vivavinni

[vivavinni]

My heart is a seed in the Big Apple, my soul surfs the Golden Coast and I am stuck in the middle fighting for what I love most!

[vivavinni]

With You

I've been reeling on the cusp of wander and lust

Right at the edge of finger tip turning page by wild fire ink

Road map your dreams and stick pins in all the places you see in me

Let me visit your love so I can replicate home in the architecture of us

So there's no searching for contentment while we move our bodies across vast landscapes and galactic lakes

Take me to your stars and show me what your bones are made of

So when we atrophy I know where to grasp your matter

I'll hold onto you like a life raft

I'll be your gravity

The waves of this journey have always kept us tightly bound together

Keep me in your center

And no matter how finite we may seem

There's a lasting love in this infinite dream

What a wanderlust of being

Just

Being

With you

[vivavinni]

Don’t Kill Your Darlings

>

Temperatures rise, higher and higher

Let shelter in place expire

We’re running out of supplies 

We can’t believe all these lies

Swallow your pride and mask up

Death does not judge, she decides

The government gets a cut

While the poor man dies

The government gets a cut

While the poor man dies

+

Jaws clenched, shoulders like boulders 

It was too late when they told us 

When death comes, hope she’s swift 

Thoughts in my mind seem to drift 

High tide, my ocean of emotions 

Nearing the edge of a clif 

There’s no signs of slowing 

The impact of this 

There’s no signs of slowing 

The impact of this 

+

No quarantine, no isolation 

Frontlines bleed exasperation 

People before corporations 

Kill your darlings 

Freedom’s wasted

_

And I will bow before science 

Kill your masters, fuck compliance 

V

[vivavinni]

Siren Envy

There you are

Outside these walls

I reach to touch

Not close enough

Purple pearlescence

Your glistening fog

Gently singing

Your siren call

Some say the ships will sink

Get stranded out at sea

Mistake your song for hope

Shipwrecked on the coast

I stop to ponder the risk

And I can't help but think

The bees, they never sleep

Hive mind-ing for their queen

Producing gold so sweet

Committed until death it seems

I hope to be as true

For you, my lips swell blue

Drown me in undertow

Drag me down ever so slow

Here you are

Inside these walls

I reach to touch

You're close enough

Purple pearlescence

Your glistening fog

Gently singing

Your siren call

I hope to be as true

For you, my lips swell blue

Drown me in undertow

Drag me down ever so slow

Mistake your song for hope

Mistake water for air

Sinking beneath the coast

My life you will not spare

My life you will not spare

~V

[vivavinni]

Happiness Came

By midnight we were drunk on stubborn love. Swinging violently from the honeymoon chandelier. Liquour marinated daydreams coursing through our blood. She was all sugar taffy. That was the first day I realized I had an insatiable sweet tooth for her. The gin on my lips loosened my grip on composure. My sloppy love came spilling out like a dam. "Did I really just tell her I would love to look her in the eyes when she kills me?"

I did

and

so did she.

After Life

I took pliers to my mouth and pulled that sweet tooth out. It was rotting. The pain felt like death though all I wished for was numb. I had always imagined her eyes fading from mine like a sweet farewell to life. Instead my eyes fixated on the mouth of her demon- how it slowly opened beneath me, how it's tongue was so inviting, how it's teeth spiraled into void of all self-awareness. The id can be ugly and it definitely does not care.

After Death

I rinsed my mouth with bleach for weeks. I can still taste blood. From time to time I tongue the wound to reminisce what sugar tastes like. It tastes like painful laughter. The kind that makes you uncertain about your ability to catch your breath, sides cramping, eyes red with tears. I miss the feeling. Happiness doesn't come at midnight anymore. It rarely stays for more than a day. I hope I ask it over for tea soon- ask it to stay for dinner, ask it to hold me for a while longer because it's been so fucking long...

Until then, I'll bleed love notes to loneliness and hope before long my mouth fills with the sweetest song.

V

03202020

[vivavinni]

Thursday Feb. 20th 2020

-

Not A Plus One

-

Why Knot mingle

Swimming in deviance

My fellow hedonistic heathens

Comrades accented in leathers and lace

Collecting pets and lashings

Power exchanging energy

All smiles as familiar faces pass

Embracing for a moment

I am not a plus one

I am my own

Feral and untamed

Patiently waiting prey

Hunting for snacks that bite back

Sneering death traps

Lingering in the fringe

The call to be wild

A whisper to the wind

I am owned only by the moon

Bound by the waves of my master

No matter the phase

I am free

[vivavinni]

Wed. February 19th 2020

3:45pm

-

My flaws grown with good intention

Let me love the hurt in you

May I hold your vulnerable, your tarnish

Guilt and shame were never your friend

Nor mirror but sheath

You let them blanket you

Tuck you into

To keep in

Let me be there

When you let it out

Pour your sorrow over me

Let me see you bleed again

And again

Paint red this flesh

I am but a canvas

Layered in pain

Paint me graceful

Paint me relief

Paint me peace

[vivavinni]

"Life ought to be a struggle of desire toward adventures whose nobility will fertilize the soul." -Rebecca West

[vivavinni]

Dec. 13th, Friday 2019

If you think loving me is a mistake

No matter the length and depth at which you love/d

You are mistaken

If you were to strip all material away from my being

All that will remain is infinite love

Love is my strength

Love is my language

Love is my reason

Love wins

I will never stop love

I am

LOVE

[vivavinni]

Nov. 8th 2019

4pm

Laundry.

Spinning round

Sopped up suds

Clean the dirt

Rinse it off

Be a sponge

Soak it up

Take in the therapy

Wash rinse repeat

Every goddamn week

Don't wanna be your dirty laundry

Piling up, up

Don't wanna be your dirty laundry

Hung on a line

Wash rinse repeat

Every goddamn week

Want to be clean

Oh, therapy

Where's the soap

Slide it down my throat

Soften the blow

Soften the blow

Hang me up to dry alone

Don't wanna be your dirty laundry

Wash rinse repeat

Spinning round

Every goddamn week

Just stay clean

Just stay clean

And hang me up to dry alone

[vivavinni]

4:05am

October 20th, 2019

I am

c r u m b l i n g...

Are you happy?

[vivavinni]

"...Below, the wet black earth shows through,

With sudden cries the wind is pitted,

The more haphazard, the more true

The poetry that sobs its heart out."

-Alex Miller

[vivavinni]

Colors

Friday, August 2nd 2:30AM

COLORS

You came into my life

When all I could see were hues of

grey

& black

& white...

Now here I am

Heart splattered in technicolor

Painted layers of warm vermillion

red

& orange

& yellow...

My monochrome has pixelated

Into shades of cool deep

Emotion

All colors I have tasted in the pigment of your complexion

They've spread through me like watercolor magic...

Before you

My color wheel was skewed

Muddied brown and fading

I thought I would never see the blue sky again

Or the purples and pinks of blooming pansies...

You took my hand

Wiped tears from my face

Opened my eyes

And my chest

I was terrified

My bruised heart exposed...

I'm still terrified

So you hold me

Tightly against your chest

You kiss me sweetly

Through the night

And in the morning

Tell me

All you want is for my heart

To feel safe

Tell me

It's okay to need time

Tell me

You are right here beside me

Tending to your own bruised heart

As I am now tending to mine...

I don't know how long it will take

But I am here to tell you

I can not wait to watch

As we build our own rainbows

Out of storm clouds

Colored together

-V💕

[vivavinni]

Cringe

Wed. July 4th, 2019- 4:00AM

Cringe

~💔~

I live for the day I won't have to trudge through the quick sand of you in my mind day and night to find some kind of understanding.

I wake up, immediately scramble for my phone to say good morning to everyone who isn't you; hoping they pull me back to reality because my dreams are stained with your indifference.

I scavenge every night before sleep to fill the empty space I'm left with, consuming everything that isn't you.

You should no longer be...

You should no longer be...

You should no longer be...

My last thought of the day is hoping I can let you go...

Love sometimes isn't enough to endure the trauma of heartbreak and disappointment.

Love is a word that should no longer be defined by your name.

Someday love will find me again.

I can only hope when it does, the taste of you will have left my tongue so I can say,

"I love you," without cringing.

-V

Xoxo

[vivavinni]

Wed. May 15th, 2019

I love you..

But are you capable of loving you?

Or me?

Am I just a fool for believing?

Am I strong or am I weak for letting you into my heart and never once asking you to leave?

Are you capable of showing me how you truly feel?

How do you truly feel?

Do you even want to give a fuck?

Or are you out of fucks to give?

'Cause I'm standing right here in front of you with all my fucks at your feet, but it's gonna take a lot to mend the damage that's been done.

Will you continue to run from emotions too heavy for you to hold?

Will you continue to bury your hurt in numbing substance instead of creating space for your wounds to close?

Are you capable of doing what is necessary to mend your own broken heart?

Are you capable of allowing me to help?

Or have you truly no fucks left to give?

The choices you make and the actions you take say way more than any words you throw like knives at my ears.

I'm tired of my ears bleeding...

I wanna see you set on fire, burning with the will to change and become who you say you want to be.

I want to watch as you prove to yourself you are much better than this.

Because you are.

You are so much more than this.

And I've never lost sight of that...

I have shown you my love over and over..

But do you have the courage to accept it?

[vivavinni]

Because I Want To

I stay.

I see you through all the bad-bad-not-good-am-I-enough's.

I stay.

I do my best to always hold you through the trauma life has thrown at you.

I stay.

I build you up before myself because I know I can handle the weight.

I stay.

I cherish every moment the sunlight hits your eyes as they meet mine.

I stay.

Because I want you to stay.

I stay.

Because I believe in us.

I stay.

Hoping one day you will see my worth and never take it for granted.

I stay.

Because that's what the fuck I do.

[vivavinni]

Bastard

Mon. May 13th, 2019

Lies are why our boundaries die

In the blink of an eye

Deteriorate in time

You are not worth the hurt

Take your lies for what they're worth

Away from me and mine

Coward!

Snake in the grass

With dead eyes

Without a pulse

Your heart will die

You will reap what you sow

Doesn't matter that you're hollow

I remain hungry to grow

I remain hungry to grow

Stronger than your weak excuse

I'm never afraid to tell the truth

You're a coward in the eyes of few

Playing your part

Taking it too far

No one knows who you are

Coward!

Snake in the grass

With dead eyes

Without a pulse

Your heart will die

You will reap what you sow

Doesn't matter that you're hollow

I remain hungry to grow

I remain hungry to grow

Take your lies and hollow shell

I'll cut these ties and free myself

Take your lies and hollow shell

I'll cut these ties and free myself