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The 10 Best Cartoon Bad Guys of All Time

10. Boris Badenov - The Rocky & Bullwinkle Show

Shaddup you mouth!Never in the history of cartoons has there been a character so happy to be evil than Boris Badenov. Along with his sidekick, the almost as evil (and somehow strangely sexy), Natasha Fatale, Boris did everything he could to make Moose & Squirrel's life a living hell. He obviously hated America & everything to do with it. But, he also hated his own country of Pottsylvania & did his best to avoid going there whenever possible. 9. Berg Katse - Gatchaman

The original sex change artistAlso known as Zoltar in "Battle of the Planets" & Galactor in "G-Force". Berg Katse is the leader of Galactor (that was the name of the organization in the original version), an evil alien race, determined to rule the Earth. What set Berg apart from the other alien bad guys, is he was a shape-shifting sex-changer. Yes, sometimes he was a man & sometimes he was a woman! The English versions explain this by saying it was two different people, Zoltar & his sister. Although, even as I kid, I figured out they were one & the same. Although I thought he was just a woman, dressed like a man. Little did I know what screwy heads the Japanese had with their characters. Considering Berg had to deal with the fact that sometimes he had a cock & sometimes not, I have to give him credit that he was able to do as well as he did running the whole show. 8. Cobra Commander - G.I. Joe

COBRA!Cobra Commander is leader of Cobra, a ruthless terrorist organization, determined to rule the world! Kind of like Galactor, but Earthbound. And Cobra's ideas to take over the world were so crazy, that aliens from another world were like, "That's some crazy shit, Cobra!" He always hid his face, either behind a hood, with eye holes, or a helmet with a mirrored front. Somehow, this mirrored face didn't reflect anything. It was Cobra Commander's voice that was the star of the show though. It was raspy & lispy & when he spoke, you listened. Cobra Commander was such a great character, that he even appeared in another cartoon, "The Transformers", which obviously took place years after Cobra was disbanded, as he was pretty much alone. As far as we know, Cobra Commander is still out there, biding his time. Mwahaha! COBRA! 7. General Grievous - Star Wars: The Clone Wars

Kick ass cyborg!Appearing in the 2nd "season" of the animated Star Wars tale, that takes place between Episodes 2 & 3, Grievous stood out as one mean mother fucker. He killed almost all the Jedi, BY HIMSELF! He stood taller than the Jedis & had 4 arms, which meant, 4 fucking light sabers! He was so cool, that George Lucas said, "He's cooler than any character I ever came up with. Let's put him in the next movie!" Of course, Lucas turned him into a smaller Cyborg with an exposed heart, which was easily shot by a blaster. But, for a small shining moment, in the animated series, Grievous kicked so much alien ass, that Galactor was looking to hire him. 6. The Legion of Doom - Superfriends

It's almost like they know the camera is in the room!Yes, I know this is a team of Super-villains, but they moved as one. Actually, they pretty much never moved as one. But, that didn't matter either. The LoD had a much cooler HQ than the Superfriends ever had. Their HQ would rise up out of a swamp. And inside, it was just a table that fit all members of the LoD. Their leader was Lex Luthor, the mastermind. They also had Bizarro, Black Manta, Riddler, Giganta, Sinestro, Cheetah, Solomon Grundy, the Scarecrow, Brainiac, Captain Cold, Gorilla Grodd, & the Toyman. Alone, these bad guys kind of sucked, but together....Watch out!!! Actually, they kind of sucked together too. But the name, the name!!! Legion of DOOOOOOM!!! 5. Dishonest John - Beany & Cecil

NYA HA HA!You know why Dishonest John deserves to be on this list? Because his name was Dishonest John & he was still able to con people (and sea serpents). He had the word "dishonest" sitting there for all to see. But it didn't matter! Nya Ha Ha!! 4. Megatron - The Transformers

Hey Starscream! Wax my ass!If you could put evil into a robot & then boost up the evil to 11, that was Megatron. He could give two shits about human life. He was all about getting energy & didn't care who or what was in his way. He even treated his own soldiers like shit. He also transformed into the stupidest form, a gun, that only worked if someone shot it for him. It didn't matter. They were all scared of him, the good, the bad, didn't matter. Megatron was Megacool! 3. Bluto - Popeye cartoons

This big mumbling fool was all muscle. It seemed Bluto was only there for one reason, to cock-block Popeye into nailing Olive. And it worked too, because Popeye & Olive never did it. Bluto didn't need any spinach to kick the shit out of Popeye either. He could walk through walls, bend steel bars with his teeth, & toss Popeye a block away. He shaved with a razor so nicked, that a normal man would have bled to death using it on his face. And when he shaved, he had a full beard. The only questionable thing was why was he such a prick to Popeye? Bah, no matter! Bluto is one mean sumamabitch! 2. Joker - Batman: The Animated Series

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!The Clown Prince of Crime! Never mind the Calypso Joker from the 60s, or even the smeary faced dude from the new Batman movie, the Joker from Batman: TAS has them all beat. He is truly maniacal & crazy. Just see him interact with his one true "love" Harley Quinn. He could care less about her, or does he? His plans are diabolical & over-the-top! He's scary, funny, & evil to the core. 1. Venger - Dungeons & Dragons

The Force of Evil!Talk about evil. This guy wants to kill kids! His father is Dungeon Master, the creator of the Realm of Dungeons & Dragons. Does Venger care? Fuck no! Dungeon Master protects the kids. Does Venger care? Fuck no! The only thing Venger is scared of is a 3 headed dragon, that is about 90 feet tall. It's the only thing that scares him! And I bet even that never made Venger shit his pants. All the kids wanted to do was get back home, but Venger said, "No way little fucks!" and ruined their chances time & time again. Fucking with kids is evil to the core & that's all Venger did. He is truly the champ of cartoon bad guys.

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Top 10 Most Annoying Cartoon Characters

Cartoon characters can be funny. They can be heroes. And yes, they can be annoying. Here are the most annoying characters in the history of animation. 10) Spongebob Squarepants: Spongebob Squarepants

Spongebob is different than the others on this list for one reason. He was created to be annoying. Even his theme song was created to be loud and obnoxious, so as to wake up parents, as the kids screamed bounced around the room, singing about a freaking sponge! There have been questions about Spongebob's sexuality. People wonder if he is gay. I have the answer. Spongebob is a FUCKING SPONGE! 9) Olive Oyl: Popeye Cartoons

Besides having an annoyingly annoying voice, Olive's sole purpose in her cartoon life is to get Popeye to fight with Bluto. I mean the poor guy's got a fucking eye missing. I don't even think he has any teeth. He's bald smokes a cheap ass corn-cob pipe. Bluto comes along and wants her scrawny ass. He's huge, muscular, has a nice head of hair and can bend steel bars without the aid of a can of spinach. He can get any babe he wants. Yet he wants Miss Stringbean here. She's happy to go with Bluto, but in her evil mind, she knows she's gonna piss Popeye off & force him to chew on that disgusting veggie. He'll then pummel poor Bluto into a pulp. And like a dope, Popeye accepts the fact that she used Bluto to make him jealous. She's evil & annoying. A bad combination. 8) Orbity: The Jetsons

Do you remember the Brady Bunch? Do you remember when the show was nearing the end & they brought in the Brady cousin Oliver? You know, the blond kid with the big glasses. He had smart ass remarks & was un-Brady like in every way. Do you remember what happened to the show after Oliver's first appearance? Yes, it went right down the shitter. Well, in the world of the Jetsons, they had a cousin Oliver & his name was Orbity. Orbity was a little alien that had springs for legs. He made little stupid noises instead of talking. Orbity made his appearance when the Jetsons came back for all new episodes almost 20 years after their first run. The show ran straight for 18 years with only 24 episodes. Yet, they decided that the Jetsons needed a new character to bring it into the "future" of television. Sure, the Jetsons had a pet already, but he was just a dog. A dog that talked! Sure, he talked like he had a mouth full of buffalo balls, but he fucking talked! Orbity couldn't do that. He bounced around & got into trouble. Oh Orbity, you little minx. You're so cute...and annoying. 7) Snarf: Thundercats

Snarf snarf snarf! Snarf Snarf! Yes, if you know the name, you know the annoying way he said "Snarf!" every three seconds. Snarf was the "bodyguard" of a young Lion-o. Lion-O was just a kid, when the show started, but less than an episode later, he would be full grown & become the leader of the Thundercats. Lion-O could kick major ass with his sword, yet Snarf was always there following him around. "Snarf! Snarf snarf!!" There's a famous tape going around of bloopers from the Thundercats. In one of them, Snarf is talking to Lion-O. "But Lion-O, what are we going to do? Snarf!" To which Lion-O answers, "Shut the fuck up." Yes Snarf, shut the fuck up. 6) H.E.R.B.I.E.: The Fantastic Four

Sure, lots of people hate the recent Fantastic Four movies. But you must be thankful that H.E.R.B.I.E. the robot wasn't in either of them. H.E.R.B.I.E. was added to the FF for their 1978 cartoon series. They needed him to replace the Human Torch, as the Torch was going to be used in a separate tv series, which never aired (and not for the rumored reason that little dumb kids would light themselves on fire). H.E.R.B.I.E. stands for Humanoid Experimental Robot B-Type Integrated Electronics. Kind of stupid, isn't it? But not as stupid as H.E.R.B.I.E.. Yes, even the idea of a robot given a Jewish name was not original (Get Smart had Hymie), but I just wonder who decided to replace the Human Torch with a robot. And not even a cool robot. He had no friggin powers!! He floated around and was supposed to be some sort of genius. Excuse me, but Reed Richards is a SUPER-GENIUS!! Annoying & useless. 5) Orko: He-Man & the Masters of the Universe

Okay, so take Snarf. Make him float. Give him a wizards cap & cloak, but take away his face. Now, give him magic powers that are utterly useless. Oh, the hilarity! Oh, the annoyance. Orko had a voice that was kind of like Alvin from the Chipmunks, if Alvin had gargled with liquid helium. Throw in the fact that he was comedy relief that was neither comedy nor relief and you got #5 on the list. 4) Newton: The Mighty Hercules

"What are we gonna do now? What are we gonna do?" The Jimmy Two-Times of the cartoon world. Newton was a centaur who used to follow Hercules around. Naturally, he'd get in trouble and Herc would have to save his horse's ass of an ass. Now sure, we have tons of shows where the comic relief character would have to be saved by the hero, but almost none as annoying as Newton (check out numbers 2 & 1 for the winners in this category). Not only did Newton have this double talk, but he seemed to run into trouble, although he should have seen it right away. Later on in the series, they introduced Newton's partner, Toot. Toot was a satyr who, instead of speaking, would toot on a little pan flute. Now, you would think that Toot would beat Newton when it came to being annoying. But Toot was actually helpful in most cases. Although I will never forgive Toot for the time when he woke up a knocked out Newton, by splashing water in his face, by spitting it out of his flute. Let Newton sleep Toot! Let him sleep!! Trivia: Newton was voiced by Jack Mercer, who also voiced Popeye. Why, Jack, why? 3) Scrappy Doo: The Scooby & Scrappy Doo Puppy Hour

Pu-pu-pu-puppy Power! Pu-pu-pu-piss!!! Oh look! He looks like Scooby Doo, but smaller! He's cute! Oh, I just want to squeeze him until his fucking eyeballs pop out his head! Look, everyone hates Scrappy Doo. Jar-Jar Binks hates him. Even Scooby & the Gang hates him. And the reason is simple, he did not partake in the herb! We know Scooby was smoking up! He & Shaggy would go looking for snacks, while Scrappy was just interested in solving the case & kicking ass. The problem was Scrappy just wouldn't mellow out with a few trees. Puff puff puffy power mutha fucka! Every episode I waited for someone to punt that dog like a football. He was even the same color as a football, shit brown! 2) Uni: Dungeons & Dragons

Waaaaaaaaa! I hate Uni. I hate you Uni. I want Uni to die. I want Uni to die a slow painful death. Uni is the champion of annoying characters that would get into trouble to have to be saved by the kids. The whole show was based on the story that the kids were trying to get home to the real world. This fictional piece of shit would constantly ruin their chances, time & time again. He was a mythological creature! Kill him! Kill him!! Right behind Uni was an almost equally annoying character, Bobby. Bobby was a Barbarian. Bobby would do anything to protect this flea ridden diaper eating pointy headed horse. Even ruin the chance for his friends to get back to their homes. Fuck you Bobby, & fuck you Uni. Die! Die! Die!

1. Elmyra: Tiny Toon Adventures

Remember how I wanted Uni to die? Well, I want to cut off Uni’s horn & impale Elmyra right in her goddamn face. Easily the most annoying character ever created with the most annoying voice ever. Spongebob was created to be annoying, but he was funny. Elmyra was created to be annoying & I’d like to kick her head off her neck like a football. She’s not funny. She’s not amusing. She’s horrible. I hope the person who created her is dead. I hope the person who voiced her is dead. Can you tell I don’t like her?

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The Coolest Cartoon Characters of All Time

10. The Lupin Crew: Lupin the Third

Lupin the Third & his gang may be the coolest group you've ever seen. Let's start with Lupin, the master thief with the heart of gold. Always looking for a big score whether it's with valuables or with the women. Jigen, his best friend. So cool, he's a dead shot with any weapon, even though his eyes are always covered by his hat. Then we got Goemon, the samurai. His sword can cut through anything, but he has his honor to keep him in line. Finally, there's Fujiko. Is she a friend or foe? You never know, but she's just as good a thief as Lupin.

9. Goliath: Gargoyles

We all know that being cool is the only way that you can be purple & not have your ass kicked all over the place. Goliath is the leader of a bunch of Gargoyles that were turned to stone, only to return to life in the modern times. This man was cool. He even turned on human women. Rock on Goliath. 8. Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe

In the comics, Snake Eyes was the definition of cool. Mysterious, silent, a killer. True, in one episode of the TV series, Snake Eyes wore a dress. But, it was a disguise! I keep telling myself that, because otherwise, in the cartoon, Snake Eyes was a cool dude. He did what he had to do & saw it through without exemption. Yes, he did it his way. Most of the time, Snake Eyes would go off on his own to get the job done. 7. Spike Spiegel

Spike is a bounty hunter. He’s loosely based on Lupin the Third, so he’s got that going for him. He kicks ass & takes names. He’s so cool, Keanu Reeves wants to play him. That’s cool. 6. James T. Kirk: Star Trek the Animated Series

Alright, I know it's cheap taking a live-action character & using him on this list by using his crappy Filmation version, but Kirk is a cool fucker. And by fucker, I mean fucker. He fucked anything that moved. From green women to women with hair taller than the size of their heads. He didn't take shit from nobody either. He thought nothing of shoving a photon torpedo up your ass. No doubt Kirk makes this list. 5. Samurai Jack: Samurai Jack

Samurai's are cool. This one gets thrown into the future by an evil force known as Aku. In this future, Aku has taken over the world & so Jack has to fight all sorts of evil monsters, eventually getting to Aku himself. Of course, Jack's sword never breaks & can cut through everything & anything. Naturally, being a samurai, he uses his sword much more than his words, which is cool. 4. Batman: Batman the Animated Series

Not the shitty Filmation version, not the wimpy Tim Burton version, not the grunty boring Christian Bale version, but the version from Batman:The Animated Series. This Batman is cool. His voice is cool, his actions are cool. What else do you need? Nothing, that's what. Coolness in a cowl. 3. Racer X: Speed Racer

A race car driver who became a spy. He's so good at his job, that even his own family doesn't know who he is. A master of martial arts & the best driver in the world. Oh, did I mention he kills motherfuckers during these races? Yes he does....yes, he does. 2. Optimus Prime: The Transformers

He's a giant robot. He's a semi truck. He's the leader of a group of other robots that fight other giant robots. He has an axe, he has a gun. He kicks ass & he is cool. He's really not more than meets the eye. What you see is what you get. Coolness. 1. Brock Samson: The Venture Brothers

Take Race from the Jonny Quest show. Give him a mullet. Give him a knife. Give him cigarettes. Then, make him the most kick-ass character in cartoon history. You got Brock Samson. Basically, he babysits two little wimps. He always winds up like this....

And he's happy doing it.

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How To Make a Bullshit Ghost Hunting Show

We all know that those ghost hunting shows are bullshit, right? Oh, you don't know... Hmmmmm. Well, maybe I can convince you that they are. In fact, maybe I can teach you how to fool others, just like every one of those shows does & make some money doing it to others. 16 simple rules you can use to "Make Your Own Bullshit Ghost Hunting Show".

1. Always shoot at night, in the dark, with night-vision cameras. The main thing you want to do when creating a ghost show is to scare people. Sure, you can hide behind the guise that you're doing it for scientific reasons to prove the existence of ghosts. But you know damn well the watchers are just looking to be scared. And how scary is it to shoot during daylight? So be sure to tell your audience that they say ghosts are more active during night time hours & in total darkness. This will give you the excuse of shooting in the dark with night-vision cameras, which will give you the spookiness you're looking for. And speaking of the people who tell you that ghosts are more active during night time hours.... 2. Always use "They" as explanations for everything. "They" say ghosts come out in the dark. "They" say an EMF detector can detect ghosts. "They" say you can record ghost voices on tape. "They" say ghosts use our energy to manifest themselves. And so on & so forth. Who are "They"? It can be anyone you want it to be, as long as you're passing along the idea that what you're doing is actually doing something. 3. Interview people before you hunt. Chances are if you interview people at a place that they think is haunted, they will have at least one ghostly experience to tell you about. Interview a bunch of people who live(d)/work(ed) there & you'll be loaded with an arsenal of ideas that you can use during your hunt. Listen to the story of how a woman was beaten & tortured & finally killed in a certain room & later, you'll catch an EVP (electronic voice phenomena) of a woman's voice or scream in the same room. And by catch, I mean fake. Listen to another person tell you of how they felt an unseen entity grab their arm & later, your arm gets "grabbed". So simple. The person you interview may also give you names of people who have died in the place, giving you a name that can magically appear on one of your EVP recordings. This also takes away the task of actually coming up with your own ghost or the embarrassment of coming up with a ghost of a person that never existed. 4. Give suggestions to the people you interview as well. This goes along with #3. While interviewing people, throw out suggestions to them like, "Were you ever hit with a thrown object?" or "Were you ever touched?" This actually gives suggestions to the people you're interviewing to make up stories of experiences, thus giving you more ideas for your "ghosts". 5. "Feel" the ghost's presence. Since the watcher cannot feel any of the energy or temperature changes that supposedly happen during ghost encounters, it's easy to just say you're feeling such things. "Whoah! Right here it's very cold! You know they say that when a ghost manifests, it gets very cold!" Yeah, throw in another "They" to make it sound more official. Well, as official as ghost hunting can be. It's also very simple to give someone a suggestion that an area has gotten cold. Sometimes ghost hunters will use this while interviewing the people mentioned in #3 & #4. I've actually done this myself during a visit to a "haunted" building during a ghost tour. I was in a group of about 20 people in a room, listening to the "psychic" tell us stories of the people who have died in the room & pointing towards a window I was sitting next to telling the room that people have actually seen a face at this window, even though we were on the second floor. After her bullsh...I mean stories, she asked the party to move into the next room. At this point, I started to pass my hand around the chair I was just sitting on. I said, "Wow! It's really cold here!" I pointed at a couple that were sitting on the other side of the window & said, "Feel this! Wow! It's cold!" They came over & started to pass their hands through the air above the chair. "Whoah! It is cold!" they both said. After a few seconds, I said to them. "Actually, I was just kidding. I wanted to show you the power of suggestion. I apologize if I offended you." And they said, "No, it really is cold here! Feel it!" I passed my hand through & there was no coldness. Yet, they felt it. 6. Get "feelings" or even "possessed". This goes along with #5, but instead of feeling a physical change, it's a psychological change. This may be the easiest way to fake a spirit. All it takes is a bit of acting. Walk into a room & suddenly feign a headache coming on. Crouch down & start to feel a great sadness overcome you or have a great anger come over you, causing you to punch the wall. Punching hard enough to draw blood is even better. This proves you weren't acting in your right mind, right? Some hunters will go as far as to become "possessed". This is a little harder & needs a little more studying up on the place you're hunting at & requires better acting skills. British "psychic" Derek Acorah was fairly good at being "possessed". The British "medium" would get possessed by a spirit almost every episode of the show "Most Haunted". And he would have gotten away with it, if not for the meddling show host Yvette Fielding & supposed parapsychologist Ciaran O'Keeffe. See Yvette & Derek started to hate each other. Yvette wanted Derek off the show. So what better way to do it, than to prove Derek a fake. So Ciaran set up the name of a supposed person who died in the place they were going to visit next. The name was "Kreed Kafer" an anagram of "faker Derek". And when Derek was "possessed" by this fake spirit, it sealed his fate & he left the show. This was genius on the part of Fielding, as proving fakes makes her fakes seem real. Which brings us to #7. 7. Sometimes, don't find anything. It's very simple. If you find something all the time, people will think you're faking it. I don't think there's an official ratio as to how many places are to be haunted as opposed to places not haunted. I would say it should be around 6 to 1. For every 6 haunted places, have 1 non-haunted place. This will make the situations where you "find" something seem more plausible. It also gives some validity to your "scientific" equipment. And that brings us to #8. 8. Use equipment not designed for ghost hunting to "prove" the existence of ghosts. EMF detectors are designed to find invisible electro-magnetic fields. Finding these fields is great for finding areas in a household where these fields can interfere with other electronic equipment. Everything gives off electro-magnetic fields. Some stronger than others. And these fields can fluctuate from strong to weak all the time. Nature itself gives off these fields. But explain to the audience that "They" say ghosts give off these fields & that nothing in the area of the place you're at can give off these fields, while holding $3000 worth of electronic equipment. Other pieces of equipment you can use are laser thermometers, because "They" say ghosts can lower temperatures, an infra-red or ultra-violet camera, because "They" say ghosts appear in these waves of the spectrum. Or a thermal camera, because "They" say that ghosts can appear as a different temperature in an area. Usually they appear warmer than the surrounding air. Shhhh, don't tell them they're supposed to be colder. Speaking of equipment... 9. Always use digital recording. The greatest recording medium for ghost hunting is digital. Why? Because it's compressed. Bring some real shitty black & white static cameras & record it on security camera quality recorders & you can catch all sorts of stuff. See, when you're recording in digital you get lovely changing pixels all over your screen, especially in the dark areas, but sometimes even the areas that are too bright. Perfect for ghost recordings. These areas are called artifacts. When using lower quality recordings, digital recorders can't process the darks, as they are called, and fill in these areas with what the processors think should appear there, using surrounding areas as reference. This cause all sorts of wonderful shapes & movements. All of which can be called ghosts, if you want. And if you want to have a successful bullshit ghost hunting show, you do. 10. "Suggest" what EVPs are saying by putting text on your screen. Speaking of recordings, ghost hunters like to use EVPs to prove the existence of ghosts. One show, "Ghost Adventures" relies on EVPs for 99% of their "proof". EVP is short for electronic voice phenomenon. It's the recoding of spirit voices. Back in the 50s, EVPs were believed to just be recordings of energy left behind by the dead. But now a days, EVPs are said to be actual answers by intelligent ghosts responding to questions or situations given to them by the hunters themselves. No matter where you are, if you record sound, there will always be background noises. Whether this be from breathing of the hunter & the crew, creaking from doors or settling of houses, outside animals & traffic, you will always catch noises. So, what do you do when you catch the sound of a creaking door? Flash up on the screen "strange unidentified woman screaming". Catch a heavy sigh of your breath, flash up "demonic breathing". Step on a loose board & it sounds like "Brrreeeeearrrrrrrr", flash up "Burn in Hell". You get the idea. Putting these words up on the screen while playing the noise will suggest to the watcher that the noise is what you say it is. People are easily fooled, use it to your advantage. And if you want to fool them even more... 11. Create your own ghosts. Besides "catching" ghosts by EVP noises & shitty digital recordings, you can also create your own! EVPs can be created on spot by whispering. Whispers cannot be recognized as a specific person, which is why it's perfect to whisper when calling in that ransom call or for creating ghostly EVPs. Hell, you can even whisper without moving your lips, like a ventriloquist. Try it now. See? So what if it doesn't sound exactly like what you're saying? You got the power of text on the screen to tell the audience what they're hearing. As for ghostly images, this may even be done unintentionally. When cameras are set up all over an area, especially ones with infra-red beams shooting all over the place, it's easy for your shadow to appear as a ghostly image. And if all else fails, you can add these things later. After all, the show is not live. It's recorded. It's so easy to be on-site & say, "Did you hear that?" & later on your computer, add a voice saying, "Hey you! Get outta my kitchen!" And speaking of doing a live show... 12. Never do a live show. Most ghost shows make this mistake. Usually on Halloween night, you can catch either "The Ghost Hunters" or "Ghost Adventures" airing a special live show. During these shows, they will always catch something. You know why? Because they're faking it. Now, you would think that having a live show & catching something live would prove what their doing is worth the their time & not wasting yours. But, what usually happens is they usually get caught faking on these shows. Avid skeptics will watch these shows & study it & I'd say more than half the times, catch the hunters fakery. One prime example is the show "Ghost Hunters", which airs on the SCIENCE-FICTION channel. This should be your first tip. But during one of their live shows, the two main hosts were caught setting up a hoax, on camera, where one of the host's jacket would look like it was being pulled backwards by an unseen hand. Later in the episode, a celebrity guest hears the host's earpieces where the show's producer was giving them instructions on their next hoax. The celebrity said he heard a strange voice. Knowing they were caught, the hosts played it off like he wasn't hearing anything, but it was too late. In fact, the TV microphones themselves were sensitive enough to hear the producer's voice through the earpieces. So, while having a live show can be good, it can also backfire. It's best to avoid them all together. 13. Use "psychics" & other Paranormal Investigators. Look, they all know it's bullshit, so they're going to play along with you. You can give them suggestions, just like the people you interviewed earlier & they'll not only go along, they may even give you some suggestions themselves. It's a win-win situation. Also, by having other "experts" along with you, it gives your bullshit a little more validity. 14. Make noises & throw small objects. This is so easy, a caveman can do it. Sorry to remind you of those horrible commercials. When investigating a "haunted" place, it'll be easy to find small rocks all around the crumbling place. Just pick a few up here & there. When it gets too quiet or boring, throw one. Make sure not to film the rock, as that will show it came from you. Just throw it behind you or to the side or hit your friend in the leg. No matter where it lands, it'll make some noise & you can act like it almost hit you or whatever kind of scary nonsense you can make up. Even better, if you can find maybe a 2 by 4 piece of wood & toss it into an adjoining room, it'll make a hell of a lot of noise. Bring lots of fishing line & pull objects over & onto the floor. Whatever can make noise will work best. 15. Play spooky music or weird sounds. This will make any situation seem more haunted than it really is. If you play circus music, no one will be scared (unless it's scary circus music). And nothing will creep people out, more than weird sounds. Some people will even think the sounds are coming from the place itself. 16. Never admit orbs are dust. This is the final step for creating a great bullshit ghost hunting show. Orbs. Orbs are said to be a spirit in ball form. They appear in pictures & on video. They float through the air & move around. They appear & disappear in thin air. And, they're all dust. A ghost hunters best friend is dust. And why shouldn't it be? It can be passed off as a ghost. Once again, digital cameras will help you with orbs as orbs appear mostly with digital photography. Now, here's the trick. Trying to convince your orbs are not dust. You would think it's hard to do this, but it's fairly easy. Just like #7, sometimes don't find anything, you show some orbs, but tell people it's dust. Make up some nonsense explanation that dust moves in a straight line or that it's always visible, then show another film, showing a lone piece of dust & explain how it's movement is different, even though it's the same. Shooting in the dark with night-vision is great too, as the invisible light that the camera gives off, doesn't cover all of the area you're filming. Thus, when a piece of dust comes into that light, from the dark edges or far area of the room, it'll appear as if it manifested from thin air. And when it exits the light, you can say the spirit has just disappeared. Well, I hope this guide helps you. I'm sure if you do create a show, it'll get picked up. Every time you turn around, there's another one on some channel that has nothing to do with ghosts. I think there's even an animal-ghost show on Animal Channel now. Apparently people watch these shows a lot. Hell, I even watch a couple of them for entertainment value only (well, and to write an entry for my blog too). The sad thing is I know that most people watching these shows believe in ghosts. But like I said before, people are easily fooled. Instead of being fooled, be a fooler. There are no such things as psychics, there are no such things as ghost hunters, & there certainly are no such things as ghosts.

[vozpit]

Sooner or later, it’s going to be clobberin’ time. But more probable it’ll be sooner.