wadeswildkat96-blog

[wadeswildkat96-blog]

The TED talk that changed my life.

It’s our very last week of class, so my post is going to be a wrap up of why we should be activists for reducing STI stigma. I found Ella Dawson and her blog about three days after I was diagnosed. She became a huge influence in how I saw myself, and how I chose to feel about the hand I’d been dealt in life. She went on to perform a TED talk and nothing I could say about STI activism would say it better than this: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YcIl-hclrLI#action=share

People with STIs are just as much part of our world as the people without them and we should be treated as such. We need to focus on building the community of people who accept people for who they are regardless of their STI status because it does NOT change who they are as a person! 

[wadeswildkat96-blog]

Why Having a Partner Won’t Heal You.

When some people with STIs talk about their diagnosis they spend a lot of time telling others that everything is okay because they have found someone who loves them and wants to be with them despite their STI. This should not be a rarity. For one, there should be many people willing to love someone whether they have an STI or not, and just because you have a partner doesn’t mean your STI should be about them. Much of the time being in a relationship where one partner has a STI much of the time is spent on being sure transmission does not occur. Also, having a partner isn’t going to stop other hateful people from calling you a slut. And having a partner, one person who sees past your diagnosis, isn’t going to be a helpful as an army full of people who love and support you.

As Ella Dawson mentions in her blogs, it is most likely going to be your entire network of friends and family who will never hold your diagnosis against you or see you differently that will help you feel okay, not just one person. And being with someone after you’ve been diagnosed does not mean that relationship has to last. 

To reduce STI stigma, my advice is to share the news of your diagnosis to your friends and family. This will help you not only heal, but also creates a viewpoint for a lot people who can now say they know someone with an STI, making it less likely that they will ever slut shame anyone else for having one.

https://ellacydawson.wordpress.com/2016/01/24/why-having-a-boyfriend-doesnt-cure-herpes/

[wadeswildkat96-blog]

Talk Shit Get Hit....with a comment back.

When I first found out about my herpes diagnosis I knew I didn’t have to tell anyone, but it made a perfect personal essay about overcoming hurdles in life for my WRD 110 class, and hey, there’s nothing wrong with educating others about sexual safety. But I knew that some people would have negative things to say. So what does Ella Dawson say about confronting the herpes haters? 

Sometimes we can’t sit back and ignore those who try to attack us. It’s okay to turn down sex with someone who has an STI, that’s your personal choice, but it is not okay to say or even imply that someone with an STI is stupid, ignorant, a slut, etc. Rejection hurts but it is a part of life for everyone. Ridicule however, should not be. Due to recent events in politics, people in America seem to think that they have a free pass to say and do whatever they want and that includes slut-shaming. This needs to stop immediately.

https://ellacydawson.wordpress.com/2015/10/08/dear-internet-commenters-who-really-dont-want-herpes/

[wadeswildkat96-blog]

April is STD Awareness Month!

In 2016 Ella Dawson and a few other STI positive writers created the hashtag #ShoutYourStatus and encouraged people on twitter who were also STI positive to publicly disclose their status and find support within the masses of people who also had an STI. It was an act of solidarity and courage and trying to revolutionize the way we see women who have an STI. It was not to shame or embarrass people who were brave enough to tell basically the world about their diagnosis.

But that’s what it became. Some twitter users took the hashtag and destroyed it, saying that people with STIs should be ashamed for being sluts and should kill themselves. They mistook not having shame for being proud of having an STI. 

This month as an activist for STI stigma, we should support those who have STIs and recognize that their diagnosis does not make them a bad person, or a slut, or unworthy of being on earth. I #ShoutMyStatus all the time because people should be aware that I am a human too and  I demand that they treat me as such. We should be celebrating those who are courageous enough to share their status and encourage others to do the same, an recognize that it’s the people who try to dehumanize those of us with STIs who are the disgusting monsters, not us. 

https://ellacydawson.wordpress.com/2017/04/02/its-std-awareness-month-2017-please-show-up-for-us-this-year/#more-4554

[wadeswildkat96-blog]

Let’s Talk About STIs and Shame

One of the most common questions I get when talking to people about STIs and my experience is “aren’t you ashamed to tell someone,” or “were you ashamed to tell your parents?” NOOOOO. First of all, when I got HSV I wasn’t doing anything to be ashamed of. I was having sex with a person I thought was being honest when he said he had been tested for STIs and wasn’t sleeping with anyone else. I was using condoms. I was just being myself. 

Secondly, IT WASN’T EVEN MY FAULT. I’m not going to be ashamed for something I didn’t cause, and had no control over. I am not going to be ashamed for someone else’s actions. 

In her blog, Ella Dawson talks about how after being diagnosed one can reduce their own feelings of shame and make themselves feel better, but in Trump’s America, we need to lift others up and fight the gutting of reproductive rights that his administration is likely to bring. The education of others about reproductive processes and sexuality has so much overlap with STI stigma that it’s impossible not to advocate for those issues and also be an activist for reducing the STI stigma in America. Whether we are under “the orange one” or not. ;)

https://ellacydawson.wordpress.com/2016/11/30/what-herpes-activism-looks-like-in-trumps-america/

[wadeswildkat96-blog]

S.E.X After S.T.I

The first time I had sex after my diagnosis I was terrified. Although my partner knew about my STI, I was still afraid of giving him the virus that is truly a life-sentence in that it will never go away. I envy those who have contracted an STI that is curable with antibiotics, only because some are much more recepitable to women who have had an STI, as long as it is gone far far away. 

But anyway, Ella Dawson writes about her first time after being diagnosed with HSV, and the post is very inspiring. She talks of how she thought her partner must feel for her after her body has been “ ruined and foreign, invaded and repulsive.” But in the end, the sex was nothing to be concerned about, and I relate to that.

The end of the discussion is, just be honest with your partner, and in eradicating stigma of STI/STDs from the world, we need to be more accepting and take the necessary precautions to reduce the risk of spreading to your partner. But still, sex is sex, and as long as your responsible, it can be wonderful. The best thing we can do as activists for reducing STI stigma is smacking people in the face with “YOULL BE ALRIGHT IN BED”. 

https://ellacydawson.wordpress.com/2017/03/15/the-first-time-i-had-sex-after-getting-herpes/#more-4537

[wadeswildkat96-blog]

Dating & STI stigma

In her blog Ella Dawson writes a lot about living with her STI and how people react once she has told them she is STI positive. Some people may say, “It’s not about who they are as a person, it’s about me. I would rather date someone clean because I never want to contract anything.” 

That’s not really a valid reason not to date someone with an STI...and here’s why. As Ella Dawson says in her blog, “ At the end of the day, STI stigma is a form of prejudice. It perpetuates a preconceived notion of someone’s moral character and individual worth based on a skin condition that itself is not a barometer of value or happiness. To let someone’s STI status be a game changer is a form of discrimination. To you it may seem reasonable, a matter of self-preservation. But to us, it is dehumanizing. If you let someone’s STI define who they are as a person and the role they will or won’t play in your life, you have reduced them to their STI status alone.“ 

In my personal experience, my fiance doesn’t give a damn. And that’s the way it should be boring. Basically the conversation between me and Christopher went something like this: 

“hey, awhile ago the guy I was seeing cheated on me and although we used condoms I still got HSV-2 cause condoms don’t cover everything so now I have herpes.”

“cool, so does a shit ton of people for a multitude of reasons, wanna get pizza?”

Let’s reduce the stigma of STIs and date whoever makes us happy! Regardless of their past, or what they have brought with them. Love is not contingent upon whether your partner has an STI.

https://ellacydawson.wordpress.com/2016/01/28/why-should-i-date-someone-with-herpes/

[wadeswildkat96-blog]

STIs & Politics!

Ella Dawson made a blog post about how to talk about herpes and STI stigma in Trump’s America. An America in which the President actually said “grab them by the pussy.” Wow. What a great place to talk about rape culture and how to stop scrutinizing women for having an STI...not.

Ella says, “ Donald Trump’s perpetuation of rape culture cannot be brushed under the rug when conversations about consent are only beginning. We must provide sex education to every young person, regardless of their gender, race, wealth, or sexual orientation. “ Sex education is so much more than “be safe” and telling young people about the consequences of having sex. 

So I started wondering, how much more...backlash am I lining myself up for, how much bigger is the proverbial target on my back for raising awareness and trying to change the conversation about STIs now that Donald Trump is present. The only answer I can some up with is, oh shit.

(https://ellacydawson.wordpress.com/2016/11/30/what-herpes-activism-looks-like-in-trumps-america/#more-4323)

[wadeswildkat96-blog]

My Inspiration

Getting involved in activism for STI stigma with a theme that has to be so specific is incredibly difficult, because STI’s are so...taboo. No one wants to talk about them and that is the whole damn problem. Since my theme for this blog is Ella Dawson’s works/life/awesomeness, this tweet from her sums up what my entire goal is as an activist. To keep people from thinking “oh, you’re a slut”, just because I say, “I have herpes.” 85% of the population has herpes, and the overwhelming number of that percentage got the virus from non-sexual contact. How many of you have had a cold sore? Congratulations, welcome to that 85%. You can get an STI from someone you love and trust, without sleeping around, who just didn’t know they carried the virus. You can get herpes from kissing a family member with a cold sore. 

Many STIs are curable, so they get swept under the rug. Those that are and those that aren’t still do not classify the carrier as someone who makes poor decisions.

I have HSV2, and I did not get it because of poor decisions, or bad character. 

#ShoutYourStatus

[wadeswildkat96-blog]

Welcome to my world! The world of STI stigma. Now here’s a challenge. If you have EVER had a cold sore. Or chicken pox. Go up to someone and say “I have herpes”, because guess what buttercup, you do. And if you don’t get the word, “whore” back, let me know. ;)

[wadeswildkat96-blog]

I would like to advocate for reducing STI stigma in our culture. For men and women. Especially in our culture and media. Everyone knows the “Hangover” quote, “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, except for herpes, that shit comes back with you.” The way that our media and culture present STIs is horrible. For example, in our public school system, abstinence only sex education is taught to children in middle/high school and basically preach, “If you have sex you can get these horrible STD/STIs and you will die”. Those instructors made us feel like even as we reached adulthood, our sexuaity wasn’t something to explore or figure out. Solely because there was a risk of getting an infection. They tried to shove us into some metaphorical closet until we got married. And I want to show that exploring sexuality and experimenting isn’t something to shy away from just because there are risks. And even if someone does get an infection, the world isn’t going to explode. 

I am passionate about reducing STI stigma because I have HSV2, and I was diagnosed two years ago. And unlike what I was taught by the little sex education I had in high school, my life didn’t end.

I have never been involved in activism before. I’m not entirely sure why, I think it’s because I haven’t had many opportunities to do so, and I’m not exactly sure where to begin. 

[wadeswildkat96-blog]

Activist Tumblrs

GayRightsToday: This tumblr had pictures addressing many issues the LGBTQ community faces such as religion, “God says homosexuality is an abomination”, equality for gay men and women, etc. From exploring this tumblr I saw the world from the perspective of a member of the homosexual community while I am heterosexual. I learned a lot bout the issues the people of the gay community face every day. 

GayRightsMedia: This tumblr focuses on the issues within America that seem threatening to the LGBTQ community, such as Trump’s election, but also issues that effect us all, implying the “gay rights are human rights” statement. 

TransgenderTeenSurvivalGuide: This tumblr is extremely interesting. It supports and offers advice for people who are transgender or questioning their gender identity! It is very helpful and supportive-no hate.

[wadeswildkat96-blog]

This picture speaks volumes to me. For those of us who identify as female, and choose to be strong, confident, sexy individuals, where is the line between recognizing the beauty of our bodies and feeling confident within them, and being outraged when advertisement campaigns use attractive women and sexualize them to sell a product?