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wadeboggsfc · 11 years

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The Answer

by Temple Baker

Allen Iverson officially retired this week, around three years after he last appeared in an NBA game. That should make everyone very sad because A.I. was the most badass basketball player since Michael Jordan. Nobody else is even close. There aren't two players in the NBA since the late nineties, not including LeBron, I wouldn't trade to have a young Allen Iverson come into the league now.

Iverson seemed legitimately dangerous. He played with a barely controlled fury that seemed like it would erupt at any moment. It was as if he thought the chip on his shoulder counted towards his height. He willed himself to be the best pound-for-pound player in NBA history. His off court persona mirrored his on court demeanor. The Answer terrified parents. My dad started to hate the NBA because of him. He was the first superstar to cover his body with tattoos and he told an interviewer that he braided his hair into cornrows to "scare white people". David Stern's inspiration for the new dress code?

Iverson broke people's ankles and then broke their spirits. His Shake-N-Stepover on Tyronn Lue during his 48 point outburst in the 2001 finals will be played on montages of disrespectful sports moments for the rest of time. He fucked Nas's baby momma then recorded a rap album that contained the word "faggot".

Homophobia notwithstanding, A.I. truly did not give a fuck. He was the epitome of rock n roll. He wanted to kill his idols and burn the church down. Towards the end of MJ's career, when other young stars basically prostrated themselves in front of the aging legend for his approval, Allen did not partake. He left the ass kissing to the likes of Vince Carter. Iverson went straight at his Airness with his signature crossover, crossed his ass, and splashed a jumper in his face.

He was a gangsta that moonlighted as a basketball player, instead of the other way around. The second best player on the 2001 Sixers team that he dragged to the NBA finals was Aaron McKie. Aaron McKie. Aaron McKie was the second leading scorer on an NBA Finals team. Just let that sink in. Iverson took 25.5 shots a game that season. For reference, noted distributor Kobe Bryant's career high for shots attempted per game over a season is 23.9. Iverson took a team to the finals by taking 2.5 more shots per game then anyone else on the team. He was essentially playing 5 on 1 and made it all the way to the finals.

Iverson (with an assist from the Malice at the Palace freaked out racist, old, midwestern white people so badly that human embodiment of the Napoleonic Complex David Stern decided that the league needed an image makeover. David Stern thinking his entire multi-billion dollar product needs an image makeover tells you how impactful Iverson's career was. On another note, David Stern is only 5'7, which is pretty much the least surprising think I can think of.

Of course, the sad irony is that the very thing that made Iverson's stunning success possible, his complete refusal to be ok with being anything but the top dog, is the same thing that led to his downfall. I think he could still be in the league if he had been willing to either accept a role as a short burst volume scorer coming off the bench or dialed back his game to accept his physical limitations as he grew older. I mean shit, T-Mac is still on a roster and Fat Vince Carter is a pretty damn good player. Iverson attacked old age the same way he attacked the rest of his life, straight on and fearless, and Father Time notched another knockout on his unblemished record.

Iverson could not bend, so it was destined that he would one day break. I don't care about any of that though. All I know is that for the first nine years of my life, I hated basketball. I refused to play and almost never watched games. Then I watched the first game of the 2001 championship and everything changed. Watching this tiny, tattooed basketball gremlin flying around the court against Shaquille O'Neal and Kobe Bryant, who represented everything that was evil about the NBA to nine year old me, and dominating changed my entire opinion about the sport. I was a small kid, and The Answer made it seem like, if he could compete against people that towered over him, so could I.

He overcame so many obstacles to reach the NBA, and he was determined to bend it to his will. The fact that the system eventually left him a broken, sad drunk doesn't change the fact that he inspired millions of people. Iverson mattered in a way that most basketball players don't, or at least he did to a nine year old rocking Iversons and trying to master the step back mid-range jumper[i].

[i] Man, I looked so fly in those damn shoes

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wadeboggsfc · 11 years

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youtube

CHAD JOHNSON DOESN"T UNDERSTAND INVESTING

The competition for best video title on youtube is over, thanks for playing everybody.

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wadeboggsfc · 11 years

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Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is

One of the most popular features on any sports website are pre-event predictions. Mel Kiper Jr. makes bank because people like to speculate. Mock drafts, pre-season all-americans, and awards predictions are great for writers because they draw page views and aside from the occasional Deadspin post, no one goes back to actually check the accuracy of the predictions.

Temple and I had an 11 player MLB Futures Draft during the first week of the MLB Season. We had an alternating draft to select the 11 guys that we want on our team for the next 5 years. Because we believe in transparency, we're going to take a look at our selections to see how we're doing so far.

The Benny Rodriguez Bunch

GM: Brett Ungashick

45.5 fWAR, 4.1 fWAR/player

Round 1: Bryce Harper (2.1 fWAR)

"It's a virtual coin flip, but I think that Trout's first year was so unbelievable that he might show a little regression. Additionally, I want my team to be the bad guys and Harper will give us the edge there."

Round 2: Clayton Kershaw (5.0)

"Speaking of Roger Clemens, Kershaw is the heir to his throne as the Great Texas Hurler. He's the back-to-back ERA champion in the NL all while offering 215 innings a season the past three years. Oh yeah, and he's only 25 "

Round 3: Buster Posey (4.0)

"Golden Spikes Winner, Rookie of the Year, MVP and 2-time Champion. I love Posey for the positional value and his youth."

Round 4: Justin Verlander (3.6)

"I know he's 30 years old, but he has yet to see his fastball velocity decline, and even when age takes its toll and it comes down to a more modest number, he will be able to rely on the change up and curve that he has mastered over the last few years."

Round 5: Evan Longoria (5.3)

"Longoria, on the otherhand, is locked in at Tampa for the future and with the way their front office works, he will have a solid team around him his entire career."

Round 6: Joey Votto (4.9)

"A 29 year old 1B is a bit of a risk in a league like this, but he's so neurotic that his decline down the road should not be steep."

Round 7: Troy Tulowitzki (4.2)

"The man plays half of his games in Coors Field, is a wizard with the glove and has been consistently a 135 OPS+ hitter in his career. You can have Profar and his learning curves. I'll take the real deal."

Round 8: Justin Upton (3.2)

"How mind-blowing is it that Upton is still only 25 years old? I mean he was drafter 1 pick ahead of Alex Gordon who has gone from bust to top 10 major league outfielder (seriously, look at his last 2 years!). If Gordon could rebound to be a stud, I've got faith that Upton, who is 3 years younger and has more natural ability, can do the same."

Round 9: Yu Darvish (4.1)

"Anyhow, this Yu guy supposedly has a porn collection numbering upwards of 10,000 and is dating a porn star, so let's just say that he has acclimated himself well to our culture. I don't see anything getting lost in translation."

Round 10: Chris Sale (4.2)

"The only man in Chicago who knew that Florida Gulf Coast was sweet before March."

Round 11: Max Scherzer (4.9)

"He led the majors in SO/9 last year and had a ridiculous second half, which AL Central hitters have directly attributed to their realization that the man has Heterochromia iridum. As a hitter you have .4 seconds to pick up the pitch out of the pitchers hand, judge the velocity, pick up the spin direction and then decide if the pitch is in the strike zone. Now try to do all that while figuring out what genetically challenged demon is throwing that pitch. Game over."

Roger 'Rocket' Clemens' Road Dog Villans

GM: Temple Maverick Baker

43.4 fWAR, 3.9 fWAR/player

Round 1: Mike Trout (8.2 fWAR)

"Trout looked like a young Mickey mantle last year, which practically ensures that he has some sort of regression because not even Mickey Mantle was Mickey mantle every year. That said, I'm happy to lock down center field and the lead off spot for the foreseeable future"

Round 2: Stephen Strasburg (2.8)

"I have never seen a pitcher with three ++ pitches before Strasburg. If his arm holds together, I think he has a legit chance at Clemens/Maddux career numbers."

Round 3: Felix Hernandez (5.3)

"Dudes got a ton of swag: He hooked up John Jaso with a Rolex for catching his perfect game. You can't teach team chemistry. "

Round 4: David Price (2.4)

"I need a lefty and David Price is about as good as Kershaw if not better. He may not have the Texas gunslinger factor, but he's one of the most consistent pitchers in the game."

Round 5: Andrew McCutchen (5.9)

"I can't overestimate what a huge fan of dreads on baseball players I am. If I was a black dude, I would start growing dreads as soon as I was consciously able to make that decision. Also, he's pretty good at baseball. "

Round 6: Ryan Braun (1.7)

"In addition to being one of the best hitters, he is hands down the best player in the game at getting steroid tests invalidated because of herpes or whatever that whole thing was. I'm telling you, when one of my players fails a drug test and needs help, the team chemistry I have been painstakingly crafted will pay off. "

Round 7: Jurickson Profar (-0.4)

"Number one prospect in baseball and, if the learning curve is steeper then expected, middle infielders have a low enough expected offensive value that his glove would still make him an asset."

Round 8: Miguel Cabrera (7.5)

"I'm so happy that my man Miguel Cabrera is still here. He's by far my favorite hitter in baseball to watch and I think that he may be a good candidate to continue his torrid production into his late thirties."

Round 9: Wil Myers (2.1)

"With the 18th pick I am taking the crown jewel of the heist that the Rays pulled on the Royales of Cheese. Myers can straight up swing it. Even better, if he does well, I get the satisfaction of having him in our little league in addition to getting to watch you cry over the Royals trading him for James "Tropicana Field" Shields."

Round 10: Mat Latos (3.6)

"Need to up my tattoo swag. Also, go follow his cat on Twitter, @CatLatos"

Round 11: Robinson Cano (4.3)

"As an added bonus, Robinson Cano just signed Jay-Z as an agent so if I sold him like .055% of my team he would probably think of a cool new logo and uniforms and make hipsters in Brooklyn think were cool. If I sold him 1%, I bet I might get to bang Beyonce or something"

Pick we wish we had back:

Temple: "Ryan Braun. Going forward, I don't think his performance will take to big of a hit, but for the sake of team chemistry, I don't like having Mr. Valtrex as one of the faces of our franchise, especially with so many young impressionable talents around. Also, if his herpes ever mutates and becomes a super herpes then it definitely could adversely effect the morale and production of the rest of the locker room."

Brett: "Justin Verlander. You can't go 0-4 against the Royals in any season. You just can't. He has finally started to see diminished velocity on his fastball and is in his year 31 season."

Who we wish we would've taken instead:

Temple: "Manny Machado. Machado has produced more then even a healthy Braun this year and has the obvious advantage of not being suspended for PEDs. he is also almost a decade younger then Braun and flashes gold glove potential leather. yeah, I fucked that one up."

Brett: "Jose Fernandez. Cubans, man! They never seem to disappoint. Speaking of which, no one has Yasiel Puig, which means he could conceivably draft 10 12-year-olds to play along side of him and challenge each of our teams."

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wadeboggsfc · 11 years

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We Need to Talk About Steph (Again)

Are you kidding me. Steph Curry outscored the Denver Nuggets 22-10 in the last six minutes of the third quarter on the most ridiculous array of shots that I have ever seen. I knew I was excited for the Steph Curry Show to take center stage in the NBA playoffs but I had no idea how successful the show would be in a prime time slot. It has done well, to say the least. Calling the shots he made in the third quarter last night "video game shots" would be a disservice to video games because video games are much more realistic then about 80% of the shots that Curry hit last night. The And-One floater he dropped in over Javale McGee's head may have been the coolest thing I've seen during these playoffs. There really isn't much more I can add to what Curry did last night. Just watch the video.

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wadeboggsfc · 11 years

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The Golden Gun

The Denver Nuggets and Golden State Warriors finished one of the most entertaining blow outs I have ever watched about fifteen minutes ago. I don't know if I have ever seen less defense played, but it was consistently an outrageous amount of fun. Everything I love about Denver was on display. They were running the floor, Ty Lawson was slicing to the basket, Andre Iguodala threw down some dunks, Andre Miller scored several baskets at 3 miles an hour, and Javale Mcgee was Javale Mcgee. None of that mattered. Charles Barkley just said that he's never seen a team shoot like Golden State just did. I don't understand how a team could ever shoot better then the Dubs did tonight. 51-79 form the floor, 14-25 from behind the line. Those are video game numbers. Golden State has some players who don't rely on jumpers. Harrison Barnes threw down some nastiness and the team of Andrew Bogut and Carl Landry provides a serious low post presence, and Festus Ezili...well my man takes up a lot of space. The team clearly runs of jump shots though. They say that teams that rely on jump shots are doomed to fail in the playoffs. Golden State may not go far in the playoffs, but it isn't because of their shooters. Klay Thompson shot around 42% from three pointers and requires a defender to be within four feet of him at all times. Jarrett Jack can wet threes as a catch and release shooter and knocks them down off the bounce as well. He can also beat defenders to the hole and kick it out to shooters behind the three point line.

These are all great players, but this team will only go as far as Steph Curry can take them. Curry just had one of the greatest shooting seasons in the history of the NBA. He shot 44% from behind the 3 point line and broke Ray Allen's single season three point record. He thrives on a diet of off balance, off the dribble three pointers and other shots that would generally be considered horribly inefficient if any other player in the NBA player shot them. These are efficient shots for Steph Curry. The first time I watched him play in the NBA, I thought that he was a streaky college shooter that happened to shoot the lights out that night. I thought that the second time I watched him too. The shots that he takes just don't seem like they could possibly go in on a regular basis. I would be willing to bet that he makes about the same percentage from 28 feet that he does from 24. His range is just about limitless. He can shoot off the dribble as well as well as most knock down shooters can catching and releasing. Tonight was a great example. He did this all night. If a defender gives him an inch of space anywhere within thirty feet of the basket, Curry has the ability to get a shot up that has a chance to go in. He isn't just a shooter either. When defender close out on him to quickly, he has the quickness to blow by them and the handles to break them off. And once he gets by his defender, he pull up for a jump shot, drop a floater over the post defender or find the open man. In addition to his shooting, Steph is probably the most underrated passer in the league. He can run the pick & roll as anyone in the league and drops passes in from the lane deceptively. My favorite time to watch him is in the open court though. Besides Slick Ricky Rubio, he may be my favorite point guard to watch in the open court in the entire league. He can find guys trailing in the corner, toss oops, and throw one of the nicest bounce passes in the league. Defenders have to keep all this in mind on the break and, oh yeah, he still may rise up for a three at any time because he's Stephen Curry. Watching Curry get hot is different then watching anyone else in the league get hot. Watching LeBron or Kobe or Kevin Durant get hot is impressive, but they generally score a lot of their point on dunks or at the rim using their athleticism and size. Watching streak shooters like Jamal Crawford catch fire, like he did in the second quarter last night with his array of step back three pointers and double clutch, contested mid range jumpers is also impressive, but the party almost always ends after a quarter or two. Melo might be the player most similar, but he utilizes his size down low and leans heavily on his iso post game. A Curry shooting spree is like a snowstorm, no two shots are alike. He may hit a step back three to start, then wet a floater in the lane, then pull up after a screen for a three before hitting a twisting reverse in traffic. Or he might sploosh a fade away from the corner, then a three point leaner into someone that bit on a pump fake, then a push shot from the baseline and finish with a catch and shoot in transition. Or he just might never stop making shots and shut down the Garden. You never know. He's one of the rare shooters who makes you think that he can score at anytime, from any place, without any warning. Tonight wasn't even close to one of the most impressive shooting nights I've seen him have, but the whole bar that I watched the game at still let out an audible exale every time he rose up for a shot.

The weaknesses with Curry are pretty apparent. He doesn't play much defense and his ankles are made out of paper mache. Even tonight, he had a scare with one of his ankles turning. Those are the kind of things that have to make the Warriors apprehensive about owing him 40+ million dollars over the next several years. Right now, I don't care about any of that. As everyone has known since Steph Curry drove Davidson's legendary run to the Elite Eight in 2008, the man was born for the postseason's spotlight. The legend continues this year with his cold blooded step back in Ty Lawson's face in the waning moments of regulation in Game 1 and his barrage from all over the court tonight. I know that the odds are that Curry's ankle may spontaneously combust at any time, but, for now, how could I could not be enjoying the spectacle of the best pure shooter of the past decade raining buckets from halfway to half-court.

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wadeboggsfc · 11 years

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A Very Looney Deathmatch

The first issue that was addressed was the format of the tournament. I believe (and March Madness conclusively proves) that the best way to determine a champion of any kind is a 64 team single elimination bracket. There are enough teams that a bunch of upsets are bound to happen, but there are enough rounds that it is almost impossible for a clearly inferior team to fluke its way to a championship. Also, the excitement of a Final Four that could potentially have Sterling Archer, The Kool Aid Man, Bugs Bunny, and Pikachu would really bring in the advertising dollars. On an unrelated note, I don't know if advertising agencies are full of eighty year olds or what, but the complete and utter failure of every commercial that tries to incorporate social media is shocking. There was one Wendy's commercial in particular that I saw like fifty times today while I was trying to watch basketball that makes me feel bad for the people that wrote it. They literally could not seem more like out of touch old people tryin desperately to be cool. It's also really funny how they replaced the actual Wendy's girl with a skinny, hot redhead. Your not fooling me Wendy's, I remember that the girl, who the restaurant is named after, is an orca now. Don't try and fool me with this false flag, hot ginger misdirection bullshit.

Anyway, second issue on the table is where these matches should be fought. This has been a contentious issue for my panel and I. Pretty much everyone seems to think that, since March Madness is played at neutral sites, all of our tournament games should as well. Another point that several people have made is that home field advantage wouldn't be an advantage for anyone besides the Looney Tunes, who would become prohibitive favorites. These are both valid points. However, I don't care. I'm a huge Tune Squad homer. If I don't figure out a better way to do this bracket then just arguing with people that are in the room with me, the tournament may end up with an all-Looney final four. Regardless, the higher seed gets home court advantage until the Final Four, then all fights take place in a neutral arena

The third issue has to do with seeding. The panel and I managed to come up with 64 viable characters to compete in this bracket. However, these characters hail from disparate locations and television shows, which makes deciding on regions extremely difficult. This is actually kind of a huge pain in the ass. I finished seeding them and everything before I realized that I hadn't even thought about what the regions should be. At this point, I feel like I can either have regions that make sense or I can have accurate seedings that will produce the best fight possible. If the movie Warrior taught me anything, it is that Tom Hardy is a huge badass. If it taught me anything else, it is that a good fight is more important then any other considerations. So, for now, I'm eschewing the regions and going straight up brawl who you draw. If I change my mind, then I'll probably delete this whole thing so it doesn't really matter.

Before I show the roster of fighters, I need to point something out. 62 out of the 64 teams are one person teams. There are two exceptions. One is the Animaniacs. Yeah, there's three of them, but they are also infants who live in a water tower with no parents so if you want to be the asshole that tells them they aren't allowed to fight together then go on right ahead. That tower doesn't even have windows so they are probably Vitamin D deficient as well. The other exception is Lion-o and Snarf Snarf from the Thundercats. This is essentially a one man team, but Snarf Snarf may just be my all time favorite cartoon character so I had to include him.

Without further ado, the lineup for this years Cartoon Death-a-palooza (working title, I'll think of something better). Also I'm going to break down the first round match ups next time I have a couple hours on my hands with nothing better to do then think about who would win a hypothetical fight between cartoon characters.

1. Sterling Archer (Archer)

1. Genie (Aladdin)

1. Hercules (Hercules)

1. Sonic the hedgehog (Sonic & Friends)

2. Shir Khan (The Jungle Book)

2. Popeye (Popeye the Sailor)

2. Kung Fu Panda (Kung Fu Panda 1+2)

2. Tony the Tiger (Frosted Flakes Mascot)

3. Cookie Monster (Sesame Street)

3. Tasmanian Devil (Looney Tunes)

3. The Kool Aid Man (Kool Aid Mascot)

3. Bam Bam (The Flinstones)

4. Animal (The Muppets)

4. Bugs Bunny (Looney Tunes)

4. Pikachu (Pokémon)

4. Scar (The Lion King)

5. Shifu (Kung Fu Panda)

5. Spike (Tom & Jerry)

5. Lana Cain (Archer)

5. Shrek (Shrek)

6. Bender (Futurama)

6. Marvin the Martian (Looney Tunes)

6. Stich (Lilo + Stich)

6. Captain Hook (Peter Pan)

7. Oscar the Grouch (Sesame Street)

7. Lion-o & Snarf Snarf (Thundercats)

7. Eric Cartman (South Park)

7. Simba (The Lion King)

8. Baloo (The Jungle Book)

8. Satan (South Park)

8. Clifford the Big Red Dog (Clifford: The Big Red Dog)

8. Puss in Boots (Shrek, Puss in Boots)

9. Mighty Mouse (Mighty Mouse)

9. Mickey Mouse (Fantasia, Steamboat Willie)

9. Fred Flintstone (The Flintstones)

9. Yosemite Sam (Looney Tunes)

10. Stewie (Family Guy)

10. The Hamburgler (McDonald's Mascot)

10. Underdog (Underdog)

10. Gargamel (The Smurfs)

11. Skipper the Penquin (Madagascar, The Penguins of Madagascar)

11. Snoopy (Peanuts, Lots of Weirdly Depressing Holiday Movies)

11. Homer Simpson (The Simpsons)

11. Felix the Cat (Felix the Cat)

12. Mr. Hanky (South Park)

12. Fozzie Bear (The Muppets)

12. Johnny Bravo (Johnny Bravo)

12. Yogi Bear (Yogi Bear)

13. Woody Woodpecker (Woody Woodpecker)

13. Barney the Dinosaur (Barney & Friends)

13. Bart Simpson (The Simpsons)

13. Buzz Lightyear (Toy Story)

14. The Animaniacs (The Animaniacs)

14. Scooby doo (Scooby Doo, Where Are You?)

14. Jerry (Tom & Jerry)

14. Goofy (Disney Equivalent of Looney Tunes, wishes he was a looney tune)

15. Gromit (Wallace & Gromit in The Curse of the WereRabbit)

15. Cyril Figgis (Archer)

15. Gonzo (The Muppets)

15. Peter Pan (Peter Pan)

16. Scrooge McDuck (Ducktales)

16. Pink Panther (The Pink Panther)

16. Butters (South Park)

16. Larry the cucumber (Veggie Tales)

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wadeboggsfc · 11 years

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Honey Badger For the Win

If you scared get a dog

— Tyrann Mathieu (@Mathieu_Era)

April 22, 2013

Whatever team sacks up to use their late 2nd , early 3rd round on Tyrann Mathieu pick is going to win the draft. I don't care that he is 5'9" and has questionable top-end speed, this guy can flat out ball. His nose for the ball is one of the most amazing thing I've seen in sports. I don't know if young Allen Iverson was ever that nimble, agile and coordinated and he wasn't wearing 15 lbs of gear on the court.

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wadeboggsfc · 11 years

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Breaking Down NFL Draft Breakdowns

by Temple Baker

The NFL Draft is right around the corner, which means that pretty soon you won't be able to turn on ESPN without seeing Mel Kiper and his smug helmet hair. That guy has the greatest job in the world. He can basically just make shit up and no one remembers from year to year if he was actually right last year. He gets to talk up all the players he was right about and completely ignore the fact that he gave the Seahawks a C- for drafting Russell Wilson last year. Still, doesn't change the fact he has the world's stupidest haircut. This year, I am beginning my campaign to replace Kiper armed with nothing but a very general knowledge of most of the players or the schools they played at, or, if I don't know anything about that, then a joke about them being from Central Michigan or their name or something.

I'm going to use SI writer Don Banks' Mock Draft because none of these guys has any idea what's going to happen and I don't feel like picking out of a hat. In case you haven't followed the off season, let me catch you up on how Cleveland is being pathetic this year. The Browns are deciding between Raiders and Redskins castoff Jason Campbell, Geno Smith and Brandon Weeden, who is about fifteen years older than the oldest player likely to be drafted in the first round this year. Always remember: God Hates Cleveland. Don't feel too bad. One day, karma will turn and a Cleveland team will have the first pick in a year where a generation defining athlete from the Ohio area is available. Not even a sports team from Cleveland could dick that up...right Cavs?

1 Eric Fisher (Central Michigan)- OT

I did not get the pleasure of watching Fisher play this year. In fact, the only time I think I have ever heard of the Central MIchigan football squad before this year was when they had some little white quarterback that killed it a couple years ago. The only other time I've heard of Central Michigan was in Panama City Beach a couple weeks back, where I'm pretty sure every directional school in the country celebrates Spring Break.

2 Dion Jordan (Oregon)- DE/OLB

Remember Mark Brunell? Mark Brunell was cool. Jacksonville was pretty cool when Brunell played there. That was a while back.

3 Shariff Floyd (Florida)- DE

Shariff Floyd may be one of the coolest names I have ever heard. He sounds like a rastafarian 1920's bank robber. If you crossed Drexl Spivey from True Romance with John Dillinger, that person's name would be Shariff Floyd. If there was a 6'3, 297 pound black cross between Drexl and Dillinger available in the NFL Draft, the Oakland Raiders would definitely draft him. I think Don Banks hit this pick on the head.

4 Luke Joeckel (Texas A&M)- OT

College Station, Texas is the single worst place on earth. I know that is a bold statement, but I have also had to spend extended periods of time in College Station on multiple occasions. I feel pretty confident about the whole "Worst Place in the World" thing. College Station sucks so bad that college students pretend to be soldiers for fun. No one does that. Well, that's not true. Five year olds do that. Five year olds have fun throwing feces at the wall. College Station is awful.

5 Dee Milliner (Alabama)- CB

About 95% of what I know about Detroit comes from rap music. The other 5% comes from a documentary I watched on youtube about stray sogs in Detroit. Did you know that there are more stray dogs in Detroit then people? Fun fact. Anyway, from several Detroit based rappers I have deduced that people form Detroit call it "The D". Dee Milliner... in the D? Well played again, Mr. Banks. On an actual football note, Detroit's pass defense was laughable last year, and Milliner is a stud.

6 Ziggy Ansah (BYU)- DT

Another terrific name slated to go in the beginning of the first round. Also, the second DT named Ziggy to go in the first round in the past couple years, following Ziggy Hood. Some sort of study should be done into the statistical correlation between calling your son "Ziggy" and the liklihood of him becoming a first round NFL DT. I'm naming all of my sons Ziggy just in case either way. On another note, I think this is a terrible pick. This Ansah fellow willingly decided to go to BYU. Extremely questionable judgement on his part. Cleveland should be wary of messing with the chemistry of their ascendent defense by drafting some weirdo that thinks Provo, Utah is a badass place to play college football. Although it's probably better then what they are actually going to do, which is draft Geno Smith and then realize he isn't very good.

7 Lane Johnson (Oklahoma)- OT

I've been through Oklahoma one time. My select baseball team was driving to a tournament in Missouri and we stopped in Oklahoma at a convenience store. I don't know if this is widespread knowledge, but convenience stores in Oklahoma are generally attached to casinos. Regardless, In the foyer between the casino and convenience store, there was the largest native american man I have ever seen slumped over reeking of whiskey. Inside the convenience store was two truckers having a loud conversation about a mutual friend whose wife stabbed him. Never has a place fufilled every negative stereotype that I held against it so quickly. Then I got hit by a van crossing the street to get back to our bus. Fuck you Oklahoma.

8 Chance Warmack (Alabama)- OG

Since I'm not a professional talent evaluator, I don't know about the specific differences between offensive linemen's technique and ability. At the same time, I watched the National Championship and, if I were an NFL GM, I would be tempted to draft their entire offensive line. However, Chance, for your sake, I hope that the CIA abducts you to take part in an "A-Team" type special forces team in the Mr. T/Rampage Jackson role. Or the Liam Neeson/George Peppard role, if that is where your skill set lies. I'm sorry I assumed you would be beter suited for the "B.A" role, that was borderline racist. You totally might be a kickass Hannibal. Follow your heart.

9 Barkevious Mingo (LSU) - DL

So... back when I said Shariff Floyd might have the coolest name ever... yeah, I was wrong. Barkevious Mingo is the undisputed coolest name of all time. There should be a law that, whenever he makes a play, the announcers have to refer to him by his first and last names. I don't know if there has ever been a better name for a football player. If the Rock played a football player named "Barkevious Mingo", I would be like, "This movie is ridiculous, there is no way that a football player could have such a perfect name". But, fortunately, I would have been wrong. Hail Barkevious.

10 Star Lotulelei (Utah) - DT

There are really only two ways that Star's career might go. If he slips in the first round and gets drafted by Pittsburgh or New Orleans, he will have a Hall of Fame career and no one will remember that he was red flagged for a possible medical condition. If he gets drafted by Cleveland, Kansas City, Jacksonville, or Buffalo, he will get a heart attack on the second day of training camp and die. I'm sorry, that's just the way it is.

11 Jonathon Cooper (UNC)- OG

Being an offensive lineman for the San Diego Chargers would be a hell of a moral conundrum. On the one hand, they are paying you a lot of money to protect the quarterback and do a good job of it. At the same time, you are supposed to be protecting Phillip "King Dickhead" Rivers. It's the classic case of weighing the good of the team versus the good of humanity. Sacrifice him Jonathon, no paycheck is worth your soul.

12 Xavier Rhodes (Florida State)- CB

It seems like every year Florida State has a player named Xavier. Great name.

13 Geno Smith (West Virginia)- QB

Geno Smith torched my Longhorns when we played West Virginia this year. He then basically played like a fourth grader for the rest of the season. I still would rather have that West Virginian than Mark Sanchez at quarterback.

14 Sheldon Richardson (Missouri)- DT

While I was watching Game of Thrones on Sunday (Kingslayer, noooo!), I started wondering about which NFL player would be the most intimidating warrior if they lived in that era. At first, I was thinking that it would be someone terrifying like Terrell Suggs or a young Ray Lewis. However, after I started really thinking about it, Cam Newton seemed like a more and more likely choice. He is easily big and fast enough to hold his own against 99% of NFL players in hand to hand combat, and he also has the wild card of having a cannon arm. Now, Patrick Willis might be able to beat Cam Newton in a hand-to-hand sword fight but, if Newton hit him with a spear from 50 yards away, the fight is already over. If you can't tell, I don't know anything about Sheldon Richardson or the Carolina Panthers.

15 Jarvis Jones (Georgia)- OLB/DE

Jarvis Jones is an animal. I don't understand how he's only like the 8th defensive player off this board. I'm also a big fan of alliterative names. So, yeah, I would draft him higher.

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wadeboggsfc · 11 years

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The Hollowed Institution

by Brett Ungashick

I remember the first time that the concept of a “full ride” for student-athletes was explained to me. The idea in theory is a great one. Only the most exceptional students get scholarships from universities whether it is for academic excellence, community service, artistic skill or athletic talent. In exchange for bringing such great talents to the university, the school will cover these students' expenses in attending the university. The exchange seems to make perfect sense, until you realize that collegiate athletes do not just bring talents to the university, they bring money – lots of it.

The relationship between collegiate athletes and their universities was not always as one-sided as it is today. On September 30, 1939 Fordham University and Waynesburg College played the first televised college football game, three weeks before the first televised professional football game. Within 10 years schools such as Penn and Notre Dame had negotiated deals with television networks to broadcast some of their games. The NCAA initially tried to block the Penn and Norte Dame deals that began the commercialization of college sports, but schools pushed back with threats of antitrust hearings. The NCAA caved, and in 1955 televised eight national games while allowing schools to broadcast regional games on selected weekends.

In 1950, nine percent of households in the US had television sets, but by 1978 that number had jumped to ninety-eight percent. Now broadcast in color and reaching a substantially greater audience, the impact of television on football programs was impossible to ignore. Universities wanted the exposure of playing in one of the eight national games a year, but more so they wanted the ability to make their own television deals outside of the NCAA’s jurisdiction. In 1979, the College Football Association (CFA) was created to circumvent the NCAA’s powers. It consisted of many premier football programs including Penn State, Nebraska, Alabama, Texas, Florida and fifty-seven other schools. The CFA negotiated a $180 million dollar TV deal in 1981 with the NBC outside of the NCAA’s current agreement with ABC. The CFA schools balked at the deal when the NCAA threatened them with expulsion, which would have meant losing access to the men’s basketball tournament and bowl games.

Although the CFA teams did not get the television deal that they wanted, they were able to bring their case to court. On June 27, 1984, in the case of NCAA v. Board of Regents of the University of Oklahoma, the Supreme Court ruled that the NCAA was in violation of the Sherman Antitrust Act and ended the NCAA’s centralized control of college football television broadcasts. Because the NCAA’s monopoly artificially raised prices it would be eight years before the free market would produce as much money as the NCAA's high watermark.

In the nearly thirty years since the Supreme Court’s ruling, television deals have shaped the college sports landscape. Conferences added more teams in order to claim more TV sets when they negotiated with broadcast companies on new television deals. The Big Ten Network provided revenues of $246 million to its conference in 2011, while a new SEC TV deal is expected to be worth at least $360 million and possibly as high as $1 billion dollars. Texas profited $78 million off of its football team in 2012 and Louisville profited $23.2 million off of its basketball team.

Penn, Fordham, Oklahoma and almost every other university made the conscious decision to commercialize their athletic programs. As capitalists, the school administrators decided that increased revenues and exposure from television deals were in the best interest of their universities. The schools also decided to manage their expenses by skewing the balance of their original agreement with athletes. South Carolina head football coach, Steve Spurrier, explained the disparity saying, “Fifty years ago, athletes got full scholarship. Television income was what, maybe $50,000? Now everybody’s getting $14, $15 million bucks and they’re still getting a scholarship.” Schools turned professional but used the sham of amateurism to keep from sharing the profits.

Everyone except for the athletes has profited off of the commercialization of those two sports and has ridden their backs to bigger paydays. School administrators have bigger budgets and are receiving richer bonuses than ever before. Schools are able to sponsor more sports with the money created by their football and men’s basketball teams. The average compensation in 2011 of a major-college coaches is $1.47 million, a jump of nearly 55% in six seasons. All the while, the benefit for the revenue-producing collegiate athletes has stayed the same - the "full ride".

The “full ride” is the preferred term that school administrators and the NCAA like to use regarding their compensation for college athletes. The term sounds all encompassing and carefree when the package itself can become a financial burden. According to a study done by the National College Players Association, during the 2010-11 year, the average out-of-pocket expense for each athlete on a full ride was $3,222. Because of the scholarship shortfalls, the inability to work a full time job due to the time consumption of playing major college sports and the socio-economic background of many athletes, 85% of men’s basketball and football college athletes live below the federal poverty line. The shortfall numbers look even worse when compared with the fair market value of the same athletes. If the NFL’s revenue sharing model was applied to college football, a Texas football player would be worth $513,922, but instead he is forced to live at $778 below the federal poverty line.

The out-of-pocket expenses of men’s basketball and football players could be rationalized as a capital expense necessary to ultimately earn a degree. However, graduation rates for athletes of those two sports have traditionally lagged behind other sports. Even the quality of the degree earned by college athletes is brought into question. Many schools are more concerned with keeping their players eligible than seeing them earn a meaningful degree. Schools will employ athlete advisors that will help athletes find less rigorous classes and easier degree paths so the athletes can focus more on delivering a profitable product for the university.

Seven percent of the players playing for teams ranked in the 2010 preseason AP top 25 were charged or cited with a crime, while about only 3.4 percent of college students has a criminal record of any sort. There are many explanations for the greater frequency of arrests amongst college football players, from profiling to the socio-economic background of many players. However, it is hard to ignore the fact that nearly 15% of those arrests were for theft, larceny and robbery. When a significant number of athletes, who are bringing in thousands and even millions of dollars to their university, feel compelled to resort to theft, change is in order.

Although the majority of football players are upstanding citizens, it is nearly impossible for them to earn discretionary income because of the enormous time commitments that come with classwork, team meetings, practices, lifting sessions and public relations events. Some athletes have tried to leverage their celebrity into quick cash, a move that is played out by all athletes of all levels, but is also strictly forbidden by the NCAA rulebook. A.J. Green played for Georgia for three years and became the best receiver in college football but was suspended for his team’s first four games for selling his bowl jersey for $1,000. According to SI's Andy Staples, “On the day the NCAA suspended Green, twenty-two variations of his No. 8 jersey were on sale on Georgia’s website, some for as much as $150 a pop.”

Joel Baumann, a Minnesota wrestler, was stripped of his eligibility in February of this year for producing and releasing a song called “Ones in the Sky” which is about people pursuing their dreams. Because NCAA bylaws prohibit athletes from using their likeness to promote a product, Baumann will not be able to wrestle for the No. 1 national ranked Golden Gophers this season and will lose his scholarship if he is not reinstated next year. Mind you, Baumann is only on a 10% scholarship and the song barely made back the money he spent to produce it.

How bad is the inequality in the NCAA system? The NCAA bylaws state that it is in fact not against the rules for its athletes to apply for food stamps and welfare. While university administrators are receiving larger bonuses and seeing record revenues, they are allowing US taxpayers to make sure that their laborers are being fed.

Men’s college basketball and college football made the decision to be like professional sports when they decided to have national broadcasts. However, they forgot to tell the athletes who are still being promised the mythical “full ride.” The system forces the athletes to live under the federal poverty line and doesn’t allow many to reach their scholastic potential. If athletes attempt to make money off of their likeness they get the rulebook thrown at them, and many desperate athletes have turned to food stamps and theft in order to continue to fill the pockets of administrators, conference commissioners and bowl executives.

For a while, the world bought the “student first, athlete second” myth that was perpetuated by those who profited most under the current system. But now the hypocrisy has gotten too ostentatious and real change is coming. Former UCLA All-American Ed O’Bannon has brought a lawsuit against the NCAA over their right to profit forever off of the likeness of their athletes. The two sides are set to meet in court over the fact that O’Bannon’s likeness was used in an EA Sports video game off of which the NCAA profited. The NCAA will have to convince the jury that because Ed O’Bannon played in the NCAA at one point in the past, they can always use his image to make money - money O'Bannon will never see. Unless the NCAA can defeat the lawsuit or have it dismissed, they will be opening up the floodgates. It won’t stop with a settlement to the plaintiffs; there will be endless follow-up suits from the countless thousands that the NCAA has exploited over the past decades.

Johnny Manziel became the first freshman to win the Heisman Trophy last season when he took the SEC by storm with his magnificent improvisational skills that earned him the nickname Johnny Football. A study done by Joyce Julius & Associates claims that Manziel was worth $37 million in “media exposure” to Texas A&M last year, and Texas A&M compensated Manziel with a scholarship, room and board and a stipend estimated to be worth less than $10,000. Thankfully Manziel’s family was savvy enough to trademark the phrase “Johnny Football” which allowed his family to sue companies that were profiting off of the “Johnny Football” name. The NCAA rules state that a “student-athlete can keep financial earnings as a result of a legal action,” meaning that Johnny Football is the first athlete to have NCAA permission to indirectly make money off of his likeness while still in school. Players are still not allowed to trademark their own names - Manziel used his nickname - but Manziel has created the possibility for collegiate athletes to profit from their likeness while still enrolled at their respective universities.

The NCAA has had a series of public relations nightmares recently and public opinion of the institution is at an all-time low. The June hearings for O’Bannon v. NCAA are likely to see the NCAA settle and make payments to the plaintiffs. The Johnny Football ruling has already opened the door for the NCAA to allow payments to athletes while in school. Meanwhile most of the public is coming around to the belief that a scholarship is not fair compensation for student athletes. The next five years will see cataclysmic changes to the athlete-university relationship. The system was too profitable for too long, and its supports have all rotted away. A new system must take place of the old one, and figuring out that new system will be a very calculated procedure. Some want a free market revenue sharing system similar to professional sports, but overcompensating by removing all shred of amateurism would kill the unique draw of the college game. There is still a possibility for the student-athlete to exist, while accounting for the commercialized world of modern college athletics.

Check back in next week for a discussion of student-athlete compensation solutions as we try to forge an option that satisfies the schools, athletes, Title XI and the fans.

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wadeboggsfc · 11 years

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Rick Pitino: From Taboo to Tattoos

by Brett Ungashick

In the last week we have seen quite different approaches to connecting with collegiate athletes. On one end of the spectrum was Mike Rice who attempted to inspire players by throwing basketballs at their heads and calling them "f***ing f***ots." There's not a whole lot to add to the Rutgers situation that hasn't already been said. Yes, the school administrators predictably protected the profits over the people who were producing them. Yes, Mike Rice is certainly not the only coach in the country who has abused his free laborers. Additionally, the most embarrassing part of the situation is that had Rutgers done better than 15-16, and been a perennial tournament team, Rice would still have a future in coaching. Winning takes care of everything. Don't believe me and Tiger? Bob Knight, the original Mike Rice, is a public face of ESPN and even amidst the Rutgers outrage, Knight was still able to appear in a commercial during last night's game.

Last night we saw Rick Pitino's take on a championship culture. Rick Pitino's team was every bit the overpowering favorite that Kentucky was in their title run last year, but the teams could not have differed more. Kentucky's team was easy to despise. They were a bunch of superstar freshmen who decided to all play under America's Least Favorite Coach for one uneventful season. Their championship felt like the fiscal cliff - some terrible certainty that everyone saw coming, but no one wanted to experience. Kentucky's team never felt like more than a cast of talented individuals making brief and successful appearances together. The Cardinals, on the other hand looked like a team in the way that we idealize the term. They were a band of brothers of different ages, talent levels and experiences that all struggled with personal loss only to provide a dominating and exciting tournament run. Watching Kentucky play was like going to Bonnaroo, a bunch of expectedly great individual performances that made for an entertaining entity. Watching Louisville play was like catching a Bruce Springsteen concert, a cohesive performance with familiar characters that had matured over years.

Most of the time that teams refer to their culture as a "family atmosphere" the term is nothing more than a recruiting tool. Just look at the Auburn story on Roopstigo where the coaches told Mike McNeil's parents they would be his family for his college years and then abandoned him when his decisions affected others' job security. But this Louisville team genuinely felt like a family in the sense that I know one - a collection of imperfect characters that blended together perfectly. When other teams preach "family" they do just that - they preach it. They want everyone to know how close they are. However, despite CBS trying to convince us that Louisville's season started the second Kevin Ware went down, Louisville's chemistry was there long before that.

They didn't have a Wooden Award Finalist or a dominant NBA prospect on their roster. But what they did have was a collection of sophomores, juniors and seniors who trusted in a coach and grew with a program. In the one-and-done era we don't get to watch programs develop anymore. Talent doesn't stick around on the college level because there is not much of an incentive to do so. What sounds better after windsprints in October - three hours of homework or dropping your rookie bonus out on the town? Rick Pitino was able to keep his talent, develop it and form it into something beautiful to watch.

From an outsiders point of view it looked like Rick Pitino made more of a meaningful impact on the lives of his players than any coach in recent memory. I can't believe I just typed those words either because I always thought he would be terrifying to meet. Something about the slicked back hair and all white suit always made me think he was more Tony Montana than John Wooden.

But trying to imagine what a sports personality is like when the bright lights go out is exactly what has burned many of us recently. We try to extrapolate what we see from people in games into our imagination of their personal lives. Rick Pitino has definitely caused emotional pain for some of the people closest to him, including his wife. However, Louisville does not pay him to be a model husband, and I didn't tune in to the National Championship to get relationship advice. Pitino's job is to provide a successful and entertaining product, and more importantly to be a shaper of men. Is there any question that the players on the Louisville squad are better men for playing under Pitino? He taught his team that they could win without dominant players as long as they had trust in their teammates and when they were down 16 to Syracuse in the Big East Championship, his team didn't panic but instead they buckled down and won easily. Reliance and selflessness are virtues that they'll be able to take with them for life.

Peyton Siva's father nearly killed himself in a drug haze when Peyton, the catalyst for Louisville's run-and-gun offense, was 13. Kevin Ware, a former top 100 prospect and key reserve, had one of the most gruesome injuries in sport's history. Luke Hancock won the tournament's highest honors in front of his ailing father. I understand that all teams have compelling stories, and that the media attention at the Final Four will always saturate us with these stories, but this Louisville team carried an astounding amount of emotional baggage with them to Atlanta.

The defining moment of this year's tournament was Kevin Ware's injury, not because of the shock value, but because of what unfolded immediately afterward. The reaction from his teammates bawling on the court while 35,000 people looked on gave you an idea of the type of team this was. Their response was equally indicative of their character as they huddled up and decided that the injury made it even more clear that there was no turning back for this group.

Equally amazing was the reactions from the Louisville parents throughout the championship game. Usually parent reactions serve only to annoy the viewers, but the clips last night of Mr. Siva crying and all of the parents celebrating with their boys showed that this group had an uncommon bond. College kids don't regularly let their parents into their life in the way that the Cardinals did.

If you ever want to see what unbridled joy looks like watch Rick Pitino's post-game interview with Jeanine Edwards. We watch teams win so frequently that even the thrill of victory can become mundane to a neutral viewer. However, Rick Pitino's emotions were more than the satisfaction of winning. Rick Pitino was able to make a group of men feel an emotional connection that they'll be able to build off of for the rest of their lives.

The sights of the tournament shined a bright light on Louisville and they decided not to put on any makeup. Rick Pitino taught his team the value of each other, and I think that deserves a tattoo.

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wadeboggsfc · 11 years

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youtube

This is the most important video in the history of humanity.

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wadeboggsfc · 11 years

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Bubba Changing the Game Once Again

Bubba continuing his crusade against "golf is boring" types with this modified golf cart.

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wadeboggsfc · 11 years

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Getting you Warmed up for Opening Day

Rob Delaney reminding us how weird it is that old men who call themselves "scouts" follow teenage boys around ballparks so that they can report about their physiques to other elderly men.

#Opening Day #Rob Delaney #Baseball Season

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wadeboggsfc · 11 years

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Scouting Report: AT&T Kids

by Brett Ungashick

The AT&T 'It's Not Complicated' commercials are unquestionably the best ads running right now. Everyone of the YouTube generation is jealous of New Trier legend, Beck Bennett, who spent the last few years making the funniest videos on the Internet, only to be offered the greatest job in America. However, for some reason the kids have taken the spotlight in this ad campaign. Everyone wants to talk about how humorous these kids are, even as they are clearly being fed lines by the directors, but I’m not quite ready to declare these kids the next Kid President. Let’s break down the film and see which kid has the most comedic potential.

8.) Werewolves - Purple Sweater Girl

The only role I can really see this girl playing is Leslie Mann, the nagging mom in This is 40 and Knocked Up and the “wasted the good surprise on you” girl from Big Daddy. But this girl is still 30 years away from that and I don’t see her lasting very long in this industry. I mean, this girl has to know that this is just a 30 second spot and she’s taking up all the camera time. As soon as this aired, the other kids agents were on the phone trying to get her blocked from any more casting calls.

7.) High Fives - Blue Jacket Kid

Here’s a great example of one where Beck Bennett is clearly the star of the commercial. The follow-up question about believing in yourself and then the improvisation to high five the girl raising her hand - you cannot teach that kind of humor. You know who isn’t the star of this commercial? The kid in the corner with the blue jacket on who is the only kid not to have any input into the discussion. If you’re going to make it in this business, you can’t be looking for high fives after a performance like that.

6.) Nicky Flash - Rhyme Challenged Kid

First off, the kid has to be his teacher’s favorite student: hands in his lap, raising his hand, waiting his turn - he’s got all the fundamentals down. Yeah, he messed up when he was called on, probably because he was thinking of Nicki Minaj and Flash Gordon, but that’s happened to all of us and he handles it like a professional. He may be discarded by a lot of people after this, but I think he’s got serious bounce-back potential in a more formal setting.

5.) Candy Island - Questioning Authority Kid

Everyone has nostalgia for this particular one because the kids wishing for an ocean of soda reminds everyone of a time when their imaginations used to run wild. No one ever stops to think that there’s a reason we stopped wishing for things like that, it’s just not practical. That’s why the kid at the end is the standout. He’s asking what the animals would be made out of. He’s not going along with the other kids mindless rantings. He wants some logical answers to their clearly flawed wish.

4.) Pickle Roll - Queen Bee Girl

You can tell from the inside jokes that these are clearly the popular kids in the class. They definitely planned out before the filming that the four of them would be together and they definitely hurt some feelings when they told other kids they couldn’t be in their group. That girl has no idea what a pick and roll is, but she knew that she could say whatever she wanted and get a laugh out of other kids, who would fear being exorcised from the cool crowd.

3.) Dizzy - Absolutely Positive Girl

Let’s not give too much credit to the kid who does the multi-tasking. I saw the outtakes and he couldn’t whistle, sing, or dance - he’s a one trick pony. The one with potential here is the girl with some conviction. She has great annunciation and transitions well from a quick response to a well thought out answer. You could definitely picture her in 15 years on the Jimmy Fallon show rolling with the punches and throwing some zingers back his way.

2.) Tree House - Rapid Fire Kid

This group has the best on screen camaraderie out of any of the ones we’ve seen so far. It takes a certain amount of trust in your peers to break out new dance moves, and know that everyone will follow suit. You can just tell that the kid talking about how to hold the wire is the reason for this group’s chemistry. He’s the kid that brings Lunchables to the shoot and pokes the hole in the Capri Sun in the wrong place just to get the other kids to laugh. There’s a long career in his future.

1.) Grandma - Argyle Sweater Guy

This kid is far and away the most talented elementary school comedian on the planet. You can tell Beck is a little hesitant to keep asking the kid questions because he is afraid the execs might make the kid the permanent moderator. “I bet she would like it better if she was fast.” Hands down the best line in this entire series. You can tell this kid isn’t being fed lines because he has that sly grin on his face that says he knows a lot more than he is letting on. Judd Apatow is already crafting up a three-part movie starring this kid.

#Beck Bennett #Brett Ungashick #Its Not Complicated

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wadeboggsfc · 12 years

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The Yankees Suck

This is the Yankees' Opening Day Starting Line up.

CF Brett Gardner (.259/.356/.362) RF Ichiro Suzuki (.282/.311/.393) 2B Robinson Cano (.301/.361/.522) 3B Kevin Youkilis (.256/.363/.464) DH Travis Hafner (.258/.353/.452) LF Vernon Wells (.248/.291/.426) 1B Lyle Overbay (.235/.316/.384) SS Eduardo Nunez (.265/.305/.363) C Chris Stewart (.239/.305/.330)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. This lineup would have murdered it in like 1987. Also I had no idea that Lyle Overbay was still a thing anymore.

#Damn Yankees #Temple Baker

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wadeboggsfc · 12 years

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I'm Not Your Buddy, Pal - Episode 1

Sometimes sports talk doesn't have to make sense. Sometimes arguments don't follow thesis sentences. And sometimes we end up talking about Mike Leake shoplifting.

There is no rhyme or reason to this feature - it is just a sequence of e-mails between the two of us starting after LeBron James' ridiculous performance against the Celtics. We start off with a simple sports related question and end up somewhere in between nostalgia and hyperbole - so it's like every sports conversation you've ever been a part of.

Brett: How long do you think it would take someone with no prior knowledge of the NBA and only a rudimentary understanding of the goals of basketball to realize that #6 in the red is remarkable?

Temple: What an insightful question. Almost seems like something I would have come up with...

To answer this question you have to set down a couple ground rules. First off, this hypothetical person is watching an "average" performance from Mr. James. I am pretty sure that you could snag a moderately intelligent chimpanzee from the zoo and, during Game 6 of the Celtics series last year, it would have known that #6 was not from this planet. On a side note, what is the most impressive individual athletic performance that you have ever seen(different series of e-mails?)? Mine, in no particular order, are Usain Bolt's 9.69 100m strut from the 2008 Olympics, Vince Young shredding USC's defense in the 2005 Rose Bowl, and LeBron's Game 6 against the Celtics. Having said that, these days it seems like Lebron's "average night" is something like 26-10-8 with a couple of steals and blocks thrown in for good measure. I wasn't old enough to remember details about watching Mike growing up, but I can't imagine that he ever had two seasons equal to what LeBron has done this year and last year assuming he wins the championship this year (which I would basically bet my first born son on him doing at this point). On any given night he can offensively dominate as a point guard, wing, or post player while guarding any of the opponents' 1-5. Two years ago in the playoffs, Spoelstra put him on Derrick Rose to shut down the Chicago offense and, last year, he put Bron on Roy Hibbert several times when Bosh was injured. I can't think of two more diametrically opposed players in the NBA, but LeBron shut them both down. What other player in NBA history could check both those players? Maybe Magic and maybe Oscar Robinson? Either way, it's a short list. I got completely off track, would you like to steer us back towards the topic at hand?

Brett: I can't believe it's taken you this long to mention Vince Young on here. Regarding your list, there is a common thread between all of those performances where the athlete wasn't competing with the people in the stadium but with the bounds of what was possible. One performance that I think gets forgotten a lot is Mike Vick's Monday Night game against the Redskins when he went for 6 touchdowns. What didn't seem possible for him after that game?

But back to our point, what doesn't seem possible for Mr. James right now? If LeBron James is having an average game by his standards, I think you could easily make the argument that it would be easier for a new fan (someone who had never seen the sport before) to realize that he was special over any other athlete in any other sport. You would notice that LeBron James is exceptional at basketball before you would notice that Lionel Messi is magical with a soccer ball and before you would realize that Mike Trout is a once in a generation athletic combination. Basketball more so than any other sport lends itself to crazy athletic feats. It's the only major sport that incorporates jumping consistently into its game, and by only having 10 people on the court with minimal gear, spectators can see the athletes more clearly than in any other sport. But, LeBron James would stand out as a physical specimen even if he was playing goalie for the Martha's Vineyard rec hockey squad. The man runs the court in about three strides, is the best in-game dunker this side of Dominique Wilkins and has court vision on par with the best point guards in the game. Who else could you even argue? Tiger's dominance wasn't purely athletic, it was almost equally mental. Messi's greatness is so sublime that its easy to miss. What about Usain Bolt?

Temple: Legends never die. Yeah that was an amazing game, especially considering it was a prime time match up against a big rival. The thing about LeBron's game 6 was that it was evident what was going to happen from the opening tip. Shit, one look at his face was enough to tell you what was going to happen. He looked like he just watched someone run over his puppy. I hope the Heat play the Celtics in the first round so I can watch him take a steaming dump on Kevin Garnett's stupid face.

It is stupid at this point. I literally wouldn't be suprised if he signed with the Dolphins and was an All-Pro tight end. I wouldn't even be suprised if he was an All-Pro quarterback. I'll bet he'd at least be better than Ryan Tannehill. Regarding the new fan idea, I think you are right. It definitely wouldn't be a position player in baseball simply because the nature of the sport. You could go to an Angels game and easily see Trout go 1-3 with a walk and, if no one hits him anything in center field, you would have no clue how good he is. I also don't think it would be Messi. Compared to basketball, there are just so many players on the field and so many fewer opportunities to make something amazing happen. It would take days for Tiger to finish a tournament, so for the purposes of our question about who would impress faster, he's out.

There are only really three possibilities other then LeBron. One is Adrian Peterson. Dude is a monster. If you took a casual fan to a Vikings game last year and explained to them that #28 in purple was like two weeks removed from ACL surgery or whatever, and then they watched him stomp a 265 pound linebacker into the turf, I think that would impress anyone. Average game though? I'm still going with LeBron. Another would be Usain Bolt. The thing about Bolt is that, to someone that is new to track, his dominance wouldn't be THAT obvious. To a new fan it would look like he was just a really tall fast guy that is a couple steps faster then a bunch of other really fast guys. His first Olympics would have blown anybody away, but in an average race he doesn't generally dance the last 50 meters. The other thing I could think of would be Aroldis Chapman. Now, obviously I don't think that Aroldis is objectively more impressive then LeBron. A closer's entrance is a scene though. To a new fan, everyone going crazy while they play some dude's theme song and he runs in from the bullpen would get their attention anyway. Then, when he gets up to the mound and the radar gun starts to spit out 105 when the rest of the game it has been sitting at 92, I think that even a novice baseball fan would sense that something special was going on. Thoughts? Also, what do you think about the Reds keeping Chapman in the bullpen?

Brett: My problem with Adrian Peterson is that although he is a freak of nature, there are linebackers his size that move with nearly the same quickness as him. I know that he has exceptional vision that allows him to pick out holes that aren't even open yet, but would a new fan know that? No. Once again his greatness is slightly more nuanced than LeBron's and we have to give LeBron the edge in this argument. Usain Bolt is an extremely interesting case, because running is the single most natural athletic feat for humans, and he does it better than anyone who has ever been on this planet. Now, this is getting slightly off of the argument, because there are no "new fans" to a 100m sprint. I mean, everyone knows what is going on. Bolt also has the LeBron Effect on spectators where just by his sheer size he stands out from his competitors. In my opinion, LeBron wins the "Most Mind Blowing Athlete to New Fans" Award but if you're asking me who is the most impressive athlete right now, I've got to go with Usain Bolt for the sheer fact that EVERYONE can relate to what he is doing.

Regarding Chapman, in all most every case you are going to get more value out of an above average starter than you would a top notch closer based on the difference in number of innings that they would work. However, when you have a stable rotation like the Reds do, and you have Chapman telling his manager that he prefers the bullpen, then you've got to let the man work out of the bullpen. I think the Red will finish this season with the best record in the majors, which should give us enough opportunities to see that fastball. Speaking of Chapman's fastball, as easily as he throws it, I still can't consider it the best pitch in baseball right now. There's Verlander and Strasburg's fastball, Kershaw's curveball, the classic Mariano cutter and perhaps the most effective pitch last year - R.A. Dickey's knuckleball. Which one would you like to see Buster Posey take a hack at?

Temple: Well, I think that the fact that Peterson gets the ball so often would naturally cause the person's attention to him as opposed to a linebacker, but I generally agree with you. I definitely think that Usain Bolt is the greatest athlete on the face of the planet. I mean, I will literally never forget his run in the 2008 Olympics. It was simply the most absurd thing I have ever seen. The eight fastest men in the world were running together, but one of them was dancing. And winning. It didn't make sense then, and it has only gotten more astounding as time has passed. Maybe the most amazing thing about it was that it might not have even been his best race from those Olympics. He won the 200 by about 40 yards. Having said that, I still think that LeBron would be more impressive to the uninitiated fan.

I think you are right, even though Mike Leake is an even worse pitcher then he is shoplifter and Chapman could throw nothing but fastballs and still be better then him. Also, I read an interesting article the other day (can't remember where) that was talking about how fragile Chapman's psyche is and how the author thought that he wouldn't succeed with the day in day out grind of being a starting pitcher. Best record in baseball? That's a bold statement. I don't think I agree. Their projected Opening Day rotation started all of their games but like four last year. That kind of thing doesn't normally happen two years in a row. Also their schedule will be considerably more difficult this year simply because they won't get to kick around my beloved Lastros this year. The Central actually might be sneakily competitive this year with the Cardinals, Pirates (assuming they build on last years success), and the Brewers, who threw a little money around this summer.I would have to go with the Tigers. They improved their already terrifying line up by adding Torii Hunter and Victor Martinez will be back after missing all of last year with a torn ACL. They still have this dude named Verlander who can sling it a little, and the rest of their pitching rotation is solid. Also did you know Octavio Dotel is still in the major leagues? I remember when he used to set up for Billy Wagner and we traded Wags for Brandon Duckworth(!!) and Dotel was a disaster. That one still stings. Fuck you Brandon Duckworth. Also, they have the advantage of playing in the American League Central. The Twins suck, I think that the White Sox will suck this year, Nick Swisher and Michael Bourn won't keep the Indians from being any better then mediocre, and your Royals are still a year away.

Well, first off, I would rather watch Miggy Cabrera hit then Buster Posey. I don't know which specific pitch that I would most want to see, but Strasburg is my favorite pitcher in the league to watch. Just absolutely filthy. He has Bugs Bunny stuff. If I created a player in a video game that had Strasburg's shit, I wouldn't play for very long because it would be too unrealistic to be fun. He throws an 88 mph change up. That s just stupid.

Also I just thought of someone who in a couple years could take LeBron's "most impressive to a novice fan" title - JaDaveon Clowney. He has a huge handicap from being a defensive player, but Jesus, that kid is a freak. If you ran a mediocre NFL team, do you tank this season for the chance to get the best defensive prospect since Lawrence Taylor?

Brett: I'm sure you've heard the phrase "God hates Cleveland." But you've got to admit that God probably at least strongly dislikes Kansas City. The Royals and Chiefs have each had one #1 pick in their history. The Royals had theirs in 2006 when they took Luke Hochaver, which obviously looks terrible in hindsight, but look at that draft again. They weren't taking Longoria, because they took Alex Gordon the year before and he was looking like the second coming of George Brett at the time of the draft. They had to take a pitcher from the motley crew of Brad Lincoln, Brandon Morrow, Hochaver, Greg Reynolds and Andrew Miller. Max Scherzer, Clayton Kershaw and Tim Lincecum were all in the draft as well, but there wasn't a consensus top pick and if there was one it was Andrew Miller. Had the Royals waited one more year to get the #1 pick, they would have had Vanderbilt's own David Price waiting for them. Has there ever been a guy reach his potential with such certainty? There was never any question about him, he went from top pick to Cy Young winner without missing a beat. I think Andrew Luck had more questions than Price did. Speaking of Andrew Luck, had the Chiefs had the #1 pick last year they would have been choosing between him and RGIII. Had they waited a year to get the #1 pick they would have JaDaveon Clowney waiting for them in the top slot. Instead, they're stuck with a bunch of very good prospects but no one that will be the best player on a championship team. Enough about Kansas City's misery, I don't need to give you any more ammunition. We've covered Magic Johnson, Vince Young and Aroldis Chapman, so I think we should wrap this up before we start rambling. What do you say?

Temple: Maybe God just hates mid-western cities that I would never want to find myself in? Well, I can't feel too bad for the Royals because they just traded Wil Myers for a guy that hasn't looked like an ace away from Tropicana field. look at these splits. Yeah, I guess it's about that time. Sorry for making you look stupid. Hurry up and finish House of Cards.

#NotYourBuddy #Brett Ungashick #Temple Baker

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