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w-sincerity · 1 year ago

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I'm still trying to figure you out and its bothering me. I'll be honest, you're bothering me right now and i don't know to pretend your not. its not as simple as you tell me it is, or maybe I'm just wrong about everything. my heart is being stretched in ways i didn't know it could be, for you of all people, i truly don't understand how i am having this conversation with you and no one else in the universe. why is it that when i see you close to someone else my body turns hot just as it was when i first met you. I'm questioning myself right now, you're doing something to my hormones, my body, mind and soul. something is stirring within my soul when i look at you a little to long, for a man who has experienced lifetimes who still has stars in his eyes, you don't sit right with me. how foolish i am, to think i could have figured you out in a couple of months. i don't know you at all, i know how you comfort me when i am broken, how your embrace has began to linger a little to long when i am collapsed in your arms, how you started talking to me quieter when we are in a loud room, how our gaze lingered. I know what you would say in those moments or how you would react but what I'm interested in is how your mind works. i want to hear your stories, not the same ones you told me when we were young but the ones you are too scared to tell anyone. Because what i have learned is that you are frightened, thrown into the maw when you were to young to know what that meant. everything you have faced, the brutality i cannot protect you from, it isn't my job to shield you from his fate that was chosen for you--all i want is for to you to reach out your hand and grab mine--I see you in your faults, flaws, mistakes, imperfections, and regrets I see you.

wI find myself laying awake in bed in the deepest hours of the nigh staring at the ceiling, wondering where you are, how you are doing, if you are well, worrying about every little thing. I see our lives walking paralelly. A tired you, your growing out black hair tucked back into a hat to conceal your identify as you walk through the frigid midnight streets. Scattered snowflakes like winters fall around you, collecting on the shoulders of your black jacket before falling to the ground in your footsteps on the sidewalk. The skyscrapers of that familiar but ominous skyline glow behind your silhouette consumingly. still, the snow falls as you venture closer to the river banks. The dark waters of the river contain the mystery, fame, agony, and pleasure trapped in the windows of the skyscrapers. The waves of the river rushing against the river banks as you habitually turn your playlist on only for your eardrums to be consumed with white noise. I hear your worriedly heart beat in the white noise, my heart pulls me to run to you to go without reason. this intensity--pulling me from my bed until it consumes me entirely, my chest filled with anxiety and hopelessness i rollover. My trusted friend, the realities we watched burn together. Trapped in the moment, i close my eyes. I hear a frantic knock on a door in an unfamiliar apartment, my eyes locked on the wide river out the window. Close to 4:00am, I lock over my shoulder through the small apartment to the black door shaking slightly around the frame. The anxiety i held in my chest tingles in my fingers, i hadn't been watching him. he ignores my texts--sometimes calls too. i fear the hell would put me through as i am beginning to watch the walls disappear around me for only him to remain. The knocking at the door continues --'Ah, it's me, i promise, no one else knows this address. Let me in, please...I know it's early...' i ignored his voice filled with explanations, i didn't care.i was relieved to hear his voice, uneasiness but still relieved. History cannot be erased nor can it be defined within us. He was speaking in short sentences, i doubted he was drinking, just delirious. I opened the door quickly to see his arm pressed against the door frame, his left hand clutching his chest. his breath was heavy, almost out of breath and his brow furrowed with worry. the tip of his nose was red from the cold but his cheeks were surprisingly pale. His eyes flicked up to mine, meeting my gaze with an air of certainty and sensuality. He smiled with ambiguity in the dim light glowing from the window behind me before stepping inside the door and closing it quickly behind him. He exhaled heavily and tilted his head to the side causing his neck to tighten with the muscles he had been developing. he paced into my kitchen, his snow-covered combat thudding heavily on the dark wood floor. he wiped his black bucket off of his head with a single quick movement causing his long black hair to fall forwards over his forehead and ears. His hair was slightly kinked from his ponytail as he pushed his tongue against the inside of his cheek before I paced into the kitchen after him. "Are you okay...?" I murmured hesitantly out of formality, already knowing the answer before he quickly turned to face me pulling his black hair out of his face with his left tattooed hand. His starry eyes glistened with worry and a growing sense of lack of control. "No...I'm not okay at all right now." He said with confidence looking into my eyes as he grabbed my chin with his left hand followed by his right hand tightening around the front of my blouse and pulling my body into his. He tilted his head to the side, his eyes quickly flicking in the direction of the window as he pushed his lips into mine with a quickly rising heat. The metal of his sliver lip ring stung against my tongue and lips as I tilted my head to the side to push my lips back into his without hesitation. I had been waiting for this moment, fearfully maybe but with anticipation. I caressed the back of his shoulders allowing my hands to tighten around the

back of his jacket as his grip on the front of his blouse had loosed and shifted to my lower waist above my left hip. He tilted his chin forwards causing his lips to knock into mine with further intense pressure, the sweet bitterness of his saliva lingered on my tongue as his slightly curlier black hair gathered in front of his forehead. I stepped forwards towards him allowing my hips to push into the front of his along with my bare feet stepping his combat boots. He winces with the heat and pressure of my teeth sinking into his bottom lip causing his lip ring to clink against my teeth. My stomach filled with butterflies and anxiety with the lack of hesitation in his kiss, my head tilting back up to him further with my lips pushing into his automatically. He suddenly pulled away from me, allowing his breath to become heavier with his lips glistening from his saliva as he looks down at me with heightening arousal and internal sensitivity. I rub my lips together in disbelief from the passion in his heavy kiss, I shift my gaze up from my eyes fixated on his lips to meet his charged gaze unwaveringly.

Heat begins to burn in my chest, not a spark of desire nor lust but of hopelessness and growing desperation. i was afraid, so afraid of losing him to the shining lights that filled the streets beneath us--

to a fast life that would become faded and disappear before it started, a life where i couldn't remain by his side on the stormiest nights.

i pause for a moment, admiring his clouded dark eyes looking into mine as I squeeze my hand against his left forearm pressed against the side of my waist with brief dismissal of his touch despite longing for his body to collapse into mine. my eyebrows furrow with doubt.

"Show yourself to me, all of it, reveal it, whatever it is that hands behind your eyes every time we speak-- and don't deny it this time."

- he grabs her wrist and pushes ivt into her chest, unbuttoning his shirt in the frontng smoothly causing his chin to hang down in his chest before he cocks his head to the side, his dark eyes flicking down to meet my gaze and down to my lips. He ignores my words and leans down towards me with desire, his slightly heavier and soft breath on my lips. I lean back away from him, my chin tilting up to his. My nose a mere inch away from his with the tension growing between us with each of his breathes. His eyes flick down my face before I take my hand off of his forearm and push it into the centre of his chest between the leather of his jacket into his grey dress jacket. My touch slightly soothed the look of distress clearly painted on his cheeks as he let out a relieved sigh, the heat of his breath burning not only on my lips but in my chest.

"Express yourself to me, I don't give a fuck how you do it, undress your truth to me, I don't care how ugly it gets, I want to see it--to feel it." I demanded sincerely, my voice trembling subtly with his breath on my lips as I clenched my fingers into the grey fabric of his dress shirt before his eyes flashed with an abrupt realization, his lips slamming into mine with a burning passion. I wince at the pressure of his lips, the tip of his tongue softly slipping in between my lips as he presses the palm of his hand against my lower back causing my lower back to arch with his touch. He abruptly sinks his fingers into the back of my hair, my hair quickly spreading across his fingers as his hand tightens in my hair painfully causing my lips to separate from his, he pulls my hair causing my chin to slit up to his.

His eyes more completely cloud with intoxication, his eyebrows beginning to push together with frustration in his typical way of a fever as he steps closer to him causing his lower torso to push into mine firmly.

"Don't you think I'd tell you, baby? If I wasn't so fucking afraid of letting you down--I won't be the one who breaks your heart tonight." His voice hardening with vulnerability and shaking slightly with the pressure of his hand gripped strongly in my ears as he tilts his chin downwards towards the center of his chest followed by his longer black heavy hair falling over his eyebrows from beneath his black bucket hat. His grip released from my hair with relief with him pushing his hand into the center of his chest and unbuttoning his dark grey dress shirt sensually with purpose. He unbuttons his shirt down to a couple inches above his belly button with his hands tightening with thick veins and the black and dark blue ink of his tattoo soaked into his darker skin. His chest was surprisingly bare from the familiar ink of tattoos and light black chest hair spread across his chest as he leans forwards to collapsec into her quickly followed by his lips pushing against mine with heavy desire causing my lips to separate to allow his tongue to caress mine. His chest presses into my breasts, my back arching with the intense pressure of his hand pressed against my lower back causing me to stand up on my tiptoes gently. He pushes his right hand into my shoulder with experience, his fingertips dragging down my collar down to the front of my neck causing the palm of his hand to push cement against the front of my neck with playful sinister intention.

My eyes roll back in my head with his touch, my lips separating from his eyes as i tilt my head back aeau from himes, wanting him to--internal struggle of wanting to give into the pull of her heart or remain as friends, whatever that meant to her anymore, a boaderline, a fine line that was walked across nearly everytime the two souls met. tiering on the edge of falling into oblivion, just friends that can't stay away from each other.

i never imagined i would fear a future without you I want to know you deeper.

#the

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w-sincerity · 1 year ago

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Is this the place for this kind of thing? Whatever I’ve been writing for 4 hours, I have it right now.

55 minutes and Counting.

His clumsy footsteps echoed out down the narrow hallway of the hotel, the light brown carpet did little to muffle the sound of his heavy steps quickly. I was following closer behind him, dressed in a white button down shirt loosely tucked into the front of his slightly tighter fitting black dress pants and his heels had already slipped out of the back of his black dress shoes. His black hair was already messy with the heat of heavy drinking which too, painted his cheeks a special shade of crimson as his body crumbled into the painted white walls next to the dark brown wooden door of our hotel room causing the side of his forehead to knock into the wall unintentionally quickly before his breath deepened heavily unsteadily with a loss of control causing subtle beads of sweat to appear around his hair line. He averted his gaze over his shoulder in my direction with a slightly uneasiness panic causing his gaze to soften with weakness quickly as he began to fade from his eyes quickly with his gaze more deeply searching mine quickly before he slams his right hand downwards against the silver metal door handle to the hotel room slamming it open without hesitation quickly. He exhales unsteadily with his quicker heartbeat causing him to grab my wrist abruptly with his fingers wrapping around the outside of my wrist quickly as he rushes forwards into the empty dark hotel room in front of us with his hand tightening around my wrist uncomfortably, my feet carry me after him without hesitation heavily lost in messy silhouette quickly before he stops about 5 feet into the hotel room causing him to spin around on his left foot abruptly with his uneven breath. His eyes deepen with complete loose of control and focus quickly causing him to step towards me immediately with him backing me back into the dark town wooden door quickly as the back of my bare shoulders push into the door quickly causing him to slam his left hand into the door behind my head followed by the door soaking shut behind me. The door frame shakes abruptly ending chills up my spine quickly causing him to press the palm of his hand against the front of my neck with heavy intention quickly as he tilts his chin downwards towards mine quickly causing his forehead to grid against mine with his slightly sweatier dyed black hair falling downwards into his eyes quickly before his eyes flick down my face, assessing me quickly causing the corners of his lips to push up into an intoxicated quickly. He exhales sharply quickly causing him to tilt his head to the side quickly as his lips slam into mine purposely quickly causing my lips to tingle quickly with the pressure of his lips against mine quickly before I tilt my chin up to his immediately to push my lips back into his quickly causing the palm of his hand pressed against the front of my neck beginning to tinted quickly with intention quickly. He shoves his fingers up into the back of my hair causing his hand to tighten against the back of my head, forcing my chin up into his quickly as he nudges his lips apart briefly with the pressure of his tongue against my bottom lip quickly causing me to taste the heavy flavour of tequila on his tongue quickly before he steps forwards me towards quickly causing the front of his hips to press into mine with intentional pressure. I feel the pressure of a lump in the centre of his hips through the black fabric of his dress pants quickly causing the heat of his heart beat becoming slightly more noticeable in between his hips quickly as my back arches unintentionally with the pressure of his hips against the front of mine causing my chin to tilt upwards towards his quickly before his left hand tightens heavily in the back of my hair slightly painfully quickly causing my body to melt heavily with a complete lack of control into the dark brown wooden door behind me quickly. My breath deepens heavier with a slightly deeper lack of control and discomfort quickly causing my lips to pop off of his quickly as I press the palm of my hand against the outside of the back of his shoulder quickly.

I feel my hands becoming slightly number and heavier on the back of his shoulders quickly causing the pressure of his hips pressure of his hips pressing forwards into mine to intensify with immediate quickly as his lips pop off of mine quickly causing his breath to become slightly more laboured with his quickening heart rate before he nudges his left eyebrow up slightly arrogantly with direction quickly causing his eyes to flick down his face quickly. “Get up, now—you ain’t gon threaten me downtown and not gonna come through now? Huh? Don’t play with me, we’re past that. Up, nowww��” He says impatiently his voice becoming slightly rougher with frustration quickly causing his breath to shake with his request quickly as he lets his left hand slide downwards against the dark brown wooden door quickly causing him to push his hand against the outside of my right thigh quickly, his hand tightening quickly before he pushes his hand under the back of my thigh quickly causing him grunt quickly with effort. He lifts me up off the tile floor quickly causing him to hop upwards into the pressure of his arm lifting me up without hesitation quickly as I arch my back intentionally with slight impatience and annoyance at the sound of his voice causing him to wrap my legs around his waist intentionally quickly before I let my lower back slide down brown wooden door behind him to directly meet his hips quickly causing me to grid my hips forwards into his intentionally quickly. I push my fingers into the sides of his black hair intentionally pushing his sweaty hair out of his face quickly causing me to tilt my head to the side to study his face thoughtfully quickly as I laugh quietly to myself at his self-inflicted discomfort quickly causing him to twist the edges of his black hair around my fingers quickly. “Careful, I can keep you up here for 24 hours following my every wish if you would just fucking cooperate, stupid fucking man.” I say impatiently, slightly threateningly causing me to dig my fingers into his scalp, grabbing fistfuls of his black sweaty hair quickly as I lean forwards off of the wall into him quickly causing my lips to spam into his heavily quickly before he pulls his left hand buried deeply in my hair out of my hair quickly causing his head to tilt to the side in the direction of my hand buried deep in my hair quickly. He steps backwards away from the door down the small narrow hallway in the direction of large queen sized bed pushed against the far wall of the hotel room quickly causing his black leather dress shoes to thud clumsily against the light brown carpet floor quickly as his hand tighten heavily against the back of my thighs quickly causing him to step forwards towards the end of the bed quickly before he tilts his head to the side pressing his lips against mine slightly more heavily causing his tongue to push downwards against mine calculatedly but messily with the heavy taste of tequila on his saliva quickly. He puts me down on the end of the queen sized abruptly but sure enough; with care causing him to lean forwards over me with me leaning further into the kiss quickly as his slightly messier sweaty black hair falls downwards across his forehead into his eyes quickly causing his chin to tilt downwards away from mine with his red swollen lips popping off of mine quickly before he nudges the tip of his tongue downwards against his bottom lip quickly causing his eyes to flash with a slight lack of care and loose of complete control in his eyes when he meets my gaze quickly. His forehead creases heavily between his eyebrows with discomfort and frustration causing him to press the palm of his left hand into my knee with him tilting my chin upwards to his quickly as he nudges the palm of his left hand into the centre of his chest causing his thumb to pressure against the white button of his button up shirt effortlessly before his shirt falls open to reveal slightly sweatier chest glistening in the dim light of the skyline glowing on the other side the large window next to the end quickly.

“Aishhh—I don’t wanna fake it, we’re going until we’re both done; I don’t give a fuck if it breaks me, fucking break me than, I dare you.” He says seriously, his voice deepening with conviction and impatience causing his voice to drag out into a slightly impatient whine followed by him pressing the palm of his hand upwards against his forehead to rack his slightly knotty, sweaty hair out of his face unevenly quickly. His jaw clenched with the uncomfortable heat of his body causing his eyes to glow with the deeper red light glowing from the neighbouring glass skyscraper on the other side of the large glass window lining the walk next to our soon-to-be bed. I took his harsh words as a challenge rather than a threat, he had guts of steels and I didn’t care, the world around him was already starting to blur. My hands clenched around the cream white blankets covering the body beneath me causing him to push my body upwards towards the light brown wooden headboard and the three flatten pillows quickly. Upon loosing himself in the heat bathing the hotel room, he lunged forwards onto the mattress with a quick grunt with effort followed by his left knee slamming in between my thighs into the mattress quickly as his breathing shook a loosing sense of control—he hated it, feeling helpless like this, and drinking from the mini bar didn’t help his intoxicated state either. He pushed his eyebrows together with frustration causing his head to cock to the side with his slightly longer black hair sticking across his forehead quickly as he slams his left hand forwards into the front of his shoulder with his inching forwards towards my collar bone, he shoved my body down into the mattress unapologetically quickly. His lower abdomen and chest pressed down against mine without hesitation quickly causing my skin to tingle with the bare skin of his chest pressing against mine from his fallen open white button up shirt—his hips following shortly with the fronts of hips slamming forwards into mine with intense pressure causing me to feel the noticeable outline in the front of his once poorly fitting dress pants quickly. He tucked his chin downwards towards his chest causing his intoxicated eyes to flick down my body quickly with the tip of his tongue pushing forwards over the bottom of his lip to lick it quickly as he exhales unsteadily causing the once quiet thudding of his heart in his chest becoming slightly more noticeable quickly before I winced with slight shock with the intense pressure of his hips against mine causing my stomach to twist into nausea quickly. His eyes flicked up across my face to meet my gaze with brief calculation and burning desire causing his dark eyes to flick up to mine to lock onto mine quickly before his forehead ground down against mine quickly causing his eyes to flick shut with a brief sense of relief. He exhales unintentionally through softly parted lips causing his forehead to grid to the side on mine quickly as he shoved his lips forwards into mine without hesitation, the bitter-sweet taste of his alcoholic saliva spreading on my lips quickly causing his tongue to slip into my mouth quickly. His left hand tightens its grasp around the outside of my shoulder with his fingertips scraping into my skin to drag the thin strap of my black silk dress off of my shoulder as I pressed my hand into the back of his bicep, pushing up my hand upwards to the back of his shoulders quickly causing my fingertips to tighten around the back of his white button up t shirt quickly before I nudge my heel downwards against the back of his calf with persuasion causing my knees to spread around his torso pressing down against mine. The pressure of his body against mine was too much—I was drowning in it already and I hadn’t even felt his breath in my ears, the thought spread throughout my body like wild fire causing my back to quickly arch with the pressure of his body against mine quickly, my hips rotating upwards and gridding into his methodically with direction.

I quickly lifted my right leg up off of the mattress to wrap my legs around his hips intentionally, my black silk dress pushing up over my hips and slightly sliding upwards over my belly button quickly as I slam my hand into the palm of his hand causing the palm of my hand to massage the centre of hand rhythmically quickly before I press my right hand upwards into his shoulder to pull the white fabric of his button up shirt off of his shoulder with growing impatience quickly. He lets out a slightly surprised gasp with the immediate pressure of my hips against his, causing the immediate throbbing of his heartbeat in the slightly thicker lump in the centre of his hips to intensify quickly as his lips separate quickly with his unsteady and impatient breath causing his gaze to harden with heavier intoxication and carelessness before he rolls his head to the side on his shoulders quickly, his black hair falling off of the side of his head quickly causing the corners of his lips to push up into a manic cynical smile. “Eghh~ are you fuckin’ kidding me? Yaa—!” His eyes flick back in his head quickly causing his pupils to disappear for an instant before flicking back to mike to lock on my gaze with frustration and discomfort causing him to lunge forwards directly in top of me, with my shoulders sliding upwards against the mattress quickly as his hips slam forwards into mine with slight angst causing his lower abdomen to tighten with barely noticeable abs, his lower tummy turning a slightly brighter shade of red in the red tinge of the light quickly before he grids his hips forwards into mine with a slightly slower natural rhythm causing his breath to lower to become slightly shorter and deeper to form a low loan quickly. He shoves his right hand downwards against the centre of my back with his fingertips softly and effortlessly tightening around the zipper on the back of my dress causing the slightly cold cream-coloured sheets to press against my bare skin quickly as he leans forwards over me quickly causing him to press the palm of his left hand into my chin with sincere passion followed by his sweatier black hair brushing forwards against my forehead quickly. “Tonight, I’m the bad guy—I’m gon’ pull you apart from the inside, piece by piece...” He insists with impatience; his voice lowering and becoming slightly rougher with intoxication quickly as his gaze hardens with seriousness, loosing himself into his intoxication quickly. His jaw dropped open softly with his bottom lip pushing downwards over his bottom to slight clench with deepening discomfort and growing intoxicated rage. The air between us was hardly sickeningly humid, stifling to for either of us to suck in short breaths. I couldnt stand the sight of him already, and he barely laid his soft palms against my skin—the tension was already starting to burn a whole in my chest. I quickly averted my gaze up to his willingly, causing my back to arch downwards into the white blankets beneath us as my nose slightly roughly knocked into his causing him to breath in his short uncomfortable breaths. My gaze hardened direction and growing impatience for his condition, my eyes flicking down his face assessing him. “It’ll be morning in a few hours, you’d better not waste any time.” I speak harshly, my eyes quickly averting up to his to meet his intoxicated slightly darker eyes fixed on mine quickly as I tilt my head to the side with intention, causing my lips to push into his with slightly stronger and sickened pressure before the palm of his left hand tightens more strongly around my chin causing scattered bluish veins to pop out of his pale hands. The tip of his bitter sweet tongue melted into mine sweetly with the smooth stickiness of his saliva beginning to softly run out of the corners of my mouth with the growing passion of his kiss as he shoves the palm of his left hand downwards into the front of my chest causing his shirt fingernails to sink into my skin.

His lips quickly popped off of mine with a sharp desperate exhale as he had been drowning—his dizzy eyes darted around the dimly light room with the reddish light glowing off of his nose sweatier cheeks, his breath hot and raged. His eyebrows furrowed with discomfort causing expression lines to appear above his eyebrows as his upper cheeks tighten softly, forcing his eyes to a quick squint with discomfort and impatience as he leans backwards off of me onto his ankles immediately. His cream coloured button up shirt falling open in the front to relieve his pale skin glistening with sweet covering his slightly more toned abs spread across his lower tummy quickly, the sweat stains forming around the centre of the chest of his once cream coloured and arm pits were slightly worse in the red light surrounding us quickly. My guts clenched with the sight of him in front of him—a million thoughts rushed into my already blurred mind, all I could to was let out a quick shirt breath quickly. Suddenly, I needed him. The few feet of distance stretched out between was unbearable as he pressed the palm of his left hand against his shoulders to peel off the fabric of his button up shirt quickly causing his gaze to harden with recklessness and lack of modestly. The fronts of his shoulders tighten with muscles around his delicate and slightly sharper collar home quickly causing him to nudge the palm of his left hand against his forehead to rack his slightly messily black hair back out of his face quickly, his hand tightening heavily around his fingers briefly as his eyes flick back in his head quickly causing the tip of his tongue to nudge downwards against his bottom lip sinisterly, slipping away into the moment. His lower waist right above the waist band of his dress pants with slightly more red with irritation quickly causing his eyes pupils quickly flick back to the centre of his eyes quickly, his eyes darkening with heavy desire—the control quickly slipping through his desperate gaze quickly before I quickly press the palms of my hands downwards into the white blanket on top of the blankets to lift myself upwards off of the mattress to meet his unsettled gaze quickly. The back of my head knocking into the black leather of the headboard behind us, I let out a quick gasp with the sensation of my head knocking into the wall. As cliche as it was, the thrill rushed into my heart centre blinding me with desire. His chest sinks with a thicker deep laugh, echoing out quietly through the room quickly causing the corners of his lips to push up into an intoxicated smile as he lunges forwards on top of my body. The front of his hips quickly slamming into mine between my upper thighs quickly, the blood flow and heat radiating from the familiar lump in the centre of his dress pants pressed against my body forcefully made my guts twist within me with uneasiness, the pressure of his hips slamming into mine pushed my body up against the white blanket thrown across the mattress into the black leather of the head board. The back of my shoulders pressed forcefully against the back leather of the bed board with the two flat pillow crumbles quickly with the weight of my body on the pillow quickly causing his hands to left downwards into the mattress on either side of my ribs quickly—the bed frame creaking abruptly with his quick movement causing the fronts of his eyebrows to furrow upwards with weakness at the sound of the bed frame creaking quickly. “Ughhh~ it’s like ecstasy caressing the edges of my brain…don’t you dare loosen your grip!” His voice drags out into an impatient and serious whine with weakness causing his breath to choke gently, the front of his neck tightens with the abrupt choking of his breath as he slide his heavy hand upwards across my chest along my collarbone into my chin, his hand tightening with certainty against my chin quickly tilting up to his with his grip tightening against my chin. I pressed the top of my head backwards into the leather headboard above him causing my chin to tilt up to his quickly.

I wanted him more with the seconds dragging on like hours, I loosened my grip on the white sheets next to my pillow quickly causing my left hand to press upwards into his shoulder to push the white fabric of his blouse off of his shoulder impatiently. My gaze harden with irritation at his still fully clothed state, how many more drinks did he need to strip effortlessly? Still doubting if he could see properly, I clicked my tongue against the inside of my cheek with direction. He dragged his now heavier knee upwards closer to the back of my hips with his knee pressing downwards into the scrunched up white comforter spread out across the mattress beneath my body. His breathe shock with his intoxication causing his lips to burn with the heat of our kiss. His pretty heavy lips that were usually curved into a frown glistened in the dim reddish light glowing from the other side of the window causing the tip of his tongue to press downwards against the bottom of his front teeth with his lips parting delicately. A small string of my saliva running down the side of his bottom lip to the centre before he quickly licked my saliva off of his lips quickly causing his eyebrows to furrow upwards with discomfort. His bottom lip sucked in slightly heavily to his mouth with the frustration of our position quickly—his mind struggling to hang onto his composure that he had held from early in the night. His dignity, like mine was quickly slipping through our fingertips as his body burned with passion. I missed his touch already from the moment we stepped through the door frame. I barely got to have a taste test, is he doing this on purpose I wonder with my hands slithering up from the outside of his collarbone up the sides of his neck. I clasp the palms of my hands over the outsides of his ears, the cold metal of his earrings stinging against my sweaty palms. I tighten my fingertips in his hair, grabbing handfuls of it and pulling it back out of his eyes. He winces with discomfort and pleasure at the pressure causing his chin to immediately tilt up to mine with a quick sharp exhale. His hot breath spreading across my chin with excitement in his slightly unsteadily exhale. The corners of his lips curving upwards into a slightly unsettled intoxicated smile with anticipation as his unsteady breath deepened in a quiet laugh, he tilted his chin downwards towards my chest. His hair falling forwards his forehead.

I tangle my slim fingertips into his thin black hair, of which he had no shortage of it. A few strands of his fringe cling to his forehead like the first snow of winter on the warmth of a windshield. His forehead glistens in the crimson light with perspiration, the steady blood flow to his cheeks from his heated state. His skin received a natural, but the slightly augmented glow from the 550 won bottle of sake we polished off an hour after midnight with the darkness settling into the city. I tightened my grip on his hair with my hands pulling his body closer to mine with his hand sliding off of my lower waist onto the white comforter spread out beneath us. I was ready, and by the look of his hazy eyes, he wouldn't last long. It sickened me, but I still needed it. I forced myself out of the daze for a moment upon sitting up quickly in front of him. I wiped my hair off of my forehead with the heat of our bodies, the room was muggy even with the window propped open a couple of inches. His hips and thighs were pressed against the back of mine leaving me in a vulnerable, less than desirable position. It irritated me, his sweat glistens on his toned stomach, and the way his once ironed shirt was now wrinkled around his shoulders. I furrowed my brow with my eyes flicking up to his, I was still shy of his intense gaze.

"Take your clothes off, all of them. I like those pants, I don't want you to end up with come all over them. I'm not gonna stop wanting you,

Passion is not perfection, perfection while incredibly technical is still vapid. And he gave me passion, although it was messy and made me feel dirty inside, it was a good drug. He was a good drug.

With my hands neatly clasped on his cheeks, I curved my hips forward on top of his without hesitation blindly. My back

the truth is, i cant talk with his tongue in my mouth. and a blissful silence in was.

I didn’t realize how bad I’d want him. I can feel it under my skin.

I watched as a million led lights bloomed in his eyes like fireworks, locking onto his gaze.

Sinhwa Fire, Flower, Rage/ Anger Hwaseong = Mars

I push my hand up against the side of his neck into his sweatier messy black hair causing my hand to tighten softly in the side of his hair, tugging on his hair softly

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w-sincerity · 1 year ago

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Standing in a dense crowd was when I saw him, and I see him now and that timeline is starting to overlap. It's running parallel as he steps onto that plane into that city, our concept and utopia we built when painting the stars. I think we were both looking for butterflies. I'm not sure why I didn't think of him much last week, it's not like I can't get my mind off of him because I can, but there's something indescribable that keeps my eyes fixated on his. It was starting to rain now, the dark pavement was subtly filling with raindrops around us. It wasn't too cold too bare, but just enough to remind us that we were still alive. Mars remained to lie on his back, his eyes gazing up at the rain clouds painting the darkness of the endless night sky above us. Our slow conversation had fallen silent after his remarks about love, I was unable to tell if he regretted bringing up the topic so suddenly. I wasn't so sure about anything, not even the man I sat next to, I wondered if he could simply be replaced. His thick eyebrows, and face often intentionally looked miserable despite the warmth of his eyes. I pondered this, "were we supposed to see each other again?" The fleeting memories that danced in my eyes, even the lighting was dull in my mind's eye. It's too much and I'm not enough for any of it. I caressed Mars' hand, tracing my fingertip up from his wrist to the palm of his hand. I'd lost it, love. My dreams were devoid of meaning, out of purpose I remained. As cold as we were, as meaninglessly as my touch, I still clasped his hand. Mars averted his hands up to mine, his eyes still containing the stormy clouds of the night. His eyes studied the side of my face as he tilts his chin up towards mine, his ebony black hair spreading across the fissured pavement. I want to fall hopelessly for him for a few months, perhaps for the summer. Lose my mind, body, and soul in his blindly in his magnetism. He was right there next to me in all his vulnerability, even if he couldn't notice it, I could. Even if was just a phrase held between us, not yet a complete sentence, I didn't want to find the words to finish it. Not yet, at least. God damn, he's so beautiful, even the faint wrinkles forming in his cheeks with his bright smile are unimaginably beautiful.

"How long will you stay?" Mars asked, his tone plain. His eyes froze as if his soul was holding its breath.

I let out a restrained sigh I had been holding in for longer than I had realized. I pulled my bare knees into my chest with my body slumping forwards over my knees to clutch them tightly in my chest. My hair spread across the back of my bare shoulders, tingling my skin unfamiliarly between the black straps of my tank top. I wasn't accustomed to the attire I was dressed in. I won't deny it, I was uncomfortable in the thin fabric--I reminded myself it was only skin. An inadequate definition of me would be simply presented in it, but sometimes nothing is as sweet as the sensation of it gently ripping apart across my wrists. I let the comfort of familiarly pass me by as I tilted my head to the side to delicately press the side of my forehead against the top of my bare knees. I shifted my gaze down the side of Mars' face with my eyes, I didn't understand him, not in the slightest. Who this man was before me escaped any amount of logical reasoning. I shifted my eyes down to his, with my eyes shifting across his face. My expression became solemn causing my brow to furrow between my eyebrows. I squinted, my eyes becoming heavy like the rain clouds hanging in the night sky above our heads.

"What are you saying? Here? Or here..." I trailed off, considering his words. I gestured towards the rolling hills of the countryside in the distance shrouded by mist.

"Here...here. Everything under the sky above us, you won't be leaving any of it behind?" Mars spoke with worry, but still, as if he was expecting a different answer to whisper from my lips.

I pondered his words for a moment upon shifting my gaze down to his delicate, soft lips. "You will be leaving too, someday. Don't look so solemn, it's far away, isn't it?" I assured him.

Mars sighed dryly, upon sucking his bottom lip into his mouth. His upper lip and chin were lined with the midnight shadow of a light mustache. "So to speak. Far away means something different to you and me, I think..." He said sincerely. I appreciated his honesty, despite being an Aries and a Taurus we were will separate by a couple million miles in the cosmos. He squinted delicately to reflect on his words. I liked it when he did that, watching him think. I was fascinated by how his mind worked, the gears turning softly behind his starry eyes.

I, too reflected on his words, my thoughts being quickly whisked away by the warmth of his body next to mine. I did not want to cry, not for him. He's right there, I reminded myself, don't miss someone if you're with them. I furrowed my eyebrows, allowing my eyes to close slightly as my gaze shifted down to his.

"What's next? The only difference in my always and yours in a millisecond?" I taunted him, prying at his brain for a more direct answer than the ones he had been giving me. I caressed the inside of his wrist, my fingertips wander across his skin. Faintly, I could feel his pulse in his veins. Even with his body lying on the concrete next to me, he still felt far away. I interlaced my fingertips through his, shifting my body closer to his.

Mars tilted his chin up to the night sky with the crown of his head pressing against the cold pavement. The corners of his lips curving up into a familiar smile, he was confident in what he said next. "Maybe so, do you really want the textbook answer out of me? If it's a millisecond, I'll make it a millisecond. There's no such thing as always, anyway." Mars raised his eyebrows with his eyes averting up to mine.

"Don't get so hung up on it, please. For me." Mars persisted. He tighten his grip on my hand, his fingertips pushing through mine.

I smiled solemnly. The words of another question stuck in the back of my throat. I didn't hesitate when I swallowed it. "I won't, Hwa. I won't stay here, right?" I agreed. My heart yearned to wander the empty streets with him after midnight when our conceptual city is falling into a deep slumber. With the echo of his drunken laughing to echo out around us, hold me, hold me now. Maybe our dreams exceeded our expectations, they are daydreams after all. I was going mad for him and he couldn't tell, how I wished he could hear all of my thoughts.

Mars smiled in agreement, his sparkling eyes shifting up to meet my gaze. His cheeks pushed up gently, his cheeks only appeared softer than before. His image before me was once again beginning to melt, I deeply wanted him and I couldn't explain why. What was it about his name that intrigued me so greatly? I sighed sharply, letting go of my knees pulled tightly in my chest. I pressed my hands down into the cold concrete cracked concrete with my weight shifting off of my knees. Mars watched me curiously, his eyes wandering down my face. I considered it, I hesitated for a moment before lifting my body on top of his. My knee brushed against his lower abdomen with me quickly lifting my leg over his waist to crouch on top of him, I didn't let my hips touch his instead I shifted my weight forwards to lean over him. My hair fell off my shoulders to slightly cover my forehead as the ends of my hair brushed against the top of his bare shoulders. I put the palms of my hands down on the concrete next to either side of his head, still, watching him beneath me like this didn't remedy the ache in my heart. I need to figure this out, now. My lips separated with my harsh exhaled, it pained me. I tilted my chin down to his, the ends of my hair spreading out against his shoulders. Mars' eyes narrowed seductively, his eyes following my gaze down to my lips, he didn't look surprised at the position of my body on top of his. He cocked his head to the side on the pavement, his ebony hair spreading effortlessly. Without hesitation, he caressed my lower back, his hands guiding my hips forward away from his hips. His eyes studied my gaze, I was worried, I don't think he understood why.

"I'm sorry."

Why does even simply sexuality make me feel so dirty?

Should I let him meet Taeyeon?

Passion is not perfection, perfection while incredibly technical is still vapid. And he gave me passion, although it was messy and made me feel dirty inside, it was a good drug. He was a good drug.

"Won't you tell me where all the time went?"

Perfection is not passion, perfection while incredibly technical is still vapid. Passion

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