and steadier, his free hand brushing a single strand of your soft hair behind your ear, he realized that life without you was one of the many things that annoyed him. He realized that not having you at all was worse than the constant risk of loosing you, and for once, he was glad that many people had a rather bad image of him. Because he also realized that being selfish had never felt better than now.

[vityaxwolf]

a cheers to our youth

narumi gen / gn!spouse!reader

synopsis : a short series of scenarios where japan's strongest anti-kaiju combatant, narumi gen, is married to his childhood friend and has been since they both turned eighteen. ‘for tax benefits’ he claims (and for love, too- but he would never admit something like that to anyone), and the defence force is unfortunate enough to witness their numerous antics over the years.

content : spoilers to the manga + b-side, lots of crack, fluff, slight angst, childhood friends to married couple, gender neutral reader, no use of y/n, reader works in the jakdf, brief mentions of gambling, all works are sfw and most can be read as a standalone. more cws will be added as more chapters are released. dm me if i've missed anything!

a/n : this is just very very mildly inspired by the song 'seventeen' from the heathers musical, so uhh, watch out.

0 - □ □ □

1 - you just lost the game

2 - wdym i have a head dent?!

3 - □ □ □

4 - □ □ □

5 - □ □ □

6 - □ □ □

extras !!

> top ten questions science can’t answer (NEW!!)

[vityaxwolf]

gen narumi is so touch tank-coded im sorry i dont make the rules

[vityaxwolf]

Agents of Chaos Masterlist

Narumi Gen x f!Reader

summary: In the Defense Force's First Division, it's a commonly accepted fact that the only thing more chaotic than a kaiju attack is your and Narumi's relationship.

notes: giving the kn8 chaos couple their own, well-deserved masterlist. the one-shots are in rough chronological order but can generally be read on their own in any order.

kn8!chaos couple tag

minors, ageless, and blank blogs do not interact

ONE-SHOTS

Never Felt a Feeling Like This: For Narumi, it's love at first sight. For you, it's boredom. | smut

#1 Trending: Narumi has always wanted to be the number one trending topic in Japan. You don’t think this is how he intended for it to happen. | smut-adjacent

In It to Win It: It’s not only chaos that colors your relationship with Narumi. It’s also competitiveness. | smut

Do I Have Your Attention?: Narumi Gen is not only Japan’s strongest, but also its pettiest. | smut

Level Up: Narumi thinks it's time to take your relationship to the next level. But you both have different ideas about what "the next level" actually is. | smut-adjacent

Indecent Proposal: Hoshina Soshiro is visiting the First Division’s base for the first time in three years only weeks after you mentioned a threesome with the man to Narumi. And really, who are you to question the universe's plans? | smut-adjacent

Keep Me Up: Narumi has become such a loud and chaotic presence in your life that any semblance of silence is now deafening. | hurt/comfort

DRABBLES & HEADCANONS

consensual relationship agreement

kn8!chaos couple + cuddling

who first brought up doing anal

narumi cheers you up

kn8!chaos couple + threesomes

general chaotic headcanons

pegging

running into your ex

reaction to kafka

[vityaxwolf]

Keep Me Up

Narumi Gen x f!Reader

summary: Narumi has become such a loud and chaotic presence in your life that any semblance of silence is now deafening.

warnings: hurt/comfort, mentions of smut (but barely), surprising lack of chaos for the kn8!chaos couple, the softer side of the kn8!chaos couple, kaiju no. 8 spoilers

words: 1.7k

part of the Agents of Chaos series

minors and ageless blogs dni

You never have trouble sleeping — ever. It doesn’t matter if it’s loud or if it’s bright. It doesn’t matter if you’re on the floor or sprawled on your workstation. You can sleep anytime, anywhere. 

Except for now, it would seem. 

Because now, every time you close your eyes, all you can see are data points and technical specs and message after message from everyone and their fucking mothers asking for an update on the synchronizations of both the No. 1 and No. 4 suits.

Compartmentalizing has always come easy for you — too easy for you if Hasegawa and the other members of the First Division have anything to say about it. But for some reason, tonight, your mind won’t stop racing. 

You may be in bed, Narumi wrapped tightly around you from behind and sleeping soundly away, but you feel like you’re still in the Operation Room, hunched over the monitor at your console with your fingers flying across the keyboard. 

As you mindlessly watch the tower fan standing only a few feet away from the bed as it oscillates back and forth, it starts to sink in why you’re having such a hard time shutting off your brain. 

It’s the silence that’s making you so restless.

The base is quieter than normal, which you hope isn’t some sort of omen. But more than that, it’s Narumi’s silence that has you feeling anxious. 

You’ve grown so used to sleeping in his office, tucked alongside him in his futon as he plays whatever game has his rapt attention, that just sleeping in your shared bed is always enough to throw you just a little off-kilter. But even in bed, you’ll usually be lulled to sleep by the sounds of him playing on his handheld or his mutterings about whatever troll he’s decided to pick a fight with in his mentions. 

So, his silence now is almost oppressive. 

Although you can hear him breathing deeply in his sleep near your ear, it’s nothing compared to the usual racket that you’ve grown so accustomed to. And it’s setting you on edge. 

Without his usual noise, it feels like he’s not there. 

You try to ground yourself by focusing on the feeling of Narumi’s arm wrapped tightly around your middle and his chest rising and falling against your back. 

He’s here. He’s with you. He’s alive. 

With each attempt to convince yourself, you find that you’re unconsciously trying to burrow deeper into his hold. He must feel you in his sleep because his arm around you pulls you closer and he nuzzles his face against your neck. 

You’re suddenly overcome with the urge to look at him, to see that he’s there. It takes some work with how tightly he’s clinging onto you, but you eventually manage to turn over and put just enough room between you so that you can take him in fully.

A small frown forms on your lips when you don’t find the immediate sense of relief that you were looking for. Because despite being able to physically see that Narumi is with you, it’s not enough. 

It’s not only his stillness that’s bothering you. It’s also the clear exhaustion that looks so out of place on his features. 

He’s looked tired before, usually after back-to-back all-nighters that are fueled by energy drinks and the need to clear whatever mission he’s playing. But this is a different kind of tired. This is the kind that you saw after Director Shinomiya’s death. 

It’s the kind that reminds you that Narumi Gen, for all of his strength and ego and brilliance in battle, is just a man. And men can be killed.

And you absolutely hate it.

Your hand moves on its own as it carefully comes up to his face so that your fingers can gently brush against his cheek. He’s so warm and normally you would complain — loudly — because it’s hard to sleep with a human furnace wrapped around you. But now it’s a comfort because it’s proof that he’s still alive.

His face begins to twitch and you realize that your touch must be so light that it’s gently tickling him but you can’t bring yourself to stop tracing his cheek and jaw. When his eyelids slowly start to flutter open, you feel a rush of guilt knowing how hard he’s been training and how much he needs sleep. But your fingers keep moving. 

It takes a few minutes but eventually he’s returning your gaze with tired eyes. Your fingers trail up the side of his face to reach for his bangs and carefully brush them out of his face, revealing the slight wrinkle of confusion on his forehead. 

“What’s wrong?” he asks, his voice low and rough with sleep. 

“Nothing,” you assure him with a weak smile and a small shake of your head. “Can’t sleep.”

You can see a hint of concern peeking through his exhaustion. He pulls you closer, erasing the few inches that you had put between you, and rests his forehead against yours. 

“Wanna fuck? You’ll have to do all the work though.”

You can’t help the soft snort that escapes you at both his offer and his caveat. You do genuinely consider it. Nothing could pull you from the spiral that you were in like a good orgasm. 

It would be easy to push him on his back and ride him until the post-climax endorphins were rushing through your bloodstream and lulling you to sleep. Or you could swallow his cock until it was hitting the back of your throat and just stay there until he was tugging on your hair and pleading with you to move. 

The mental image conjured up by both scenarios threatens to spark an ignition deep in the pit of your stomach. But the deep bags that you can see under his eyes are like a cold bucket of water to any trace of arousal in you. 

“No. It’s just too quiet,” you murmur as you slowly swipe your thumb underneath one of his eyes — the eyes crafted from Kaiju No. 1. 

The extreme toll of using a numbered weapon is something you’re more than familiar with. It’s hard not to be in your line of work. But it isn’t often that you’re confronted face-to-face with the evidence. 

Narumi has had the No. 1 eyes for years. How much of his life had already been cut short? And now he’s training with the No. 1 suit. How much more of his life would that take off?

What would you do when all you have left is deafening silence? 

Everything that you’re thinking must be written across your face because Narumi starts to look more awake than he had been just moments ago. For as careless and thoughtless and inconsiderate as he is during most waking hours, there are some things that will just never miss his notice.

Your quiet distress seems to be one of them. 

Without warning, Narumi rolls over with you in his arms so that he’s on his back and you’re sprawled across his chest. 

“Gen, I said I’m fine not fucking,” you complain as he manhandles you, because honestly, you don’t really want to do all the work either. Why should he get to be the pillow princess tonight? 

But he just ignores your complaint, adjusting you until he has you right where wants you — with his arm wrapped around your shoulders, your head resting on his chest, and one of your legs threaded through his. Your arm instinctively wraps around his waist as you cling to the thin fabric of his shirt. 

When you lift your head up to look at him at him with a pout, he just guides you back down to his chest with a tired hand, leaving it on the back of your head to keep you there. 

“You hear that?” he asks, and you can feel the vibration of his words in his chest but you know that’s not what he’s talking about. Because with the side of your head pressed right over his left side, you can hear his heart beating loudly, clearly, and steadily in your ear. 

You nod and his hand drifts away from keeping your head in place to skim down your arm until he can take your hand in his, intertwining your fingers together and giving them an affectionate squeeze. 

“Enough noise for you?” The question rumbles through his chest again and you give another nod. “Good. Now go to sleep. I’ve gotta train my dumb disciple tomorrow and you’ve gotta show everyone why you’re the Head of Operations for the Defense Force’s strongest division.”

The complement has a smile tugging at the corners of your lips. But it’s tempered slightly by the words you can feel on the tip of your tongue and you’re glad that Narumi won’t be able to see the vulnerability in your expression when you speak them. 

“Hey, Gen?” you whisper and he hums in acknowledgment. “Don’t die on me, okay?”

There’s a sudden tension that you can feel in his body, his hold on you growing just a little tighter. You’re not sure if it’s from the request or from your boldness in daring to make it. 

The silence stretches on as he struggles to find an answer. You know that if you looked up at him, you would find him staring up at the ceiling. But instead, you keep your head right where it is, pressed right against his chest and his beating heart — the proof that he’s alive.

“Only punk ass bitches die, right?” he finally replies and the question has a grin stretching wide across your face.

“Yeah,” you easily agree.

“And you don’t fuck punk ass bitches, do you?” he asks and an unexpected bubble of laughter bursts out of you.

The words are familiar. You can still taste how they felt on your lips despite it having been months since you spoke them to the rest of the First Division when the system in Narumi’s suit monitoring his vitals had malfunctioned, causing them to suddenly flatline. 

“No, I don’t,” you smile as you nuzzle closer to him. 

“Well, there’s your answer.”

It’s easy to fall asleep after that, with his heartbeat lulling you to sleep along with the deep rise and fall of his chest with every breath and him holding you tight — all proof that he’s here, that he’s with you, that he’s alive.