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I beg my kidnappers for a phone, swearing not to make any calls or texts, and they stare over my shoulder, holding a gun to my head as I use my newly-freed hand to post, "So do like, dudes just buy ropes and baklavas from the same store or what lmfao like a specialty Crime Store"

One of the kidnappers says "balaclavas" but it's muffled under the fabric. I ask them to repeat and they do, their voice raspy from disuse. "You wrote baklava, that's a pastry." The other kidnapper goes "stfu" and then after a pause goes "Why would you buy from a crime store"

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People in the UK especially, please don't give your ID to Spotify

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ok so a wild rat just spit poison at me

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thanks tumblr for taking down my piece about censorship! heres a more censored version. i think its an improvement, really

(hey. you can still see it uncensored on bluesky.)

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Wrong: Ada Lovelace invented computer science and immediately tried to use it to cheat at gambling because she was Lord Byron's daughter.

Right: Ada Lovelace invented computer science and immediately tried to use it to cheat at gambling because that was the closest you could get in 1850 to being a Super Mario 64 speedrunner.

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Just had the wildest experience with a door to door solicitor.

I have a friend who lives down the block from me, and I drove her to the hospital today for a procedure. When I got her home, we had some lunch together, and a guy comes knocking on the door representing a new internet provider.

My friend can't really stand up at this point, so she asks me to deal with it. I politely listen to about one sentence of his spiel before letting him know that the owner isn't interested.

Anyway, afterwards I run some paint supplies that my friend had borrowed across the street to another friend who lives nearby. She runs a small dog rescue out of her home. So when the doorbell rings and she's dealing with a dog issue, she asks me to answer it. So I do, accompanied by the cacophony of a dozen reactive dogs. It's the same guy, who gives me a bewildered look. I let him know that I'm just there to help out, but that I happen to know the actual owners are happy with their current internet provider.

A little bit later I return to my own house. Only to find the exact same guy on our front porch trying to talk to my husband, who is currently also on a work call. My spouse gives me a frantic look and I'm like "I got this". At this point I'm pretty sure this guy is worried that I might be stalking him or that I just like breaking into people's houses. I tell him that I actually am the owner this time, and if he had a flier I would be more than happy to look over it.

He didn't have a flier so I sent him packing. Anyway, it's fun being friends with your neighbors!

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So, let me get this straight.

In the new upcoming LEGO Batman game, Legacy of the Dark Knight:

- Batman starts out in the Pattinson outfit before upgrading to the Bale and Keaton outfits, but plays like a LEGO-ized Arkham Batman.

- Gordon is based on Wright.

- Alfred is based on Gough.

- Catwoman is based on Pfeiffer.

- Joker is based on Ledger, but has the Red Hood Gang origin from Scott Snyder's Zero Year arc in the New 52.

- Bane is based on Hardy, but clearly uses Venom (the DC drug, not the Marvel symbiote who possessed a different Tom Hardy).

- Penguin is some sort of unholy amalgamation of DeVito and Farrell.

- Talia has comic-accurate brown skin, which means she's not Marion Cotillard and which also means Ra's probably isn't Liam Neeson, but Bruce is clearly training under Ra's like in the Nolan films (alongside Talia no less, which means The Dark Knight Rises absolutely cannot happen in this timeline)!

- Nightwing, Batgirl, and Robin are mentioned to be playable on the website for the game (https://legobatmangame.com/faq/) despite the fact that this game is adapting many elements of the movies (where Dick has never been depicted as Nightwing and Barbara has only appeared once in a highly inaccurate depiction) and starting out with the origin.

Conclusion: I know it's really early to say this, but this unironically has the potential to be the definitive version of the Batman mythos that covers a full summary of the Caped Crusader's career from beginning to end while taking inspiration from just about every version of Batman ever and it’s a fucking LEGO game.

This timeline (both for this LEGO Batman and ourselves) is wild.

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Have I made a funny original post on tumblr dot com yet

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The kindergarten-ification of society

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sweetshop i follow bc their youtube is soothing and lovely said goth rights this xmas

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What no one warned me about when I got into Discworld is that Terry Pratchett would completely ruin all my future footnote experiences. Now, whenever I read a book (even if it is an academic text!!) and see a superscripted number, my monkey brain makes my eyes drop to the bottom of the page asap, expecting a funny, poignant, memorable, and potentially life-altering little treat, and instead I get hit every time with the soul-crushing disappointment of McFarthy, G. et al. (1997)

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We hooked up Loopin' Louie to a TENS unit that shocks you if you don't deflect him.

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Your worldbuilding is your worldbuilding, but if you want your worldbuilding to be credible, you can't have everybody be a catgirl and also have the Catgirl as a cultural object be a thing that exists in your setting. There needs to be a frame of reference. When everyone is a catgirl, no one is.

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“Take year 3 student Emma Glenfield, who started with a simple question about magpies and wound up conducting some cutting-edge research almost by accident."